With that settled, it was time to go.
Kakashi dropped his disguise and all pretense of good cheer as they boarded the ship one last time. "I'll miss them," he confided to Orochimaru.
He thought that was that. But a few minutes later, Orochimaru whispered, "As will I."
Kakashi went around the ship greeting and saying goodbye to all the miscellaneous angels and humans he had gotten to know over the past months. Unsurprisingly, news of who and what he really was had spread to every corner of the vessel. Some of the human crewmembers looked a little confused about how to act toward him, but since they lived with angels and had never actually suffered at the claws of a demon before, everybody was perfectly cordial. If anything, the angels seemed to like him better than before. At least, they were more fascinated by him.
Yes, I am going to miss them. This place. It is like a village, but I do not have to hide. The ship felt like home, its captain a respected mentor and the angels like his own siblings. If Kakashi had had a choice, he would have left his human village and moved into a village of angels instead, not directly into the wilds. He'd made several bad decisions that threatened his most needed bond, decisions made from fear and uncertainty. It wasn't wise to go directly from childhood to being entirely independent. He saw that now.
But even as he missed them, he was also relieved. This "village," unlike the shinobi villages which regarded anyone who left them as a betrayer and an enemy, would welcome him back any time he needed to return. If he wanted to come home, he could, and that knowledge alone was very soothing.
When he caught up to Orochimaru, Purple was saying exactly that. Orochimaru nodded. Kakashi grinned from the doorway.
Orange spotted him and did something he had never done before, something unexpected and entirely bizarre. He gave Kakashi his plate of snacks. Kakashi's eyes went wide. "Thank you." No more words were needed. He knew Orange would miss him very much.
Purple gave him a hug, which Kakashi returned. "I'll miss you," they said at the same time. Orochimaru laughed.
Kakashi stepped back. "If I need anything, relationship advice or help solving mysteries or even just a friend, I'll find you again. If you need anything…" He has no way to contact me and should not travel here on his own. "Um… Perhaps...I could send a dark creation with you so I could know about it?"
He expected Purple to decline, but the angel's face lit up with a grin. "What is a dog?"
Kakashi couldn't stop himself from breaking out in a grin, too. The simplicity and eagerness inherent in the question reached him as few other things could. He poured darkness from his hands, and the darkness took the shape of a large dog with thick fur, ideal for cold northern forest. When it disguised itself as ordinary matter, the dog in question was somewhat wolflike in form. But where wolves had long, thin legs to chase after their prey, this dog had slightly shorter, more muscled legs, the better to perform work with. He didn't feel comfortable saddling Purple with a creation that could be used for nothing except spying. That just wouldn't be right. The dog's fur was black with brown streaks, as Kakashi guessed a genuine dog would be if the people up north had ever domesticated any. It blended well with conifers and a forest floor of shed needles.
Purple gasped. The dog woofed. He laughed. "What beastkind is dog? What life is on it?"
"A life of work," Kakashi answered. "Dogs are companions, as people are, and they are very loyal and are trained to work with their people. This one can help you pull things, move through forests and snow, and guard against pests or predators."
"It would normally need a rich diet to do all that," Orochimaru added. "Lucky you, you get a dog that needs no food or water. Or shelter."
"It's made from my soul, so it definitely needs companionship. I prefer the company of other canines, but people will do. Perhaps this part of me can join a local pack." Kakashi ruffled the fur behind its ears. The dog turned and, before he could move, pressed its snout against the plate he still held in his other hand. It couldn't actually steal one of the snacks there, but it was important to mimic the mischief of a real dog. "It will play mischievous games with you," Kakashi said as he raised his plate out of reach. Orange had placed healthy snacks on this one; it appeared to be slices of something similar to cheese.
"You?" Purple looked from him to the dog.
"Yes. Demon souls have as many minds as we want. If my soul was split 500 ways, every part of it would be as intelligent as I am. There would be 500 smaller versions of me. Demons are liquid."
"Liquid." Purple pretended to pour water from one glass to another, then another, then another. "Oh… I do not know this."
"Yeah, it does take some getting used to." Kakashi shrugged. The dog wagged its tail.
"Confusion," Orange said. "The short guest was strange. The long guest was sad. Dog is silly and strong. All you?"
"Yes, all me. They just express different parts of me."
Wait a minute. Did they honestly think I was creating personalities for my dark clones? I can't do that! Nobody can. But, he remembered, they had no way of knowing what he was or wasn't capable of. They hadn't seen demons, possibly for centuries. Even so, only a god could create souls, if souls are created at all. I'm not omnipotent.
"The play calls you," Orange told him.
Kakashi backed away, shaking his head. "No. I can't do fake acting. I can only do real acting."
Orochimaru took the plate of snacks from him and selected one. "Isn't this a little long for a goodbye, Puppy?" He bit into the selected snack. "What is this? It tastes like sweet cheese. What kind of mutant beast made this?"
Purple sat on the floor laughing while the dog licked his face. "Rind of rollorange!" he gasped out between giggles.
"It is orange, and it rolls," Orange explained.
Gods, I will miss these people. Kakashi hugged his two best angel friends again. "I will miss you two so much."
Purple patted the dog. "But Dog is with us."
"Yeah… That's true."
Orochimaru finished the strange fruit scrapings and put a hand on Kakashi's shoulder. "It's about time we left, Puppy."
.
Kakashi created a dark clone to carry the young snake back to the base. The clone carried the young snake up on deck, saluted Kakashi, then wrapped itself around the boy and turned invisible. Kakashi watched the water as his clone disappeared below the surface. It would swim down the coast, emerge a very good distance away, and make its way to the base by a complicated route from there. Hopefully the boy would not awaken in the middle of all this; that would make everything more complicated.
The sky was rapidly darkening, and the sun had already fallen behind the trees. Sunset would come soon. The festival down on the beach was currently experiencing a lull in activity, which would end very shortly as full darkness fell and it came time to light fires and get the real party started. Kakashi and Orochimaru took advantage of the temporary lull to leave the dock and stand on the edge of the beach, far enough from others to talk privately.
"I'm ready," Kakashi said. "I'm sorry I did not share parts of myself with you before. Now that I have met others like me, who accept me, I can."
"May we test some stone?"
Kakashi chuckled. "Yeah. I was horrified by my own powers, saw them as unnatural and inherently evil. I still don't want to cost the afterlife any more mouse souls than necessary, but if you wish, I would agree to resume testing."
Orochimaru hooked her arm through his. "When we talk to my mother, I'll ask for one of the angels to come down for a conversation. We could ask."
"I don't actually know what effect I have on the wider world-system. Asking is exactly what I need to do."
They stood in silence then, watching the stars come out. And also listening for the sounds of muffled footsteps.
Blades appeared around both of their necks. Others were taking advantage of the lull in the crowds, too. "Come with us," a rough voice demanded.
"Come easily, and you won't have so much as a scratch," a deeper and gentler voice said.
Orochimaru squeezed his arm. Kakashi's choice. So then, what kind of choice will I make? A reasonable one? A calculated one? A quiet one? Or, perhaps, am I permitted to make a downright idiotic choice for once? Something stupid and incredible? The blades tightened, resting suggestively on his neck, and he smiled. I am a demon. Who else can afford to do something stupid if I cannot?
He raised his left hand and grabbed the blades, lifted them over his head. He unlinked his arm from Orochimaru's as well and turned to face his attacker. He was still smiling. The attacker's eyes widened. He wore no headband, nothing to identify him by, so Kakashi leaned in to smell him. "More Kumo ninja? Why is the Land of Lightning so interested in this area?"
The attacker was so startled that he answered the question. "Orochimaru escaped, and it was thought he would use some of his bases. Konoha offered to let us sweep some more distant bases on their behalf, as a friendly gesture. We weren't interested in the rest of this area. Not before now."
Oh. Fuck. Kakashi's blood ran cold. We led them right to the angels. The sweet, innocent angels who live in such a peaceful land. He imagined Purple, sitting on the floor and laughing. What have I done?
Orochimaru ducked out of the second attacker's blades with ease, since he had let them fall slack as Kakashi distracted him. She didn't stop to chat; quick as lightning, she came up with two hands ready for striking, and crushed both of their windpipes. The shinobi fell to the ground choking, futilely scratching at their throats, wasting their last moments on the vain hope that they would magically develop the medical skill necessary to give themselves emergency tracheotomies.
"Back to the real world," she said sadly after both had died. "The grownup world, where life isn't fair and not everybody benefits from a deal and not every problem can be solved with friendly conversation." She looked up at Kakashi. "If angels really are so much stronger than humans, Puppy, give them a chance to prove it."
Tears streamed down Kakashi's face. "They shouldn't have to lose…" That laughter…
"That's exactly what I'm saying." Orochimaru shook his shoulder, forcing him to pay attention to her. "Give them a chance to win."
Kakashi didn't understand her at first. Win? Against what? If they defeated the shinobi armies that would inevitably come, they would still have lost that bright, life-affirming laughter in the process. There was no such thing as winning on the battlefield.
But then it dawned on him. Not win against shinobi armies; win against the darkness in the hearts of those shinobi. Protect their own bright laughter, and give people who had lost it the ability to laugh like that too. On a battlefield of light versus middling grey, light could win.
Or could it? There were still very few angels in the northern lands, and so many battle-hardened, scarred, and broken people in the Elemental Nations. In their own northern lands, the beauty of their culture was sustained by heartbringers, ordinary people whose hearts could be so easily shredded, scarred and/or corrupted.
There was great reason to be afraid. Was another era of war coming? Would something unimaginably beautiful be lost in it?
Could a demon who had never seen anything so beautiful survive its loss?
"Their report may be disbelieved and forgotten," Orochimaru whispered. She held his head in both hands and leaned up to touch their faces together nose to nose. His tears fell on her cheeks. "If not, bureaucratic meddling may toss it away. If not, political dragging will make it many, many years before anything can happen. And then, the gods will protect them."
"The gods who are barely worshipped anymore."
"If not, then a demon will. A strong and powerful demon who can put all the ships in invisible boxes, who can make humans listen. If Madara could make the whole world sit up and listen, so can you."
That's right. He was a demon. Even after being accepted, yet again, he'd forgotten what that meant. Kakashi moved his head to the side and wrapped his arms tightly around her for an embrace. "Keep talking like this forever. You help me remember what I am."
.
The angels were warned and given a time estimate that explained what had happened recently, what political situations were like as of last time they checked, and what kind of transportation methods were currently usable by shinobi. The captain's reply to all this was a grunt.
Kakashi felt better to have talked to someone so stoic, who could take news like this with nothing more than a grunt. "I have an idea," he said just before yawning. The base was clear, night had fallen, and it had been a long day. They stood on the rocky outcrop that made a good outpost, surrounded by night sounds.
"Which is?" Orochimaru was in male form again. They both were completely undisguised.
"I liked talking to people who had a response, but not much of one. It helps make my own response less overwhelming. Whenever I am distressed, I will talk to your mother before I talk to you."
Orochimaru tilted his head. "A filter. Damn! Why didn't I think of that?"
"Why didn't I think of filtering my feelings before throwing them at you? We're both idiots." Kakashi looked around at his full sensory range in preparation for going to bed, and saw someone. Two someones.
His clone was completely disguised as ordinary matter, not a stitch of pure darkness to be seen. The young snake still stared at him in mild confusion. They sat across from each other with the snake propped up against a tree and the clone sitting on the ground across from him. Enough moonlight shone through the leaves that the young snake could probably see. The clone smiled.
Tired as they were, Kakashi and Orochimaru drew no attention to themselves and waited. What would happen?
The boy's eyes suddenly widened. He raised an arm and seemed to be trying to move, but could not. His head turned to his left, as if trying to look behind him. Cause and effect! He's aware of the tree and drawing connections between the tree and what he feels. Yes! The clone lifted the boy away from the tree and examined it. The boy calmed down as soon as he was lifted away, and there was a prominent ridge of bark that might have been digging into his back. Kakashi cheered internally.
The boy's arms began to move again. Unsteadily and with a look on his face like he was completely unaware of what he was doing, the boy brought his hands up and hugged the clone.
The clone was just as surprised as the boy might have been. Quickly, before the opportunity could be lost, he hugged the boy back.
"Katta."
Both versions of Kakashi grinned. Yes! Yes! He isn't afraid of me! He knows I care for him! "Yes," the clone replied. "Katta."
The boy closed his eyes, contented and at peace. His face showed little, but his soul was plain as day.
.
Life mission… What is the life mission?
Katta.
If Madara could make the world listen, so can you.
He would not enjoy being looked at as a traitor by his students, but he would enjoy the news of their deaths even less.
You can't just leave me here!
Kakashi awoke from dreams that contained all of these things. When he woke, his heart beat fast and he wanted to wake Orochimaru. I found it! I know what ties all of these things together! He was seized by a feeling of tremendous importance. He needed to tell someone, record it somehow, quickly, before he forgot!
But Orochimaru was asleep, and he couldn't really muster the will to disturb his sluggish body enough to get up and find writing implements. That was alright; nobody could forget something so completely life-changing in five minutes.
Five minutes later, he was wracking his brain trying to remember what had even happened in his dreams. What did I realize? What? But it was gone. He sighed. If it came to me once, it'll come again. The memory must be here on my soul somewhere. Mah, it'll be alright. In the meantime, Orochimaru was still asleep. There were few better opportunities to stare at him than when he was asleep.
And to think I once thought romance was reserved for other people. Kakashi smiled at his past self as he traced the curve of the snake's nose, the way his hair spilled over the pillow. Even after meeting Tsukina, and continuing to meet her, and Asuma finding out and spreading word that Kakashi had a girlfriend, he had still believed that. Nothing in the way that romance was described in books resembled how he felt or what he wanted. Yet no other word could explain why the sight of this particular face was so interesting that Kakashi could stare at it endlessly. Everything in the wolf ninja's life was consistent with a lack of romance, except for the way he could stare at certain faces for hours without getting bored. And the fact that those faces were always male and belonged to people he greatly admired and liked. Nothing except the idea that he was capable of romantic feelings could explain those facts.
So he lay in the darkness, watching his favorite snake's face and hair and shoulders, and thought that he might be in love. It was nothing like what he read about in Jiraiya's books, and that was good, because Jiraiya had completely failed in the romance department. Kakashi meant not to fail. Failing his favorite person in the world would be a shame that would haunt him all the rest of his lives.
Orochimaru took a deeper than usual breath. "What are you thinking about, Puppy?"
"How badly Jiraiya failed at romance," Kakashi answered.
Orochimaru scowled. "Idiot didn't even notice."
"That's what I mean. That he failed you." Kakashi shuffled closer, the better to smell his companion's odd hybrid scent. "Something I could never stand to do. I don't imagine he could stand it either; if death grants any insight, then his stay in Heaven can't be very heavenly."
Orochimaru stayed silent for a few minutes. Then: "I hope death grants insight, but only eventually."
"The same as in real life?"
"Yes."
"For an evil missing-nin, you are very generous." Kakashi reached out and slung an arm over Orochimaru.
"For a wolf, you are very chatty."
"Spoken like someone who has no knowledge of pack dynamics. How can you say such a thing? I've taught you enough body language that you should know wolves are constantly chatting."
"Not in the dark where body language is invisible, they aren't."
"Ah." Kakashi relaxed. "I see. You never spent time in a den. There is a lot that dogs say to each other in darkness, too." He lifted the blankets so he could curl up directly against Orochimaru. They were both wearing thin nightshirts. He would have preferred something that didn't move around as much, even if it was thicker.
Orochimaru hissed softly as he curled around Kakashi in reply. "Snakes do den together on certain occasions, you know."
"Have you?"
"...No."
"Then you don't know this language. Want a lesson?"
"Not too much of one."
"Of course." Kakashi remembered the risk he was taking. I'll stick to nuzzling, nudging, and breathing, he decided.
An hour later, Orochimaru was able to press his nose into Kakashi's cheek and huff affectionately like he'd been doing it all his life. They fell back to sleep happily.
.
The next morning, they went to the room where the stone snake curled on her little stage. It was a tight fit to have 2 people in there; Kakashi had to climb onto her back while Orochimaru used the door. Then they both stood before her.
Orochimaru folded his arms. "You talk, Puppy. I have other things to say to her."
Kakashi could only try to imagine what the snake's reaction was to finding out that he wasn't the only snake, that he had a purpose, etc. He would need privacy to process all of it. "Of course.
"Ahem." Kakashi walked up and placed a hand on her snout. "We met angels yesterday. I wondered if the strange tangle in reality I've been observing could have anything to do with angel business or with my lack of memories. In order to know this, I would have to ask a dead angel, one who is currently in the afterlife looking after dead souls. Please, if it is at all possible, would you reach out to an angel and ask them to come down to us for a conversation?"
There was no response. No pulse of warmth in her stone snout, no flicker or twitch of her tail, nothing. What could he expect of an inactive goddess? Kakashi took his hand back. "I would be very grateful." He bowed to her and stepped back.
Orochimaru stepped forward. "Don't do so immediately," he requested. "I have some things to talk about, Mother." He placed a hand on her snout, leaned his head in, and closed his eyes. Kakashi gave them privacy.
He attended to the younger snake's needs, then sat with the boy and their packs on the rocky outcropping they called a guard post. With nothing else to do, he looked at the boy's soul. What is he doing? Kakashi had become something of an expert in different stages of sleep in the weeks that he'd been taking care of the young serpent. Not all of the boy's activity matched what he observed in normal people, which was to be expected. You couldn't have an entire soul in need of organizing without some altered states of consciousness here and there. But now, Kakashi was surprised to see activity that did not match any previously observed state, either. This was a new form of altered consciousness that he was seeing.
He won't be able to tell me about it. He might not even remember. Kakashi nuzzled the boy's hair, taking care not to break the delicate weavings. He and Orochimaru had done their best to leave the boy's attire in pristine condition, not even changing his clothes. Kakashi used demon powers to pull dirt, oils and sweat out of them. Hopefully, when the boy was conscious enough to remember who he was, he would be comforted by his familiar clothes and hair weavings.
He was startled to hear a small sound. The altered state hadn't ended; it must have been one of those states that involves interacting with the outside world. The boy looked up at Kakashi with glazed eyes, and mewled again. "Hi," Kakashi said.
The boy's gaze slid off of him. He seemed to be staring out into midair now. Was he really looking at the sky, or hallucinating? If he was hallucinating, he was not seeing anything to react to. His stare was unfocused, glazed, and blank. But he mewled like a lost kitten, and kept mewling. Kakashi held his little brother close to his chest and rocked slowly, hoping it helped.
Still the young snake kept making distressed sounds. What will help him feel better? Company? Food? Or, maybe, a purpose? Kakashi remembered that serpents were supposed to be around plants.
The boy stopped whimpering when Kakashi brought him under the cover of a tree. He placed the boy on the side where grass and moss grew right up to the trunk, and the boy's hands curled. His eyes unglazed and began to move. The altered state was changing rapidly into something else, something so fluid that Kakashi couldn't even tell if it was more organized or less. It might have been both. He guessed it was either both or more when the young snake started to whimper. He was looking at Kakashi's vest again, the vest that was plainly darkness. Why do I keep forgetting to disguise this thing?
The boy started to shake. He didn't look very aware of how afraid he was or why, but he soon would be. Kakashi readied himself for the look of fear, of horror, that was sure to burst into the boy's eyes at any moment.
But it didn't. The young snake's shaking stopped, and his eyes slipped off of Kakashi's vest. He continued to breathe fast and occasionally whimper, but no realization was going to dawn yet. What is he experiencing? The boy's eyes were focused and darted back and forth, but not at anything in particular. His breath was ragged and he shivered occasionally, for no apparent cause. Is he remembering? Poor kid… What has he seen?
Kakashi closed the boy's eyes, since he couldn't seem to interact with the past and the present at the same time yet, and brought him back up to the guard post. It was a while before Orochimaru came up. When he did, he said little. "The farthest base from people. Somewhere suitable for gardening."
"Of course." Kakashi spread his wings, which was not something he had done in weeks. Orochimaru wrapped his arms around him, which was also not something he had felt in weeks. This was how they were supposed to be. They might be flying away from the only beings that felt like family, but Kakashi felt as if he was returning home.