Chapter 4: The Camping Episode.
Disclaimer: Spongebob is property of Stephen Hillenburg. HTTYD is property of DreamWorks and Cressida Caldwell.
Night had fallen in the small town in the Canadian border region of America, called Berk. Everywhere people were getting ready for bed and in the Hofferson household, the teenage Astrid Hofferson was no exception. After a long week she was really looking forward to the weekend.
Astrid came into her living room wearing her Pj's which consisted of a dark red short-sleeved shirt and pajama bottoms, a blue bathrobe and fuzzy Nadder slippers. While in her hands she held a cup of hot cocoa.
"Ah, finally, the weekend is here," Astrid said as she planted herself on the sofa," And this isn't just any old weekend." She added pulling her phone out and bringing up the calender app to today's date, seeing a drawing of two boys and a girl sitting around a campfire, "This is the weekend Snotlout and the Twins go camping." While they may be friends, a girl still needed a break from those three and their shenanigans every once in a while.
What if they get lost in the woods and never come back?
In Astrid's mind she sees the Twins, Ruffnut and Tuffnut and Snotlout hiking through the woods at night. They all have backpacks and Tuffnut appeared to be reading a map as the three looked very frightened to be traveling in the dark woods at night.
"Tuff, I'm scared." Snotlout whimpered.
Astrid waves the thought aside, "Oh, they'll be fine, besides you've waited a long time for this, Astrid". She told herself as she prepares to enjoy the rest of her evening, "Comfy couch, hot cocoa, a good Netflix series, and two whole days with no"- she drops her voice into a creditable impersonation of Snotlout- " Snotlout, Snotlout, oi oi oi!"
She settles back into the sofa and starts the first episode. She doesn't even get past the intro before she hears what sounds like laughter coming from her front yard. Laughter that was very familiar. "What the-"
It turns out the laughter was coming from her front yard where a tent was set up. The twins, Ruffnut and Tuffnut , and Snotlout where sitting in the tent reading comic books by lantern light. Their fun was quickly put on hold when Astrid stuck her head inside to see what was going on.
"Snotlout", Astrid said, "Aren't you guys supposed to be camping?"
"We are camping," Snotlout replied.
"Snotlout, it's not camping if your ten feet from your house." Astrid said with a frown. What she said was true enough as the three had pitched their tent in the space right between Snotlout 's and Astrid's front yards along with a campfire.
"Aww, it doesn't matter where you are just as long as your outdoors", Snotlout told her, "While all those soft city folk are safe on their couch watching Netflix, we're out here pitting ourselves against the formidable forces of nature.
Astrid's scowl deepened as she took in what Snotlout just said. What was he saying, that she couldn't handle it?
"You wanna join us," Snotlout asked.
"Yeah, it'd be nice to have another girl here." Ruffnut added.
"No", came Astrid's blunt reply.
"Ok, have fun inside."
Astrid closed the tent and left to head back inside. The three resumed their reading when the tent suddenly opened back up as Astrid returned.
"What do you mean "have fun inside," Astrid said in a tone of suspicion.
"Just...have fun inside. We'll see you tomorrow." Snotlout answered.
"Oh. Bye."
Astrid left again and the three picked up where they left off. But once more this was halted as Astrid returned .
"You little sneak," Astrid said angrily, "I see what you're doing".
Snotlout, not having the slightest idea what she was talking about, only asked, "What?"
"Don't think I don't see what you're doing."
"What"?
"Your saying I can't take it."
"But all I said was-"
With a raise of her hand, Astrid stopped him midway, "Ah! You're saying I'm soft. You think your little"- she adds air quotations with her fingers-" have fun inside' challenge is going to make me come camping with you. But that is never gonna happen! There's no way I'm gonna sit out here all night with you three mutton-heads, so get used to it!" With that, Astrid turned and stormed back to her house with her thoughts of paranoia coursing through her mind.
"Okay", said Snotlout, "Have fun inside."
The tent door split open again as Astrid shouted," THAT'S IT! I'M IN! That was the last straw, she'd show those three what she could do and stop them from believing she was too soft. Running back inside her house she said, "I'll show you camping"!
Meanwhile, the three campers stuck their head outside their tent and were elated to have another of their friend group join them on their camping trip.
"Astrid's gonna come camping with us." Ruffnut said giddily as the three of them laughed.
Astrid came running back out. She'd changed out of her pj's into a red short-sleeved shirt and hood along with a pair of hiking pants and boots and carried a large backpack that she panted and sweated from the weight of. "Now you'll see how real- Astrid's knees buckled under the weight and she face-planted into the ground with the pack on top of her-" Outdoorsman does it!" She finished as she pulled herself free. Reaching into the pack she removed a small, zipped up tube. "Here we are, my remote control self-assembling tent. Watch and learn."
While Snotlout watched with interest, the Twins took this literal and followed Astrid's advice with Ruffnut watching through a pair of binoculars and Tuffnut by donning a pair of glasses as he readied a notepad and pen.
Astrid threw the tent into the air and let it spin, before hitting a button on a small remote. Though a beep was heard, all that happened was a small explosion before a pile of tent canvas, poles and rope fell on the ground.
"That was great. But how do you get inside?" Ruffnut wanted to know.
"Yeah, it's all crushy-looking." Said her brother.
"It isn't put up yet, you idiots." Astrid explained, hoping to spare herself any further humiliation. She tried to assemble the tent herself by picking up a random rope and canvas, but her frustration caused her to accidentally rip a huge tear in the lining. "Huh?"
"Customization!" Said Ruffnut looking through her binoculars.
"Genius!" Tuffnut wrote it down in his notepad.
Growing angry at her lack of progress Astrid picked up a tent pole and started beating the tent pieces into the ground.
"She's tenderizing the ground!" Ruffnut said.
"Of course!" Tuffnut said, jotting it down.
Astrid rolled on the ground, her impatience and anger causing her to get hopelessly tangled up in the tent with the rope looped around her body.
"Write that down! Write that down!" said Ruffnut.
Tuffnut scribbled away furiously, but in actuality was only playing a game of Tic-Tac-Toe with himself…and losing.
Finally having enough, Astrid struggled free and kicked her tent in frustration with the force of the kick assembling the tent perfectly. "Huh?" Astrid said in confusion. Still trying to pass it off as it was intentional, Astrid made a grand sweep of her arm with a smug "Violà."
Almost immediately as she said this the tent collapsed and Astrid rolled it away chuckling sheepishly. She gave up on the tent and came back with a single sheet. "But what could compare to just laying out under the stars."
The twins and Snotlout were very impressed with Astrid's choice and treated her to thunderous applause as they gathered around the campfire.
"Well," Astrid said, "I've worked up an appetite as big as all outdoors. Time for a little grub. I suppose you three are just going to see up some twigs and rocks, right?"
"Nope we learned that lesson the hard way," Snotlout answered, "Tuff tried to eat the bark off a willow tree."
Tuffnut complained," I'm still picking wood pulp out of my teeth."
Snotlout laughed at the memory," Anyway, we got something even better, marshmallows." He held out a bag of marshmallows, reached inside and popped one in his mouth, where he chewed it with great relish. "mmm…just like the astronauts eat." He said with his mouth full.
Suddenly Tuffnut donned an empty fishbowl on his head to simulate an astronaut's helmet and made a static noise like he was speaking into a microphone. " Kcch," the deadlocked teen said, " Tuffnut to Snotlout. Tuffnut to Snotlout. Do you read me? Over?"
Snotlout also placed an empty fishbowl on his head and imitated his friend. " Kcch. Snotlout to Tuffnut. I read you. Over."
" Kcch. Tuffnut to Snotlout. I like going Kcch. Over."
" Kcch," now Ruffnut joined the two boys in wearing a fishbowl on her head and talking like static, Ruffnut to Tuffnut. Kcch. Me too."
The three friends made more static noises to shoe how much they loved making them. The whole time Astrid looked annoyed at the three for being their usual goofy selves.
"Snotlout to Twins. Help yourselves. Over." Snotlout said holding out the bag to the pair of them.
The twins each took a marshmallow and said, "Yummy!" Forgetting the fishbowls on their heads The Twins smashed their fist through the glass to stuff the marshmallows into their mouths. Strands of marshmallow goodness stuck to the insides of their mouths as they chewed. "Twins to Snotlout! The deliciousness has landed!" they said simultaneously.
"Well, Astrid said, "you three astronauts can eat marshmallows." She took something from behind her back. "I'm going to have a can of Swedish meatballs, just as soon as I can get my can opener." Heading back to her house, Astrid was halfway before Snotlout called out to her.
"But Astrid, didn't you take a can opener when you hiked out here?" asked Snotlout
"Why would I bother? We're ten feet from my house." came the reply
"But this is the wilderness! It just doesn't fit the camping spirit."
"Pretty weenie!" chorused the Twins.
Astrid returned to the three of them somewhat crossly. "All right, all right, give me a marshmallow," she said.
The four of the them congregated around the campfire to toast their marshmallows on sticks. Snotlout, Ruffnut and Astrid did it correctly by holding them over the fire but Tuffnut stuck his straight into the center of the blaze. Taking his out he screamed when it light up like a torch, so he instinctively blew on it. The force causing it to fly off and hit Astrid in the face. Feeling annoyed, Astrid scraped the burnt marshmallow off her face and went back to toasting hers. Tuffnut placed another marshmallow on his stick and tried again only to repeat the same mistake. He screamed and in a panic blew his second marshmallow in Astrid's face same as the first. Losing patience Astrid wiped the burnt mush off her face. A third scream came from Tuffnut's direction, but this time Astrid was expecting it. She ducked her head just as a third marshmallow flew over her head. Feeling pretty clever with herself, Astrid laughed at avoiding having another face full of marshmallow, which was ruined when the marshmallow ricocheted and hit the back of her head.
Astrid was starting to get seriously peeved, "Okay, so besides spitting molten foodstuffs at me, what else do you do for fun?"
Snotlout was pleased Astrid asked that, because it was time for his favorite camping activity, and one that was his specialty. "Well, after a long day of camping, it's nice to unwind with a nice relaxing campfire song." Pulling out an acoustic guitar he started playing a relaxed tune, "Wrote this myself, I call this one " The Campfire Song song."
Then Snotlout began singing,
Snotlout: Let's gather ' round the campfire and sing our campfire song
Our C-A-M-P-F-I-R-E-S-O-N-G song
Astrid was listening to the music and growing steadily more annoyed when the Twins encouraged her to move along to the rhythm.
Snotlout: And if you don't think that we can sing it faster then you're wrong
But it'll help if you just sing along
The twins then leaned in to sang into both of Astrid's ears, much to her surprise.
Twins: Bum, bum, Bum…
The music had suddenly picked up tempo as Snotlout also sang faster to stay in time with the song while the twins tried but were unable to.
Snotlout: C-A-M-P-F-I-R-E-S-O-N-G song
C-A-M-P-F-I-R-E-S-O-N-G song
And if you don't think that we can sing it, faster then you're wrong
But it'll help if you just sing along
Snotlout appeared before a whiteboard wearing an academic cap to instruct them step by step on singing the lyrics to his song.
Snotlout: C-A-M-P-F-I-R-E-S-O-N-G song
"Tuff," Snotlout called to continue.
Tuffnut: SONG! C- A- M- P- F- I-R- E…
"Astrid," Snotlout waited for Astrid to pick up the beat but she just sat there, remaining silent, "good!"
Snotlout and the Twins moved to giant platforms like they were performing at a Rock concert. Tuff joined Snotlout by playing on a Bass guitar while Ruffnut played the drums as fireworks went off in the background.
Snotlout: It'll help
It'll help
If you just sing along!
Snotlout then preformed the big finish by diving off his platform and slide on his knees across the ground where he smashed his guitar to bits with Tuffnut following suit. Ruffnut then smashed her drums over her friend and brother.
Snotlout: OH YEAH!
The song concluded as the three friends went and joined Astrid back at the campfire, "Ah, now wasn't that relaxing?" asked Snotlout?
"No", Astrid replied, then she pulled out a clarinet from her pack, " This is relaxing." Putting the mouthpiece to her lips, Astrid squeaked out a horrible rendition of Kumbaya.
"Oh No!" Snotlout said in a panic. He took a marshmallow from the bag and loaded it into a slingshot, "I'll save you, Astrid!"
The marshmallow sliced through the air. It sailed straight through the instrument and collided with the back of Astrid's throat, cutting her off and forcing her to fall backwards.
Snotlout rushed over to the girl and held her in his comforting arms, "Astrid, are you all right?" He took the clarinet and laid it to the side, "That's it. Chew, chew, and swallow." Watching Astrid swallow the entire marshmallow , he furthered his earlier inquiry on her well being by asking, "There, better?"
"BETTER!?" Astrid shouted angrily, "I was just fine until you launched that ballistic junk food into my windpipe!"
"But I had to. It's too dangerous to play the clarinet badly out here in the wilderness. It might attract"… Snotlout looked around nervously before whispering into her ear…" A Lycanwing."
"A Lycanwing," Astrid said in a cautious voice, "You mean like the ones that DON'T EXIST!?"
"What are you saying?" said Snotlout
Standing up Astrid threw her two cents in. "There's no such thing They're just a myth."
"Oh no, Astrid. Lycanwing's are all too real, it says so right here in the Berk Inquirer." He then held up a tabloid newspaper article depiction a young female in a wedding dress standing beside a creature that looked like a cross between a wolf and a dragon.
"I married a Lycanwing." Astrid read from the newspaper's headline.
"Yeah", added Ruffnut, " and Fake Science Monthly!" She too had a newspaper article that showed a Lycanwing and a Unicorn on the front.
"Lycanwing's and fairytales are real'?" Astrid said. "That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard."
"Well, maybe it is stupid, but it's also dumb." Tuffnut argued.
"Their right, Astrid." Snotlout said as he continued to inform her on the subjectm. "Lycanwing's are no laughing matter. Why once I met a guy who knew this guy who knew this guy who knew this guy who knew this guy who knew this guy who knew this guy who knew this guy who knew this guy who knew this guy who knew this guy who knew this guy who knew this guy who knew this guy who knew this guy who knew this guy's cousin-"
Astrid finally decided she had heard enough , she didn't buy this nonsense for a second but she saw this was a good opportunity to get back at the three for the camping trip. Time to play along. "You're right!" Astrid said in a panicked tone. "I should be more careful. In fact, why don't you tell me everything I shouldn't do if I want to keep the Lycanwing's away?
The other three smile, thinking Astrid was lucky that she had friends like them, "That's easy," Snotlout said. "First off, don't play the clarinet."
"Okay. Then what?"
"Never wave your flashlight back and forth really fast."
"Flashlights are their natural prey." added Tuffnut.
"You're kidding?" said Astrid.
"Don't stomp around; they take that as a challenge," said Snotlout.
"Yeah," added Ruffnut.
"Go on." Astrid said grabbing Tuff's pad and pen, wanting to make sure she remembered everything the three said.
"Don't ever eat cheese," Snotlout continued.
"Sliced or cubed?" asked Astrid.
It was too close to call. The three whispered back and forth to one another, trying to decide which cheese was safe and which was dangerous. They ultimately reached a decision. "Cubed. Sliced is fine," said Snotlout.
Astrid implored for them to go on so she could be prepared. "Yeah, yeah, and?"
"Never wear a sombrero…" said Snotlout
"… in a goofy fashion!" continued Tuffnut.
"Or clown shoes."
"Or a hoop skirt."
"And never…"
"…ever…"
"…ever…"
"DUH!"
The three finished in unison "SCREECH LIKE A CHIMPANZEE!"
"Wow," Astrid said impressed," Its amazing how many things can set a Lycanwing off."
Snotlout and the Twins hugged each other for support. They were dead scared of encountering one such ferocious creature out in the wild. It was a fate that no one deserved to suffer. "They're horrible," they trembled.
Astrid soon felt that she felt the same fear as the others and trembled in fright, "And… and suddenly I have the sense we're all in danger."
"Why," asked Snotlout and the Twins.
"I don't know." Astrid said and rushed off, when she came back she was wearing: clown shoes, a hoop skirt and a sombrero while in one hand she held a flashlight and a tray of cubed cheese in the other. Everything tha5 attracts Lycanwings .A diabolical look came over her face as she said, "Just a feeling!"
The twins and Snotlout stared wide-eyed in shock and horror at Astrid riding the knife's edge like this and hoping she wouldn't go any further.
"No," whimpered Snotlout.
"Yes!" said Snotlout
"No."
But all Astrid did was start screeching like a chimpanzee.
"ASTRID, PLEASE DON'T!" cried all three as one.
The screeching continued as Astrid started waving her flashlight back and forth really fast as she stomped the ground. The other three felt a state of panic take hold of them.
"Snotlout, what are we going to do?" said Ruffnut, "A Lycanwing is sure to come and eat us!"
But Snotlout was already one step ahead with a solution to protect himself and his friends. He held out a stick as he said, "Don't worry, I'll draw us an Anti-Lycanwing circle in the dirt!" The stick he placed on the ground was then used to trace a circle that encircled the three.
"Good thinking!" Tuffnut said, "All the experts say it's the only defense against a Lycanwing attack." to prove his point, he held out another copy of Fake Science Monthly depicting a person inside a dirt circle that was holding a Lycanwing at bay under the headline. "How to stop a Lycanwing attack."
The three teens hugged each other for support inside the circle when Astrid came up laughing.
"You guys are so gullible!" Astrid said, "See, I did everything that attracts a Lycanwing, and nothing happened. If Lycanwings really exist, why didn't one show up?"
"Maybe it's because you're not wearing your sombrero in a goofy fashion," replied Snotlout.
"Pfft," Astrid said in derision. "Sorry. How silly of me, you mean like this?" She tipped her sombrero to the side a little and laughed frantically.
Astrid was so amused by the looks of fear on the others faces, that she didn't notice a massive scaly paw reach out and turn her sombrero upside down. Nor did she notice the horse sized reptile with black and grey scaly skin, a wolf-like head, and gliding membranes along its torso that suddenly appeared before her- A Lycanwing.
"No, like that," responded Snotlout.
A deep growl came from the Lycanwing's throat that made Astrid stop laughing. She looked at the creature standing before her. A scream came from her mouth at the sight of a beast she dismissed only to discover really existed just at the Lycanwing gave an angry roar. Astrid ran away as fast as she could but the Lycanwing gave chase and all Snotlout and the Twins could do was watch as the Lycanwing mauled Astrid as she cried out in agony. As quickly as it began the Lycanwing finished and stalked away from the campsite.
"Astrid, are you ok," Ruffnut said.
Astrid was laying on the ground with various bruises on her body, her clothes torn, a black eye and her arms and legs wrapped in bandages. "No," she replied.
Not wanting to see their friend injured any further, the three of them managed to lift their dirt circle and drop it beside Astrid, "Quick!" Snotlout said. "Jump inside our Anti-Lycanwing circle before he comes back!"
Tuffnut added , "Yeah! Lycanwings often attack more then once!"
Astrid picked herself up off the ground and looked at the trio like they were insane. "Are you crazy? " She said. "A dirt circle won't stop that monster! I'm running for my life!" and on that note, she once again ran away.
"No!", cried the other three.
But it was too late ; in an instant the Lycanwing came roaring back after Astrid. This time the trio looked away as Astrid shouted in agony as the beast attacked her, a few seconds later, the Lycanwing left again.
"Don't run! Lycanwings hate that!" said Snotlout.
Astrid was in an even worse state with her right arm completely bandaged up, her stomach knotted up, her other eye blackened, her leg crippled, and several more bruises and a lump on her head. ,Thanks for the tip," she said, getting up with what little strength she had left, "I guess I'll just limp home then."
"NO!" the trio cried.
The Lycanwing returned and attacked Astrid once more, with the trio forced to listen to her cries of anguish, then the Lycanwing left.
"They hate limping more then running!" Tuffnut said.
In a dazed voice, Astrid answered , "Well, I guess I'll just have-"
The Lycanwing returned before she could finish and mauled her once again , forcing her to scream in agony, then it left.
"We should've warned you about crawling," Ruffnut said.
Without warning, the Lycanwing rushed back over and mauled her again, forcing her to scream in agony, then it left.
"What'd I do that time," Astrid whined in exasperation.
"I don't know! I guess he just doesn't like you!" Snotlout replied.
"Pretend to be somebody else!" Tuffnut suggested.
Snotlout couldn't stand watching Astrid get attacked again. So he picked up his stick and threw it to her, "Here draw a circle!"
Astrid decided she better take his advice while she still had all her limbs attached and said, "Okay," Weakly she scratched a circle in the dirt around herself.
But then the Lycanwing charged over and mauled Astrid yet again, forcing her to scream on agony, then it left.
"That was an oval! It has to be a circle!" said Snotlout
By this point Astrid had had enough and jumped into the trio's circle and sat between them. "Move over!" She yelled.
The Lycanwing came back over to Astrid while all four of them quivered in fear, but then the monster looked down at the ground and was left surprised that the girl that enraged it so much was protected by a dirt circle. The Lycanwing knew he could never cross the barrier so he growled and pointed his claw at Astrid in a obvious , "You got lucky this time, punk!" With nothing left to do, the Lycanwing turned and stalked back into the wilderness for good this time.
Her nightmarish ordeal at an end and Astrid laughed and felt grateful to Snotlout and the Twins for their help, "Hey, it worked! She said," You guys saved my life!"
All around the four cried out, Hurray!" relived they had survived the Lycanwing and they could now return to their camping trip.
"Yeah, " said Snotlout, " I'm glad it was just a Lycanwing. This dirt circle would never hold back a Skrill."
"What attracts them?" Astrid asked.
"The sound of a Lycanwing attack," Tuffnut replied.
Astrid looked over to her right and was aghast to see a dragon with a flatidh body covered in purple, rubbery scales with sparks of lightning flashing around it as it started at her with angry yellow eyes.
"Heh, said Snotlout, "Good thing we're all wearing our anti-Skrill undergarments. Right?"
"Here, here!" said Ruffnut and Tuffnut.
"Right Astrid?"
"Huh," Astrid responded, would this night ever end?