If I Could Only Remember

Summary: Fem-Sora AU, Chain of Memories Timeline. After watching Riku disappear behind the Door to Darkness, Sora immediately sets out on another journey to find him. After wandering aimlessly in the realm between, she, Donald, and Goofy stumble upon a castle where they meet a hooded figure who claims that somewhere inside she'll find what she's looking for.

Author's Note: please excuse the blatant use of innuendos. I teased at this pairing in my KH3 fic just had to include it.

Chapter 1: The Heart's Desire

Luxiana had very few memories of her past. Before becoming a nobody she'd taken a terrible fall and gotten amnesia. The only clues to her past were some trinkets left on her person, and a voice speaking her true name…

Ailuna…

Luxiana didn't know whose voice that was, or where her friends and family were… but she knew it was imperative that she find them. Her heart had always felt a sense of urgency that she could never negate. The only time she felt at ease was amongst the meadows of flowers growing around the small cabin that she'd made her home.

Amongst the beds of lilies, roses, and delilahs, she found peace… but when a hooded man claimed to be able to give her the answers her heart sought she accepted it without question…

...and was now paying the price for it.

"You all have been assigned to Castle Oblivion detail. The superior is becoming impatient with the lack of progress we're making so he wants you three as well as Vexen, Zexion, and Lexaeus to spend a few weeks there and try and speed things up."

"Fun…" Axel groaned and raked fingers through his hair. "When do we have to leave?"

"Tomorrow… so I suggest you tell your little "friend" that you won't be meeting with her anymore." Saix grunted and turned his back on him. Larxene gave a wry laugh.

"Friend? Don't tell me he's talking about Roxas? Have you gone sweet on her, Axel?"

"That's really none of your concern, now is it Larxene?" Axel smirked back at her.

"She's a kid, Axel. Don't expect much out of her, she doesn't remember nearly as much as we do when it comes to the emotions of a heart."

"You make it sound as if you had one before… here I thought you'd always been heartless." Axel snorted and strolled out. Larxene scoffed but took a page out of his book and hurried out of the room herself. Luxiana lingered a moment and turned towards Saix.

"What brought this decision on?"

"Now that we finally have a keyblade wielder to collect hearts, it is time we put your efforts to better use." Saix spoke in his usual "no nonsense" manner.

"Are you saying my efforts thus far have been in vain?" Luxiana lifted her chin high. "That's quite an insult number seven."

"Save your intolerance for someone who cares." Saix shrugged off her vexed mood. "These orders come directly from the Superior."

"The Superior, huh? I suppose I don't have much of a choice, then." She shrugged. "At the very least you could tell me what purpose I'll serve."

"You're to lead the search inside Castle Oblivion. There is a special guest being kept in the rooms there, and the superior wants you to look after her whilst exploring its many rooms."

"He expects me to navigate that god awful maze? Xemnas really must want me dead." She scoffed. "What, in all the worlds, does he expect to find there?"

"You'll know it when you find it." He handed her the envelope with her mission instructions. "Be grateful, I could have sent you in alone. Instead I chose to send Larxene and Axel with you. The more bodies there are, the more eyes there are to search. I trust you'll keep them busy."

"Naturally, but I can't shake the notion that there's more to it than that." She narrowed her eyes, using the envelope to fan her face. "A good portion of your least favorite people all in one place. Doesn't that seem a bit suspicious?"

"Do your job, and maybe you wouldn't be among my least favorite people." He dismissed her and turned to Roxas as she came up after finishing her assignment. "I trust your mission was successful?"

"Yes, I collected all the hearts you asked for." Roxas handed him back her mission pamphlet. "Is it alright if I go back out? There's something that I-"

"Do what you want… just be mindful that the portal closes by nightful with or without you on the other side of it." Saix reminded her.

"Alright." Roxas glanced over at Luxiana and nodded her head in acknowledgement. Luxiana eyed the petite blonde with a thoughtful scowl. She couldn't help but feel slightly perturbed by the fact the girl got special treatment just because she was the keyblade wielder.

"Enjoy the peace and quiet, thirteen." She turned her back to them walking towards the hall to follow her other comrades. "Who knows how long you'll have it."

"Hmm?" Roxas glanced up at Luxiana, walked by then looked curiously at Saix. "What does she mean by that?"

"Never mind her, focus on your work." He shoved her towards the portal. "Off with you."

As Roxas stepped through, Saix eyed Luxiana who lingered in the hall, glaring at him.

"Don't pretend to be bitter, Luxiana. You and I both know you're incapable of such emotion."

"Humph… So you say." She turned her back to him and continued to walk down the hall, tapping the envelope in her hand. She'd about had it with being told what to do. It was time she went through with her plans to take over the organization...

...and as luck would have it they were sending her with Larxene. The two of them got along well, and actually enjoyed each other's company. Luxiana admired her spunk and sass, and Larxene admired her grace and poise. She was sure that their two heads combined they could form a plan to overthrow Xemnas.

And Luxiana knew precisely where she could start.

"Hey there, Rosebud!" Xigbar saluted her as they came towards each other down the halls. "Heading out on a new mission?"

"Fraid so, direct orders from the Superior, I'm to leave first thing tomorrow." She tapped the envelope in hand. "I imagine this will be the last time you'll see me for a while, Xigbar."

"Want to make the most of it then?" He reached out, taking her chin in hand. "I never did get to finish my… planting... in your garden the other night."

"Well you know how much I love planting new buds, and keeping them good and watered." She pulled his hand away, only to step closer into him, her seductive mind going to work on figuring out how to lure him to her side. Taking over the organization would be much easier if she had a higher up on her roster. "Would you like to join me on my mission? I imagine we could plant an entirely new garden with a nice big castle to work with."

"Oooh now that does sound tempting." He wrapped his arms around her slim waist, pulling her willowy frame against his. She smelled like spring, and it stirred all manner of things inside his non-existent heart. He gave her a light teasing kiss to warm both of their blood, but then pulled away cool as a cucumber. "Unfortunately, the boss man has me running errands of my own, so you'll just have to go on missing me. You understand, don'tcha babe?"

"Tch!" She sneered, and turned her back to him, crossing her arms. "Fine, enjoy your celibacy during my absence. Even a man with no heart is still a victim to his libido."

"Oooh, ouch, and here come the thorns! Would you relax, Luxi? You won't be gone for good." Xibar assured, strolling back to her to rub her shoulders. "Just find the room the superior is looking for, and you're sure to be rewarded and praised. You might even get an extended vacation. Then we can go back to planting, and plowing as much as you want. I promise!"

"Humph, pig!" She shrugged him off. "As if I'm so reliant on you to tend to my garden. I will plant and plow whenever and with whoever I like, Xigbar." She turned cold blue eyes onto him. "The question is whether or not I'll let you step foot amongst my flora again."

"Touchy… what's got you so butt hurt?" He crossed his arms. "You're not usually this aggressive. Is there something else going on?"

Foolish, Luxiana thought as she turned her back to him again. It was foolish to bring a man like Xigbar in on her plans. He was Xemnas' right hand man, the number two on the runner. No way would a selfish and arrogant man like him be swayed by simple seduction.

"No… I'm just tired of being your plaything. Find someone else to manipulate and annoy. I've more important matters at hand." She waved her mission pamphlet up. "Goodbye, Xigbar."

"Goodbye, indeed." Xigbar shook his head as he watched her saunter away. "You're as beautiful as any flower, rosebud… but I doubt any man has the patience to clip all of your thorns."

~Sometime later~

"Ugh! Ignore the pig. I don't know what you see in him anyway." Larxene scoffed after Luxiana finished her mild tirade about Xigbar's failure at flirtation. "He's soooo not good enough for you."

Truth be told, Luxiana wasn't entirely sure what she saw in Xigbar either. Their little flirtation had started off as a joke, a little friendly banter between colleagues, but had escalated into something neither of them had expected.

There was something about the man that was oddly familiar to her… as if she had seen him, or worked with him before. It was strangely comforting, and she found herself going back time and time again trying to figure out the complicated stirrings inside her.

Unfortunately for her, Xigbar still treated their flirtation like some big joke. It irritated her to no end how he could just bring the heat and rise out of her, then so coolly reject her afterwards as if she didn't mean a thing to him. Heart or no heart, Larxene was right. The man was an absolute pig, and she was better off without him.

"Yes, well considering I keep getting sent on these feeble endeavors, my choices are very limited. Fortunately this new venture will give me some well needed space between me and that annoying prat." Luxiana retorted.

"I hear yah, but can you imagine the nerve of Saix? He's clearly trying to get rid of us." Larxene walked up next to her as they descended the blocky staircase. "What gives him the right to boss us around? When's the last time HE was sent on a mission, huh?"

"Calm yourself, Larxene, you'll give yourself wrinkles." Luxiana flicked her hair off her shoulder and a wicked gleam shined in her royal blue orbs. "Besides, his power over us will not last long. As annoyed as I am that I've been given this task, I can't help but feel grateful for this opportunity."

"Oooh, I like the sound of that." Larxene hugged her arm. "You've got that glimmer in your eye, Lu… do you have a plan?"

"Shhh…" she pressed a finger to her lips, smirking slyly. "All in good time my friend… let us wait for the privacy of the castle. There I will divulge my genius."

~Sometime later: The Realm Between~

Sora tossed and turned on the patch of grass that she, Donald, and Goofy were using as a bed. Though the world around them was silent and peaceful, Sora's dreams were full of nightmares… and darkness.

"This is our only chance, we can't let fear stop us. I'm not afraid of the darkness!" Riku stretched his hand out for hers as the darkness swallowed him up. Sora cried out and fought against it, her hand reaching for his but he slipped away.

"Sora…" Kairi's lifeless eyes stared at her hauntingly, and the world tumbled and crashed around them as it fell to darkness.

One by one the flashes of her most terrifying memories came screaming back. The terrifying heartless she faced, the sad and desperate looks in her friends eyes as things started to look hopeless. Riku's harsh criticizing words, and cold rejection of her friendship. Kairi's lifeless body sprawled on the floor of Hollow Bastion castle. The final fight against Ansem… and the feeling Riku's soft and warm kiss on her lips… hearing him speak those words that changed their friendship forever…

"Sora, I love you."

Her entire world had shifted within seconds. Suddenly all the feelings of doubt and fear had vanished as she finally gave a name to the feelings inside her own heart. She remembered opening her mouth, starting to return his words but then watched him disappear behind the door to darkness, cut off from her and the rest of the worlds.

"RIKU!" Sora woke with a start, holding her heart as it beat wildly in her chest. Sweat beaded at her temples and she felt the tears rolling down her cheeks. "Mmmph dang it." She quickly brushed them away and pulled her legs to her chest, resting her head upon her knees. "Just a dream."

No… it wasn't just a dream. All of it had been real, but she'd overcome enemy had been defeated, the worlds were restored, and Kairi was safe and waiting patiently for her to come back home. There was just one thing left to overcome, and that was finding Riku.

Standing up, Sora decided to stretch her legs a little and left her friends sleeping on the grass. She sighed softly, looking up and down the path and chose a random direction to walk in. After a few minutes of walking she paused at a fork in the road, and wondered if she should continue on, or wait for the others before venturing any further.

"Along the road ahead lies something you need…" A rich female voice pierced the silence of the hills, and caused Sora to jolt. She whirled around, spotting the hooded female, her graceful gait walking along the ground as if she were floating. "However, in order to claim it, you must lose something dear to you."

"What…" Sora watched the woman in black vanish along the path like a ghost. She started to follow her, a moth drawn to a flame.

"Sora!" Donald's voice called out and paused her step. "You shouldn't have wandered off by yourself."

"Yeah, we're supposed to be in this together, remember?"

"Sorry guys… but I just saw-" she trailed off, pointing in the direction of where the woman had vanished. "-actually, i'm not sure what I just saw."

"Well, I guess there's only one way to find out where that leads. Let's move on." Goofy suggested.

"Right…" Sora turned fully and continued down the path. They walked for a solid hour… the grassy plains turning to stone and the darkness loomed closer than ever. At the very edge of the path stood a castle, tall and intricately designed with its every which way towers, and eerie coloring.

Donald and Goofy walked ahead of her, exchanging banter that she tuned out while the rest of her senses focused on what lay in front of them. Her sky blue eyes studied the castle in all its beguiling glory. Her heart seemed to whisper to her, telling her what awaited inside.

You're here, aren't you? Sora clutched her chest as the ache to see Riku increased. I can feel it, you're close, and you're waiting for me.

She stepped up to the entrance, prying the hefty doors open in order to let herself and her friends inside.

"Gee, do you really think it's okay for us to just barge in?" Goofy wondered aloud.

"No, but we gotta do it if we're gonna find the king." Donald responded.

"The king!? You mean the king is here?"

"Something just told me he'd be here." Donald crossed his arms with a knowing frown.

"Really? Cuz now that You mention it, I was thinking the same thing."

"You too?" Sora glanced back at them. "I also got that feeling." She placed her hands over her heart. "The feeling that Riku… and the king... are here waiting for us."

"Gee, guess great minds think alike." Goofy chuckled.

"Wait a minute! Hold on!" Jiminy Cricket piped up from inside Sora's hood. "It can't be just a coincidence!"

"Oh no, don't tell me…" Donald eyed the small cricket in disbelief.

"Yep, I had it too. The exact same feeling."

"Well that settles it…" Sora said, suddenly turning away from the others to head for the second door leading further inside.

"Whoa! Wait a minute, Sora! This could be dangerous." Jiminy warned, hanging on for dear life to the back of her shirt.

"Jiminy's right, Sora. Maybe we should wait and come up with a plan first." Goofy rationalized.

"What's there to think about?" Sora turned to her friends scowling. "Something inside my heart is telling me to go in. I don't care if it's a trick or not. If there's even the slightest possibility Riku is inside then I'm going!"

"Sora's right!" Donald agreed. "We gotta go take a look." He followed Sora further in.

"Well, uh, okay, but shouldn't we at least close the door?" Goofy turned back towards the entrance, and let out a choked gasp as a dark figure stood at the door. "SORA!"

Sora whirled around. She saw the same female as before and immediately put her on edge. She rushed forward pulling her keyblade out in order to defend herself and her friends.

"That's it! Who are you?"

"Put that away you silly child. It will do you no good." She motioned to Donald who had tried to unleash his magic on her just got no response from his weapon. "From the moment you stepped into this castle you forgot every spell, and every ability you ever knew. That is the way of it in this realm you have entered."

"We can't use magic?" Sora eyed the tip of her keyblade, trying a spell for herself, but getting nothing.

"In this place to lose is to find, and to find is to lose." The soft sultry voice explained as if recruiting a lymeric or riddle. "That is the way, in Castle Oblivion."

"Castle Oblivion?" Sora raised a brow, her heart fluttering with some mild panic. She jolted a little as the woman vanished in a cloud of darkness, then reappeared behind her.

"Here you will meet people you've known in the past… as well as one very important soul that you miss."

"Someone I miss…" Sora gasped and stepped forward. "Riku! So Riku really is here!?"

Luxiana was thankful her cloak hid the wicked smile that spread across her lips. She stretched out her hands, flower petals dancing around her.

"Do you want to see him?"

"Yes… more than anything!" Sora gave her pleading eyes.

"Very well, I will show you the way." The petals scattered around her in a fragrant flurry, and Luxiana used her speed to rush towards her. Sora's braid flew upward from the draft, and Luxiana eyed the trinket dangling at the end. She gave it a little tug, laughing.

"What'd you do?" Sora whirled around to face her. Holding the end of her braid, making sure the trinket was still in place.

"I merely sampled your memories… and from it I made this." She raised a single blue card up and tossed it at her. Sora caught it on the fly, and eyed the picture on front.

"What is this… a card?"

"It is a promise of the reunion you seek. Hold the card up to open the door, and a new world will appear. Go forth, Sora, and you will find what your heart longs for most." Luxiana stepped towards her. "A fair warning, though… once you step through that door, there is no undoing what has been done." The mist of darkness surrounded her again, and she vanished letting her warning sink in.

Sora looked precariously between the door and the card. It was obvious that something bad would happen if she ventured inside… but something inside her heart knew that there was someone inside waiting for her. If that someone was Riku… then there was no danger or darkness she wouldn't face.

Turning on a brave face Sora looked up at the massive door and stepped forward.

"Come on, let's go!"

~Ask Briry~

Bri: YAY! Finally! I've been working on this fic for ages, and I finally have a more clear and concise idea on what I wanna do with it. I've never been a big fan of Chain of Memories, but even I can't deny that there are definite pivotal moments that need to be explored here, especially for a Soriku fic. I hope you guys enjoyed the first chapter, and the inclusion of Female Marluxia. She's gonna get a lot of focus in this fic as she is the villainess in this arc. Which was another reason why I put this off for so long. Can't wait to hear what you guys think of it!

Next Chapter: Stepping into Oblivion