Author's Notes
Firstly let me start with a heartfelt apology for the lateness of this update. My laptop died and a million and one other things have happened, all in all it's been a busy couple of weeks! Anyway, here we are, the next installment of Bring Me To Life. Finally!
I don't think we need any trigger warnings on this chapter, but there is a diary entry from Harry that deals with his thoughts and feelings about visiting Azkaban, so if you are sensitive to anything like that just skip that part, or read it with caution!
Thank you so much to my alpha and beta, champagneandliterature. All of your help is greatly appreciated.
I hope you are all having a wonderful bank holiday weekend! Much love, see you next Sunday! XXxx
Bring Me To Life - Chapter 10
It was proving much easier to get the energy readings from the Shrieking Shack and Hogwarts than it had been to get the ones from Azkaban. Hermione smiled as she stepped through the familiar portrait hole into the Gryffindor common room. The Fat Lady greeted her and Harry as old friends, even as she glared suspiciously at Draco and Blaise. She said nothing unfriendly, but her message was clear. Former Slytherins were still unwelcome in Gryffindor Tower.
Harry laughed as Draco poked his tongue out at the still closing door. "I can still see you, you know?" the Fat Lady called crossly.
Draco sighed. "Even the bloody portraits are prejudiced against us in this castle. Still!" he added with an annoyed roll of his eyes.
Despite the Fat Lady's rudeness, entering the common room felt like coming home. Everything looked identical to the way it had when they were students. The fire crackled reassuringly in the hearth. The comfortable, squashy sofas were arranged in the way they always had been. Even the various study tables and chairs remained unchanged. It felt like stepping back in time.
Without thinking, Hermione led the way to their old favorite table. Harry followed silently behind, and they set their equipment down as if it were still the most natural thing in the world.
Hermione looked up, and for a split second she expected to see Ron helping them as well, but of course, he wasn't there, and his current absence from her life hit her painfully hard. She felt his absence acutely as she looked across the room and imagined him playing wizard's chess with Seamus or chatting idly with Neville while attempting to avoid the homework that she was encouraging him to start.
The feeling of missing him was intense. She resolved to text him later that day. His absence from her life was just too painful to ignore any longer. She had successfully texted Ginny the previous evening, and both girls had sat up for half the night messaging each other. Bolstered by that success, she was sure she could do something similar with Ron.
She yawned. On reflection, carrying on their typed conversation until half-past two in the morning on a workday hadn't been the best idea, but neither she nor Ginny had wanted to break off their long overdue reunion.
The feeling of belonging in Gryffindor Tower yet no longer having a place in Hogwarts was disconcerting. Hermione left the table, crossed the room to the window, and peered out into the grounds. Hagrid's hut had been burnt down during the battle and then rebuilt before she had returned for her eighth year. The new version had never looked quite the same as the original, but the rest of the grounds were so achingly familiar that she could just imagine putting her things down after a long day of studying and running across the lawn to visit Hagrid for tea, as she had when she was eleven years old.
Her eyes swept over the greenhouses. She could just about make out what had to be Neville teaching a class in greenhouse number three, and she smiled, reassured by his familiar presence.
The quidditch pitch looked fractionally different too. She smiled, remembering long afternoons spent in the stands cheering Harry and Ron on. She could almost feel the energy of the crowd, and the familiar knot of worry in her stomach returned, as did her ongoing concern that something was going to happen to one of them while they dived through the air at death defying speeds.
She turned from the window, gazing slowly around the room as memory after memory assaulted her senses. She knew that she was slowly getting better and recovering somewhat from her PTSD, just a few short weeks ago, the memories the common room was bringing back would have triggered a full-scale panic attack. Right now, though, she felt uncomfortable but no longer in danger of losing control.
She forced herself to breathe slowly, in through her mouth and out through her nose, calming herself for the first time without the need for her sensory checklist. Draco was looking at her strangely as he set the magical signature detector up. "Are you okay?" he asked, watching her sniff as she wiped her eyes discreetly.
"Yes, thank you. It's just, well-" she gestured around the room, "it's home, isn't it? This place. I've missed it."
Draco licked his lips. When she looked closer, she could see the telltale hint of his Occlumency guard in his eyes, and she frowned, understanding that it must be uncomfortable for him to be in here too. "It's not home for us, not up here anyway. I think we'd have been even less welcome up here a few years back than we are today. I understand what you mean, though."
She nodded, crossing the room to reach him with a sad smile. He took her into his arms, and she watched his guard fall away as he settled into her embrace. She was surprised at how often that happened. He seemed to hold his shield up as an unconscious act of self preservation and only truly let it down when she or Harry were close. She said nothing as she pressed her lips to his, hoping to reassure him physically as well as with her words.
"I've never been in here before. It's, umm, very….. red, isn't it?" Blaise asked, looking away from their tender kiss and around the circular room.
"Well, yes!" Harry laughed, "that is rather the point. Red and Gold, you know?"
"It's enough to give you a headache, is what it is!" Blaise muttered, pushing his glasses up onto his head and massaging his temple. "Come on, let's get this done, then I'll show you a proper common room."
"I've seen your common room. I remember being equally perturbed by the dim green lighting in there," Harry said, absently squinting at a spiritometer. "Nothing is showing on here, by the way. Not even a glimmer."
"You were right about the magical frequency, though." Hermione swept her hair back from her face as she pulled back to peer at the gauge in Draco's hand. She held her breath, waiting for someone to pick up on what Harry had just let slip. "It's much higher in the castle than anywhere else we've measured to date."
"That's because there are so many magical people in such a small space." Draco turned to frown at Harry. "When have you seen our old common room then?"
Harry chuckled. "It was during second year. It involves the infamous polyjuice cat incident-"
"Oh!" Draco held up a hand, "yes. A story we all need to hear. Let's take readings in the bedrooms while you tell it. It might take my mind off the vertigo this crazy tower induces."
There were no readings worth noting in the bedroom however, and they soon packed up the gauges and monitors ready to return to the Ministry and record their findings. By the time they came back down the spiral staircase, they were all giggling, their earlier tension broken. Even Hermione was now able to see the funny side of accidentally polyjucing into a cat.
"Just a minute." Draco held a hand out and looked up at Blaise with a smirk. "As we're here and you're both in a good mood, there's something I need to do." Hermione sank her teeth into her bottom lip as she caught the rapidly darkening look in his eyes. "When we were students, there was a long standing challenge in our dorms, wasn't there, Blaise?
"There was," Blaise confirmed. "Nobody ever won it, though." The way Draco was looking at her was mesmerizing. His eyes darkened further as Blaise laughed and turned away. "You're risking a hexing here though Malfoy, I know things have changed, but still. This is risky, and you never did know what was good for you."
"A little faith, Zabini? She wouldn't hex me. Hopefully not these days anyhow."
"Why would I potentially be hexing you, Draco?" Hermione asked, fixing him with a steely eye. "What was this long standing challenge?"
"That if any one of us got to snog Gryffindor's Princess in the tower itself, we would win the silver galleon for an entire month."
Blaise closed his eyes and sighed as Hermione's hair visibly frizzed, sparking with magical power. "Nice one, mate. Now you need to explain what the silver galleon is."
"Yes, I think you do." Hermione fixed both Draco and Blaise with a piercing stare as Harry laughed. "And then you can explain why I was the subject of such a challenge in the first place."
Draco looked as if he was weighing up his options. "Kiss me first."
"No." Harry was still eyeing the pair of them with amusement as Blaise stepped smartly out of hexing range.
"Kiss, then I'll consider telling."
Blaise leaned against the doorframe, watching them with a smirk. "I'll happily explain if one of you kisses me. Plus, I'll get to retain the galleon. I am reigning champion after all- Ouch! For fucks sake, Draco!"
Draco rolled his eyes as Blaise shook the stinging hex out of his arm. "You won the galleon most weeks because you couldn't keep your hands to yourself, and nothing's changed even now." Draco laughed as he turned back to Hermione and a rather bemused looking Harry. "The silver galleon was something we circulated between ourselves as a prize. Whoever got up to the most daring adventures with their girlfriend, or boyfriend, won the galleon for that week. It was very competitive, and you, Hermione, were highly converted. If any of us got to snog you, it would have been an automatic win. And if we snogged you up here, it was a win for the entire month."
Hermione's mouth dropped open in surprise. She was torn between being flattered and outraged. "I'd take it as a compliment, Hermione," Blaise said. "You had five boys and a girl secretly falling over themselves to get off with you. None of us ever managed it, I might add."
"Until now, of course." Hermione eyed the genuine affection on Draco's face and found that she couldn't be cross with him. "May I?" he asked, and she laughed as she nodded.
"You may. Who was the girl that wanted to snog me?"
"Daphne Greengrass," Draco said as he took her into his arms. His kiss was gentle, and she melted into his embrace as they stood in front of the roaring fire.
"Did uh, did this bet only extend to Hermione, or were there other Gryffindors being coveted as well?" Harry asked rather hopefully.
Draco laughed. "Most of the girls had the same challenge open for you, Harry. In my eyes, you were both top of the list. Sweet Salazar, can you imagine the scandal we could have caused, you and me getting off up here?" He broke off as Harry chucked, "come here, Golden Boy, I know you like courting controversy still."
Harry reached him in two steps, and Draco swept him up into his arms as he had Hermione a few moments prior. Hermione's jaw dropped as she watched Blaise leaning against the wall and casually flipping a large silver coin in his hand. "Is this it then?" she asked, moving closer to look. Blaise held the enormous silver coin out for her to see, then flicked it through the air to Draco, who caught it one handed as he released Harry's lips, pushed his hair back and pressed his lips to his scar instead.
"Well, that was won fair and square, I feel, Draco. It's yours now. I officially surrender my status. Theo will shake your hand on that one, too, I'm sure."
"Cheers, Zabini." Draco pocketed the coin with a smug look, picked up the remaining energy monitors, and followed the others out of the tower.
"I saw that you know!" the Fat Lady called after them, "Kissing in the common room! I don't know what you were thinking, but you can't just get away wi-" whatever they couldn't get away with though, they would never know. Hermione squealed as Harry shot the Fat Lady with a silencing spell, and they walked away down the corridor giggling.
"I still can't believe Harry silenced the Fat Lady!" Hermione said to Blaise as they made their way out of the office at hometime later that day.
"Was she always that rude?" Blaise asked, locking and warding their office door.
"She wasn't ever particularly polite, but that was a step up in rudeness, even for her," Hermione admitted, following him down the corridor and into the Room of Spinning Doors.
"See, there's something to be said for tapping an expanse of stone wall and muttering a password, isn't there?"
"I suppose so." On their way out of Hogwarts, they had stopped off at the Slytherin common room, and Draco and Blasie had shown them inside. At first, Hermione had frowned at the dark stone interior and the dim lighting, then Draco had led her to the enormous picture windows and shown her the fish dancing in the filtered sunlight of the Black Lake. They had watched, mesmerized as a school of Grindylow had passed by, and then finally, they had caught a glimpse of the giant squid.
It had been warmer in the dungeons than she had imagined it would be too, and as they turned to leave, she had glanced back at the low room and the thousands of candles that lit its dark corners, and she'd had to agree that it held a certain peaceful sort of charm.
Hermione shook herself back to the present day as they stepped through the outer door of the Department of Mysteries, rounded the corner, and bumped physically into another person.
"Ginevra!" Blaise said, steadying Ginny as she stumbled. Hermione took a step back in shock as Ginny's waist length, brilliant red hair flashed like flames. "How nice to see you."
"Thank you," Ginny said as she regained her footing and a waft of her light floral perfume washed over Hermione. It was the perfume Ginny had always worn, gardenias with a hint of vanilla if Hermione remembered correctly, and it took her straight back into memories for the second time that day. "Mione!" Ginny's face split into a massive grin as she reached out to hug her hard. "I'm so glad we caught up last night. You look amazing!"
Hermione opened her mouth to speak, but nothing came out. She nodded instead as Ginny looked at her rather strangely for a moment. "Were you coming to see us?" Blaise asked, seeing Hermione's discomfort and trying to ease the awkward moment.
"Yes, I needed to re-register my Quidditch license, and I thought I'd stop by while I was here. How's your day been?"
"Good, but it's even better now that you're in it," Blaise said smoothly, making Ginny smile. "Would you care to join us for a drink? We were going to stop by the Leaky Cauldron on our way home."
Ginny batted her eyelashes at him speculatively, and Hermione tried to smother her amusement. This was the first she had heard of any such plans. "I suppose I could spare an hour or so," Ginny said, giving Blaise the same look that Hermione had seen her give Harry, Dean Thomas, and Neville on so many occasions in the past. In Hermione's experience, Ginny never failed to get her man, and she smiled, realizing that Blaise also never failed to get his woman.
Hermione couldn't help but feel that they had both met their match in each other. Maybe that was why they seemed to be so drawn together.
Hermione caught the wink and the silent invitation Blaise threw her as Ginny looked away. "Okay," she whispered as they stepped into the lift. "You are definitely single, though? And Tracy knows?" Blaise just nodded once, put a finger to his lips, cast his silver puma patronus into the lift, spoke to it in Italian, and watched it race away.
Ginny looked mildly impressed with his magic as the doors closed silently behind them, and they rode the busy lift to the atrium.
Hermione took her jacket off as they walked outside into the brilliant spring sunshine. She tipped her face up to the sun and sighed happily, relishing the lighter evenings. They walked to the apparition point, chatting happily, and Blaise took hold of both of their arms, spun them on the spot, and the next thing Hermione knew, she was blinking in the dim light of the Leaky Cauldron.
Hannah Abbott smiled from behind the bar as they approached, and Hermione waved happily as Blaise ordered their drinks. Hermione looked up as a shout of laughter echoed across the busy pub. "Oh, for goodness sake!" Ginny grumbled, seeing Ron head in their direction, flanked as he usually was these days by Dean and Seamus.
Three hours later and Hermione was feeling rather tipsy. She laughed as she stumbled, and Seamus steadied her. Clearly drinking so much wine on an empty stomach hadn't been a great idea. Blaise and Ginny had left earlier in the evening to go to dinner, and Hermione had stayed in the pub, falling back into Ron's easy company as if they had never been apart.
It was just after ten when they were finally ready to apparate back to Grimmauld Place. She and Ron had grabbed a takeaway kebab on their way back through Diagon Alley and had sat on a low wall eating it and catching up some more as the very last of the extra evening light faded from the sky.
Hermione had told Harry and Draco where she was. Blaise's cryptic patronus message had apparently informed Draco that he was borrowing Hermione for an hour, but she had followed it up with a phone call to them both regardless. Harry had told her to have a lovely evening while claiming to be too tired to join them after his weekly Quidditch training, and Draco had promised instant death on anyone who dared to try their luck with her while she was out without him.
The wards of Grimmauld Place recognized her as they arrived, and as the houses on either side drew back, Hermione was surprised to see that number twelve was shrouded in complete darkness. Suddenly fearing that something was amiss, she clutched Ron's arm for support, and he peered back at her in slightly drunken alarm.
Thanks to the randomly punctuated text message she had received, she knew that Draco had gone on to the gym after Quidditch, while Harry had apparently gone home for an early night. She inhaled slowly in concern, even if Harry was tired he never went to bed this early, and in any case he would have left a light on for her somewhere in the house.
She pressed her wand to the door, and Ron slipped inside first, tucking her protectively behind him. "Harry?" he called as they made their way down the stairs and into the kitchen. There was no reply and no sign of life anywhere. Ron flicked his wand at the lights, and Hermione blinked as their golden glow bathed the room in artificial light. Ron left her where she was, intent on checking the rest of the house, and Hermione gasped as she caught sight of Harry's notebook laying open on the table.
"Oh Gods!" she whispered as she picked it up,
Wednesday.
Dear Hermione and Draco.
I suppose I should talk to you both rather than writing things down like this. I did promise to do that after all. Still, that's easier said than done. I'll take the cop out route as usual tonight. I doubt either of you will be surprised.
Azkaban was shit. I hated EVERY moment of being on that Godforsaken bloody island. I don't know how the HELL Sirius coped with being in there for so long. Very rarely in my life have I wanted to hurt people, but Hermione, I could have fucking well Avada'd Travers for the way he was leering over that wall at you. Dolohov too. I think I could have just KILLED THEM because at that moment I WANTED to hurt them, just like THEY HURT US. I WANTED TO MAKE THEM PAY FOR WHAT THEY TOOK FROM US!
What's wrong with me, Hermione? Why do I get so angry? I'm worried that one day I'll snap. What if I had? What if I'd done it? I nearly gave you my wand when we were in there because I didn't trust myself with it. I'm an Auror, for fuck's sake. I'm supposed to have more control than this. Draco has more control than I do. Sometimes I feel like I'm terrible at my job.
I can't sit still tonight. I NEED to do something. I floo'd into the Leaky after training and saw you with Ron. I floo'd back away again before you saw me. I'm glad you and he are friends again, honestly. But he had his arm around your shoulders, and it brought all of that back too. Long nights in the tent, listening to the pair of you even though I tried not to. Before he left, I mean, I know we did the same thing afterward, but if you had any idea how jealous I was of him back then…..Anyway, I won't go there with that one tonight, you and he are entitled to a friendship, and I refuse to infringe on that.
It was difficult at Hogwarts today too. So much has changed, and yet….. I don't really know what I'm trying to say here, and I'm probably drinking too much right now to write anything sensible. I'm going out. If I'm not back at a reasonable time, tell Malfoy. He'll know where to find me.
P.s. I love you. Both of you.
P.p.s. I'm sorry, I'm a mess.
Love H
"Ron!" Hermione yelled with a screech worthy of Pansy, "we need to find him. NOW!"
"Look, seriously, I understand you're worried about him, but what on earth do you think he's going to do?" Theo asked, scratching his head and yawning as they stood on the street corner. "This is Harry Potter, after all-"
"Exactly!" the worry in Neville's voice was palpable. "You have no idea how that boy attracts trouble. He's like a bloody magnet for it. It follows him around! You were right to call us when you couldn't reach Draco, 'Mione."
"Alright!" Theo said, yawning again as Daphne took his hand. "Let's split up then. Oh hell, look out!"
Hermione spun around as Draco materialized beside them, looking more furious than Hermione had ever seen him. "Why the fuck didn't one of you call me earlier?!" He demanded, yanking the diary out of Hermione's hand and glaring at it ferociously.
"Oi!" Pansy poked Draco in the chest with her index finger making him back up out of a bemused looking Neville's personal space. "Back it up you! We did call you. It's not our fault you were in a muggle gym and therefore couldn't be contacted magically!"
Draco just scowled at her, standing furiously in front of an amused looking Neville, and he sighed but didn't argue. "Where's Blaise?"
"Having dinner with Ginny," Hermione said as Draco scanned the diary entry and fixed Ron with the full force of his fury. "Weasley, you better have a damn good reason for having my witch in your arms or so help me Salazar I will-"
"Draco!" Hermione said, grabbing his arm and turning him to face her as Ron took a full step back in alarm, "focus! Ron and I hugged several times. We missed each other. We made up, and we hugged. Deal with it. Now let's find Harry, shall we before you end up needing to use unforgivable curses on police officers all over again. In fact, with the mood you're in, using any spells at all might just be a bad idea. Now. Come on!"
It turned out that Harry wasn't all that hard to find. He was sitting in the second bar they tried, drowning his sorrows in what appeared to be muggle whiskey. "Here you are," Hermione whispered as she and Draco closed in on him. Harry turned and smiled sheepishly at Draco, who was holding the diary in his hand.
"Do you want to kill Wealsy alone, or do you want my help?" Draco asked, and Harry laughed.
"It wasn't Ron I wanted to kill."
Draco merely smirked. "I do."
Harry threw back the rest of his drink and stood up rather unsteadily as the others gathered behind them. "I really felt like I could have done it, Draco. I hated them so much. All of them. All the Death Eaters who caused us this pain, Voldemort who killed my parents. Dolohov, who killed Tonks and nearly killed Hermione, Bellatrix, who took Sirius away. I Crucio'd her once, you know? In the ministry the night Sirius fell."
Draco just shrugged. "Not enough, in my opinion. You should have done it plenty more."
"You're probably right," Harry agreed as he looked up at Ron.
"I never knew," Ron said, staring at the diary and shaking his head as Harry snorted rather inelegantly. "You and 'Mione. I never knew you felt like that about her." He settled onto the stool beside Harry and looked him in the eye. "You saw what that Horcrux did when I stabbed it. You saw how it played on my insecurities. Are you telling me your's were the same all along?"
"Yes," Harry admitted, and Ron closed the book that he had somehow ended up with then handed it back to him.
"You're a bloody idiot Harry Potter. She always preferred you over me."
"No I haven't! that's not true!" Hermione turned and glared at Ron. "I liked Harry, and then you and then Harry, and then you left and came back, and oh, Merlin! Now is not the time for this." She winced as she felt Draco's grip on her shoulder become vice like.
Ron blew out a long breath, then finally laughed. "Maybe not. Let's leave you three to it, shall we then?" he asked. Neville agreed, and he, Pansy, Ron, Theo, and Daphne all turned to leave as Harry tipped his head forwards into his hands.
"So you don't fancy any more day trips to Azkaban then, huh?" Draco signaled the bartender and ordered them three more whiskeys. Hermione added a glass of lemonade to her order, and the barman started placing glasses on the bar.
For a moment, Harry just glared at him furiously, and then his face softened into a sad smile. "You were locked up in there."
"I was. And I agree, it was shit."
"Who were you next to?"
"Theo on one side, Greg Goyle on the other, and with a handful of the Dark Lord's lesser known unmarked followers down the corridor."
"Was it as awful as I imagine?"
"Worse." Draco threw back his drink and handed the money to the barman. "Especially after Theo and Greg were released and I was still stuck in there. But it's over now. I'm out, and I'm not dwelling on it anymore. Come on, Harry, cheer up. I fancy a fight and Weasley's probably still just about catchable out front."
Harry spluttered on his drink, "for Christ's sake, no one is fighting Ron!" he said again.
"Shame." Draco stood up as Hermione finished her drink rather more quickly than was advisable. "Let's go home instead then, shall we?"