Florida Man Versus Some Baddies

Izuku, who is pumped by his recent letter of getting accepted into UA, driving around the alley ways without a care in the world. Izuku looking around, "Where the fuck is the place? How can forget the location of the fucking bar?"

Izuku reaching for his 'Happy Meal' that consists of a pack of cigarettes, a 12 pack of Bud Light, and a few lottery tickets to grab a cigarette, "Kacchan may not approve of my new habit, but I love it."

He lights one up but then had to stop the cart as he saw a tall gator like woman, "Bitch, can you kindly get out of my god damn way!"

The giant woman turns to him and was wearing an outfit to exposes a lot of her body, "Oh a young one, come here little boy…"

Izuku grabbing the broom, "Oh shit, it's a horny one!"

He drives forward and hitting her with the broom, "Back! Back thot! I am not the little boy that you would like to play with me!"

She was backing up slowly as Izuku was using the broom to keep the distance between them from getting smaller. She begins to giggle, "Oh you are playing hard to get."

Izuku opening his glove compartment to find a squirrel that ate a quarter kilo of crack, "Motherfucker!"

He grabs the squirrel and throws it at the gator girl, he watches as the squirrel and the woman fight and getting out of his way. He steps on the pedal and driving full speed away, "I need more attack squirrels… and to find that bastard's bar."

He drives around until he finds another squirrel on meth, so he captures it and locks it in his glove compartment. He was determined as he finally found the bar again, "Finally!"

Inside

Kurogiri wiping the glasses as it was quite today, Tomura was discussing a plan with some grunts he found off the streets, and that was all. It was a miracle of how quiet it was today as hummed some tunes while continuing his work. Then he hears the door open, he turns to look to find Izuku with bloodshot eyes staring at him, "I'm back for some more."

At this moment, Kurogiri's day was ruined, "Please leave, we have more important things to do than deal with you."

Izuku pulling out a stack of cash, "Just give me the beer, old man."

Tomura looks to see Izuku, "Are you kidding me?! You are back!"

Izuku looking at him, "What are you gonna do about it?"

The grunts looking at Izuku as a joke, "We can dispose him."

Tomura and Kurogiri nod as the grunts approach him, Izuku standing next to a bar stool, "Come on, why can we settle this with a pack of cigs or beer?"

One of them laughs, "That's very unhealthy for a kid like you."

The other grunt smiling, "Listen here, it's two full grown men with questionable prison sentences, the guy with the hand on his face, and the bartender versus you."

Izuku grabbing the stool, "I like those odds, they seem to be in my favor."

Tomura and grunts begin laughing, Izuku smiling and laughing as he bashed the first grunt head in. The other grunt stopped laughing and was in shock as Izuku broke a leg off the stool to stab his knee. With both grunts down, Tomura moved to the attack by reaching out with his hand to Izuku's face. However, Izuku grabbing his wrist on that hand and started biting his pinky finger. Tomura screaming in pain, "You little fucker!"

Kurogiri making a portal under Izuku to teleport him somewhere else, "Tomura get back!"

Izuku jumping forwards to get on top of Tomura as he was struggling to get Izuku off, "Let go of me!"

Izuku biting down on his finger harder causing that finger to bleed a lot more until Kurogiri grabs a steel chair and slamming it to Izuku's back. Izuku letting go of the finger and rolling away from Kurogiri, Tomura rolling a good distance away from Izuku wrapping his bleeding finger. Kurogiri asks, "Are you alright?"

Tomura shouting, "NO! That fucker almost bit my finger off!"

Izuku then rips off his clothes to become fully naked causing the two villains to look away. Izuku runs over and screaming like he has autism as he grabs the steel chair and start bashing Kurogiri and Tomura to the ground. Kurogiri using his quirk to see if he can attack him from behind was interrupted by Izuku hitting him on the back of the head, knocking him out. Meanwhile AFO just woke up looking at his screen with his quirk to see the Izuku beating the shit out of everyone, "Hello there."

Izuku stopped and looks around until his looks at the TV, "Are you the manager?"

AFO replies, "In a sense, yes…"

Izuku interrupting him, "This establishment has been providing me with alcohol that I pay good money for and your employees decide to attack me."

AFO speaking, "Well…"

Izuku interrupting again, "Don't you 'Well' me, I have been a loyal customer for years. I deserve some sort of recognition and maybe a discount! Don't make me give you a bad review on Yelp, Uber, Google Reviews, and…"

AFO in an angry voice, "Ok listen you little shit…"

Izuku throwing the chair at the glass bottles in rage and using Tomura to break a table in half, "IS IT BECAUSE I HAVE NO QUIRK AND YOU DISCRIMINATE AGAINST QUIRKLESS PEOPLE NOW!"

AFO in confusion, "Wait it's true that you are quirkless?"

Izuku replies, "Like a snake has no legs."

AFO pausing in silence for a minute before speaking, "I give you a deal, I give you a quirk that allows you to make beer and cocaine…"

Izuku shock, "I sorry, quirks like that exist?"

AFO continuing, "Well if you have been alive for as long as I have, you find some weird quirks. I used to use these quirks for a side hustle, back in my days as a drug lord and pimp. Sometimes I wish I can go back as 'All Hoes For One'."

Izuku slamming his hand on the table, "I will never return in exchange for the quirks."

AFO sighing, "Perfect."

Tomura groaning in pain, "Thank God."

Kurogiri was still knocked out but everyone is really sure that he would be dancing when he got up. A portal opened and a hand rested on Izuku's head, Tomura has seen the process and hoping that the end result would be Izuku becoming a mindless nomu instead he bows his head and leaves. AFO tells Tomura, "Can you stay still until the doctor comes? Our family health insurance will cover this."

Izuku's House

Izuku was on the grill cooking some steaks, corn, some roadkill, and a whole pineapple while drinking a beer. Mina wrapping her arms around him from behind, "You are a great cook."

Izuku kissing her lips, "I know…"

He rubs his cold beer can on her ass, "And you got a sexy ass to go with the wonderful personality."

Mina places a cigarette in his mouth and lights it up which Bakugo by the pool with Kirishima and Rex. Kirishima cheering, "I am so glad we all got in!"

Bakugo smirking a bit, "I already knew we were getting in, it would be bullshit otherwise."

The doorbell rings which Mina in a cheerful tone, "The guests are here!"

Izuku chugging the beer as she ran over to the door to open it then putting his finger over the can and refills it. Izuku and Bakugo in absolute shock, "HOLY SHIT!"

Izuku taking a taste test, "Yep, it's beer."

Bakugo grabbing his shirt, "You had a quirk this whole time!"

Izuku replies, "No, I just got it from some old fuck from two hours ago."

Bakugo in confusion, "What old fuck?!"

Izuku replies, "So when I went shopping and got in a bar fight…"

Kirishima listening in, "You got in a what?"

Bakugo in a monotone voice, "It not the worst thing he has done. Continue Izukun."

Izuku continues, "I beat up everyone and the old fuck told me to take these two quirks and never come back."

Bakugo asks, "What's the other one?"

Izuku rubs his hands together then closes them to fists then opens them to reveal a small pile of crack in each hand. Kirishima in awe, "He makes salt!"

Bakugo looking at him, "Yes… salt."

Izuku nodding, "You are correct, I can make beer and salt now. I am almost like Jesus but for alcoholism and meals that always need more salt."

Mina came back with a large group of people, "These guys also passed the hero exam."

Bakugo sighs, "So we brought our competition here."

Kirishima wrapping his arm around his shoulder, "Don't think of them like that bae. They just want fun like we are."

Bakugo rolling his eyes, "Sure."

Mina brings the group to her boyfriend as they wanted to meet the crazy bastard who took down the zero pointer. A green hair girl with wide eyes introduces herself, "I'm Tsuyu."

Izuku gives her a beer, "I'm Izuku, welcome to the party."

Izuku then meets Ochaco, Denki, Sato, Shoji, Jiro, Sero, Tokoyami, and Turo; Mina then brings more, "These guys are in a secret second hero course that we aren't supposed to know about until later."

The black spiked hair boy said, "How did you find that out?"

Mina smirks, "Don't ask silly questions and enjoy the party."

He shrugs and introduces himself as Yosetsu who was followed by Sen, Togaru, Shihai,Kendo, Yui, Kinoko, Jurota, Pony, Tokage, and then Tetsutetsu. Kirishima and Tetsutetsu stared at each other for a solid minute as Bakugo was too because how they looked like long lost brothers. Izuku giving out beer and now throwing hot dogs on the grill. Tsuyu came up to Izuku and points at Rex, "What is that?"

Izuku replies bluntly, "That's my pet, his name is Rex."

She looks at the beast and the beast looked back then process to rollover. Izuku replies, "He wants a belly rub."

She looks back at him, "What?"

Izuku guides her over to show her that Rex wants his belly to be rubbed, she smiles a bit as the beast had a smooth belly. He then went back to the grill to pour beer on the dogs and roadkill. He was excited to fuck with his new teacher tomorrow and some where in a far away location, Aizawa was kissing his sanity goodbye.