Chapter 3
I have a phone phobia. Talking on the phone normally makes me uncomfortable. I have to really prepare myself before I just use the phone. I dialed and sat in Bryan's room. He was up from his nap and playing with his toys.
"Want play Uncle Jesse?" He asked. His diction wasn't too great.
I sat criss cross next to Bryan. He began to chew on a plastic ring. I lowered his hand away from his mouth. Suddenly Tabby picked up the other end of my call. I straightened up and held the phone tightly. I just stroked Bryan's head as I talked to her.
"Hey is this Tabby? This is Jesse."
"Jesse hi! I was hoping you'd call! Look I understand why you couldn't come Friday night that was so sudden an everything but we could eat together at lunch tomorrow. I was thinking maybe we could even walk to class together and-"
"Tab...listen...I...can't."
"Can't?"
"Yeah...I...I don't want to get too serious. I don't really want a relationship but Justice he-"
"Justice? He openly mocks you in front of everyone...did he tell you not to date me? Of course he did he-"
"Tab no he-"
"I can't believe him...you know the truth is I actually had a crush on both of you...I took a chance with you because you weren't another dumb soccer player. But don't tell me...usually when boys say Tab listen...that usually means they don't want to have anything to do with me...I can take a hint...just tell your brother I don't want to have anything to do with him either...or you Jesse...because of my crush it'll be hard to be friends with you...and I..."
She began to cry.
"Tabby..."
"I just...I'll see you in school Jesse okay."
She hung up as I heard her small sobs over the phone. I looked at my phone then at Bryan. I couldn't totally grasp what just happened, but it did not go the way it was supposed too. Harmione came into Bryan's room about that time.
"It's almost lunch time..."
"Okay..."
"Jess?"
I looked at her.
"You okay?"
"Yeah...yeah I'm fine."
She smiled and walked over to Bryan.
"What are you doin'?!" She said playfully. "Are you playing with Uncle Jesse? You playing with Uncle Jesse?!" She tickled him.
Bryan laughed loudly.
"Daddy will be home soon...yes he will...Come on let's take your medicine."
She picked him up off the floor and held him on her hip.
"Jess, why don't you get Genesis and Justice, I'll have your lunches on the table, we're having hot dogs and chilli. Except you little one you and Daddy are gonna eat something different aren't you? Yeah."
I got to my feet and entered the living room. Justice had cooled down and was watching TV again with Genesis.
"Can we please watch something else...this is boring." He breathed.
"No, I got the remote." Genesis said back.
Justice huffed and folded his arms. He looked at me as I entered.
"What?!" He said in anger.
"Guys don't start up again." Genesis told us, but she never took her eyes off the TV.
"I...I called Tabby...she...doesn't want to go out with either of us..."
"What do you mean?!" What did you say to her!"
"Nothing...I was just trying to-"
"Trying to what?!"
Justice got up from the couch. I knew once he stood up he was prepared to hit me. We heard a car door shut. It was our brother in law Charlie; home for his lunch break. We paid him no attention.
"You did this on purpose!"
"I didnt do anything on purpose?!"
"Yeah you did, you're always trying to be Dad's favorite, you choose your dorky writings over me, you decided it was better to forget our past like it never happened at all, it's like I don't even know you and you don't even care, you do things on purpose just to spite me and now you ruined my one chance at finding true love and happiness that you've stole from me!"
"I don't sit around thinking of ways to make you unhappy Justice! You do that yourself? I'm not your enemy if you think that I-"
Without warning Justice jumped me. Genesis screamed.
"Boys! Boys! Boys stop it!" She tried to pull us apart.
Justice pinned me down to the floor by my wrists.
"Is this the position you like to be in huh? With another guy on top of you so you can ruin that guy's life too?!"
"Get...get off me Justice!" I grunted.
I sat up and pushed him over by the couch. I knew it was only a matter of time before we fought physically about this. It was eating away at us both. Like a ticking time bomb. I hoped we wouldn't fight in the presence of mixed company but we had to have it out right in our sister's living room. Justice punched me and I hit the ground again. He grabbed my fringe and twisted it in his fists. I didn't mean to yell but I did.
"Stop it!" Genesis screamed at us.
Charlie and our sister met each other at the living room entry way. Harmione had her mouth wide open.
"Call her back!" Justice yelled violently.
"No!" I yelled back. "And let go of my hair!"
"Guys!" Harmione screamed. I watched her hand Bryan over to Genesis. Charlie grabbed Justice up by his arms and Harmione grabbed me. Justice was still trying to kick at me.
"Justice!" Charlie hollered.
"Knock it off both of you!" Harmione yelled.
"Justice calm down!" Charlie shouted and grunted as he tried to hold onto him.
"He told Tabby that neither of us liked her!" Justice screamed. "Let go of me!"
He squirmed and fought in Charlie's arms.
"Not until you calm-" Charlie grunted and let go of Justice.
"Charlie..." My sister breathed. She slowly let go of me. Charlie backed away from us and doubled over in pain.
"Oh...ow..." Charlie breathed. We knew he was diabetic and sometimes suffered abdominal pain. Justice and I looked at each other. We thought it was something serious.
Harmione quickly grabbed Charlie's arm. He slowly stood up and held his stomach.
"Charlie...Charlie are you okay?" She asked.
"Yeah...Yeah I'm fine..."
We didn't want to cause more trouble so we started to leave the room.
"Stop!" Harmione hollared. We stopped to face Charlie again.
"What happened babe?"
Charlie raised his shirt up and we all saw his insulin pump.
"Justice...he mashed on it...but it's okay I'm alright."
I looked at Justice and glared at him. He could have seriously hurt Charlie. Everyone ate lunch in silence.
"Charlie..." Justice finally said softly. "I'm really sorry."
"That's alright...but I don't think I'm the one you need to apologize too."
He looked at me. I knew Justice would never apologize. I got up and left the table. To no surprise he didn't follow me. Genesis did.
I entered Harmione and Charlie's bedroom. As quick as I closed the door behind me it opened again.
"Jesse..."
Genesis pulled her red hair behind her ears and put her hands in the front pockets of her jeans.
"What you and your brother said to each other...that was more than just fighting over some girl. Do you want to talk about it?"
"There's nothing to talk about Gen...He hates me...and I hate him."
Genesis sat on the bed near me.
"You guys weren't always like that you know? You were so carefree and fun...you never were afraid to show who you really are...you were like the A team...day and night...fire and water...yin and yang...what happened between you?"
"I...I told him at the end of 8th grade...that I would always be his brother but..."
"But?"
"I told him I could no longer be apart of the dream he wanted for us...He wanted us to always be together...and I know we will; we're brothers...nothing will change that. I just told him we each have our own lives now...I wanted high school to be different...I wanted to be more than just his twin...I told him to find a new dream without me...He took it pretty hard...Genesis, I think I broke his heart."
"Aww Jesse...I never knew that. You know I notice Justice around school...a lot of the older guys in my class think he's a wuss...don't tell him I told you that. I just think the both of you are having a hard time, and you miss each other."
"I do miss him Gen...but there's nothing I can do...I can't change his mind.
"Maybe not...but you're still young Jess...you and Justice have a long time before you start your own lives...why did you decide that anyway?"
I looked down. When I looked up there were tears. I grew nervous and began to shake.
"Jesse?"
"I didn't want other people to pick on him...because of me."
"Because of you? I don't understand? Is this about what Justice was trying to say earlier.
I just nodded with tears in my eyes.
"Can I guess?"
I sniffled and nodded again.
"You're gay aren't you?"
Tears just streamed down my face.
"How...how did you know?"
"I just guessed. And that thing Justice said about a guy being on top of you, kinda gave it away."
"Genesis...I...I've seen other people get picked on...and some seriously hurt just because they were gay...and I've seen others get hurt just because they supported them...I dont want Justice to get hurt because of me!"
Genesis bit her lip and embraced me. She put my head down on her lap. I cried into her knees. She stroked my hair at first the leaned down and put her face to the top of my head. She began to rock me. She reminded me a lot of my cousin Gwen in that moment. I felt safe, but I wasn't happy. I didn't know if I could ever feel that again. I wanted to be the brother Justice trusted. I wanted that dream for us too, but it couldn't be possible if Justice ended up in trouble. I didn't want that for him. I cared about him too much.
"You know...I think Justice needs to hear all of this from you."
"No..."
I sat and wiped my eyes.
"He won't listen to reason. I'm not his brother anymore."
I left the bedroom to finish lunch. I walked passed the guest bedroom. Justice was in there lying on the bed. I knew he was hurt just like I was. I knew he was crying. I didn't have the strength to face him.
That night he came into the bedroom. He had just showered. I was sitting in bed reading a comic book. We spoke not a word to each other. We didn't even look at each other. He put on a pair of boxers and sweatpants. He then looked around in his suitcase for a T-shirt.
"Bro can borrow your black T."
"Sure..."
He put it on and rubbed his hair with a towel.
"Let's uh...play some video games."
I was confused as he turned on the TV. He then sat in the floor with a controller.
"Seriously dude...I'll be red you be blue." He tossed the controller at me. I sighed and leaned on the side of the bed and began to play with him. It was so forced. So unnatural and not enjoyable at all.
There was a knock at the door. It opened slightly.
"Aww...it's nice to see my brothers getting along...see that's better...
"Well I mean it was just a dumb fight...Tabby really wouldn't let me talk." I explained.
"Oh...so you forgave Jesse, Justice?"
"Yeah..."
"Good! Don't play too long though and be in bed by 9:30." Harmione told us. "I love y'all. Goodnight!"
"Night Har..." I said quietly.
"Night." Justice mumbled.
As the door shut Justice turned the game off. He stood up and folded his arms.
"Look...Charlie said at the end of the day it's just you and me."
"And he's right."
"That might be true...but we're not brothers...you'll be my roomate and that's it...got it?"
"Got it."
Late that night in the guest bedroom, we slept in a long king size bed. It was highly uncomfortable to share a bed; even one that large with someone you went to bed mad at it. Genesis had the fold out couch bed. I heard Bryan cry in the middle of the night. I tossed and turned and put my pillow over my face. His crying ceased. I turned over on my side away from Justice. He would never know that I myself cried near him that night.