Chapter 11

I was on my way home from a mission when Harmione called me to tell me about Jesse.

"Daddy...He really didn't want me to tell you but I had no choice...I know he got in one stupid fight, but this time is different...the doctors up here are saying he's cut up pretty bad...Said he may have done it to himself...they say he's bruised especially in his nether regions...No one is making any sense...I'm so scared...and confused and I just...I need you here."

That was her voicemail she left me. I called her back and met up with Hope in the ER waiting area. Harmione was already back there with Jesse. Things took an entirely different turn when Jesse finally told Hope and I the truth.

I'm gay." He sobbed. "I'm gay..." "And I'm so sorry... I'm sorry..."

He held his hand over his mouth and cried into it. I left the room. I couldn't stand to look at him. It wasn't that I couldn't accept him, I left for a different reason. A reason that in that moment I was too upset to talk about it with the kids.

I stay away a lot and when I come home there was always something going on. I always felt that part of that was my fault. Hope followed me out. She followed me down the elevator back to the parking lot. We didn't say a word. I knew in her mind she kept trying to guess what I was thinking. We got back to the car. I got in first. She stood outside a moment with her arms folded before she herself got in. I opened the glove box in front of her and took out a pack of cigarettes and a lighter. Years ago I promised Grampa Max I wouldn't smoke anymore, but they were one of the only ways I got any relief from my emotional distress. God forbid my kids ever turn to it. Or alcohol either.

"Ben..."

I lit the smoke and rolled down my window. I blew the smoke out on my side.

"What?" I asked and puffed the cigarette again.

"About Jesse..."

I just sat with my hand out the window and flicked the ash off the end of my cigarette.

"I'm not mad at Jesse." I told her and puffed on the cigarette again.

"Then why are you-"

I threw my hands up on the steering wheel with the cigarette in between my fingers.

"Angel do you seriously not understand what's happening here?! I've pushed my kids away...all of them...because of the Plumbers Acadmey always keeping me late or sending me away on business I pushed my own kids away...I have taught them right from wrong and how to have morals and good ethics but I haven't always been there for them; I didn't show them any compassion!"

"Baby, you showed them every bit of compassion."

"Then why was Jesse so afraid to tell me he was gay, why did Harmione keep her eating disorder a secret. And Justice; when was the last time he and I had an actual father and son talk, when did you talk to him last!"

"This morning...before he left for school."

"Yeah and how long was that comversation like two minutes...and he might be going through something right now he's too scared to tell me."

I smoked the cigarette some more.

"I don't even know where he is...He should have been the first one up here to see his brother. He should have rode up here with his brother."

"I noticed Justice was asleep on the couch last night...I don't think he's slept in the same room as Jesse for weeks." Hope mentioned.

"And why not?! What the hell is going on?!"

I tossed the end of my cigarette bud out of my window and lit another one.

"Ben..."

"I...I just don't get it...I don't get it...I'm their father they shouldn't have any trouble coming to me when they're in trouble."

"Did you ever go to your parents when you were fighting aliens or in a hard situation?"

"No...but that's different."

"Sweetie it's the same."

"Well whatever."

I smoked the second cigarette. I sighed heavily.

"Ben, I know it's frustrating when our kids don't tell us everything...but you know; eventually they always do tell us everything."

"Yeah. But then it might be too late. I can't help them if they don't tell me."

Hope sighed.

"And so what if he is gay...you know how hard I fought for you...he shouldn't have to fight so hard to find love the way I did...why did he even care..."

Hope sighed and rubbed my arm.

"How did this even happen?" I asked out loud. "How long has he been hiding that from us...it makes me sick to my stomach that he would even try to keep it a secret...I loved you Angel...I was going to fight for you no matter what..."

"I know Ben."

She reached for my chest and stroked it.

"So no matter who Jesse loves he should stand up against me and tell me. I did it for you."

I puffed the last of the cigarette.

"I guess I should go back in there and tell him that huh?"

"I would...he thinks you don't accept him..."

"Do you Angel?"

"Of course I do...he's my baby boy...I'll always accept him."

I finished my cigarette and threw it out the window.

"Let's go."

We went back to Jesse's hospital room. Harmione had already left. He wasn't crying anymore but he was lying there in pain. The doctors told us, that Jesse told them he did it all to himself. I wanted to know why.

I entered slowly. Hope was right behind me. Jesse groaned. The cut on his stomach was the worst of them all and it was stinging underneath the gauze. That cut also had to be sewn. He has nine stitches in his abdomen.

"Jesse...sweetheart." Hope began. "We're back...and we're so sorry we stepped out on you earlier."

"That's okay...ahhh..."

He shut his eyes and grimaced his face.

"Jess..." I started to say something only I couldn't stand to see him like that. I stuck my head out of the door into the hallway.

"Nurse! Hi, excuse me...he needs some strong pain medicine like right now...he's hurting something awful."

"Yes sir." A nurse answered. "I'll have someone bring him something."

"Thank you."

Hope grabbed Jesse's hand and began to stroke it gently.

"Jess...you know I love you son."

"I know Dad."

"Well...then you should also know that I don't care about your sexuality..."

He finally looked at me.

"See son...I didn't fight so hard to have your mother as my wife just for you or Harmione or even Justice not to have the kind of love that you want...you should have just told us..."

"I...I know Dad but I was just afraid that-"

"Stop Jess...there's nothing to be afraid of...your mother and I love you...we want you to be happy...I know you haven't been yourself lately...neither has Justice come to think of it...but if you are under any kind of emotional pain...or even physical pain...I don't want you to keep that bottled up to yourself."

Jesse nodded.

"All three of you do it...and it's partly my fault...but...I'm sorry you've had such a rough time...and I wasn't there to guide you through it."

"It's okay Dad...it's my fault for not telling you in the firsr place."

I smiled shyly and hugged him. He hugged me back and grunted.

"Jess...you alright?"

"My stomach hurts so bad..."

I rubbed his head and brushed his bangs back.

"So...I guess all of that stress you were feeling was the reason for that fight you got into...and now the cutting...doctors told us you did it on your own... now I've been here Justice...I understand why you'd want too...but why did you cut yourself up this bad? And...you masturbated in the locker room to the point you bruised yourself. You wanna tell me why you did that to yourself?"

Hope held Jesse's hand up to her lips and kissed it.

"I...It started after P.E. I guess...I felt so bad that I liked guys...I thought there was something wrong with me...so I took my razor out of my locker after I took a shower...and decided to just cut myself up...I then...uh...I felt myself growing more and more disgusted with myself because when I thought about the guys in the locker room I got hard...decided to uh...try to hurt myself in another way...and I did."

"Sweetheart..." Hope said softly. She stood and kissed the side of his head. I just shook my head. I can't believe his inner pain drove him that far. It was then I noticed his left eye. It twitched. Now that I think about it, I've seen it do that many times before. Just like my left eye twitches.

Everytime I lie.