A/N: So I'm back! Sorry about the lack of update, last week. i just really needed some time to process everything. Anyway I'm good now, so heres to regular updates!

Glee: Season 1 Episode 7 - Throwdown

Chapter Four

"How's Glee?" I ask Brittany as we walk towards the choir room. "Do you miss me?" Why did I ask that I think to myself. What if she says no, what if she's replaced me with Quinn or even Berry as her new best friend.

"Of course, I miss you San" she laughs grabbing my pinkie and swinging our arms together. "We're the most talented people in Glee" I laugh at her words as my worry disappears just as quickly as it came. "Hey, what have you done to your hand?" Brittany asks, stopping in the corridor and turning to face me, looking at the tiny cuts on the palm of my hands and fingers.

"Oh, it's nothing" I say pulling my hand away from Britts and covering it with my other. "I dropped a glass last night and cut my hand picking up the pieces" I shrug. Brittany takes my hand back, lifting it up and starts to examine it. She then begins to softly run her fingers over the wounds and stops when I let out a small, sharp gasp.

"That looks infected. I think you should go see the nurse. There might still be glass in it" Brittany says evidently concerned. My eyes widen and I start to panic at Brittany's words. I can't go to the nurse; she'll start asking questions, and I can't have that. Nobody will believe me that all I did was drop a glass. Then they'll have to call my mother, and she's already worried about me. I know I told her I was fine, but I can tell she doesn't fully believe me, and this, this will confirm her suspicions. I can't do that to her, she's already so stressed with work, I don't want to add more stress, I love her too much to do that. No, I need to be strong for her. It's not like I need any help anyway, I'm coping. Right?

"No. No. it's fine. Honestly" I reply quickly. "Maybe you just need to kiss it better?" I say coyly.

"Okay" Brittany replies smiling, moving my hand up towards her lips. She gently presses her lips on one of the cuts on my hand, making the hairs on my arm stand to attention and sending a shiver from my hand up my arm and straight into my heart. I look to the floor, trying my best to hide my smile at the sensation. "Again?" she asks.

"Again" I reply, the smile on my face growing with each of Britts kisses.

"Hey guys" I hear Mercedes voice reverberate on the corridor and quickly pull my hand away from Brittany, clearing my throat as I do so. I plaster a fake smile on my face (something I've become something of an expert at recently) and turn to face the group consisting of Mercedes, Tina, and Artie. "Do you wanna walk with us to Glee?" Mercedes asks me. I pull my face at her. How dare she talk to me after what she said yesterday. I didn't say she could talk to me. She must have realised she was wrong, maybe this is her way of apologising. Brittany nudges me in the side, pulling me out of my thoughts.

"Sure" I reply, folding my arms across my chest. The five of us set off towards the dance studio via the choir room. Once stood outside the choir room I turn to give Brittany a hug goodbye and while in her embrace I notice Quinn over her shoulder sat in the corner, staring at Finn and Man hands.

"What's up Q?" I ask leaving Brittany's hold and walking towards the other blonde, taking a seat next to her. She gestures her eyebrows towards Berry. "Oh" I reply, putting my hand on top of hers, squeezing it reassuringly. "Wanna go somewhere and talk?"

"No" she shakes her head softly. I nod my head in response before standing up.

"Text me if you change your mind. We can always have a night in laughing at Ru Paul's singing videos" Quinn laughs in response and a smile reappears on her face as I turn and walk towards the empty seat next to Brittany.

"Since we're all here, how about a song?" Puck says looking around the room picking up his guitar. "Back me up Finn?" he looks towards Frankenteen sat behind the drum kit.

"You know it man" he replies.

"I miss us all being together" Berry says after the song finishes.

"I hope we don't get in trouble for our covert jam session" Artie adds.

"If Sue catches us mingling, we're cooked. She told me if I even talked to one of Mr. Shue's kids that she would shave my head" Lady Hummel tells the group. "I mean, even Justin Timberlake is growing his 'fro back"

"Well, we got to go, you guys. Miss Sylvester is expecting us in ten minutes in the dance studio" I walk over to Brittany at Wheezy's words, hugging her one more time before we have to leave. This time holding on for that moment longer, not wanting to ever let go, but knowing I must. I go to leave with the other of 'Sue's kids' as Mr. Schuester walks into the choir room.

"Hey! What are you guys going here?" he asks excitably.

"Just s-s-stopping by to say hello" Tina stutters in response as we go to leave.

"Oh, it's great to see you guys" Mr. Schuester replies as we leave the choir room and head off towards the dance studio.

/

That night I make my way to Brittany's house, pizza in hand, ready for my favourite night of the week. "Britt-Britt" I shout through the house as I kick my sneakers off at the door.

"Bedroom" I hear a distant voice shout back to me. I turn back to put the latch on the door then jog up the stairs and towards Brittany's room. I take a final deep breath and try to force the excitement that is creeping up through my body away, but it's to no avail. Just the knowledge that Brittany is behind that door is enough to tear down any composure that I have. I push the door open.

"Santana" I look down to see a pair of little arms wrapped around my waist and a blonde head tucked tightly onto my stomach.

"Hey squirt" I look over to Brittany and supress a chuckle as she silently mouths an apology.

"Hmmm pizza" Hailey's eyes widen in excitement as she notices the pizza box in my hands and takes it, turning and passing it off to Brittany as quick as she acquired it. "Look Santana, I made you a spot, right next to me" she says happily, grabbing my hand and squeezing it tight as she pulls me further into the room. I take a sharp, quick intake of breath at the contact as I feel what I presume is a tiny shard of glass dig deeper into my palm. Luckily Hailey doesn't notice, but Britt does as she looks towards me, the concern etched on her face. I sit down next to Hailey and watch as she devours slice after slice of pizza. When I'm certain that she more interested in the pizza than me, I look down to my hand out the corner of my eye and see that one of the wounds has reopened. I see the blood and pus start to slowly seep out and grab a napkin, pressing it onto the wound, internally grimacing at the pain. I see Brittany watching me and I know that she'll disapprove of my first-aid skills, but she also won't say anything in front of Hailey.

"Mom asked me to babysit Hailey tonight. I hope you don't mind" Brittany says grabbing a slice of pizza and changing the subject.

"Of course not" I say looking towards the mini blonde "as long as she stops stealing my pizza" I say jumping up and snatching the pizza out of her hand, before hurdling over Brittany's bed and towards the other side of the room.

"Hey" Hailey giggles and she follows closely behind me. I lift the slice of pizza high above my head and see Brittany laughing out the corner of my eye as Hailey jumps of the spot trying the reach it. "Santana…Give it back" she whines at me, melting my heart with those big puppy dog eyes of hers, they're exactly like Brittanys and like her sisters can make me do anything.

"Okay" I reply, bringing the pizza back down so she can reach it, but I pull it away before the blonde can grab it. "You can have it back, as long as you agree to do whatever Britt tells you, okay?" She pouts her bottom lip in response. "Promise?"

"I promise" the blonde replies.

"Good" I say taking a bite of the pizza before handing it back to her.

The next few hours fly by and when it's finally time for Hailey to go to bed, she keeps her word and does everything Brittany says. After leaving to get ready for bed, Hailey comes back into Brittany's room.

"C'mon you. Time for bed" Brittany says standing and taking Hailey's hand before leading her out of the room.

"Can San, tuck me in?" she asks rubbing her eyes and yawning.

"I don't know. You'll have to ask her" Britt replies.

"Can you San?" a tired voice mumbles in my direction.

"Of course squirt" I say standing up and taking the girls other hand in my own.

Brittany hangs back and stands leaning on Hailey's doorframe as I lead the youngster to her bed. She turns to face me, wrapping her arms tightly around me.

"I love you, Santana. You're the best"

"I love you too squirt" I reply as the mini blonde squeezes me tighter. I bite down on my lip, trying my best to supress a groan, as the blonde presses into my hip.

"Are you okay?" Hailey asks as she pulls away to look at me.

"Yeah…You just give the best hugs" I lie, praying to God that she buys it. Hailey pauses for a minute before jumping into bed. I let out an internal sigh of relief before tucking her into bed and switching off the light. Hailey may have bought my excuse but judging by the look on her face right now, Brittany didn't.

"You didn't go to the nurse" Brittany says a stern look on her face as we make our way back to her room.

"I didn't have time" I lie looking down towards my hand. "Anyway, it's not that bad" It's really not I think to myself, most of the wounds have all but healed. It's only the one that's sore.

"Santana" Brittany shakes her head and grabs my hand, looking closely at it "Have you at least shown your dad. He is a doctor" I take a moment to think before answering.

"Yes. He said it's fine" I lie, averting my gaze away from the blonde.

"Santana. You're lying" Brittany says standing up. "At least let me help you. We can't leave it like that" she adds, leaving her room.

"Honestly Britt. It's fine" I shout after her, but she ignores me, returning with a first aid kit.

"Give me your hand" she says holding out her own. I shake my head in response, tucking my injured hand under my other arm. Brittany sighs and start to tickle me on the ribs. I try to keep my hand away from her, but start to fail spectacularly as I squirm to get away from her, laughing as I do so. I'm just about still in control and managing to hide my hand, when Brittany ups the ante and captures my lips on her own as our heads meet, sending my resolve crumbling. I forget all about my hand and focus back on the blonde, my insides dancing at our unexpected moment of passion.

"Got it" she says laughing as she grabs my hand, pinning arm under her armpit so I can't move it. "Stay still" she adds, taking a pair of tweezers and starting to try and remove the glass. I'm pulled away from my mini haven at the tone of Brittany's words. What that kiss just a joke to her, a means to an end? Were all our kisses and moments just a joke? Did they really mean nothing to her? My heart sinks as I come to the realisation that this may all just be a bit of fun to Brittany and nothing more. I was right she doesn't love me. And if Brittany doesn't love me, then what else was I right about, I knew my mami was wrong. I am unlovable, just something to be used for a good time, then thrown away again. "All done" she says pulling me back out of my thoughts as she finishes wiping away the blood and puss off my palm before putting a bandage over the wound. "I still think you should show your dad"

"Hum. Thanks" I shrug, building my walls back up.

"Does it hurt?" she asks softly.

"A bit"

"Here take these" Brittany says handing me a box of prescription pills. "They pain relief from when my dad hurt his back". I take the box and twirl it in my hands.

"I'm not sure Britt. I don't think you should take medication not prescribed to you"

"It's safe. Me and Lord Tubbington have taken them loads of times. Me when I hurt myself ankle at Cheerios practise, and him when he came home all beaten up after getting in a fight with a rival gang"

"Fine" I sigh. "I'll take some when I get home" I add before standing up and leaving.

/

After leaving Brittany house I decide to drive around for a while, unsure as to where my next destination is, I just know that I feel too deflated to go home right now, especially with my mother on my case. I pull into the side of the road and grab my cell out of my bag. Regardless of what my mother said just last night, she was wrong. I do need a random hook up and quick. But Puck is having a family dinner tonight so he's not an option. Damn. I'm just about to throw my cell down in disgust when I notice a text from Matt. 'Are you still coming 2nite?'. I look at the time the message was sent before responding. 'Yeah babe. B there in 10'. Dropping my cell back into my bag I press my foot on the gas and head for Matt's house.

"I thought you stood me up again" Matt says as we make our way up to his room.

"No, of course not" I say battling my eyes. "I would never stand someone as good looking as you up"

"Cool. Well I made us a playlist" he begins, turning around to press play on his stereo as music start to blare out. I watch him dance for a few moments before standing and switching the music off. He stops and looks at me.

"Matt" I say shaking tutting seductively. "We both know why I'm here, and it's not for dance lessons" I say pushing him down to sit on the edge of the bed. I watch as he gulps nervously and chuckle to myself. I straddle his legs and lean in kissing his neck. As I pull away an image of Brittany enters my mind, along with a wave of guilt. I think back to our kiss earlier in the night, and her reaction. Why am I wasting my time feeling guilty (for no reason may I add) about being here with Matt when our kiss obviously meant nothing to her. I push Brittany out of my mind. I need to be in control, to make sure that I leave Matt wanting more, more of me, so i'm not just thrown away. "So why don't we just cut to the chase" I lean in kissing his cheek before making my way to his lips. I feel his hands move up my back as I deepen the kiss.

After a couple of minutes Matt is the first the pull away. "I-I can't do this, it's not right" he sighs "Santana. I'm sorry. I have a girlfriend"

"So" I reply, furrowing my brows. "I'm not looking for a relationship. Just a bit of fun" I whisper into his ear, biting softly on his lobe. I hear him groan as he moves my lips back towards his own, smiling.

That night when I get home, I don't feel any better about myself. Sure, I had fun with Matt and I definitely left him wanting more but I still can't get Brittany out of my damn mind. Her laugh, her reaction to our kiss continues to haunt me like a bad dream. I lay in bed watching the minutes tick by on my clock, replaying my evening with Brittany in my mind and with every recollection she seems less and less into me, making my stomach sink deeper and deeper. Why am I even bothered I ask myself. You know what I'm not, she's just a bit of fun, right? I's not and never will be anything serious. I shut my eyes trying my hardest to fall asleep and now in the calm, silent night the pain in my hand feels like it starts to intensity. I open my eyes and look at the bandage Brittany had applied earlier in the night, noticing the red starting to seep through. This is all your fault I tell myself. I told you Brittany wouldn't want damaged goods; she took one look at your hand and now you're just a joke to her, just be glad she never saw your hip. She could never love you, nobody could ever love you. I poke the wound a couple of times with my finger, further intensifying the pain and when I can't take it anymore, I grab the pills that Brittany gave me off my bedside cabinet. I pop two out of the packet before looking at them in my hands for a couple of seconds. I've ran out of Vitamin D tablets, I wonder if these will shut out the voices too?

A/N: I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter. I'll see you guys next Friday with the last chapter of this episode.