Chapter 6

The whole gang was eating dinner at 4A except Sheldon. As they all sat down and prepared to eat, Penny noticed his absence and asked Leonard.

"Hey, where's Sheldon?"

"He finished his food early and went to bed. He's been really tired lately."

"Busy with work, huh?" Penny took a bite of her food.

The three men looked at each other and ate in silence.

"Wait a minute. I know those looks. Something happened with him, I just know it. Is it about Amy?"

Raj whispered to Howard. "No Raj, we're not supposed to say anything."

Penny looked at Bernadette with a twinkle in her eyes. "Oh my God, it's about Amy! Leonard, you told me you would tell me straight away if something interesting happened!"

"Howard. If you don't tell us what's going on-" Bernadette looked at her fiance for answers. Howard knew he just had to give in.

"Okay, okay. Leonard?" Howard and Raj looked at Leonard. They wanted him to give all the details to the two ladies in front of them.

"Fine." Penny, Raj, Howard, and Bernadette proceeded to all sit together on the couch, listening to what Leonard was saying.

It was cramped, but they were more interested in hearing what happened to notice. They all leaned in and looked like eager children listening to a bedtime story.

Leonard: After Sheldon and Amy had that huge argument in the cafeteria, we went home, and he told me he'd seek his revenge.

"Please tell me you're not going to do anything stupid."

"Far from stupid, Leonard. Amy Farrah Fowler humiliated me in front of all those scientists, including Kripke! It's time to show her Sheldon Cooper's diabolical brilliance in action."

"If you didn't act like such a baby in front of her, then maybe you wouldn't feel humiliated."

"If she didn't arrive at Caltech, we wouldn't even be having this conversation."

"Just know that I'm not supporting you in this, Sheldon. You know the consequences."

"Fine by me. As long as you don't say anything to anyone."

Sheldon walked back to his room but then stopped and turned back. "And you sure as hell don't tell Dr. Fowler!

"Why would I?"

"How should I know? You're the one on a first-name basis with her!" Sheldon stormed to his room, leaving Leonard confused.

Penny: Ooh, sounds like our Shelly's jealous.

Leonard told the group the chaos that happened over the past few weeks.

Leonard: I felt the need to warn Amy about what may happen to her because of Sheldon, so I found her number online and called her.

Bernadette: What did she say?

"I just thought I had to tell you." Leonard felt sorry for Amy. As much as he enjoyed her presence in Sheldon's life, he didn't want his best friend's callousness to harm her in any way.

"Thanks for the heads up. And you don't need to worry about me. I used to have a lab full of cocaine-addicted monkeys with nothing to lose. Anything Dr. Cooper has planned, I'll be sure to prepare for."

Leonard actually felt scared. Sheldon definitely met his match. "Wow, okay then. I wish you luck."

"Thank you. Oh, and I hope you can relay this message to him. Pardon me for my crude language."

"Sure. What's that?"

"It's on, bitch." She hung up.

Penny: Woah, she's feisty.

Bernadette: I'm starting to really like her.

Howard: Wait until the both of you hear what happens next.

Raj nodded. Leonard continued his story.

Leonard: It was all harmless at first. Sheldon placed a whoopee cushion on Amy's chair before she arrived.

When Sheldon's Vulcan hearing sensed Amy's footsteps on the way to their office, he swiftly placed the whoopee cushion on her chair and ran straight to his whiteboard to make himself look busy.

Amy entered the office. "Dr. Cooper." Sheldon didn't acknowledge her presence. She brushed his rudeness off and went to her desk.

Sheldon smirked, awaiting her humiliation of sounding flatulent even if she's not.

Amy sat on her chair and as expected, it sounded. She rolled her eyes. "A whoopee cushion, really? That's your best idea?"

Sheldon smiled. "Hey, it may be low-tech, but I still maintain the whoopee cushion has comic validity."

"Fine. If you choose to be childish, Dr. Cooper, then so be it. What else have you planned on doing?"

"Oh, there's one more thing" He got a can of peanut brittle on his desk. "I seem to be having trouble opening this can of peanut brittle. Would you be interested in lending me a hand?" He raised his eyebrows.

Amy thought nothing of it. Does he really expect me to fall for this old gag? She thought.

She went along with it anyway. She took the can from his hands and opened the can, expecting to be surprised by toy snakes coming out. To her actual surprise, it was empty.

Before she could say anything, Sheldon threw a cream pie on her face.

Penny: Wow, what an ass.

Bernadette: Poor, Amy.

Leonard: Wait, you didn't let me finish.

"HAHA! In your face! And I meant that literally." Sheldon smirked at Amy who had pie on her face.

She sighed and removed her glasses. "Well played, Dr. Cooper. I did not expect that." Amy got some tissues from her purse and started to fix herself up.

He snorted. "How could you? Why this is only Phase One of my 'Cooper-Fowler Revenge Plan'. Don't underestimate the malevolent mind of Dr. Sheldon Lee Cooper. No one can fool me. Mwa. Ha. Ha."

Sheldon gave his signature evil laugh and went to sit at his desk.

When he sat down, the chair suddenly broke into pieces, and he fell to the ground. "Aahh!" Sheldon yelped in pain. Amy stood up and approached him.

"No one, you say?" Amy took the tray that still had some cream pie and dropped it on Sheldon. "Oops. My hands slipped."

Amy left the office while Sheldon stayed on the ground. "THIS ISN'T OVER, DR. FOWLER!"

Penny: I'm impressed.

Bernadette: Way to go, Amy! Why did his chair suddenly break?

Leonard and Raj looked to Howard who wore a big grin.

Howard: Well, I just loosened some screws, that's all.

Bernadette: Howie!

Howard: Hey, I'd jump at any chance to humiliate Sheldon. Leonard wanted out but I offered my services to one Amy Farrah Fowler. You're not mad at me, are you?

Bernadette: Nah. He deserved it.

Leonard: As I was saying, their little feud continued on for weeks. The next thing that happened was that he locked Amy out of the office.

Amy and Sheldon both arrived at Caltech at the same time. They warily looked at each other as they walked. As they approached the hall, Sheldon spoke up. "Last one to the office is a rotten egg."

He swished past her and ran towards their office. Amy chased after him and almost reached the door. There was a struggle between them as Sheldon used both of his hands on the doorknob to stop Amy from getting in.

Amy stopped. "Okay, Dr. Cooper. You win. Let me in now."

"I told you it wasn't over. And there's no way you're getting in." Sheldon exclaimed through the door. As he tried to lock the door, he noticed both of his hands were stuck.

He realized that he was outsmarted once again. His hands were superglued to the doorknob. He struggled to get his hands off.

While Sheldon was distracted, Amy finally went inside and sat at her desk with a smile on her face.

"Oh, it seems like you got caught in a sticky situation, Dr. Cooper." Sheldon glared at Amy and sighed in defeat. "I lied. As long as I'm around, you'll never win." Amy got some nail polish remover from her purse and placed it on Sheldon's desk.

"Here. Good luck getting yourself out of there." Amy once again left the office in victory.

Penny: Damn. Sheldon's really getting his ass handed to him. Remind me never to get on Amy's bad side.

The group nodded altogether.

Bernadette: What happens next? I'm starting to feel a little worried about Sheldon here.

Howard: We're all a little worried about Sheldon.

Leonard: Next, we had University Paintball. Sheldon challenged Amy to a battle so it was us against a team of biologists. We were on the blue team while they were on the red team.

Howard was tasked to protect the base while the three were outside, searching for enemies to shoot.

With Sheldon as the self-appointed Captain, he ordered Leonard and Raj around. "Be on your guard, cadets. Your task is to protect your captain. It's best we don't split up."

"I thought our task was to protect our flag," Leonard stated.

"It is. But no team can survive without its captain, so both of you will have to protect me as well." Leonard and Raj rolled their eyes until they heard some rustling in the trees.

They saw a figure moving in the trees, so they went closer to inspect the area. "Do you see anything?" Sheldon hid behind his two friends. "Not yet, Sheldon."

Suddenly, the figure appeared before them and all of them pulled their triggers in shock. The figure fell to the ground.

"Well, who did we shoot?" Sheldon sincerely hoped it was Amy. The three of them checked the figure and realized something. "This body's a fake. We've been duped."

Suddenly, they saw one red team member on their left. Then one more appeared in front of them. Another was on their right. They were cornered.

"Holy crap!" Raj exclaimed. "It's an ambush!" Leonard shouted. "SPLIT UP!" Their captain commanded.

The three men split up as paintballs were fired across the field. Sheldon ran as far as he could and decided to go back to their base and check on Howard.

While on his way back running, he turned to look back to see if there were any enemies following him.

With his head turned, he failed to notice someone running in his direction. The two of them ran into each other and Sheldon found himself in the position as he was days ago.

This feels oddly familiar. He thought. He winced in pain and opened his eyes and saw a familiar shade of green.

"Here we are again, Dr. Fowler. You must really enjoy tackling me." Sheldon said suggestively.

Penny: Hey! Sheldon would never say something like that.

Leonard: Fine. I had no idea what they talked about. But Sheldon told me they ran into each other during the tournament. Raj told me to add that part in.

Raj smiled and whispered to Howard. "Yeah, yeah. Everyone knows your romantic delusions." He turned to Leonard urging him to continue.

Leonard: In the end, Amy shot Sheldon. Raj and I got shot too. Howard was overpowered back at the base and the red team won.

Penny: Sorry, sweetie.

Leonard: It's alright. Sheldon took the bus home, but the three of us hung out with the red team and went to Denny's. Amy couldn't join us but she did try to give us words of comfort before she left.

Bernadette: Aww, that was sweet of her.

Leonard: Hardly. She's exactly like Sheldon. Everything she said was less than comforting. Let's just move on, shall we?

The group all decided to have a beer while listening to the rest of the story. Because of this, waves of laughter could be heard every minute.

An intoxicated Penny giggled at the next part of Leonard's story "Sheldon did what!?"

Leonard told the group that Sheldon ordered 20 boxes of pizza to be sent to their office under Amy's name.

"Jerk!" Bernadette remarked. "Don't tell me Amy had to pay for all of them."

"Sadly, she did. She actually offered boxes of pizza to anyone who wanted them in the university." Leonard explained.

Raj took a swig of his beer. "Everyone loved her that day. Including me." He smiled.

"Careful, Raj. You wouldn't wanna interfere with the Shamy." Howard warned.

"What did Amy do?" Penny asked.

The three men remembered what Amy did and started laughing their asses off. Bernadette and Penny looked at them with curiosity and amusement.

"Howard, can you take this one? I just can't-" Leonard continued laughing.

Howard was almost in tears. "Sure thing, bud." He stood up and told the story in a Howard-like fashion.

Howard: The three of us were in my office when Amy showed up trying to offer us pizza. She told us what Sheldon did and we felt so bad for her. I gave Amy a suggestion to get him back.

The guys were in 4A with Sheldon sitting at his desk. Leonard, Raj, and Howard were playing Jenga.

"Did you send her what to say?" Leonard whispered to Howard.

"Yes, she'll be calling any minute now." Howard quietly took out his phone and pressed record.

Sheldon's phone rang and he answered it. "Hello. Well, this seems like an odd time to test my cell phone quality, but go on. Test phrases? All right. Imatote. Ulbu. Twad. All together? I'm a total buttwad. Why are you laughing? Hello?"

Howard successfully imitated Sheldon and everyone erupted in laughter. They were all drunk having the time of their lives.

Penny: Genius.

Howard: That's not all. We filmed Sheldon and I gave the recording to my cousin who's a DJ. He sent me a remix, I made an edit and uploaded it on Youtube.

Bernadette: No way. I wanna see it!

Howard brought out his phone and clicked on the video. The "Buttwad Remix" already had 73,000 views. The group was in tears.

"Play it again!" Raj exclaimed. They watched it so many times until Sheldon went out of the room and cut their party short.

"That's it! I heard everything." Sheldon glared at Leonard. "How dare you! I told you not to tell anyone."

Leonard looked at Sheldon with hooded eyes. "Sorry, buddy. I told you there were consequences."

"I thought all of you were on my side. What makes Amy Farrah Fowler so special?"

The group was silent. "No matter. I will not accept defeat. I have something special planned and I'm not telling you any of it." Sheldon went back to his room.

"Guess we better go," Bernadette said. Everyone cleaned up and went home. All of them hoped that nothing too bad would happen to Amy.

Unfortunately, things turned for the worst.

End of Chapter 6.

Author's Note: This chapter was inspired by "The Cooper Extraction" episode where the group shared stories while Sheldon was away. It was a creative way for me to illustrate how Sheldon and Amy's rivalry went. In the next chapter, their feud will finally meet its conclusion. Can't wait for all of you to read what happens next!

Notable episodes I used: The Cooper Extraction, The 21-Second Excitation

Again, a fav, follow, or review would deeply be appreciated.

P.S. I would totally want a copy of the "Buttwad Remix" if there was one.