Misery loves company
Chapter 16: I'm not going anywhere
Back with another one :) Thank you so much to everyone who has let me know your thoughts on this story and motivated me. We are 4 chapters from finishing. Thank you so so much for all your love and support you have no idea how much it makes my day :)
You are the light that I search for when everything has gone dark ~ gemma troy
Amy's pov:
*a couple of days later*
"Happy birthday Leo !!!" We all screamed watching him walk to the TV room still rubbing the sleep from his eyes.
We did this for his birthday every year. We all decorated the house and shouted surprise when he woke up. He was always surprised but this time me being here was a surprise. I was discharged early morning and Penny and Bernie helped Mary,Missy and Georgie decorate and cook breakfast for everyone.
"Mommy ?" Leo said in disbelief looking at me confused.
"Happy birthday sweetie. Did you really think I was going to miss your birthday ?" I said smiling as I saw a huge smile on his face realising I was really here.
He ran to me and hugged me as I hugged him back. I could feel his tears on my shirt now and I just hugged him tighter.
"You here mommy. You are here. " He said in disbelief still.
"Of course I am. My big boy is turning 5. "
He smiled now looking at everyone else around us and the decorations until his eyes fell on the stack of presents on the table.
"Are those all mine ? " He asked with a big smile.
"All yours. " I said.
He waved at everyone now giving a smile.
"Why don't we all get some breakfast before you open your presents ?" I said.
He nodded and everyone wished him a happy birthday and spoke to him before making their way to the breakfast buffet where they helped themselves. Leo stood there looking at a photo by the TV. It was all three of us. Sheldon,Leo and me. His smile then vanished.
"Do you miss him Leo ?" I asked.
He nodded looking at me with tears in his eyes," When I saw you here I thought I would see him to. He never missed my birthday. " .
"I know Leo but he is getting better which is a good thing. I miss him so much to and he is really trying to come back. Do you want to see him today ? " I asked.
"I do. I want to see him. " He said sounding certain then looked at me and continued,"I'm glad you are here mommy. " He said hugging me trying to show me I wasn't forgotten even though he missed Sheldon.
"I'm glad I'm here too. Why don't we get you some food before everyone eats it. "
He put his hand in mine as we walked to the kitchen as I dished up for him.He sat with his friends now eating and laughing. He then looked at me and held out his hand so that his pinky,index finger and thumb were up and all his other fingers were down. It looked like what spiderman did but not downwards. It was the one sign language thing I taught him ever since we tried to teach the gorilla's sign language and I picked up some things along the way.
It meant I love you. He was saying I love you in sign language. It was our thing. I told him if he was at a loss of words and couldn't express them he could express it with his hands. I repeated the same thing back to him which made him smile then continued to talk with his friends.
"What does that mean ? " Missy asked sitting next to me now looking at Leo.
"It means I love you in sign language. I taught it to him when he was a kid because I liked it and ever since then when he can't use his words he does that. "
"That is really cute. I love that. "
"What are you two talking about ?" Georgie asked sitting by us now.
"We are talking about what a bad brother you are. " Missy said.
"Out of all the things you could have talked about like how annoying you are,I am flattered you chose to spend your time talking about me. "
"Please. You seem to have forgotten the world doesn't revolve around you."Missy said annoyed.
"But if it did that would be cool wouldn't it. " He said taking another bite of food.
"You got a big head. "
"All the better to annoy you with my dear sister. "
"Do you see what I have to put up with ? " She said talking to me now.
"Oh the horror. I could never. I don't know how you do it Missy. " I said teasingly then laughed.
Georgie laughed as well.
"Tease now but it is horror and it isn't one but two of them. Could've given me one sister just one. "Missy said even more annoyed.
"Don't worry you have me now. " I said smiling.
"Thank you. At least someone has my back. "
"Everyone has your back why do you think there isn't any knives at the front. Because they all on your back. " Georgie said.
"Shut up Georgie. Could you be just like less annoying for just a second ?" Missy said lightly pushing him.
"If you could be less ugly then yeah." He said taking another bite then finishing his sentence," You sure you in for that amount of Plastic surgery just so I can be less annoying ?" He said laughing now.
"You are such a jerk you know that. " Missy said shaking her head.
"I know you are but what am I ?" Georgie said.
Mary came into the kitchen now.
"Mom. Your son is being childish. " Missy said.
"What can I say I raised children that seemed to have remained children. " Mary said.
I laughed now.
"Have you eaten Ames ?" Mary asked.
"Yeah I ate. Have you ?" I asked.
"I'm going to eat just now. " Mary said.
"Please do,Mary. " I said.
I then realised I better call the doctor to make sure Sheldon is okay if Leo wants to see him. I now had this fear of bringing Leo to Sheldon terrified something would happen and Leo would see it all. Sheldon dieing was still in my dreams. I struggled to close my eyes because everytime I did I saw him leaving me all over again. It was hard to tell myself that he was here . That he was okay in those times.
"I am going to quickly go call the doctor to check on Sheldon because Leo wants to see him later today." I said getting up.
"Okay Ames but I am sure he is fine . " Mary said reassuring me.
I gave a smile then walked up the stairs to our work room where Sheldon does his physics when he is working and my harp was also here.
"Mrs Fowler, Sheldon is just fine. I told you if he changes even just a fraction I will let you know. " The doctor said immediately after picking up.
"I know I just wanted to make sure he was okay because I am thinking of bringing Leo through for his birthday "
"I am sure he would love that. Bring Leo through. I am pretty sure Sheldon can hear what is going on around him even though he isn't awake yet. He showed alot of brain activity when hearing sounds around him. So bring him through. "
"Thank you doctor. I will bring him through. " I said .
"Sure and wish him a happy birthday for me. "
"Will do. " I said while ending the call.
"There is daddy. I should have known he would be here. " Amy said opening the door seeing Sheldon in the work room staring at the white board with a koki in hand.
Leo was with Amy and smiled now.
"Were you looking for me ?" Sheldon asked coming back to reality to notice we were here.
"Yes. Leo wants to say goodnight he is off to bed now. "
"Is it already so late ?" Sheldon asked looking at his watch .
"Yes it is. We missed you. You were up here longer than normal . "
"I'm sorry I am just on the verge of solving something. "
"Okay then take your time. Leo come say goodnight to daddy so you can go to sleep. "
Leo hugged Sheldon as he said goodnight. Amy told Leo to get into bed so long before she came to read to him. Amy watched Sheldon focused on the board and held his hand.
"You going to come to bed tonight ?" Amy asked knowing when Sheldon was like this he stayed up all night until it is solved.
He focused on Amy now and smiled," I will always come back to you. Of course. Go get Leo to bed and I will meet you just now okay ?" He said.
"Okay " Amy said giving him a quick kiss then leaving him to his work.
"I will always come back to you. " his words came into my mind .
I stared at the room as all the memories filled my mind. A knock on the door brought me back as a head peered in. It was Penny.
"Hello Ames. You okay ? " She asked.
"Yeah I am okay. I just miss him you know. "
She sat next to me on couch in the middle of the room.In the direction of the board.
" I know sweetie. I miss him to. "
The room fell silent until Penny talked again,"How is he ?" She asked knowing I was on the phone with the doctor.
"He's okay . The doctor said he should be able to hear his surroundings now so it will be good for Leo to see him. "
"That's good why don't we go cut some cake and sing Leo a happy birthday. " Penny said getting up and giving me her hand.
"Okay cake sounds good. " I said taking her hand and we left down the stairs.
"Make a wish Leo. " I said after we sang happy birthday and he was staring at the cakes with the fire dancing on the candles.
He closed his eyes tight then blew out his candles one by one . We all cheered once all five candles were blown and cut cake to pass to everyone.
We all ate the cake and watched Leo open his presents. As time passed people started leaving as we had to see Sheldon before it got to late.
Missy, Georgie and I sat outside the room as we let Leo go inside to talk to Sheldon alone. It wasn't long till he came running out jumping up and down calling for my attention.
"My wish came true mommy. It came true. " He said holding my hand to tug me and jumped up and down.
"That's good my boy. What did you wish for ?" I asked.
"For daddy to wake up. He is awake. Daddy is awake. " He said excited.
I stared at him confused. Sheldon couldn't really be awake could he ? I couldn't believe it. Missy and Georgie went immediately into the room with Leo to find out if he was telling the truth. I sat outside waiting. I couldn't be let down again. Missy came out looking at me with tears in her eyes nodding. So he was awake.
I walked into the room to find Leo in his arms refusing to let go. He looked at me with a smile. I couldn't believe he was there. He was awake. I wanted to run to hug him ,hit him for even thinking about leaving me and kiss him. Why couldn't I move then ? Why couldn't I get my legs to do anything ? I was frozen in my spot.
My scream filled my head. The paralysing fear came back and the image of Sheldon dying in front of me as I screamed for him not to leave me filled my mind now. I couldn't get Mary's sobbing out of my head . I felt to afraid to move. I couldn't understand what was going on. I was afraid to get closer scared I would see him die again. I didn't notice the tears down my cheek now.
I couldn't be here anymore. I needed to get away. I needed to escape my scream in my head. I ran out the room not saying anything. I ran to the bathroom looking at myself in the mirror.
I couldn't recognise myself in the mirror anymore. The bags under my eyes only got darker from the nightmares. My skin looked paler like the colour had been drained from my face. I felt nauseous now but I couldn't tell if it was because of my pregnancy or because of Sheldon. I threw some water on my face hoping it would bring some colour to my face then put my glasses back on.
I looked a little better but I looked unrecognisable. I felt like I was staring at a stranger but it was me. That was me standing there.
"Come on Amy. You can do this. Why aren't you happy ? You are supposed to be happy about this. " I said to myself.
"Ames there you are. Are you okay ?" Missy asked worried as she came into the bathroom.
I feel like I have answered that question more times in the past couple of weeks than I have my whole life.
"Yeah just nauseous because of the twins. I will be fine. " I told half truth.
"Amy I know you better than that. That isn't the only reason. What's going on ?" She asked.
"Why aren't I pleased about this Missy ? " I asked.
"You not happy Sheldon is awake ?" Missy asked.
"No of course I am happy but I am not jumping for joy. I am in this bathroom instead of with him not because I find being here better company but because I am terrified of what will happen if I get to close. I am not jumping up for joy like you guys are. That isn't normal Missy. I think there is something wrong with me ?"
"Amy it is completely normal to feel like that. Everyone feels different to these things. You have been through alot. You not only almost lost the love of your life but the father of your children and you almost lost yourself to. It is okay to be scared but just take it one step at a time. I will let you both talk alone and take the boys out for lunch. You both need to talk about this and please know just because you feel things differently to other people doesn't mean there is something wrong with you. It just makes you who you are and I couldn't imagine a person like you not existing. "
I hugged her now not quite certain what to say. She walked with me back to Sheldon's room and asked me to wait outside while she gets the boys to go with her to lunch.
"Come Leo and Georgie. Why don't we get some lunch ." Missy said.
"Where's mommy ?" Leo asked noticing I wasn't there.
"She is outside. She is going to talk to your daddy while you eat yummy food for your birthday. " Missy said.
"Okay. I'm coming back daddy. "He said and before he jumped off the bed I could see as I was in the room a little now that he hugged Sheldon again almost like he would never do that again," Thank you for waking up Daddy. "
"How could I miss my little boys birthday. " Sheldon said hugging him tighter.
"I'm not little anymore daddy. Im a big boy now. I'm this many. " He said holding out five fingers.
"You are a big boy now. You're all grown up. " Sheldon said kissing his head now then Leo jumped off to see me.
"Mommy are you okay ?" He asked.
"I'm okay my boy. Why don't you go get some food. Doesn't that sound nice. " I said ruffling his hair.
Missy and Georgie said goodbye then left to wait outside for Leo. After Leo said goodbye they all left and it was just me now. I walked more into the room looking at the empty hallway as they dissapeared.
"He's a good kid. " Sheldon said filling the silence.
I nodded," An incredible kid. " I said looking outside the window.
"That is our little boy. Which surprises me every single time . " Sheldon said and I looked at him briefly before turning back to the window.
"Yeah we did. "
"Amy ? You want to talk about it ?" He asked.
"Talk about what ?" I asked ignoring the elephant in the room.
"Amy you know what. You refuse to look at me and refuse to talk to me. I'm here Amy. I'm okay. " He said as if everything was okay now but it didn't feel okay.
"I am talking to you. I know you are here and I know you are okay trust me I know but for how long Sheldon. For how long until I get a call that my husband died. For how long until I watch you die infront of me. For how long do I have you until I don't anymore. " I said looking at him with tears in my eyes then looked back at the window not wanting him to see the tears but I was sure he could hear it in my voice.
"I know this was hard for you Amy but I'm okay. I came back. I kept my promise. "
"Yeah you kept it after dying twice. I watched you die. Do you know I can still hear my screams at night? Do you know I still have the picture of random strangers trying to save my husband imprinted in my mind? You know the sound of your machine telling me you were gone before any other doctor could is the only sound I seem to hear everywhere. Sheldon I lost you multiple times before I got you back. I felt nothing when I thought I lost you. That feeling scares me. So yeah you are okay now Sheldon which I am so happy for more than you know but I am terrified of losing you again. I am terrified to get close to you only to lose you again. " I said crying as I used my hand to cover my mouth to silence it a little.
"Hey come sit here Amy. " Sheldon said patting the empty space next to him.
I hesitated but looking in his beautiful blue eyes it was hard to refuse. I sat there looking at his face now, studying it. He took my hand and placed it on his chest. I could eventually feel his heart beating beneath my fingers. I could feel the thud of each heartbeat against my fingers.
"Do you feel that? It's beating. It's okay. I'm okay. This right here shows you I am going to be okay. So if you don't believe me then believe this. This is evidence enough to prove I am okay. " Sheldon said with his hand on top of mine that laid on his chest.
I wriggled myself in between his arms now as he pulled me in closer as my head laid on his chest. I could hear his heart beating and I never heard a more calming thing in my life. I loved that sound now. I appreciated it now. I appreciated the thud thud of his heart.
"You are absolutely crazy if you think I could leave you. " He said kissing my head.
"I should've known I was too good to leave. " I said looking at him briefly with a smile then laid back on his chest again so his heartbeat could keep reminding me that he was okay.
He gave a small chuckle which I could feel on his chest. He seemed to notice the noise my bracelet made because he picked up my hand with the bracelet so I lifted my head as he could examine it while I looked at him. He smiled now looking at me.
"Wil gave this to you huh ?"
"Well he thought you wouldn't be here to give it to me and thought it was to priceless to just keep. " I said.
"Well it is priceless now because you are wearing it. It looks beautiful on you Amy. I love it. "
"You got it for me. " I said with a laugh.
"I know but it looks more beautiful on you than alone. I love how it looks on you. " He said kissing the back of my hand.
"So you really want to renew our vows ?" I asked.
"More than anything. " He said holding my hand in his.
"Wow you are so sappy. " I said laughing.
He pulled me into his chest again," But you know you want to marry me again. So you can tell everyone not only did you get the Sheldon Cooper to marry you once but you got him to marry you twice. " He said stroking my hair.
"I don't need another wedding. I can just tell them I have not just one kid but two more on the way with you and they will be jealous. "
"Hmm I still want to renew our vows though. Just you and me. Just us again and again and again until the end of time. " He whispered.
I sat up again now looking at him and he genuinely wanted this. He wanted us to do this .
"Wow I got the Sheldon Cooper begging me to marry him again. What have I done to you? " I said teasing.
"I have no idea Amy that is something I would love the answer to. I am to far gone now. " He said smiling.
"Yes of course. Let's renew our vows. " I said nodding.
He looked at me now as he leaned closer. He kissed me now as our lips did a dance only they knew that was intimate for them. Something they knew their whole lives. I could feel a difference in this kiss. There was no goodbye,no see you again. Just a right here and right now. I missed this. I missed us. I missed him. This was what I needed as I felt all my fears and worries fade away. They were somewhere far far away now untouchable. It was him and I now. Just him and I. Just his lips on mine.
I laid my head on his chest again catching my breath. I could feel his heart beating faster now. It put a smile on my face. I knew we were still going to have our fears and difficulties but I felt better knowing I can do it with him.
The doctor came into the room completely shocked to see him awake. I forgot to call the doctor to let them know he was awake.
"Oh right doctor. I'm sorry I didn't tell you he woke up not long ago. " I said never thinking I would ever say them. Say that he was awake. I cherished the words on my lips.
"She hates sharing me. She wanted me all to herself. " Sheldon said teasing.
"Well I can share see I will let the doctor have you all to himself. " I said getting off the bed feeling the cool air against my skin now that I wasn't embraced by his warmth.
The doctor felt his heartbeat," She is only doing that because I said she doesn't share. She wouldn't normally willing give me to anyone. "
My phone started ringing now and I could feel all my fears come back by just one sound. I looked at Sheldon now. He was okay. I reminded myself. I closed my eyes focusing on my breathing and repeating the way I heard his heart beating. He was okay. It was a sign he was fine. I took the phone now sighing in relief to see it was Mary.
It was all going to be okay. Everything was going to be okay.
to be continued...
Okay so the I love you sign language thing was cute so yeah and it does actually mean I love you in SASL. I'm not sure about the other sign language though but I'm sure it does. Thought I would use it since I knew it. hope you liked this chapter. Sheldon is awake finally but their problems from the accident is still here. How will they handle it ? We will find out in the next chapter. Please let me know what you thought of this and thank you so much for all your support and love. It means the absolute world to me.