With no other way forward, I went up the stairs and entered the next room. As soon as I entered the room, I was dismayed to see that there was a door in the way. Not an arch leading to another room, but a physical purple door with no handle. Giving a few hearty kicks led to nothing, but the sound of a door being kicked… no surprise there.
The only other things in the room were six pressure plates arranged in a 3x2 pattern, hotdog style, a lever, and a plaque. Walking up to get a closer look, the plaque read, "Only the fearless may proceed. Brave ones, foolish ones. Both walk not the middle road."
Was this a puzzle? Why was there a puzzle here? I would've expected traps like darts shooting from the walls, spikes in the floor, house-sized boulders rolling every which way. But this?
The phrase 'Only the fearless may proceed' clearly meant I had to be fearless to continue. Brave people are fearless and so are foolish people who rush head-on into danger. Stepping on the two plates to the left and the two plates to the right, a quick flip of a lever and the door had opened.
The next room was a hallway, with the path leading straight forwards into a row of shiny spikes. There were rivers of flowing water coming from small crevices with bridges laid out over them. Another puzzle.
Walking around, I noticed three different levers, two of them had words written with yellow chalk beside them. "Please press this switch" was written beside the one on the very left. "Please press this switch too" was written beside the one in the middle. With nothing written on the last one.
Weren't puzzles supposed to keep people out? What was the point if you were just given the answers? Flipping the two switches I looked back to the spikes… they had receded into the ground. Was that it? Was someone helping me?
After those two insultingly simple puzzles I encountered something I once again did not expect... a training dummy... It looked to be made of cloth, a larger Hershey kiss body with a long horse-like face; joined together by the stitches woven into its body, accentuated with two beady little eyes.
It stood there menacingly, looking at me with their glossy, button eyes... On the other side of the room, past this formidable foe, was the way forwards.
Seeing no danger besides the strangely placed training dummy, I walked past the training dummy.
At that moment, the outline of a luminescent lime green heart shone in front of my chest and my heart… popped out?
"Ah! Go back! You're supposed to stay in my chest" I exclaimed as I tried to stuff my heart back into my chest to no avail. My fingers just passed through as if it wasn't even there.
"Sorry, sorry, I know I'm probably bothering you, but my heart jumped out of my chest when I saw you," I said with a nervous wink.
"..." An inscrutable stare was all I got in return
"Well, I have to go now! I hope you have fun doing whatever you are doing— bye!" I yelled as I waved to the dummy in the distance.
As I left the dummy to continue my journey through, my heart slurped back into my chest... Why did my heart pop out of my chest in the first place? Some sort of rare disease? Involuntary cardiac ejection? Was that a thing?
Why was it even green? While I had never seen an actual heart before, I was pretty sure they weren't supposed to be green; They were supposed to be red! The shape too, it looked like a heart that would be drawn on a valentine's day card, cartoony, and not at all realistic.
As I was contemplating how detrimental having my heart removed from my body would be, I turned the corner and immediately met hip to face with a monstrously large pale frog. Well… monstrously large compared to other frogs I had encountered on the surface.
My heart jumped out of my chest, literally and figuratively.
We looked at each other.
It hopped towards me. And again. A third time. A fou— the frog launched itself, its feet splayed out, prepared to tackle me. I jumped to the side and rolle— slid across the disgustingly pink ground. I quickly got back on my feet and faced the frog once again
"Hey! Can't we you know… talk this out?" I exclaimed as I raised my hands above my head in peace.
The dastardly amphibian stopped and looked at me dead in the eyes.
*Ribbit ribbit* the white frog croaked.
"Wow, that worked? Nice! What would you like to talk about?" I let myself relax an— nope, it was trying to eat my heart, the friggin' frog was flinging its tongue every which way… trying to eat my heart as if it was just a fly to nab out of the air.
"I assure you, while my heart may look appetizing, it is very sour and tastes like bitter limes!" I pleaded with my hands still raised above my head as I dived again to avoid another flying tackle.
Death by frog. In the history of mankind, I was quite certain that no one had ever had that thought cross their mind. I don't know how to deal with giant frogs, school was supposed to prepare me for the future right? School most certainly had not prepared me for this! Maybe it would stop attacking me if I said nice things about it… I have done dumber things, so it wouldn't hurt to try.
"You look absolutely ribbiting today!" I managed to say before its tongue lashed out at where I was formerly.
*ribbit?* The frog's blush was absolutely adorable, just a tinge of pink on the cheeks of their otherwise milky white face.
"Yeah, you heard me right! You look froggin' awesome today!"
*ribbit?* stumbled during its next hop and face planted, sliding across the floor on its face, grinding to a halt some distance away.
"Err… Do you need any help?" I kneeled and offered with my hands outstretched.
*ribbit...* In its embarrassment, the frog dropped two shiny gold coins and hopped away as fast as it could.
"Well… Goodbye then!" I called out with my hands cupped around my mouth.
Picking up the coins that the frog had dropped, I inspected the crest on it. It had the same winged orb that I had seen on doors that I had passed through... Was the symbol some sort of royal crest or something?
Why did the monster even drop coins in the first place? Was it an accident, dropping them as it ran away, or perhaps an apology for trying to eat my heart? Or payment for the haphazard compliments? Whatever the reason I wasn't going to leave the coins there.
At least I could put something interesting on my future resume. 'I defeated a giant mutant frog with nothing but compliments!' That would certainly get me hired for any job I wanted!
I continued onwards, feeling better about my abilities to take on… wherever I was… with my fragile, fleshy body. So with a skip in my step, I pranced down the hall, until I came up to a plaque in the middle of the hallway which read, "The western room is the eastern room's blueprint."
I kept going east to find out what was next and was met with rows and rows of gleaming silver spikes surrounded by water on both sides. Going forwards was the only way I could go if I wanted to get out of this place.
I backtracked to the western room which I had previously ignored and took note of the distinctively paler pink paint on the ground that depicted a winding path amidst a sea of purple.
Ok, I could do this. If every two-by-two tile was a unit, I would have to walk… two right, one up, one point five right, one down, three-point five right, one up, and keep going right to get to the other side. Yeah! I could do this!
I strolled back to the spike-filled room and immediately lost all faith in myself.
"What was the pattern again? One right, one up, two right, one down, thre—two right, one up, and then all I would have to do was keep going right… right?" I muttered to myself.
With my renewed unlimited faith in myself, I was prepared to continue onwards, very much ignoring the very real possibility of impaling myself on a spike. I was not going to imagine a hole in my foot and screaming in pain as I died alone, screaming for help— for anyone to save me… I was totally not imagining something like that happening.
I decided that there was no reason to be extra careful and went back to the western room and took note of the directions again. "… one right.. one down… and then continue… ok… I could do this!"
I returned to the room filled with spikes as far as I could see and was confident that this time I would succeed and did the only sensible thing... I rolled up my jeans and waded into the moat surrounding the pikes. There was a fine line between bravery and pure stupidity. In this case, doing this puzzle the normal way fell in the latter category. There was no way I was going anywhere near those pointy metal death skewers.
The clear blue water was as high as my waist, I trudged along, ignoring how wet my clothes were getting. I did not regret this one bit, if it took getting my clothes soaked to prevent the possibility of getting a brand new goopy crimson hole in my foot I was not going to look back. I kept trucking along through the shallow water and clambered back onto solid ground when I reached the other end of the room without issue.
I felt absolutely miserable, but there was not a single hole in my foot, which would have made me a lot more miserable than I was now.
The next room was so incredibly exciting! It was a long hallway that stretched out as far as the eye could see and absolutely nothing else. The ground was pink, the bricks were pink, everything was pink! I had some harsh words for whoever designed this place... With only the vines creeping along the walls to break the monotony of the room. I plodded through the room leaving puddles of water in my wake. The room just kept going on and on and on… There was a large pillar at the end of the hallway, but there didn't seem to be anything special about it other than existing as part of some sort of strange underground civilization.
The next room and once again came hip to face with a giant white frog.
"Water you doing toad-ay mister or miss frog." I winked at the frog, while finger gunning.
*Ribbit ribbit, ribbit*
"I see, I see, that sounds fascinating. I must go now, friendships await me— I wish you a wonderful rest of your day!" I declared and bid them adieu.
Continuing onwards I passed by more piles of ruby red leaves bunched up into little square piles. A perplexing sight when the only plants nearby were the distinctively green vines growing out of the crumbling walls. Things didn't just spontaneously materialize out of thin air, but hey, I didn't know giant frogs existed. Were piles of red leaves where I was going to draw the line?
Looking at the piles of red leaves, the urge to frolic became too much to handle and I gave into my indulgent desires and jumped in. As I laid down in the now noticeably soggier leaves, the pile to my right shivered and two antennas emerged from the foliage. My newfound condition once again revealed itself as my heart popped out of my chest. Why was my heart green again?
Reaching out a finger, I pushed some leaves away to be greeted by a cowering… moth? It was curled up into a ball with fragile paper-like wings enveloping itself, attempting to go unnoticed by the rest of the world. Like the frogs, it was huge compared to their counterparts above ground.
"I can't handle this…"
"Don't worry! Beaming Bea is here to help!" I proclaimed to the cowering creature... but by the time I had finished my sentence, it had already fluttered away.
Continuing onwards, I noticed that the middle of the floor was breaking apart, a web of cracks here, a web of cracks there. I jumped over them of course. I had already fallen into one hole today… and look how that turned out...
Coming up to another empty room. I immediately noticed the web of lines etched into the ground. As if someone had a particularly fierce grudge on a glass pane and just so happened to have a hammer at hand. Cracked flooring as far as the eye could see.
Getting down on all fours I slapped the ground—*Crack* ...well that tile was not structurally sound… how about this one—*Crack*— nope, not that one either. Maybe this one… A second slap to be sure… I inched forwards. A slow and nerve-racking process, the consequences of falling probably ranged from bad to splat. Repeating this simple, safe, and incredibly complex process, I was able to get to the other side in one whole piece. All my limbs happily connected to my torso.
Finally done with the stressful process I entered the next room, filled with joyous smooth rock, still garishly pink, but at least it looked solid. A moat stretched across the middle of the room, with the only way forwards being a bridge… with metal spikes on it… Why.
The room also had three rocks… and three pressure plates... It couldn't be that easy right? Was it even a puzzle at this point? Even a child could have solved it! Three rocks, three pressure plates, one plus one equals two.
Pushing two rocks onto their respective pressure plates, then pushing on the third one—
"Whoa there pardner! Who said you could push me around"
"Oh! Sorry, sir—Where are you?" I apologize as I looked around for the source of the rumbling southern voice.
"Down here, darling."
I looked down and saw a rock, "Hi? Is that you Mr. Rock?"
"You betcha sugar. Never seen a talkin' rock before? You been living under a rock?"
"Can you tell me where we are? I'm new around here."
"Well if you ain't from the Ruins, then you must have come from past the gate, how's everything going out there?"
"Ah well you know, same old same old," I said with all the confidence of a toddler on a bicycle.
"Well, this place is a piece of history ain't it. Trapped behind the barrier and wary of humanity coming to take a second crack on the monster population, we monsters retreated far, far into the earth, until we reached the cavern's end. Our new home, which the king named… Home. It's a fine name if you ask me, as good as any other. And that's the short of it…
"Your ma and pa really skimped on your history lessons, didn't they? Don't blame them though, it ain't something people like bringing up, most people don't even remember the war nowadays. Even I wasn't around back then… my great-great—"
"Ah, well I have to go now, can you let me through?"
"Hmm? So you're askin' me to move over?"
"Yep! I really need to go now!" I chirped
"Okay, just for you pumpkin." He said as he slid across the floor… and then stopped… miles before the pressure plate…
"I mean onto the pressure plate right there"
"Hmm? You're giving me a real workout here." He grumbled as he slid onto the pressure plate and the spikes ahead receded into the walkway.
Bidding Mr. Rock goodbye I approached the spikes... the spikes had popped back up.
Glaring at the southern rock in question, I decided that I was done with his antics. So with a running start, I ignored the bridge and spikes in their entirety… and hopped over the moat and continued along my way. They really should have just put spikes there instead of water. Some poor frog architect probably got their salary docked after their amphibious boss pointed out the fatal flaw called 'people with legs'.
Was that what this place was? A prison for monsters? If their existence was reduced to make-believe stories about imaginary creatures and a legend about a cursed mountain, then it would have to have been a really really long time ago.
Why was magic nothing but a fantasy, what had caused a war between humans and monsters in the past? How big was the Underground?
Resting my head on the wall. I sighed to myself, what had I gotten myself into...