Chapter 13

I went home that night to pack my stuff to stay with Ty. I was in over my head, but the craving for power was to strong inside my body. I yearned for my glove back. I didn't have any other choice. I lied to my parents over and over and over again. It didn't even feel bad to lie anymore. I told Mom most of my lies cause Dad was hardly around and I knew I could get away with it.

I didn't know how my family, specifically: Jesse, could just accept me and just turn a blind eye to the way I've done things. Though he was doing it. How could they just forgive me and forget everything so easily; even if I told them the truth now; I didn't have any redeeming qualities.

I was a mess. I wanted to be Ben Tennyson's number 1 son. The best soccer player around. A made guy. One with a good moral standing. One that stands up for the little guy. One that upholds family tradition and family in general to the highest regards. I wanted to do that. I wanted to do that with Jesse. All before, I turned into everything; everyone hates. The guys were wrong I don't want the same goals. I'm not them. I've done a lot of terrible things that I can't take back, and I'm a disgrace. However, with my missing glove I can't fight back anymore.

I feel the urge to do more than what I was doing before. I felt the need to be a tyrant and act upon the lonely and the miserable. I wanted the power. I needed my glove. I was prepared to do anything to get it back. Despite all the pain I suffered from it, and all the pain I caused because of it; I wanted it so bad. I was prepared to kill for it.

However with it gone, half of myself wanted to be more like the old Justice. I was thinking clearer. I wanted to undo some of the damage. I had regained some control back. I retained more of a sense of hospitality and compassion. Even so, I was fighting among myself to do the right things. The other half wanted pain, despair and emotional torment. It longed to tear people down, apart, and sideways.

I didn't know what my body and my brain wanted to do. They were no longer working together. I began having thoughts of suicide. My brain made it so. My body wanted to make it happen, just to feel pleasure by death; even when that death would be my own. I couldn't think, I couldn't eat, I couldn't sleep.

After Jesse was released from the hospital and was able to return to school, I noticed he was way more reclusive than he used to be. He also wore heavy shirts and hoodies to hide his scars. I also began to get more and more reclusive.

It was late in the afternoon and I was in the computer lab making copies of the picture I took of Justice. I had to keep lying about my activities just so I could get my stupid glove back.

I needed to feel that power again. I wanted the energy surges in my body again. I wanted my heart; although painful, to feel those shocks again. Once I had the glove back I could unlock the full power of the suit. My pain would then cease. I would feel immortal. I would feel whole and complete. As of today in the lab though, I don't have my glove, I can't feel the energy rising in my body. All I feel is a craving so strong that nothing has been able to satisfy it.

Tyson has tortured me for the last two days. Keeping that glove out of my reach. I would steal it back, but he's hidden it from me. I don't have any choice. I'll do whatever he asks. I'm at his beckoning call. If I have to use my own switchblade he gave me; to cut some poor kid up, I'll do it if he tells me too. I want that glove back!

I'm starting to think I'll never get it back. I'm at the mercy of both Tyson and my own body. I'm a prisoner to my own craving. That hunger for power never goes away. It nags at me. It forces my body to do all kinds of things. My muscles haven't stopped aching. I'm constantly restless and filled with anxiety. I excessively sweat and I'm unable to sleep. I've had to throw up multiple times. I'm so sick I can't even play soccer anymore.

Coach has grown worried about me. I can't make decent plays or run without almost fainting. He believes I'm just upset because Jesse had to go to hospital. He told me things will be okay and I'll get back to my old self soon. I want to believe him so bad.

I never told another living soul about my inner most thoughts, not even Jesse. The truth is I'm scared to death. I've always been scared. Even before I met the guys and all of this started.

When I was a little kid Mom and Dad used to go on missions together and leave us with Grampa and Grandma. I used to sit and cry thinking they wouldn't ever come back.

Our sister has powers too, and they scare me even more. Our family has been through a lot because of all the powers and the aliens. I've been terrified all my young life by the unknown and of aliens themselves.

Aliens are my biggest fear. I've been worried that an evil alien will come take me far away just because of who my Dad is. I've been afraid of losing myself to power. Now that I crave it constantly, I'm afraid I'm turning into one of those evil ailens I'm afraid of. I can't make my thoughts disappear. That's why Jesse broke my heart. That's why I wanted us to stay together. I don't want to be alone.

I still want to be the best I can be. I want to be Dad's favorite son. I want to be strong like Harmione and Jesse. I want to be a hero, but I'm too weak and too afraid. I tried, but I'm just nothing like my family. This suit, and all the power I could gain from it will make me stronger. More importantly, braver.

I deleted the photo off my phone and off the school's computer under my account. I didn't want to leave any traces back to me. I made at least 200 photo copies. I stuffed them in a binder and met with the guys in the cafeteria.

It was lunch time and crowded. I thought for sure Tyson wanted me to hang the pictures in the hallway for people to see when they came out. That wasn't Ty's plan though. Meanwhile, I saw my brother sitting alone. He had just got to lunch from gym class. I couldn't get that vision of that day in the locker room out of my head. I took a leap of faith and while my mind was in the right place I decided to talk to him.

I sat in front of him. He acted like he didn't even know me. That was half true. I wasn't myself.

"Hey Jess."

"Justice."

"It's hot out when are you gonna stop wearing these hoodies and stuff?"

I reached for his wrist to pull at the hoodie. He pulled his arm way.

"Quit."

"You're such a baby." I said out loud. My mind began to work against my heart once again.

"I...err...what I mean is...are you uncomfortable wearing that?"

"Sure...but what can I do, you hurt me pretty bad Justice."

"I know...I...uh...errr...I... "

I clenched my fist. I was fighting for dominance over my mouth.

"Justice?"

"I...heard you had a panic attack in Biology class...are...are...yyou okay?"

"Yeah...yeah I'm okay...I just get flashes every now and then...and I...I have nightmares at night...Dad's thinking I need therapy...maybe some medication...but you would know that if you were ever home."

"I...Yeah...I I need to go."

I got up and left him. The tremors in my body were starting up again. I walked over to sit with the guys.

"What was that?" Tyson asked.

"Nothing...forget it...I just felt like picking on him some more."

Tyson smiled.

"Great...good on ya, Jus."

I nodded.

"I got the pics too they are in my backpack."

"Excellent, what we'll do is...we'll hang them up all over the front of the school."

"The front?"

"Of course...that way parents will also see them when they come to pick up their kids...everyone is going to think Jesse is the most disgusting thing they have ever seen...Parents will call the school. Principal Don will call the school board who in return will call your Dad...your Dad will talk to Jesse...and then it's off to the funny farm for your brother...you'll be rid of him for good...and he can go masturbate to men in the psych ward for all eternity."

The guys laughed. I looked over at Jesse. There was a guy sitting with him I didn't recognize. I turned to my attention back to the guys. I began to laugh with them. There were tears behind my eyes. Tears of depression.