Author's Note

Round 13

Seeker Prompt: [song] Beyond the Sea — Bobby Darin

Beta's: CupCakeyyy, S.L.Blake

Summary: Sirius just wanted to be himself and enjoy his life, but that wasn't always easy with a family like his.

The Many Mistakes of Sirius Black

For some, summer was a time of laughter, fun, and spending time with loved ones.

One young boy, going into his sixth year at Hogwarts, would say that he did not experience any of these emotions during the summer holidays. A lot of his time he spent hiding his true self away from his parents. Why? Well, that was a long story. Actually, it wasn't a very long story. He was a Gryffindor in a family that consisted entirely of Slytherins - mistake number one. His second mistake was that he was best friends with one of the lightest families, while his family was pretty much the opposite, preferring the Dark over the Light Arts. And the third… well. He didn't want to think about the third right now.

"Pass me the salt, Sirius."

Sirius blinked back his thoughts, and inwardly groaned as he realised he was still having dinner with his parents and brother. Was it not over already? Usually, he ignored them all, and they, in turn, ignored him.

He picked up the salt, giving Regulus a glare, who looked at him with an overly bored expression on his face, as Sirius passed him the salt. It had been like this since the start of summer, when Sirius had asked if he could spend time with his best friends instead of suffering at home. He really shouldn't have wasted his breath as he had already known from the start what the answer was going to be, but he always, always hoped that one day, they'd get so fed up with him that they'd send him to the Potters with his bags already packed for him.

Sirius ran a hand through his hair frustratedly, imagining James, Peter and Remus having fun without him. Laughing, playing all kinds of pranks. He slouched in his chair, which was his fourth mistake. He still didn't want to think about his third - if he wasn't the heir of the Black family, if he didn't have a reputation to live up to… he would seriously consider telling a certain someone that he liked them. More than a friend. But he couldn't put him in that kind of danger. He would never do that to someone that he deeply cared for.

"Sirius, sit up straight, we taught you better than that," his father told him off sternly, and Sirius didn't hold back a groan as he reluctantly straightened his posture. "And less of that attitude."

"Yes, Father," Sirius responded. The words fell from his lips in the form of an automatic reply, his tone almost monotonous. That's what it had come to. He had given up talking back, along with any concept of being himself, even if what he really wanted to say was a sarcastic remark.

"We have an important meeting being held here tomorrow, Sirius," his mother said coldly.

Sirius glanced up. He knew that whatever meeting it was, it couldn't be taken as a good thing. Dark times were ahead, Headmaster Dumbledore had told them so at the end of year feast. It was a warning, from the one or two attacks that had taken place in Diagon Alley, and those that had happened in the Muggle world. He wondered if his so-called family had anything to do with them...

"As heir, Sirius, you will be there, whether you want to be or not, and represent us with Regulus by your side. You're not allowed to intervene, or to act -" Sirius decided to interrupt his father, feeling anger boiling inside him.

"What will I be there for then? Heaven forbid, will I even be allowed to talk?"

"Not if you speak like that, no. As I said, you're representing us as a family. Try not to let us down as much as you have already," his father snapped, and Sirius sat there in shock, his mouth parted open slightly.

He shouldn't be this shocked by his father's harsh words, but it hurt. Every comment about being a disappointment stung, about him not being the perfect Black. Oh, he didn't want to be perfect, he didn't want to be what they were forcing Regulus to be like, but he couldn't help being hurt by their words. He thought he had built walls up to hide his emotions, but as he sat there, he felt tears gather in his eyes, threatening to fall.

Sirius took a deep breath and sniffed, placing his cutlery neatly on his plate, indicating he was finished. He stood up, moving the chair back with a terrible screeching sound as he nodded.

"Understood, Father," he said in a way that his friends wouldn't even recognise, stiff, aloof, cold. He turned on the spot, not deeming his family another glance, and strutted away, heading straight for his room, slamming the door shut behind him.

He collapsed on his bed, longing to join his best friends. He hadn't spoken to them, or been able to write to them, all summer. There were only three weeks left, but could he last those three weeks without going insane? He wasn't sure. He could imagine the welcome he would get if he just turned up, unannounced. James would give him one of the best hugs ever and start talking about what he had missed. Mr and Mrs Potter would greet him with warm smiles, and Mrs Potter would give him a hug that would rival James'. Peter would just smile in greeting, and then… and then there was Remus.

The corner of his lips turned upwards into a smile, the first true smile he had smiled in a long time. Remus. He would stand there awkwardly, waiting for Sirius to notice him. Then they'd give each other a hug that would last a little longer than a friendly hug should last, not wanting to let go after such a long time without seeing each other. His heart ached, but he knew he would see him soon. He was counting down the days.

The next day, he decided that that time had come sooner than he had originally planned.

Sirius was stuck in a room full of his cousins, and everyone he hated from school. It turned out that the meeting his parents had mentioned last night was to do with the dark times ahead. He was forced to listen to the different theories for at least an hour, although, to Sirius, it felt more like three hours. He had had enough.

Mistake number five came halfway through the meeting; to be precise, it came when the Dark Lord was mentioned. Apparently, it wasn't just any old meeting. No. Sirius was embarrassed by how long it had taken him to realise what his parents were up to.

He wasn't going to keep his mouth shut, like his parents had asked. He wasn't going to be the perfect heir. He was going to be the complete opposite.

"No," Sirius started speaking loudly, walking straight up to his parents who were talking to the Malfoy's, as it happened. He completely ignored their presence.

"Sirius, how many times have I told you not to interrupt?" his mother spoke harshly and Sirius raised his eyebrows, folding his arms across his chest.

"Not enough times, clearly," he replied back with as much sarcasm as he could muster. "No," Sirius repeated and he watched as they tried to hide their confused expressions.

"Is he always this dramatic?" he heard Malfoy senior question. "Yes, he is," came the reply from Narcissa. Sirius still chose to ignore them as he glared at his father.

"No, what? What are you saying no to?" his father questioned him with a look that said he was going to regret doing this later. Sirius smirked, he had been hoping his father would ask him that exact question.

"No, Father. Mother. I will not be your fucking spy," Sirius told them both so loudly that the chatter in the room died down. He didn't need to look to know that all of the attention was now, most certainly, on them.

"You clever, clever boy," his mother snarled, and Sirius grinned brightly at her, winking. "Whatever shall we do with you now?" she asked in a whisper, and the smile fell from Sirius' face as unease settled in his stomach. Was he regretting his actions already? Maybe. But his parents wouldn't do anything to spoil their perfect image, would they?

"A suitable punishment, to show whose side we Blacks are on. What do you think, darling?" His mother was wearing a sadistic smile, and Sirius felt shivers run down his spine as he turned as white as a sheet. There was no point trying to escape, to run out of the room, as he saw his mother take out her wand.

His breathing intensified, and he couldn't help but step back. This was what he got for being on the right side of the war? Punishment from his own parents? Nobody was there to protect him, and he used all of the Gryffindor courage that he could muster as he stood still.

Waiting for his punishment for saying no, for stepping out of line and embarrassing the House of Black.

"Crucio!"

It was the last thing he heard, before pain, an enormous amount of pain coursed through his entire body, like an electric shock that seemed to go on forever. It was the last spell he had been expecting, and it took all his willpower not to scream in pain. He didn't want to give them that satisfaction. He slowly collapsed, landing heavily on his knees as he faced the torture head-on, staring straight at his mother as she looked down on him, like he was nothing.

That was all he remembered before it went black.

Waking up who knew how long later, Sirius found he couldn't move straight away. He groaned, the aching hadn't stopped. He needed a distraction, he needed something to take away the pain that he felt lingering within him. He closed his eyes, once more, as he tried to think of what would work, and he managed a very small smile as he realised what always worked.

Music.

And Remus, but since Remus wasn't next to him, he thought of a song that would distract him from the pain. It hurt. It hurt all over. He couldn't even move to get to his record player. So, he would have to sing the lyrics to one of his favourite songs that always reminded him of Remus. He could do that. Couldn't he?

"It's far beyond the stars," Sirius sang quietly, brokenly, glancing up at the ceiling, imagining the starry night, imagining Remus staring at the same night sky. "It's near beyond the moon…"

He was struggling, his eyes watering, and as a sharp pain shot up his spine, causing him to gasp, Sirius wondered if he would ever recover from this. "I know beyond a doubt," he continued to sing stubbornly as it was the only thing he could do, "My heart will lead me there soon."

This was the last straw. He'd listen to what his heart wanted. And right now, that was Remus. And his best friends. He would do whatever it took to stay with them for the rest of the summer. Even if it meant leaving the Blacks for good.

"I know beyond a doubt,

My heart will lead me there soon…"