"So, tell me about the Royal Guard." If they were what I thought they were, my insides might become my outsides soon, which would be unfortunate for me.

"THEY ARE AN ELITE GROUP OF GUARDS TASKED WITH ACQUIRING THE 7 HUMAN SOULS NEEDED TO BREAK THE BARRIER. He recited as if he had read a textbook, which he probably had.

"How exactly does the Royal Guard go about… acquiring the human souls?" I asked Papyrus.

"WELL I DON'T KNOW FOR SURE, PERHAPS WITH A NET? BUT I'M SURE THAT THE HUMANS ARE LIVING VERY HAPPILY WITH THE KING. WATERING FLOWERS AND HAVING TEA EVERY DAY!" He declared and nodded to himself as he surveyed the surrounding trees.

Something told me that it would be bad if my soul was too far from my body, but I was new to the whole... soul business. Either monsters were like me, more hugs than anything else or monsters were brutally ripping souls out of innocent children to escape their rocky prison. Or somewhere in between, hopefully, more the former than the latter.

"Well, thank you for your help, I'll go on ahead now! Good luck with the sentry thing!"

"YES! I MUST RESUME MY SENTRY DUTIES. I WILL BE THE ONE TO CAPTURE A HUMAN AND BECOME POPULAR, ALL THE MONSTERS WILL LINE UP TO BE MY FRIEND. THEY WILL SEE THE ERROR OF THEIR WAYS NYEH HEH HEH." With an enthusiastic cheer, he spun around and continued to stare... in the direction that I had come from.

With a spin of my own, I kept walking along the path enveloped by trees on either side. Hopefully, he wouldn't realize that he had just let a human go by.

Plodding along, my feet sank a couple of centimeters with every step I took. The water was soaking into the sneakers and my socks were the last line of defense. Being soaked to the bone back in the Ruins was already one of my least favorite parts of my adventure so far, but in this weather, at this temperature? I would be a popsicle soon if I didn't do anything soon.

But what could I even do about it, find better shoes? From what magical crevice would I find shoes? I was in the middle of nowhere with nothing except trees and snow for company, one didn't seem up for a conversation, being very stoic and unmoving. The other was cold-hearted with an icy stare to match.

Wait… magical crevice? I had one of those! Magic was probably (hopefully) waterproof and I had already made a magical hat, how much harder would shoes be? Shoes were just smaller, longer, curved hats! With a whimsical gesture towards my chest, my heart flew out. Stretching my hands out, I declared. "I Summon thee from the depths of my soul, thee who reside below all, I summon thee alongside thy sole bonded pair.." With the chant complete a pair of boots appeared above my outstretched hands. Success!

I couldn't wear two pairs of shoes though—well I could, but that would look dumb. Balancing precariously on one foot, I tugged a soaking sneaker off. Sticking a foot in I wiggled my toes experimentally... I wouldn't call it uncomfortable, but it definitely didn't feel comfortable either. It felt like plastic bent into the general shape of a boot and not hand-crafted leather that took a leatherworker hours of hard work and dedication to piece together. It looked more like a stubby giraffe than a boot, no fluffy bits of wool at the top, no laces, no fancy bits. But I did it! No one could take away my accomplishment. Balancing on my brand new boot, I pulled off my other sneaker and quickly put on the other boot.

Looking down, I was charmed. What the boots lacked in comfort, they more than made up in appearance. Illuminating the snow around, transforming a winter wonderland into verdant plains. I could see my socks through the green haze too! Glowing, see-through shoes, the only ones in the world. And of course, I couldn't forget the best feature... it was waterproof!

I was now... Artificer Bea! Another fancy title to add to my growing mental list. Jack of some and soon to be Master of All, Bea!

Taking a look behind me, I could see Papyrus still standing there, still staring in the direction of Ruins determined to catch the human that would come out of that double-sided door.

I did feel a bit bad for lying to the goofy skeleton, even though he had just told me his goal was to capture a human. I would make it up to him… with… uhh… hmmm. Magical clothing? Glowing see-through clothes were cool, it was an undeniable fact.

My musings were interrupted by some wooden poles haphazardly laid in the snow around a... wooden bridge? It was about five meters long. A hammer and some metal nails were also lying in the snow. Looking over the edge of the bridge, I couldn't see the bottom, just all-engulfing darkness.

Summoning a lime ping pong ball— hey I could do magic even without my soul exposed! Just a small ball, but still! Gazing into the abyss, I stretched out a hand… and dropped the ball.

Down.

Down..

Down…

It was gone, I couldn't see it anymore. it wasn't like it had magically disappeared because it was too far away. The hole was so freakishly deep that I couldn't see the light coming from the ball. One wrong step and I would have an unfortunately large amount of time to contemplate the grave mistake that I had just committed.

Very deliberately, I crossed the bridge. Not too quickly to accidentally slip and not so slow that I was spending more time than I needed on what could only be called a deathtrap.

I sincerely hoped that those wooden logs lying about would be used to cover up that chasm. A bridge was not enough in any whatsoever. I was not sticking around to find out how deep that thing was.

Passing by a clearing, I noticed a small station. No one was there though. Whoever was usually there had an unholy amount of ketchup bottles stashed under the counter though, some empty and some pristine and unopened.

I had assumed that this was some sort of sentry station for the royal guards, but perhaps it was a hot dog stand? I could do with a hot dog right now, but no one was around to man the station so I just kept trudging along in my luminescent boots.

—

The scenery had gotten a bit less ominous. Instead of wooden stakes that had no branches, there were some trees that would be perfect for Christmas. Laced with snow upon every leafy leaf and branchy branch. Nicer and more welcoming, but still too dense to see if anything was hiding just out of sight.

Everything was so quiet and eerie. No wind blowing through the trees, no sun shining on my skin, no birds serenading all the other critters. Just me… and this wooden chest. Sitting there, in the middle of plain sight.

My adventurer senses were tingling, a chest where anyone could see it? Filled with potential goodies? I wasn't dumb, it was a mimic. Ready to pounce on any unsuspecting travelers with minds filled with a lust for gold, chomping down as soon as their faux wood lid was opened. Too bad it encountered me! Too smart to be fooled; I almost felt bad for it, how unlucky for it to have encountered me. I walked past it, keeping my eyes on it the entire time. I wanted to be prepared if it was able to launch itself at me, or perhaps it would suddenly sprout limbs, whichever one it was. I would be prepared if it tried. Luckily I was able to get past the formidable foe without anything happening.

Hearing some rustling in the tree off to the side I turned around and saw what could only be described as a chicken with a snowflake as its head. Blueish white feathers arranged in branching patterns highlighting its perpetually slanted eyes. Wings tucked on either sid—

There were spinning magic sickles spinning around the un-spicy chicken, oh. Straight to fighting were we? With a sigh, I summoned my umbrella and crouched on the ground, making myself as small of a target as possible. Pointing my umbrella in the direction of the rude monster. I watched as the magical scythes splattered on my umbrella and watched as the icy monster bombarded me without even saying hi, or waving, just attacks.

They tried to curve their shots around my magical shield, but I simply waggled my umbrella left and right, the magic splashing apart, as effective as rain on an umbrella. Which is to say, not very effective.

I just watched as they seemed to become increasingly annoyed at their failure… to do whatever it was they were doing. They hesitantly opened their beak

"You seem to be fine, ice magic is snow problem for you and some macaroni and freeze will pick you right back up. Do you get it? I replaced no with snow because they sound similar to each other. Right? And you see how I said macaroni and cheese, but I used freeze instead of cheese. Pretty funny right? Both words are related to snow and there's a lot of snow around us."

—

"What is your name?"

"Snowdrake, but you'll be macaroni and freeze when I'm done with you!" He said, putting way, way too much emphasis on freeze. To make matters worse, he repeated the same pun in the same conversation. Something needed to be done.

"Punmanship is an art form that I am but a mere novice in. But as a follower of the art, it is my duty to train you." I stood up and pointed my umbrella at him.

Sometimes, the only com-pun-sation is the groan, the rolling of the eyes, the exasperated sigh, and sometimes the 'did you really just say that' look... I've seen many get cold feet because of the lack of laughs. But it is undeniable the effect puns can have on others even if it isn't immediately obvious. A single line can turn a frown upside down. A momentary distraction from whatever trials and tribulations they may be facing. Sometimes, deep down, even though they groan and sigh, there is a part of them that is thankful though they know it not.

You must think on your feet, every conversation is a chance. A chance to make someone's day just a little bit better. Match words that sound similar, words with double meanings, common sayings and you will find one that is absolutely brr-illiant.

Puns are also an excellent way to break the ice with someone, with a decent enough understanding of them, making friends will be a breeze.

This is not a skill you can just learn willy nilly! No no no. You must have the passion, the drive, to stick puns into everything you can possibily think of. You have that drive, I can see it in your eyes, a fire that has the potential to melt away even the coldest walls that someone has built up. Even if they give you the cold shoulder, do not give up. Keep trying and you'll eventually find one that'll knock them out cold with laughter.

I hope that with this knowledge, you'll be able to take your first steps towards the peak. To climb Mt. Everest and become the legendary Master of Puns.

Bury them under an avalanche of puns until they have snow way out. At frost glance, they might not notice what's going on. But they will soon be overwhelmed and you will be hailed as the glorious Master of Puns.

Snowdrake looked at me, eyes as wide as dinner plates, beak gaping open in what I assumed was awe. My job here was done. Turning around I continued trodding through the snow, my good deed for the day complete.

—

Fallen Human l

A human has fallen, a child, but adequate for our purposes. The developmental stage of the soul is not important. A human soul is all that is needed to begin research.

Fallen Human ll

Requesting research into a soul containment unit to begin immediately. A soul is unstable when outside of its container, a substitute is needed to prevent disintegration.

—

Author here again, sorry for interrupting your day with my ramblings. But this is my first story and I have no idea what I'm doing. Are there any parts that you think I can do better on? Descriptions of character appearances, objects, and locations in the world. Anything you can think of, just tell me!

Also going to be honest here, I bsed the pun stuff, if you couldn't tell. Yeah.

—