Misery loves company
Chapter 18:Fears,Friends and Fights
Hey guys :) Just a big thank you to two very special people who show their support for my story continuously. It makes my heart happy. I appreciate all of your support and love and we are almost at a end. Just 2 more chapters. We are ending on Chapter 20 which I will be posting on Sunday.
P.S ~ This chapter does contain some sensitive scenes but overall it isn't that sensitive.
true friends are burning stars they shine brightest on those darkest nights~atticus
*a week and a couple of days later*
Amy's pov:
"Sheldon,you can do this. I believe in you. " I said watching him stare at the car frozen.
"I know I can. I would just rather take a bus or a train right now. " Sheldon said slowly taking steps backwards like the car was a threat.
I walked to him as I took his hand and placed it on his chest to feel his heart beating," A beating heart. You are okay. I am okay. We are okay. "
"Amy I can still see it in my head. I can still see the car hitting me. I don't want to go in the car. " Sheldon said with his voice shaky and his eyes closed as if it could block out all the fears.
"I know Sheldon.If you don't want to go in then we can walk home. " I said holding his hand trying to be understanding.
"You would really walk all the way home with me from the hospital because I have a ridiculous new found fear of cars. " Sheldon said with a small smile.
"Of course I would. It's you and I always. You don't like cars then I don't either. "
"You really are something else Amy. "He said shaking his head with a bigger smile but I knew behind that smile was appreciation. He was glad I would. He was glad he wasn't alone," I love you Amy" He said as if it were his last time ever saying the words as he cherished every word on his lips.
"I love you to, Sheldon. Let's start walking or it will take us forever to get home and I want you home as soon as possible. "
"I want me home as soon as possible to. Okay let's do it. Let's take the car. " Sheldon said hesitantly and I could hear the fear in his voice.
"No Sheldon. You aren't ready yet. We agreed to take it one fear at a time. "
"Would you stop being so stubborn ? This is my decision. We are taking the car. Leonard is driving and you will be in the backseat with me. If at any time I feel like I can't be in the car we can stop and walk the rest of the way. " He said convincing me like it was my fear but I knew he was trying to convince himself to.
"But Sheldon I don't want you to feel forced into anything. "
"I'm grateful for that Amy but you and I both know I need to do this. The quicker I get over this the better so that means facing my fears. I have made my decision. I have you to help me and that is all I need. "
"Okay fine but if at any point you feel like you can't do this we are getting out of the car and walking. " I said sternly.
"Yes Amy. " He said rolling his eyes then looked at me as his smile came back,"I missed you so much,Amy. You know it is so annoying when you want the best for me. "He said laughing as he placed my face in his hands.
"Tell me about it. It is annoying when you don't want the best for you. "
I reached to my tippy toes to reach his height then kissed him. All the fears and worries would slowly fade away with every kiss that kept us wanting more. It was just for that perfect second where nothing mattered anymore and it was just us. The world faded away and the problems we couldn't seem to find a solution for dissapeared until it was just the two of us in this kiss. I never wanted it to end but we both knew Leonard was waiting for us in the car and could see us.
"Let's do this then. " Sheldon said taking a deep breath in and out.
"You don't want to say goodbye to the hospital you seemed to love so much you spent weeks here. " I said looking at the hospital behind us.
It looked alot smaller now. It didn't seem as big as I remembered it. I watched people coming in and out of the hospital as I wondered if they were all okay. Was one of them crying over their husband right now that didn't make it ? Or was it a someone else such a son, friend, brother,father. Was it someone losing their wife,mother,sister, daughter,best friend. It hurt me to see people enter the hospital because as much as it saved lives it wasn't always guaranteed. I definitely think I started disliking hospitals but not because of the hospital itself but because of the people. The people aren't always guaranteed that they will come out again.
Sheldon held my hand giving me a smile. Reminding me he was here. He came back. He came out. He was here. He went in and came back out again. My husband did it. It calmed all the fears knowing he was here helping me through them and I was here for him.
"Goodbye hospital. I thank you for all the effort to bring me back and all. I don't mean to make this sound mean and all but I hope I never see you again. Thank you for bringing me back to my wife,kids, family and friends. It's been a journey. " He said.
Silence filled both of us then he looked at me ," We better go because I am talking to something that doesn't talk back. I think I am going crazy. " He said looking back at his fear with dread.
"Oh we knew you were going crazy long time ago. I'm glad you know now. " I said teasingly.
Sheldon shook his head then rolled his eyes as we slowly made our way to the car but he saw it as a death trap. We saw the same thing but had very different ways of seeing it.
I let Sheldon get in the car so he could sit in the middle then I sat next to him behind the passenger seat. He seemed to relax seeing it wasn't all that bad then once Leonard started the car ,panick rose in his eyes. I took my hand and put it on my chest and then he copied me.
"Hello buddy " Leonard smiled looking at him in the rearview.
"Hello Leonard. " Sheldon said returning the smile.
"Amy still the destination we had originally planned ?" He asked me now .
I nodded.
"Where's that ?" Sheldon asked.
"It's home silly. Where did you think we were going?" I said with a laugh.
"Just making sure you aren't kidnapping me. "
"Sheldon. You came into the car willing. " I said.
"Yes with the intention of being taken home. If you take me anywhere else it is kidnapping. "
"Well you aren't being kidnapped then. "
Leonard started slowly driving out of the parking lot. I could see how difficult this was for Sheldon. He tried so hard not to show it but I knew he was in his own world. A world he shouldn't be in. A world filled with screams and dying and crying. I hated that he had them to. I knew he hasn't been sleeping well but I always assumed it is because it is at the hospital it never occurred to me he could have the nightmares I have been having. Having nightmares about the accident.
"Hey look at me Sheldon. Just look at me. It's going to be okay. It will be okay. " I said softly trying to take him out of that world. Take him out of the pain.
He looked into my eyes now and I felt relieved. His eyes softened not in so much torture as before. I noticed how blue his eyes were than before. It seemed to have reached a more beautiful blue shade if that were even possible.I loved seeing how his pupils dilated just by looking at me. The black grew lessing the amount of blue in his eyes. Covering the beautiful color so that there was less of it. I wonder if that's how he felt right now. Like there was something there taking away a piece of him. Making there less of him.
He held my hands in his. I wish I could kiss all the pain behind those eyes and make it better. I wish I could take it away. I wish he told me more about how he was feeling. He refused to talk about it. It made my heart break to know that we could feel this way. I just had to be there for him though. I knew I had to be there for him.
He started looking at the bracelet on my hand now studying it. He studied it like it was the first time he saw it. He looked so focused as he traced his fingers on our names which caused him to smile. I loved that smile. I wish I could keep it. Capture it before it vanished again.
He looked back into my eyes now trying to tell me all he studied on the bracelet with his eyes like a kid telling you their Christmas presents even though you already knew the present. I saw a glimmer in his eyes now. A small little sparkle. Hope. It gave me hope. For better days ahead. Better days for him. Better days for me and better days for us.
I fell in love with those eyes,with those lips, with that cute nose,with his hands,with him. I loved everything about him. I couldn't imagine me not being here with him. I couldn't imagine a reality where he didn't come knocking on my door asking for me to be his again. I couldn't imagine a reality where I was in a movie theater and he didn't come ask me to be his girlfriend. I couldn't imagine a reality where I didn't open my door to him on one knee proposing. I can't imagine a reality where he didn't tell me he loved me first. I fell in love with a guy in the coffee shop. All those nights I cried thinking I would be alone forever and I wished I could tell my younger self about him. To give her hope. To find him sooner. I couldn't imagine a reality without him by my side.
We came to a stop and I gave a smile. He did it. He got through it. As soon as we got out the car he was so relieved he could kiss the ground but we all knew he wouldn't. He breathed more oxygen into his lungs.I loved how he appreciated such a thing as breathing more.
"Well we are here. " Leonard said smiling
Sheldon then noticed where we were. We were at our old apartment that was now Leonard, Penny and Raj's apartment.
"This is kidnap you do realize that right ?" Sheldon said not the least bit surprised we were here.
"No it isn't Sheldon. Let's just go in. " Leonard said.
"Look Leonard I know how much you care for me and all but we can't do this anymore. I'm sorry things need to change. You can't just kidnap me and keep me you know. I know I am amazing company but when I want to go home I want to go home. " Sheldon said teasing.
"Sheldon sometimes you are so annoying I could strangle you. I don't know how I put up with your egotistical butt. Now let's get inside please. " Leonard said.
"I can't believe I married you just to share you with him and you say I don't share. " I said laughing as I saw them fall into old habits of teasing each other.
"Well Penny has to share me with him to so it is only fair. I have to share her with him to. You have to share him with two other people so you should've relooked this whole thing with Sheldon before hand. " Leonard said smiling.
"We are not objects that can be passed around you know. We are not dogs. " Sheldon said.
"We didn't say that. We are saying you have a unhealthy relationship with Leonard and Penny. " I said.
"And Emma. She was strangely more excited than Leo to see you. More excited than your own child. " Leonard said sounding disturbed.
"Because I haven't seen her yet. You guys haven't brought her to the hospital once or anything. Of course she misses me. She had to put up with her parents without me. " Sheldon said.
"You know Sheldon. I actually missed this. I am glad you are back buddy. " Leonard said smiling.
"Of course you missed me. "
"You can't ever be nice to this guy can you. " Leonard said looking at me.
"Yes you can. There is just no guarantee I will be nice back. "
"You are impossible. "
"I know. " He said then looked at Leonard," I missed you too buddy. Of course I missed you. You are my crazy old roommate. "
"I'm the crazy roomate ?" Leonard said.
"Yes you are. It has to be one of us and it can't be me because my mother had me tested. "
"Please Sheldon. We all know somewhere along the line someone hit you over the head with a coconut that made you crazy. "
They both laughed now.
"Are you both done ? Or are we going to spend the rest of the day out here arguing about who is the crazy roommate because right about now I think you are both crazy. " I said.
"Fine . Let's go inside. " Leonard said.
"How am I supposed to go up all those stairs with this. " Sheldon asked lifting up his leg in the air a little to reveal the cast on his foot.
"You know we have a elevator right ?" Leonard stated.
"Of course I know you guys have a elevator Leonard. How stupid do you think I am ?"
"I didn't say you were stupid. Just checking if you didn't get a concussion on the way here. " Leonard said smiling.
"You both know I don't like taking the elevator. I like taking the stairs. "
"Well good luck doing that with your foot looking like a mummy and all. "
"We can take the elevator Sheldon. Just a quick second then we there. " I said holding his hand.
"Okay fine let's go." Sheldon said holding my hand now.
We finally entered the building and took the elevator up waiting to see what was in store for us.
We were at apartment 4A now as we waited for Sheldon to open the door.
"Welcome Home. " Everyone screamed as soon as he opened the door. We all got in the room and Leonard made his way to Penny while I stayed close to Sheldon.
There was decorations put up and a big banner that said 'Welcome Home'. Sheldon smiled seeing all these people here for him. Seeing all the people he cared about in one room. It made my heart happy to see him like this. He then looked at the 4 kids standing in the middle holding up a homemade sign that said 'Welcome home' which Penny must have helped them with. It was chaotically coloured in with all different colors coming from different sides. When Sheldon saw it he laughed and walked closer to them. They gave it to him which he put in my hands so he could go on his one good knee to reach their height.
"Thank you so much. I love it. You all have so much potential in drawing. " He said kindly as they all hugged him now.
Emma was the only one who remained as the others let go and she refused to let go. Sheldon just took his arms to hug her tighter now,protecting the small human in his arms.
"I missed you Uncle Shelly.Thank you for being okay. " She said softly.
"I missed you to Emma. " Sheldon said not even making a comment on the name she called him.
Emma could feel everyone staring at her now so she let go while Sheldon stood up now. The children eventually played their game they were playing before we arrived while everyone made conversation with Sheldon. I watched him talk to every single one of them. He missed it. Talking to the people he cares about. His eyes met mine for a second and he gave a warm smile.
"I love you. " He mouthed.
"I love you too. " I said with a smile.
We returned back to our conversations as the world came back to us. I was talking with my friends with my husband in the same room as me. He was okay I kept reminding myself. He is okay. He is okay.
"All I am saying Ames is that Penny is a beautiful name. " Penny said as I was back in the conversation.
"For a boy also ?" I asked smiling.
"Yeah of course. It could be like this new trend to name guys Rebekah and Penny and Amy which you would have started. Think how cool that is. " Penny said.
"I will most certainly think about it. It will be a little harder to get Sheldon to be okay with it." I said laughing.
"Just discover a asteroid with him to fight over naming it after your loved ones for only you to come to an agreement that he has to name all his children after you for him to name his child Leonard. It worked for me. " Rajesh said taking a sip of his drink.
"It's okay Rajesh. It will all be okay. " Penny said bringing him in for a hug.
We all laughed now not being able to remain serious. I looked over for Sheldon to know that he was okay. It always scared me being away from him. It scared me that he would just vanish again. I couldn't find him where he usually which caused me to panic until I saw him slip out the door into the hallway.
"You two can fight over what my children get named while I go real quick. " I said giving a smile before leaving.
I closed the door behind me then found Sheldon sitting by the wall near the staircase with his knees closer to him now and his arms resting on them. I sat next to him doing the same thing as him while he noticed me.
"Amy I am okay. You don't need to check up on me. Go back inside and have fun. I will be right there soon. "
"No I promised we would get through this together so I am here. " I said holding his one hand that still rested on his knee.
" I love you so much you know that ?" He said with a small smile until it slowly faded again," But I swear I am fine. I just need a break from too much people. You know how I get sometimes. "
"Sheldon you can talk to me about how you feel you know that ? I'm here. " I said looking into his eyes pleading he would tell me something.
" I know Amy. I am here for you to. "
" You seem to be here for everyone but yourself. " I mumbled getting impatient and angry.
I didn't mean to say that. I was just frustrated. I could feel him growing more distant from me even though he was there. I felt myself losing him more and more everyday even though he was right here talking to me.I hated that I was feeling like this. Sheldon didn't need a complaining wife on top of everything but the more he didn't talk to me the more worried I got . The more scared I got. Scared that if I missed something he would end up in that hospital bed again. That I would see him die infront of me again.
I got up walking to Raj's apartment door now staring at the number 4B. It was the thing I would see coming home everyday to the person I love. I wanted to go back there. Back to those days. Not whatever this was. Not this constant fear I feel. Not this constant worrying. I wanted it all to stop. I wanted to go back. I could feel the tears burning my eyes now begging to fall down my cheeks but I didn't want to cry.
"What do you mean by that ?" Sheldon asked softly that I barely heard him.
He was behind me. I could hear the hurt in his voice. He didn't deserve that. He didn't deserve any of this. He didn't ask for any of this. I was blaming him for something that wasn't his fault. He tried his best coming back to me and he did. He didn't ask that car to hit him. Then why did I feel so angry at him for dying? Why did I feel so mad that he left me? Why did I feel this sudden rage for something that wasn't his fault. It wasn't something he could have prevented.
"It's nothing Sheldon. I'm sorry. " I said hoping he would drop it so I didn't cry.
" No Amy. Please tell me. I want to make it better. " He said pleading.
I felt so guilty . He wanted to still make it better. He wanted to take the pain away that wasn't his fault it is there. He constantly cared for me I just wished he talked to me about how he was feeling. I wish I could take the pain away for him a little but I didn't know how to do that if he didn't tell me how he was feeling.
"Sheldon. This isn't going to get better is it ?" I said still not looking at him as the realization hit me while the memories of our once somewhat perfect life in that apartment infront of me flooded my mind. It felt like a stranger's apartment now. It didn't feel like a place that we once were so happy in anymore.
"What do you mean ? Of course it is going to better . Everything will be fine. Everything will get better." He said trying to make me believe something he didn't believe in either.
"How is it going to get better if we keep everything we feel about this accident to ourselves. How are we supposed to feel better if we do nothing but worry over each other because we refuse to talk about it. The fact that it has to physically shown for me to help you sucks. The fact that I only know your fear of cars because I can see it on your face sucks Sheldon. I am so tired.I want to help but I don't know how because you don't tell me anything. " I said looking at him now keeping a distance.
"I'm sorry Amy. " Was all he could say.
"For what Sheldon. You didn't do anything. None of this is your fault. Don't you see that? You didn't do anything wrong. Which makes it worse for me because I am mad at you for something that isn't your fault. " I said raising my voice a little trying to stop the tears but it came down anyway.
" It is my fault Amy. You don't understand it is my fault. " He said.
"How is it your fault ?" I asked like that was the stupidest thing he could have said out of his mouth.
"There was a brief moment where I had to choose seeing my meemaw and pop pop or the real world. I chose them Amy. I chose to see them because I thought I could have it all. If it wasn't for my dad I would have been gone. Away from you. Away from Leo. " He said in tears, feeling so guilty that he refused to look at me.
"Sheldon you can't really think that is your fault do you ? Of course you would choose them because you miss them and you knew we would be fine because of our big family. That is understandable. You knew there was people watching out for us so you choose them. It is completely rational Sheldon. I did that to. I choose you didn't I . If it wasn't for you I wouldn't be here for them,for our son,for our children. " I said holding his face in my hands so he could look at me.
"Amy I'm really sorry. If I chose to stay maybe I would've stayed and I would get better and you wouldn't have watched me die. . You wouldn't have seen that. It wouldn't be the thing that is keeping you up at night. Maybe it would've been all okay." He said crying more as he laid his head on my shoulder.
"Sheldon you came back to me. That is all I could have asked for. You did your best. None of this is your fault. We will get through this together okay ? We just need to talk to each other about how we are feeling. I know that is hard. I know it will be a battle but it is you and I against the world okay ?" I said .
He looked at me now pulling me in his arms scared I would dissapear. I could smell his scent that I have come to love as my head was buried in his chest. I could hear his heart beating. He was okay. I was okay. We were okay.
"There you guys are ." Penny said opening the door .
"Come inside we have a surprise for both of you. " She continued then closed the door giving us a minute before we came in.
"This is going to get better. " Sheldon said to me.
I kissed him trying to take the pain away the best way I knew how. I tried to take all the hurt off his lips. I tried to make it better. Tried to this feeling better.
We dragged ourselves inside again watching everyone sitting in their usual spots now. They all looked at us with a smile as a gift laid on the table. Leo sat eagerly waiting for us to open it. We all felt happy to see Sheldon's spot be filled by Sheldon. We never thought such a small thing would bring us so much joy. It made everything feel normal like the final piece of the puzzle clicked in place and it was finished now. The beautiful picture made sense now.
"Go on open it. " Halley said impatiently.
Emily gave the gift to Sheldon with her pearly white smile which looked so much like Leonard's then he gave it to me while Emily hugged us both. We hugged her back for a short second as she made her way to Leo who was so excited. I took the gift and opened it to pull out two clothing pieces. They were two small red shirts. For babies.
"Look at it ." Michael said eagerly.
I lifted the one and Sheldon lifted the other to find a yellow lightning bolt on the red shirt. For flash. I laughed now while Sheldon smiled.
"This is adorable thank you. I am sure Sheldon loves this more than I do. " I said giggling.
"Look Leo. " Sheldon said showing it to him with a smile.
We both told Leo about the twins as soon as we could once Sheldon woke up. Leo was excited to be a older brother but he said he would only stop being mad at us for not telling him sooner if we took him to the next scan. We obviously agreed and the next one so happens to be the one where we find out if they are a boy or girl.I was happy with it because I would have my favorite two boys with me.
"Turn it over. " Leo said with a smile.
We turned it over to find in black lettering Shamy 2 and Shamy 3 written on the back at the bottom of the shirt.
"Oh my gosh you really did this. " I said in tears as I laughed.
"That's not the best part. Leo now. " Penny said as we all paid attention to Leo.
Leo got up to take his jacket off to show the same red flash shirt and he turned around to find Shamy 1 on the back like the other shirts. Michael and Halley came to hug us to as they were excited with all the excitement that flooded the room. Leo came to us last as I hugged him tighter.
Sheldon then hugged him smiling now," I have my very own superhero. " he said as Leo giggled.
"Thank you everyone. This is the cutest thing ever. We love it. " I said.
Sheldon and I made our way around the room to say thank you even though it made Sheldon exhausted. I couldn't believe I had people like them. We were going to be okay. We had the best friends in the world. I don't how we got so lucky. I felt so honored to have them in my life. I felt so lucky to find my people.
to be continued...
Cuteness overload:) I know these chapters aren't my best but they are cute. We are almost there. Hope you liked it and hope to see you in the next chapter. Let me know your thoughts on this and once again thank you for all the support.