Round 10

Seeker Prompt: There's nothing technically wrong, but your OTP (Or one half of them) just doesn't feel right.

Beta's: CupCakeyyy, S.L. Blake, VanillaAshes

Summary: James kept his relationship a secret from his friends; but was that the right thing to do?

It was a cold winter, one of the coldest on record. For most of the Hogwarts students, they were huddled together in their common rooms or the Great Hall in their free time. Most, not all. One particular fourth year was sitting at an open window, at a short distance from his friends, looking out over the Hogwarts grounds, fidgeting with the Golden Snitch that was in his pocket. His hair blew to the side as the harsh wind struck, but James didn't notice that. He was waiting anxiously, clearly distracted, and not paying attention to what his friends were saying.

"And then—Oi, James!"

James blinked a few times when a hand waved in front of his face, bringing him back to the present. He smiled sheepishly at the concerned looks of his best friends and chuckled nervously, scratching the back of his head.

"Yes, Sirius? Can I help you?" he joked, but it was clear that Sirius was having none of it as he folded his arms across his chest, raising his eyebrows. All James could do was put on a relaxed demeanor, as he tried to give Sirius and the others the famous Potter smile.

"Yes, actually, you can help us," Sirius responded, and James groaned, running a hand through his hair. He knew they'd catch on to him eventually, there were only so many times he could sneak off without being caught. They would question him in the end; it was just a matter of time. And it seemed that was exactly what Sirius was going to be doing. James checked the time, he had a few more minutes. He could stall them, right?

"Oh? I thought we had already done the homework set for this week?" James replied, amusement brightening up his hazel eyes, and he grinned widely when he heard Remus's laughter.

"That's not what I meant and you know it," Sirius retorted, and James stared at him blankly. Sirius waved his arms about, annoyed, and James couldn't help but laugh at him.

"Who is it?"

James stopped laughing, his grin dropping as he registered what Sirius had asked.

"What do you mean?" He liked to answer questions with questions, sometimes it was the only way to avoid telling the truth. There was no way he was telling them who it was, and that's what felt uneasy to him. It wasn't the sneaking off, it wasn't the secret relationship, it wasn't even the person themselves. He didn't like lying to his best friends, that was the bottom line. He wasn't sure how much longer he could keep it up for.

"Stop it, James, I'm being serious." Before James could reply, Remus stepped in to save him. The fact that Sirius had said that, without making a joke, well… James knew that time was nearly up.

"Lay off, Sirius," Remus said, a small smile tugging at his lips. "We don't have to tell each other everything." James could have hugged Remus, and when Sirius turned to face the other with a pout, he saw it as an opportunity to escape.

"You're on his side?" Sirius asked, sounding appalled.

"Oh, will you look at the time! I have to… go to the library," James butted in, and waved at his friends before leaving in a hurry. He was sure, for an outsider, it had to look as if he was on a mission. He probably was.

"He does know that's the opposite way to the library, right?" James heard Peter point out as he walked faster, heading towards the courtyard, and down to the Black Lake. He had a secret spot that wasn't quite on the map yet; it helped that Remus's map still wasn't finished. It didn't take long for him to get to the lake, and when he did arrive he shivered, he wasn't wearing his scarf or gloves, which was silly, really. He should've known to bring them, they were in Scotland, after all.

His heartbeat quickened when he saw a familiar boy with Slytherin robes and dark brown, shoulder-length hair, which was bouncing as he walked out of the castle. He bit his bottom lip anxiously, trying to think of the best way to talk to his boyfriend without hurting him really badly. But in every scenario he could think of, it ended in heartbreak. He had been thinking about this for a few days—the break-up—and he knew he'd regret the decision. At the same time, he also knew that couldn't keep lying, not just to himself but to Regulus.

"Jamie, you look freezing," Regulus's voice pulled him from his thoughts, and he felt his cheeks heat up when the Slytherin gave him his own scarf, like he always did when they met out on Hogwarts' grounds. James smiled gratefully and ignored his heart aching. He knew some would be surprised by what kind of a person Regulus was, but James had gotten to know the real him, not who he pretended to be.

"Thank you," he said softly, and a little distractedly, which Regulus immediately picked up on. Of course. He always did.

"There's something wrong…" James watched as Regulus frowned in thought and worry. "Did they find out about us?" His eyes shone with honest concern for him that James had to bite down on his lip to keep calm.

James shook his head and took a deep breath, trying to muster up what Gryffindor courage he had to get through this conversation. He could do this. He had to.

"I was thinking…" James started, and he almost backed out at the look in Regulus's eyes. "I can't do this," he said, voice just under a whisper as he pinched the bridge of his nose frustratedly, his heart beating heavily. He couldn't break up with Regulus… Everything they had been through together in the last two years, he couldn't do it… But he had to. For himself.

"Can't do what?" Regulus asked, his voice full of worry. James held Regulus' hand, giving it a last squeeze.

"Us, Reggie." His heart broke into a million pieces. Seeing Regulus put his guard up around him once more, and his eyes turning cold. He knew he was trying to cover up the pain, and all James wanted to do was take it back, hug him, and kiss him better. But he knew there was no going back now. "I can't continue lying to my best friends, it just isn't me. And I know you would never admit to us dating… It doesn't feel right to me. I'm really sorry." James knew he was waffling on, but he couldn't help it. His first relationship… Even though it had been in secret, all of their moments meant everything to him.

He could see the understanding in Regulus's eyes, and he could even see the pain that the younger boy couldn't quite hide over the coldness. But it slowly turned to hate. It was likely a defence mechanism, but it still hurt seeing that in his partner's eyes—no, ex-partner, now.

"After everything, you're ready to give it up, just like that? Your friends mean more to you than me? What happened to 'it's just us against the world'?" Regulus shook his head, and James wasn't sure whether it was a trick of the light but he saw Regulus's eyes water. "I guess I shouldn't have expected anything else from a blood traitor." Regulus sneered, taking his scarf back and hitting James with it as he did.

"I bet this was all some sort of sick joke between you and my brother, right? A bet to see if you could break my heart?" Regulus questioned harshly and James knew he was not expected to answer, "See you around, Potter."

He then walked away from James, clearly on a mission to get as far away from him as humanly possible. James watched step for step as Regulus walked away from him. The sound of the water lapping against the shore was the only thing he could hear for a moment because his sobs started to wrack his body. He quickly covered his mouth, a hand pressed against his heart as the tears started to fall. Once the tears started, he couldn't stop crying.

James used his sleeves to wipe away the tears as the conversation replayed over and over as if on a loop in his head. What was worse, was that he knew Regulus had only said those things to push him away. And, James knew that over time, those comments would just get worse, and there'd be nothing he could do about it. That's what hurt the most. That and the heartbroken look on Regulus's face.

He took a breath, and let the last few tears fall as he walked slowly back up to the castle. He needed to be with his friends. Just being with them would make him feel ever so slightly better. But he didn't know if he would ever come back from this.

Luckily, his friends were still where they were half an hour ago, and as he joined them, Remus was the first to notice his presence.

"James, would you please tell Sirius that white chocolate isn't better than dark chocolate." James still wasn't back to his usual self, thinking only of Regulus. He was just about to answer, pretending to smile, when Peter interrupted him.

"Have you been crying?" Peter asked and Remus did a double take as he studied James closely. James did not want to tell them about his heartbreaking conversation, and definitely didn't want them to work out that he had been dating Regulus, out of respect for his ex-boyfriend.

"What's happened?" Sirius questioned. "Who do I have to kill?"

So, James tried to give his famous smile that ended up being more like a grimace, and shook his head, chuckling.

"Nothing," he sniffed, wiping his cheeks. "Nothing's happened, but someone is wrong though," James said, a little humour in his eyes.

"Who's wrong?" Peter asked, and James smirked.

"Sirius. How dare you say white chocolate is better than dark!" he said and he smiled when his friends laughed, and his smile widened when Remus patted him on the back.

"Told you. Didn't I tell you Sirius?"

James Potter knew he was right about one thing, he hated lying to his friends. That wasn't him. When he was around his friends, he was himself. That was all that mattered.

Well… nearly all that mattered.

It was just us against the world.