AN: Hi everyone!

Big thanks to everyone still reading and putting up with my erratic updating schedule.

I'm so sorry! My work is taking up a lot of my free time these past few months. I'm writing where I can... so know I'm still writing and trying to update as regularly as possible, but it might stay erratic for a while longer.

Thank you to everyone still reading and enjoying and thanks for all your lovely reviews!

Here's the next chapter!

Enjoy!

Chapter 38 - Well this complicates everything even more... fuck.

BPOV

I walked back into the house and found Demetri splayed on the couch with his shoes off and flipping through the channels aimlessly.

'Found anything good?' I asked as I slapped his legs away so I could sit down on the couch as well.

'Not really. How was your date?' he asked, grinning stupidly at me.

I rolled my eyes at him. 'It wasn't a date.' I crossed my arms and sat back on the couch, hugging a throw pillow to my chest.

'So you and Edward aren't together?' he asked.

I frowned at his sudden interest in my relationship before shrugging. 'No. not really. Why?' I eyed him warily for a moment.

He shrugged. 'No reason.' He said easily, leaning back and focussing back on the show he was watching.

I frowned at that, but he didn't elaborate so I just put it aside for now and settled in to watch the show with him. Before long we were both laughing and making fun of the show and enjoying spending time with each other. It had been a while since I'd hung out with a vampire who wasn't part of the Cullen clan, or who wanted something from me. It was nice. Normal. I felt like I could be myself and not worry about hidden agenda's or ulterior motives.

After a while of watching TV we started talking. About the volturi, about his time with them and how he helped Angela escape before settling again on the topic of why he was here and helping us. I decided to pry a bit and see how he felt about facing his friends. It had been the thing that Edward, and probably the rest of the Cullens, feared most from him.

'Are you really here to help us?' I asked him.

'Yes, Bella.' He said, rather tiredly, as if he was annoyed at me for having to ask.

'But if it comes to a fight… you may face some of your old friends. Are you willing to kill them?' I asked point blank.

Demetri looked at me for a moment, weighing his options then he sighed. 'Look every war has loss. I won't like having to kill my former friends, but if push comes to shove and it's my life or theirs… I'll not roll over and just die.'

'But are you willing to kill them?'

'If they would surrender to me, I wouldn't kill them. If they threatened me... then yes.'

'And if they threatened the Cullens?'

He squirmed a bit uncomfortably on the spot and rubbed the back of his neck. 'I don't know…' he admitted finally.

'Would you go back to the Volturi?' I asked softly.

'Fuck no! After everything they've done? Absolutely not!' He vehemently brought out. There was such conviction in his voice that I believed him. 'I just… I'd like to avoid killing my friends. I thought you could understand that.'

'I do. I do understand, Demetri, but I know the Cullens won't trust you easily. They need to be sure they can rely on you when the time comes. Not that they have to watch their backs.'

'I get it. I would feel the same, were the roles reversed.' He admitted.

'I know you gave the Cullens two days to think it over, but I think you should do the same. And if you're not sure you can face the Volturi, your friends included, when the time comes… then I think you should leave.'

His eyes snapped to mine with a surpsied expression on his face. 'You'd rather I left than have my help?'

'If we can't be sure of your loyalties, the Cullens won't trust your help. They'd pretend to listen to you but then make their own plans just to be sure.'

He sighed heavily. 'Damn I guess you're right.' he quirked an eyebrow at me. 'When did you become so smart?'

'Always have been.' I joked, sticking my tongue out at him.

'I believe you.' he smiled back. 'I'm sorry for never helping you.' he said turning sombre.

I waved his apology away. 'What's in the past is the past. You didn't know.'

He gave me a kind smile before sitting back more relaxed and chaging the topic to lighter ones. We didn't touch on the impending war again. I knew he would think about it and make sure that in two days he would know where he stood.

'When did you turn to animal blood?' he asked after a while of talking.

I blinked at him surprised he knew. 'How did you know?'

'Your eyes… the gold is from animal blood.' Demetri said with an expression that suggested he thought I was an idiot.

I rolled my eyes at him. 'I meant how did you know yellow equaled animal blood diet? That's not what the Volturi is teaching everyone.'

'I kept away from court and it seems most of the propaganda. The Cullens aren't the only animal blood drinkers out there.'

'Oh' I said lamely. 'that kind of makes sense.'

'What did the Volturi tell you about it?'

'That they drank from other vampires.'

Demetri made a disgusted sound and seemed visibly upset by that. Much like Emmett and Edward had been. 'that sort of mentality just keeps all the brutality alive. These days it seemes the Volturi is selecting vampires based on murder ability rather than anything else. Vampires need to be taught restraint and other options to make sure we start living like civilized people again, not animals. It's getting ridiculous.' He ranted.

I fully agreed with him. 'Yes. It is. If I'd known about this I would have turned away from human blood decades sooner. The Cullens keep a supply on hand so you don't have to hunt if you don't want to. Plus it keeps animal populations more intact. They only take a few pints from an animal.'

'I've always thought that should also be done with human blood. Just use bloodbanks or something like that to get blood instead of murder.' Demetri said and I could only stare at him in shock. I hadn't ever thought of something like that but it sounded like a good idea. 'it's how I live most of the time.'

'That's a really good idea. Perhaps we should pitch it to the Cullens. I think they'd be behind that too. The Quellieutes as well.'

He shrugged. 'Perhaps if I stay I could help set it up.'

I smiled at that thought. 'I like animal blood better, it tastes a bit more gamey… I think. But you get used to the taste soon enough. It just makes me feel better to drink this than human blood.'

'I can understand that. Do you have any here?' he asked, curiously.

I nodded. 'yeah, I have a small supply in the fridge.'

'Could I try some?'

I nodded. 'Sure.'

I got up from the couch and headed to the fridge. There were several thermos flasks with labels on them which animal it was. I grabbed the bottle labelled grizzly bear. I figured that would be a good idea for a first time animal drinker to have a taste. Although I didn't really mind which animal I drank, I did find that the carnivores tasted slightly better than the herbivores.

I pulled out two glasses and poured half a glass in both them before warming them shortly in the microwave. It was better to drink slightly warmed up than ice cold.

I handed Demetri the glass who sniffed it wearily at first, eyeing it like it was something disgusting.

'It's really not that bad.' I laughed at his expression. He grimaced before putting the glass to his lips and taking a small sip. I took a drink as well, enjoying the familiar rush of warmth spreading through me.

'It's… I guess it's not bad.' Demetri said licking his lips as he sniffed the blood again. He took another small sip, swishing the liquid around in his mouth as if he was tasting an expensive wine. 'It's has a certain something to it. It's not bland at least. What is this?'

'It's a grizzly bear.'

He looked thoughtful for a moment before nodding and taking another sip. 'I guess I could get used to this.' He said slowly.

'It's not that bad is it?' I said smiling at him.

He nodded 'It kind of grows on you.' he admitted, taking another sip. 'how long did it take before your eyes changed?'

'About two weeks. After one they already start to blend to a more orange look.'

'hmm. Would be nice to see myself with a more natural eye colour.'

I snorted. 'Gold is hardly natural.' I scoffed.

Demetri laughed. 'Well no, but it's better than this vibrant red. Talk about impossible to blend in.'

'Yeah that was hard. Sunglasses are a hassle and those damn contacts simply dissolve every few hours.'

Demetri nodded in agreement. 'Gold can be explained away an an extremely rare pigment mutation.'

I nodded in agreement.

'It is also simply quite beautiful.' he muttered, looking right at me. I gave a small smile and looked away from the sudden intensity of his gaze.

'So did you want to do anything tonight?' I asked quickly, trying changing the subject. But Demetri wouldn't let me. He put his glass down and took my hand carefully in his.

'Bella.' He said softly, drawing my attention. 'I don't know exactly what is going on with you and Edward, but I know that I would forever kick myself if I didn't say this. You are an absolutely stunning woman.' He said, lifting his hand to brush his fingers across my cheek. 'I'm sorry I never noticed you before, because I would have stopped at nothing to free you and show you the whorship you deserve. You deserve to be treated like a queen.'

I swallowed hard, unsure what was happening or what was going on. 'Demetri-'

'No, don't say no. Don't say anything. Just… just feel for a moment Bella.' He whispered, leaning closer. 'Feel how you entrance me with your beauty'

Hse stroked a lose strand of hair from my face and wrapped it back into place with a reverence in his soft touch. 'with your scent.' He leaned in and slowly inhaled, skimming his nose across my neck in the progress. My eyes closed and my head fell back giving him more access. 'With your softness.' His fingers trailed a path across my collarbones and up my neck into my hair. 'you have me spellbound, Bella.' He breathed. 'and I would very much like to kiss you.'

I opened my eyes and found his face inches from mine. His eyes were intense, the desire burning heavily in them. 'May i?' he whispered.

I didn't know what came over me, perhaps it was the way he so clearly seemed to desire me, perhaps it was that his touches had set my nerves on fire, or perhaps it was simply that it had been so damn long since I'd felt this beautiful or desired that I couldn't even remember it.

Whatever it was, I closed my eyes and closed the distance between our bodies, touching my lips to his. He hummed in pleasure as our lips met before his arms snaked around me and pulled me into his hard sculpted chest. He was firm, yet gentle. Gentle, yet full of passion.

His lips parted and his tongue traced my lips. I parted them and eagerly met his tongue with my own. We both moaned at the contact and my hands trailed up and down his chest, feeling the hard ridges of his muscles ripple and tense as we kissed. His hands knotted in my hair tightly as the passion built and he guided my head to the side so he could take more control of the kiss. It was heady and hot and so so good. I moaned again, unwittingly. His lips left mine and started trailing kisses down my neck and suckling on a spot just under my jaw.

'Oh god.' I mumbled as his hands started roaming my shoulders and neck. They skimmed down my back and trailed my sides, before resting just under my breasts, his thumbs lightly grazing their underside.

My hands flew up to his shoulders and I pushed him away immediately, springing to my feet at the same time.

'Whoa!' he exclaimed, startled by the sudden movement and landing behind the couch from the force of my push.

'I'm sorry!' I shook my head trying to dispel the feelings that were still raging through me. i squeezed my eyes shut, fisting my hands in my hair as my mind reeled at what had just happened. It had felt so good, yet some small part of me didn't feel right. I shouldn't be kissing Demetri, should I?

I wasn't with Edward officially and I had definitely given him no promises, but he supposedly loved me. There had been something there. No, there was something there. Although I wasn't yet sure what it was. So wasn't it wrong to do this now with Demetri?

But it had felt so good. His lips.. his voice.. his body. Fuck.

He was amazing. And I deserved something good, didn't I?

'I'm sorry.' Demetri said, climbng to his feet. 'I didn't mean to cross any lines.'

'Fuck. No I'm sorry Demetri… it's just… my head's a mess. I'm not sure what I'm doing… it's not fair for me to lead you on.' I said, wrapping my arms around myself.

'So you're with Edward then?' he asked, looking disappointed as he said it.

I shook my head. 'No… well…' I sighed and decided to just tell him the truth. 'I'm not sure. His family claims he loves me. And when we're near each other or touch each other there's this pull between us. Something strong, pulling us together. but he hurt me… when I first came to live with the Cullens he manipulated me and he had a mistress. He fucked her on what was supposed to be our wedding night... and I know it was an arranged marriage and not one based on love... but still that hurt… and I just can't forgive him for that. So I'm keeping him at arm s length to try and sort this whole mess out… so you see it's not fair for me to drag you into all of this as well.'

Demetri's face had darkened in anger. 'That asshole cheated on you?' he growled out.

'No.. it wasn't… it wasn't like we were officially together or something.. Aro had sold me to him. I was never under any illusion that we were truly married and mated… but still it hurt. When I stepped of the plane she was there and he simply introduced her as his mistress and that she was everything he needed.'

'Fuck. That's low. Even for an arranged marriage that's low.' He growled.

'Look I don't want you to hold that against Edward. The Cullen's are good people. Edward made bad choices but he's paying for them. He's different now. Getting better, less of an asshole.'

'That still doesn't excuse it.'

'No it doesn't which is why he has a while to go before he earns my trust back.'

'Good.' Demetri stood up and walked over. 'But Bella, this doesn't scare me away. I won't lie to you and say I feel a mate bond, I don't. I'm also not interested in anything serious. I think you're amazing and incredibly hot, and I think we can have a lot of fun together. I like you Bella. And I think you like me too.'

'But it's not fair for me to-'

He cut me off by placing his finger over my lips. 'I'm telling you that I don't mind if your heart is somewhere else. Something tells me you haven't been told you are beautiful in a long time and haven't been loved in a perhaps even longer time. I'll be good to you Bella. I will make you feel good. But I understand if you're conflicted about this. Just… just know that you won't have to worry about my feelings. I'm up for it if you are.' He said, stepping closer and brushing his lips over mine one, twice before stepping back and giving me a small smile. 'I'll let you think about it.'

He said softly, before grabbing his coat and heading out the door.

I stared at the doro for a long time after that. Weighing his words over and over in my mind. Could I do this? Did I want this?

The short answer was yes.

His body had felt so good under mine and his kisses had made me feel incredible. His body was firm and amazing and boy did he know how to use his tongue. I shuddered just thinking about it. If he could do this to me with just a few kisses, I couldn't even begin to imagine the sheer pleasure he could invoke with other parts.
But then I thought back to the few times Edward had kissed me. Those had felt even better, although they'd also filled me with anger at the same time. So it was hard to know exactly how he made me feel. And then there was the whole Tanya business... A small part of me wanted to do this with Demetri simply to hurt him as he had hurt me. To let him know what it feels like to have an affair flaunted in his face.

Didn't I deserve to feel good and have someone make me feel good? I hadn't been touched in a long time.

But even as I thought about it, I could barely imagine myself doing this for that reason. I didn't want to deliberatly hurt Edward like that. Even though I had tried to fight it, I knew I cared about him. I couldn't just hurt him like this, could I?

I sighed and threw myself down on the couch in a huff. Why couldn't things just stay uncomplicated for once in my life?