Rain was falling outside, almost an ode to the misery she felt as she watched it all through the narrow, barred window lining the top of the rear wall. Her face was pushed against the cushions, exhaustion ever eating away at her, even as she longed and loathed the idea of having company. Thoughts went back to golden hair and bright silvery eyes which had the look of storm clouds; dark, foreboding, and heavy, the last time she had seen him.
You don't deserve to see him, the voice reminded, a festering, resentful hatred welling up in herself at the truthful words. She hated herself and what she longed for – something which was supposed to never be. Yet her heart was an irrational thing, and there was that accursed hope thanks to the fact that she hadn't been summarily executed.
She still didn't quite understand that fact. Who would want to keep a thing like her alive in the first place? She closed her eyes, blinking at the sound of footsteps making their way down the hallway to her prison there. Her attention flickered to the manacle around her ankle, the light chain clinking every time she moved her foot. Ever was it a reminder of her status there.
Sakura liked it.
Not as much as she would have liked knowing what punishment awaited for her, but it was a small something. A little reminder she was no longer a guest in the halls of elves – not that she should ever have been a guest.
That was right. It was simply the natural course of things – something which always should have happened. Footsteps came to a halt, an unfamiliar elven presence lingering outside her cell door. The hairs on the back of her neck stood up on end as she lay there, debating whether or not to keep feigning sleep. On one hand, there was the company she had been longing for, but on the other hand she didn't deserve it. Not to mention talking with them often made her head hurt, especially when it came to Noeneth and her stupid, odd questions. She was a dragon. Nothing would change that, unless they could undo the workings of Melkor.
Though she didn't deserve to have them undone. Not after everything she had done since, and perhaps even before. After all, she had trampled over Sasuke and his feelings before, and all that had done was earn her a lightning clad hand through her chest. A good person wouldn't have done that. A good person probably would have still been alive in that first world of hers. Or at least, long since have died of old age, considering how many years had passed to her since then.
The presence at the door remained, and Sakura finally cracked an eye open and glared at the foolish elf who'd come to disturb her. Not that she wasn't grateful for the company. It simply just wasn't what she deserved.
"You are awake," a vaguely familiar face said, and she squinted at him then. Long brown hair, sterling grey eyes, and annoyingly tall, as Sakura had come to expect from the Noldor. "Good," he murmured. "I have many a question for you, Ancalagon."
A rumble grumbled in her throat, part of her not wanting to leave the den of pillows and blankets that she had made there. It was comfier than she had any right to be, and she was so very tired and listless by such a point. How many days had she been there for? Sakura wasn't sure. Though she didn't think she was sure of many things anymore. She was supposed to have been killed days ago, and yet…
"Oho," she murmured, lying on her front then, resting her chin in the palm of her hand as she eyed the newcomer. Curiosity, as ever, was something of her undoing. She had been curious by nature, even before she had become a dragon. "Questions? For me?" she asked, tilting her head and eyeing up her guest for what he was worth. He was certainly braver than most others, or perhaps foolish; to willingly walk to meet a dragon in their den. Though Sakura supposed the so-called den was a prison, and her powers were bound by the pretty metal wrapped around her ankle. "My," she remarked. "Whatever makes you think I will entertain you?"
One brow raised. "Is that not what dragons like?" he asked, peering at her with curious and a wariness which had something inside her feeling smug and miserable at the same time. She would never harm a hair on his head. Not that he would ever realise that much if she had her way, and part of her was very accustomed to that when it came to her dragonish wiles. Although she didn't have the right to get her own way when it came to the matter of elves and soulmates. "They desire entertainment, lest they simply wish to burn any and all who dare to enter their den."
"I think I would know more of what a dragon wishes than you, no?" she murmured, ignoring the sharp throb of pain from her ankle as she let her eyes shift into their reptilian, unsightly state. Pain was what she ultimately deserved. Some form of punishment that wasn't simply seeming to be dealt out like she wished it would. It wasn't right for her to simply be in a well-furnished cell, able to think about and speak with her soulmate whenever he chose to visit and play that game he seemed to like. Two truths and one lie. Sakura liked to think she was becoming more and more convincing with her lies the days he dropped by.
All she had to do was think of what her kin would do, terrible and fell as they were and continued to be unlike herself, and then the answers were simple.
"But you are an odd dragon, yes?" the ellon asked, tilting his head, eyes still fixed upon her, even as his name popped into existence in her head like a lightbulb flicking on. Erestor. That was who the elf before her was.
"Does that matter in this conversation of ours?" she asked. "Oddity or not, you are before a dragon. Speak that you wish, and perhaps I might deign to answer if your enquiry is curious enough." She could hardly threaten to burn him in order to scare him off. Not that she would ever do such a thing to her soulmate's precious kinfolk. Though they didn't quite know that. Sakura wanted to keep it that way. After all, the larger of a threat she presented, the likelier they would decide to remove her taint from that world as was the natural course.
"One hardly comes across many an opportunity to speak with a dragon, and never before has the risk of death in such an encounter been quashed in its entirety, such as this," Erestor replied, eyes all but burning with a familiar curiosity and hunger for answers. Sakura wondered if he'd been born a dragon in another life – before deciding of course not. Elves were the furthest thing from evil. The kindred of her soulmate could be nothing less than perfect. "How could I resist then, when the temptation to come and learn more from you is so very great?"
"So it's knowledge you seek," Sakura mumbled, brow furrowing then. "You might well be out of luck, elf. I am different to the rest of my kin, in case the fact I fooled you all with a human form has slipped your mind…"
Erestor shook his head. "No. It is the fact that you have such a human form which is what is most intriguing," he said, meeting her gaze fearlessly, a fevered scholar caught up in the opportunity of learning more. "There have been no other documented cases, and when that is combined with the fact that you are the only dragon to have been soulbound to a Child of Eru… Do you not think that is intriguing, no?"
Her heart thudded in her chest like a jackrabbit. "If you think there is something different about me compared to my kin because of this, then you are sorely mistaken."
A smile curved at his lips. "Is the fact that you change skins not a difference in itself?" he asked, tilting his head and gazing upon her with eyes which seemed to pierce through her to the very core of her being; the twisted soul she had been given.
Sakura gritted her teeth, taking just a beat too long to answer. "I suppose you may very well have a point there," she remarked. "Is there anything else you wish to elaborate on? The fact I simply have this mortal skin does not change my true nature, which is so very alike the rest of my kindred."
The elf was silent for but a moment, staring at her in contemplation. "You say alike. Not exactly the same," he stated. "So there are differences, and I would very much like to learn more."
"Why are you so interested in dragons, of all things?" Sakura asked, staring back at him in confusion, wondering what was going on in that little head of his. She didn't quite understand her soulmate's kin anymore. They hadn't done as she was expecting, and now they were veering so very close to truths she didn't want uncovered, and they asked so many questions of her which made her think annoying, terrifying things. "Do your kin not think it queer… to be so very intrigued by a creature wrought by Morgoth…?"
"It is not dragons, as such," Erestor said. "Rather, it is you – the skin-changer…" he trailed off, looking at her ever so curiously. "We know little of skin-changers, you see, and never has there been one seen amongst Morgoth's nor Sauron's forces until we learnt of you and your true nature so very recently. How exactly he could have wrought one, I know not… but I do wish to discover more…"
"That hardly matters," Sakura replied, glaring at him, half of her wishing he would run away already, the other half of her hoping he would stupidly stay and keep her company for a long while. "All that matters is that I exist," she hissed, thinking of her cursed existence which just wouldn't seem to die. "That I came back to this world of yours…"
Silence fell at that, the air feeling so thick and heavy at that admission, and Sakura couldn't help but wonder if she had misspoke at the feeling of those grey eyes boring into her, seemingly picking her apart with but a gaze.
"On the matter of skin-changers," Erestor said, and she felt as though the world had righted itself, despite the odd gaze still set upon her. "There have long been debates between those of us intrigued by such beings… and now I believe the answers might lie before us."
"What answers?" Sakura demanded, hating the familiar curiosity which had been stirred. Then there was the ever familiar anger and annoyance which had been riled. She hated the questions the elves laid upon her. "What do you seek to learn from me? Skin-changer, I might be, but I am no natural one. Melkor is the one who made me what I am!"
"Long has there been contention over whether the creature or the human came first in regards to the skin-changers," he spoke, and Sakura felt as though her stomach had dropped to her toes. "You claim that Morgoth made you that which you are, but here is the problem – Morgoth would have been incapable of granting you human form. So does that not mean you were once human before you were dragon?"
Her toes curled in her blankets, irritation pulling her lips back as she bared her clenched teeth. "I," she said flatly, "am a dragon."
Erestor tilted his head, staring at her rather blankly still. "Perhaps you are now, but that is not the question I am asking. The question I pose to you is this: were you once human?" He stared at her, and Sakura glared right back, hating the question he posed – hating how he reminded her of what she had once been, because if she'd really been human then maybe she would have had a chance. "You have free will, that much is obvious. Lord Elrond would have been able to tell otherwise when he attempted to heal your earlier wounds…"
"Your point being?" she demanded.
"Do you not see it?" he asked, brow furrowed. "Truly?" he murmured, looking so very shocked and confused, and Sakura felt that familiar annoyance and anger rear its ugly head. "No one in their right minds would ask to be made into a dragon, least of all a skin-changer of that persuasion… The very pain that a being… that you… experienced upon having your very soul warped would have been excruciating. Enough to kill, I would imagine…"
Sakura gritted her teeth, wondering where her snarky responses had gone as she stared at him. There was a gaping maw of dread opening up beneath her feet, and she didn't want to fall in and lose herself in there.
"The form of a dragon was forced upon you without your consent," Erestor continued, heedless of the way she wanted to scream, punch, and otherwise refute his words. Because it didn't change the fact she had chosen to burn his kindred so long ago in that world. "Much like the very first orcs, you are a victim of Morgoth… one of his oldest… made worse by the fact that you do not seem to realise this as such."
Her eyes narrowed. "Yes, I have free will – and that is about the only thing I will admit to, elf," she hissed. "Don't you understand what that means? I chose it! I chose to burn your people to ash and cinders. I chose to participate in the War of Wrath, as you so call it these days. I chose it all… Do not forget that." A smile curved at her lips, fake, cold, and cruel like the dragon she was supposed to be. And yet evidently failing to be going by the fact she hadn't been killed as of yet. "Doesn't that make me even worse than the rest of my kindred?"
Erestor looked at her then, grey eyes searching. A smile broke out on his face. "I see Noeneth and Glorfindel were correct."
Sakura stiffened. "About what?" she demanded, curiosity ever getting the better of her.
"You cling to your misdeeds in the past, bandying about the fact you are a dragon as though it explains anything and everything about you, when that does not quite seem to be the truth," he said matter-of-factly, heedless of the urge she had to throw something at him. Her anger was as volatile as ever. It always had been, as far as she could remember.
"Noeneth," Sakura grumbled, hating how the elf hummed amusedly at that.
"Glorfindel was also correct though," Erestor stated, standing up and peering down at her as he made preparations to leave her in the peace and quiet which she loved and hated within a single breath. "You really are a terrible liar."
A snarl burst from her lips, the indignity of it all making her throw the closest available thing at the bars of her cell door. The pillow landed on the ground with a pathetic thump. "Leave!" she hissed, ankle burning as her eyes shifted into that reptilian state.
Erestor left then, silence returning to swallow her up and she stared determinedly at the wall opposite from her. It wasn't true. It couldn't be. She was a dragon, and those were so very skilled at lying and twisting the truth. Even if the person in question they were lying to happened to be their soulmate.
"Go away," she demanded, keeping her eyes glued firmly to the cracks in the wall opposite her. "I don't wish to speak with you, so leave." Gold flickered in the corner of her eye, part of her wanting nothing more than to turn and gaze upon the beautiful sight her soulmate made as he sat outside her cell. "Unless you have come to kill me, that is," she amended, part of her wanting nothing more than for it to be over.
Nothing more than you deserve, that voice reminded her, and Sakura closed her eyes and prayed that she would hear the sounds of Glorfindel climbing to his feet and promptly leaving. Or maybe the sound of her cell door being unlocked and a sword being drawn. Though, as with most things in her life, she didn't get what she wished for.
"I hear Erestor decided to pay a visit to you," he remarked, and she could feel his gaze on her, acutely aware of everything to do with him.
Sakura grinned with bared teeth. "He also tells me of how much of a naïve fool you are."
One golden brow raised, and she finally gave into the instinct to turn and face him. "Am I truly?" he asked, voice level and unflinching – not in the slightest bit uncertain or hesitant as to whether his earlier conclusions had been incorrect.
"Of course you are," she spat, hating the silvery grey eyes which didn't seem to hold the slightest bit of hatred towards her anymore. Instead there was only mild amusement and something else which lingered in his expression. "I am a dragon. Lying is in my nature, and you are a fool to think that you are capable of deciphering between any falsehoods I tell and the truth of it all."
"How quaint," Glorfindel said. "Lord Elrond and Erestor are both of the same opinion as I," he continued, oblivious to the way her stomach twisted at the acknowledgement. "You were not always a dragon."
She hadn't always been a dragon.
The cyclic, reminding thought came back to eat away at the eaves of her mind, and Sakura could only curse it all bitterly. Just because she hadn't always been a dragon didn't change a single whit of what she had already done – the crimes she had committed as a being of mass destruction and death. "But I am one now," she hissed. "Whether you like it or not, that is what I am, and you are incapable of changing that much, unless you think yourself capable of undoing Melkor's workings!"
"While you speak the truth there, the fact that you were once human changes everything," he stated, still looking at her so very calmly. Sakura didn't feel calm in the slightest. It was supposed to be simple, and yet there they were making it all too complex. Dragons and elves were meant to be enemies. They were supposed to simply kill her, and that would be the end of it all until she probably wound up reincarnating there once more. "You are not a creature who was bred and born to hate Arda and the Children of Eru, of whom you were once. Rather, is it impossible for you to figure out that you are as much – if not more – of a victim than we…?"
"I chose to serve him," she jeered. "I chose it all. Perhaps that was after my soul had been warped in fire and blood, but the fact remains that I chose to burn you all. That was the future which I picked when all the options were lain before me. I am no victim, rather, I am the perpetrator of many a tragedies which have befallen your kinfolk. That is no victim – I am hardly a victim of Melkor!"
"That—"
A harsh, biting laugh escaped her, cutting off his accursed words before they could bring up any more questions. "Tell me, soulmate. You have been so very adamant that you can tell when I lie, according to Erestor, dearest, that is, so answer me this… When I say I chose to serve him, that I willingly entered his embrace and brough ruin to you all, am I lying?"
She met those grey eyes, part of her relishing in the way his lips curved down in the corners, the other half of her whimpering in regret, pain, and shame. "No," he murmured, earlier amusement vanishing into thin air like whisps of smoke, giving way to the solemness which reigned over them both. "You are not."