Disclaimer: Same thing
A week after Harley and Zack became a couple, They met with the Queen of Fables for some coffee to celebrate her win of her being trapped in a tax book to be a cruel and unusual punishment as the news showed a picture of of her flipping of the camera crew.
"They always use that same damn picture" Fables said.
"Well, to be fair it was the last picture they took of you before you got put in that book" Ryan said drinking his coffee.
"It's better than the one they use for me" Harley said showing a picture of her robbing a bank. "At least they're letting you out soon. Are we still gonna have our weekly coffees?"
"If I'm too busy getting my fuck on" Fables joked making the couple laughed. "So you two, what's the update with the Leigon of Doom?"
"Nadda, same as last week." Harley said "I mean who do we have to blow up just to get an invite?"
"Easy, Just find the thing the Leigon wants and then you take it for yourselves" Fables said.
"Yeah but what would that be?" Harley asked.
"I think I know" Ryan replied.
"Bane, Luther, Grod and even Joker. have all tried and failed to steal KORD Industries high tech weather machine" Ryan said as he pulled up an image of the machine on his tablet. "Which why we're gonna do it"
"Um if none of them could steal it, How will we be able to?" King Shark asked.
"Well we just found out that the machine us protected by one thousand-ish lasers" Harley said "And we think we know just the tool to help us get it"
"Star Labs created a personalized force field device that deflects energy" Pyscho said showing the blueprints. "Problem is the only way to get through to the room is an air duct about four inches wide. I don't know how the hell we're gonna do that"
"Oh shit Harley!" Frank called out "The news is talking about that book you love"
"Clyde Cutler Sarah?" Harley asked as she back flipped toward the couch.
"Uh, I think he meant Queen of Fables Harles" Ryan said sitting next to her.
"Oh, that's right, she's getting out today" Harley said hugging him.
"We are bringing you live to the courtroom where Queen of Fables is being released from her tax book prison of thirty years" Tawny said as the others watched Zatanna release Queen of Fables from her book.
"Damn, it feels good to be out of that book. Thanks Zatanna, see ya!" Fables said before two guards grabbed her. "Hey! you said you said you were gonna release me!"
"I did...from the tax code" the Judge said
"But now you are hereby sentence to serve the rest of your time in Arkam Asylum"
"And yet another example of how the U.S. Government screws us all..." Ryan said.
"That's Bullshit!" Harley said "Somebody's gotta do something, she's been stuck in that book for thirty years!"
"Yeah, because she almost destroyed Gotham" Ivy said.
"Yeah, I think it was a lack of affordable housing that destroyed Gotham" Harley said "Look Fables has been a mentor to me. She just gets a bad rap. Come on Ryan"
Just as the couple exited the mall Ryan gently grabbed Harley's arm.
"Hey, when are we gonna tell the others about us?" Ryan asked.
"Look it's not the guys I'm worried about telling. It's Ivy" Harley said. "You know how she feels about men. Why do you think she's been single for so long?"
"But Ivy likes me" Ryan said "I'm pretty sure she would approve of us"
"Look I promise we'll tell her soon" Harley said kissing Ryan's cheek. "Just be patient ok babe?"
"Ugh, you know being patient isn't my strong suit" Ryan said.
"Please baby" Harley said with big sad eyes.
"Alright" Ryan said as the walked off to help Fables.
Later Ryan and Harley managed to knock over the truck that was holding Fables the Ryan tore off the back door.
"Well I'll be damned" Fables said surprised to see the couple.
"Awe, we couldn't leave you behind" Harley said freeing her mentor.
"Thanks you two" Fables said as she received her book.
Later Ryan and Harley took Fables back to the abandoned mall.
"Alright everyone I would like to introduce Queen of Fables" Harley said "She's agreed to help us break into Star Labs. Ok so I need you to pull something around four inches tall out of your storybook"
"Sure, but I'm not sure how Prince Charming's dick is gonna help ya" Fables said making everyone but Pyscho laugh. "I'm just playing around. After what you two did for me, you can have what ever you need honey"
"So you can make any character come out of your storybook?" King Shark asked.
"Sure can" Fables said opening her book "Who's your favorite?"
"Oh, I'm partial to Humpty Dumpty" King Shark said.
"Seriously?" Ryan asked as Queen of Fables made Humpty Dumpty appear on the couch.
"Hi everybody" Humpty greeted.
"Awe, he's so cute" Harley said.
"Oh my god it's him!" King Shark said clapping with excitement. But that all ended when Fables literally busted Humpty's head open with her staff making everyone gasp in horror including Ryan.
"The hell!?" The assassin exclaimed.
"He makes the best egg" Fables said stirring the insides of Humpty. "Yall got kitchen in here right?"
"I will never look at eggs the same way again..." Ryan said feeling disgusted.
"Ugh guys... a word?" Ivy asked wearing a trench coat. "What are you two thinking?"
"Uh, that the only way to get the Leigon of Doom's attention is that weather machine and she's gonna help me steal it?" Harley said
"No, no, no, no" Ivy said "Seriously, you do not want to get involved with this bitch. She's like a legit bad guy"
"Dude, we're all bad guys" Harley pointed out.
"Uh, first of all I care about the environment" Ivy said "I fail to see how that makes me a bad guy"
"Says the girl who desolved the head of Ace Chemicals in a bath of his waste" Ryan said.
"Best Earth day ever" Ivy sang "Hola"
"Fables has been teaching us the ropes of Super Villainy" Harley said. "You told Me to listen to other people"
"No, I said listen to me" Ivy said "Ok, you're a bad guy but you're a good person"
"Huh?" Harley asked
"I think what Ivy is trying to say is that you're a bad guy but that doesn't mean you're a Bad guy" Ryan said.
"Isn't that a line from Wreck-It-Ralph?" Harley asked.
"I know it's one of your favorite movies" Ryan said.
"Believe me Harley, you're gonna regret this" Ivy warned.
"Ugh, I can't listen to ya when you're dressed like a forties house wife who's fucking her husband's boss" Harley said "I mean what is with that outfit?"
"What? Oh, I'm off to do...Environment" Ivy said.
"To do environment? What the fuck does that mean Ivy?" Ryan asked before Ivy walked away. "That was weird"
"Yeah, you're telling me" Harley said
Later at Star Labs Harley was checking to see how heavily guarded it was then she flipped down to her crew.
"Ok Queen you're up" Harley said as Queen of Fables summoned Cinderella's mouse from her book.
"Oh he is precious" King Shark said "But are you sure Cinderella's mouse is up for the job?"
Suddenly the mouse glared at the Shark and put on a green vest and pants along with boots and a belt of bullets as it ignited a cigarette and inhaled the whe damn thing.
"Damn, I gotta admit for a mouse that is impressive" Ryan said.
"Alright we got a personalized force field to steal" Harley said.
Just as they were about to enter the sewer Ryan felt something hit the back of his head. He, Harley and Fables turned to see a man grabbing a soccer ball then walked away. "The hell?" The assassin asked as they saw a huge family picnic.
"Damn it that guy ratted us out" Harley said. "I'm calling it off"
"Relax, You do your thing and I'll keep them busy" Fables said as she summon a few adorable Fairy tale animals to distract the family.
Later the crew managed to steal the force field as the alarms went off.
"We did it!" King Shark said
"Fables come on" Harley called "We pulled off the mission without any- Oh my god!" The crew saw the the entire family was massacred and the entire park was covered in blood and ripped apart corpuses.
"Holy shit!" Said Pyscho.
"This is horrifying!" King Shark yelled.
"The Fuck!?" Ryan said
"I won't be needing these anymore" Clayface said throwing his eyes away as the crew walked up to see Fables sitting on a pile of bodies.
"Fables what the fuck did you do!?" Ryan asked.
"I didn't do anything. All credit goes to the big bad wolf over here" Fables said pointing to a giant wolf with red eyes.
"That's no wolf, that's a fucking hell hound!" Ryan said
"But why!?" Harley asked
"You were there" Fables said "That guy ratted us out so I killed that guy. Then everyone saw me that guy so I killed everyone. You gotta end the bloodline and prevent any revenge killing, I mean that just evil 101"
"Uh, I taught that class at Boston College and we never covered anything this fucked up!" Pyscho said
"Alright guys come on, take a look around and make sure I got them all" Fables said.
Everyone looked around and Harley saw what she thought was a little girl's ponytail.
"Uh yup yeah you killed the shit out of them" Harley said then Ryan spotted the same ponytail.
"Oh yeah definitely. You killed off the entire bloodline" The assassin said.
"Alright, let me grab the three little pigs to clean this mess up" Fables said as she summoned the pigs and they ate the corpuses. All the gang did was watch in horror as the pigs ate the bodies.
"The Three little pig was my favorite bedtime story..." Ryan muttered to himself.
Later that night back at the mall the crew kept trying to get the horrified images out of their heads.
"So did she do the pig thing?" Ivy asked as King Shark threw up in a trash can.
"Yeah, she did the pig thing alright" Ryan said. "Ivy you were right. This bitch makes Joker look like Mother Tarrissa"
"And so now you're gonna tell her that it's...?" Ivy asked
"Over yes!" Harley said "I'll tell her and we'll just go back to being friends that do not work together!"
"Agreed" Ryan said
"Boy that was some fun shit huh Harley?" Fables asked "And guess what? I've decided to stick around a little longer and help you and Ryan get that weather machine"
"Oh, that's too generous" Harley said as She and Ryan walked with Fables. "We don't want to put you out"
"Nonsense, this is fun" Fables said "I feel like I'm getting my groove back. Oh and if you like the pigs, just wait until you see the three blind mice eat a body"
"The mice eat bodies too?" Ryan said sounding a little scared.
"Oh my god, those little bastards can just naw the shit out of them" Fables said "I mean it takes longer because of their small teeth the best"
"Ok uh Fables we need to talk" Harley said "Me and Ryan appreciate how much of a bad ass you. We consider you a friend and a mentor"
"But we've come to a decision that your services are no longer required" Ryan said "I mean let's face you are too extreme"
"Oh I'm sorry" Fables said starting to getting pissed off. "I thought the point was to get the job done"
"Yeah but not like murdering innocent people" Harley said "I mean that is a line we will not cross"
"Oh you got a line?" Fables asked "Hey guys they got a line. Superheroes have lines! Teen Titans got a line! We don't give a fuck!"
"Look lady, I told you your services are no longer required" Ryan said glaring at Fables. "I'm starting to understand why you put in that book, because you are bat shit crazy! So do us all a favor and get the fuck out!"
"Alright, I'll be on my merry way" Fables said "But you two are making a big mistake"
Fables then walked out the door and flipped off all of them on her way out.
"Ugh, this is my fault" Ryan said "If I hadn't introduced you to her none of this would've happened"
"It's not your fault Ryan. You didn't know" Harley said "First thing tomorrow we go to KORD industries and steal that machine"
The next day the gang snuck their way into KORD and came up from under the floor then took out the guards. Ryan then took one of their keycards and unlocked the safe where the weather machine was being kept.
"Ok, now to see if this thing works" Ryan said putting the device on his wrist.
"Be careful" Harley said.
"Aren't I always?" Ryan said with a wink. Then the Assassin enter the room. Unfortunately he set off the alarm and the lasers fired at him only to be deflected by the force field which destroyed all the lasers. "Oh yeah, it definitely works"
Later Harley was on the phone with the Mayor while Ryan was holding the machine.
"That's right Mayor, We'll raise the temperature by one degree for every minute until you give us a billion dollars"
"You know what you, Archer and your crew are Miss Quinn? A scurge" The Mayor said.
"Hey the Mayor upgrade from nusenis to scurge" Harley said
"That's what happened when you steal the unstealable...What the fuck is she doing here?" Ryan asked as he and the others saw Fables with the big bad wolf.
"I'll be take weather machine now" Fables said. "You fucked up Harley and Ryan"
"Yeah we do that a lot so you'll have to be more specific" Harley said.
"You pissed Me off, and let me walk away in one peice?" Fables said "Rookie mistake, right big bad?"
"I can't believe your doing this" Harley said
"I can, cuase she's fucking crazy!" Ryan said. Suddenly a giant bolt of lightning struck the ground knocking everyone off their feet. Then they all saw a guy with lightning coming from his hands. "Who the fuck is this?"
The unknown man started shooting lightning at everyone in the room until they all went for cover.
"Who the hell are you!?" Harley asked.
"I am Jason Braxus!" Jason replied.
"Jason who now?" Ryan asked.
"The last living member of the 25th annual Braxus family reunion" Jason said "You murdered all of my family!?"
"Oh shit" said everyone said at the same time.
"I thought you ended the bloodline!" Pyscho asked Fables while Jason kept attacking.
"I didn't leave anyone alive" Fables said as she turned to the coup "Did you see anyone alive?"
"Eh, I may have seen one person left alive" Harley said nervously.
"Me too..." Ryan said
"What!?" Fables asked angrily "How long have you been sitting on this little nugget of information!?"
"It was nothing, It was just a little girl with a blonde...pony tail" Harley said as she noticed Jason had a blonde pony tail.
"Oh son of a mother fucking bitch" Ryan said.
"This is why you always end the what..." Fables said
"The bloodline" Everyone else said
"The mother fucking bloodline yes!" Fables said.
"Look Jason was it?" Ryan asked "Is there anyway we can make this right?"
"Not unless you can bring back them dead!?" Jason said "Hand over the Queen of Fables and the rest of you may live"
"No problem" Ryan said as he and Harley grabbed Fables.
"Hey, what fuck are you two doing?" Fables asked.
"She's all yours" Harley said.
"I'm gonna send your ass to the Happily never after Fables" Jason said as he charged up his powers.
"You two don't have it in you to do this" Fables said to the couple. "You have a line remember?"
"That's what I thought too" Harley said. She and Ryan watched as Jason attacked Fables only to have the lightning redirected back at him and killing him.
"Guess what? You're not dead" Harley said as she showed that the force field was attached to Fables wrist. "I attached it to your wrist"
"Damn, you set me up" Fables said "You tricky bitch"
"I would never send a friend to her death" Harley said "Even one who tried to screw me over"
"I would but that's just me" Ryan said
"So, you're just gonna let me go?" Fables asked.
"Yeah, we got the weather machine, we won and we kinda did it our way" Harley said "We're bad guys not bad people"
"You are dumb people" Fables said picking up her book "You're gonna regret letting me walk out of here Quinn and Archer"
"Oh Fables, one more thing before you go" Ryan said.
"What?" Fables asked then she felt Ryan's fist ram into her face which knocked her down.
"That's for fucking ruining my childhood!" Ryan said "The Three little pigs was my favorite story!"
Fables then got up and walked out of the mall with a bruise on her cheek. While others looked at Ryan in disbelief.
"I would normally never hit a woman but I think we can all agree that bitch deserved it."
Later that night the crew tried to activate the weather machine but after they tried too many attempts it self-destructed which made Harley upset. She and Ryan than went to their new room and got ready for bed.
"I can't believe we did all of that for nothing" Harley said completely upset.
"Calm down babe, We'll find another way to get into the Leigon" Ryan said.
"What other way is there?" Harley asked "I've tried everything I can think of but so far nothing is working. Maybe I should just quit"
"No, you can't quit" Ryan said "If you do it'll only prove Joker right and trust me he does not need a bigger ego. We just gotta keep trying"
"You're right" Harley said smiling at him "You always know what to say."
"That's what a good boyfriend does" Ryan said as the two of them shared one final kiss before going to sleep.
RR FULCRUM OUT.