"The saddest thing about betrayal is that it never comes from your enemies." - Unknown

Riley could hear the whispers and groan at the noise. It was dark and she struggled to break through to the light. She started clawing away at the air when she heard Lucas's voice.

"Riley you're having a nightmare wake up,"

Riley sat up abruptly and saw Lucas with her friends staring at her. She didn't realize that she had fallen asleep in his apartment. Yet there she was with drool on her face and messy hair.

"What time is it?" Riley whispered.

"It's 5 PM sugar," Zay said softly and Riley adjusted herself.

She could see she fell asleep on Lucas's couch and was wrapped in a checkered blanket. Maya and Zay look like they had been crying, whereas Smackle and Farkle looked stonewalled. She was surprised to see Charlie come through the archway with a plate of crackers and cheese.

"Hey Friar your mom said we can eat this, oh Ri you're awake," Charlie said and his tone shifted into something softer.

"What happened?" Riley asked.

"You passed out from emotional exhaustion, our moms are in the kitchen talking. They came about 30 minutes after you fell asleep," Lucas said softly and sat next to Riley.

"Hey, Luke and your mom told us what happened," Farkle said.

"He wasn't supposed to be there," Riley repeated.

"I knew I should have gone after you but I thought you needed space, I'm so sorry Riles," Maya said and looked down.

"It's not your fault, it's no one's fault except his," Riley said and cleared her throat.

"Are you hungry?" Zay asked as he grabbed the plate from Charlie.

"Uh …"

Riley could feel the eyes on her, particularly Lucas and Maya's. She reached for a cracker and nibbled on it slowly. Both blondes sighed as Zay sat next to her but with space.

"I'm sorry for not being there for you, I promise to never let that happen again," Zay sniffled.

"Zay-" Riley began.

"No, I'm sorry I should have hurt him or stood by you, I was giving you space and I'm sorry," Zay said.

"It's not your fault, it's no one's fault but Billy's," Riley said and Zay nodded.

"Still, I'm your bodyguard," Zay said.

"Zay you don't need to do that," Riley reassured.

"No Ri, we're all going to have your back, until we know Billy is behind bars," Charlie said.

"I need air," Riley said and got up.

She looked at the door but Lucas got up and directed her to his room. He walked over to the window and opened it for her. She stepped out and gripped the rusted bars. He followed her out and they squeezed on the small space. He didn't say anything but leaned back.

"I don't need bodyguards," Riley said and Lucas looked at her.

"I don't," Riley reassured.

"I know Riles but … Billy is out there, we need to make sure he doesn't attack you again. Maybe you should take self-defense classes. You could join with the girls," Lucas said.

"So I'm fragile?" Riley snapped.

"Get mad I don't care, I'm not letting him hurt you, none of us are. You know we don't think you're fragile but he's dangerous," Lucas said.

"I'm great!" Riley lied.

"You're not!" Lucas said.

"I can't let him control my life, and I can't make you guys guard me," Riley said.

"Good thing you're not making us," Lucas said.

Riley rolled her eyes and crossed her arms. She could feel herself losing control, and needed some form of control. She leaned into the window when Lucas grabbed her.

"No," He said.

"Lucas," Riley said as she trembled from his touch.

He let go but his face said it all.

"You're not going to the bathroom and doing that to yourself. I won't allow it," Lucas said.

"Allow me? You don't control me!" Riley snapped.

"Riles I get it you're pissed! Go ahead, take it out on me, but not yourself. Also, we are never going to stop protecting you," Lucas admitted.

Riley sniffled and wiped the tears from her eyes. She hated that he got to her core, and knew what she was thinking or knew what she was going to do. She just wanted to release all of her emotions.

"What am I supposed to do?" Riley asked and crossed her arms.

The air nipped at her skin as the sky darkened. Lucas placed his hands on the sides of her arms and rubbed them.

"You defend yourself, you protect yourself, and you let us, your support system help," Lucas said and sighed.

"So self-defense class?" Riley asked.

"Smackle and Maya would be more than happy to join," Lucas added.

Riley nodded but stayed quiet. Lucas let go and Riley leaned her head into his chest and the two stood in silence for the next twenty minutes.

Riley tossed her backpack onto her chair and shook her body out. She lifted her shirt and saw the healing bruises from Billy and the new ones formed from self-defense. She knew she was toeing the line by taking extra classes but the adrenaline rush from fighting curbed her eating disorder urges. It had been the best two weeks of her life thus far.

She felt more in control of life than she had the last few months. The last few weeks had been hell with school but she had overcome it with her friends. It had also been easier when she found out Billy was expelled from school for attacking her in the school bathroom. She'd never been happier to know there were cameras in the hallways. Although it hadn't been all easy pickings, she saw and heard what people thought of her. They thought of her as a liar, a cheater, someone who was wrecking someone's life.

Like Lucas had said on the fire escape, let her support system help. She lowered her shirt and looked at herself in the mirror. She almost looked like herself again but her thoughts were interrupted by a knock.

"Come in," Riley called and turned to the door.

Auggie popped his head in with a grin and waved at Riley sheepishly.

"Hey Augs," Riley smiled.

"Farkle is here, well in the living room, something about you being late for a study session?" Auggie said.

"Crap I forgot that was today, can you tell him I'll be right down or I could just meet everyone at the cafe," Riley said as she ran to her closet.

"Riley you know no one is going to let you go by yourself," Auggie said.

"I know," Riley mumbled.

"I'll tell him you'll be down in ten minutes," Auggie said and closed the door.

Riley riffled through some sweaters and landed on a fluffy oversize cream sweater and some black leggings. It covered her bruises but it wasn't too tight. She knew she had to rest her body. As she quickly changed she shook out her hair down from its bun. Her hair had grown so much in the last few months it reminded her of seventh grade. She fluffed out the natural waves of curls and grabbed some perfume. A quick spritz and she slipped on her knee-high boots before grabbing her bag to run out the door.

"Sorry," Riley apologized as she rushed into the den.

Farkle was drinking from a glass with Auggie while Topanga was starting dinner.

"It's okay Riley, did you take a nap or something?" Farkle inquired.

Riley could see Auggie squirm and she knew that he knew what she had been really doing. However, she couldn't outright tell Farkle or her mother that she had snuck out of the house to go take extra self-defense courses, they would all freak out.

"Yeah," Auggie lied for her.

"Yeah," Riley whispered and gave Auggie a thankful face.

"Let's go, everyone is already waiting for us, and I don't want to miss out on Isadora's theories about aerodynamics," Farkle said and Riley laughed.

"Mom, I'll be at the cafe with everyone, and I am pretty sure Maya and Lucas will be coming back with me for dinner," Riley announced as she and Farkle walked towards the door.

"Sure honey but wait there is some mail for you, maybe it's from some colleges," Topanga said as she pointed to a stack of letters on the table.

"Mom it's only January," Riley sighed as Farkle opened the door.

"You never know," Topanga said as Riley ran and grabbed the stack of envelopes. She ruffled Auggie's hair as a thank you and hurried to Farkle.

Riley shoved the letters in her backpack and the two left the apartment in silence. Riley knew that her friends had come up with a system to walk with her around. Someone always had to be with her, and she was grateful but annoyed. She felt as if she couldn't breathe when they watched her every move.

"How are you doing?" Farkle asked nonchalantly but she could tell he was on pins and needles.

"Okay," Riley offered and clutched her backpack strap.

"Hey Riles, you're one of my oldest best friends. You know I am here for you right?" Farkle asked as he stopped.

"Yes," Riley said and stopped walking as well.

"So don't lie to me, I know you weren't napping," Farkle said.

"Are you stalking me?" Riley snapped.

"No, I just know you. I know you feel trapped, and we don't mean to make you feel that way. We are just worried, Billy has hurt you twice now. Neither of us was there, and we feel like we failed you. So yes, we are being extra cautious but only because we care and we love you," Farkle said.

Riley sighed and then wrapped her arms around Farkle's neck. It was one of their first hugs in months, and Farkle was hesitant to give her a hug back.

"I know, and I'm not mad. I just feel like I can't do anything. Billy robbed me of my freedom, and I want it back. I promise to not lie about what I am doing if you guys promise to give me a little leeway. Also Farkle … you can hug back," Riley said as Farkle sighed.

Farkle squeezed but not too tightly and then pulled away.

"No guarantees, especially with everyone else," Farkle said.

"I guess I have to talk to them," Riley said.

Farkle smiled and the two finished their short walk to the cafe. They saw their friends huddled in the same spot with their books. Lucas and Zay had taken the couch, with a space in between them. Smackle had the seat next to her filled with books meant for Farkle. Maya had taken space on a side and was talking to Charlie who had become a somewhat pleasant addition to their group.

"Hey," Farkle said as Smackle moved her books.

The two shared a grin, and Smackle started her speech about theories to Farkle. The two started to get lost in their own worlds, and it made Riley happy. She sighed and took her spot between her two favorite Texans and dropped her backpack on the floor between her legs.

"Hey Sugar," Zay said softly and moved over a bit to give Riley space.

He turned inward and Riley could breathe a bit more. She gave Zay an appreciative smile and patted his cheek lovingly.

"Hey," She said softly.

"Hey honey," Maya said as Charlie smiled at her.

They looked at her as if she was fragile and she wasn't, she was strong. She hated the way they just stared and waited for her to make a move but she had to remind herself they cared.

"Hey," Riley said and turned to Lucas who hadn't looked up from his textbook.

"Hi," She whispered.

"You went to self-defense?" Lucas asked and Riley stiffened.

"Why do you ask?" Riley asked neither confirming or denying.

"Joe called me, he said you've been doing double classes, he's worried, which makes me worried, Riley you're-"

"Saving myself," Riley cut off her voice rising a little higher.

"Riley, I let you enter my personal space, my gym, with my coach, and you're overdoing it!" Lucas exclaimed as his voice raised as well.

"Everything okay?" Charlie interrupted.

"Don't," Riley warned Lucas.

"Riley has been taking extra classes at self-defense! She's doing too much and Joe thinks she's hurting herself," Lucas announced to their friends.

"What the hell Lucas!" Riley snapped.

"Riles are you?" Maya asked.

"Well I don't see how she would be if she isn't allowed to leave without someone," Smackle added.

"Ri?" Charlie asked.

"Yes, so what! I need to defend myself! You all said it yourself!" Riley snapped.

"So you're sneaking out?" Maya exclaimed.

"Guys come on back off a little," Farkle interrupted.

"Do you know how dangerous that is?" Maya accused.

"Maya," Zay said sternly.

"No! She knows the three of us are supposed to do the classes together!" Maya said.

"And yelling at her is doing what? Magically make her stop?" Zay said.

"Sugar what's going on?" Zay said and turned to Riley.

"I don't want to talk about it," Riley muttered.

"No you don't get to shut down!" Maya snapped.

"I said I don't want to talk about it!" Riley yelled and other cafe patrons turned to them.

Riley sunk in her seat and scrunched herself up to Zay who seemingly along with Farkle was willing to allow her actions. Riley leaned her head on Zay's shoulder who smiled and looked at Maya. Maya was clearly upset with Riley but Zay gave her a look.

"Fine. If that's how you want to be. I'm leaving!" Maya snapped and started grabbing her books.

"Maya," Riley sighed.

"No, no, I won't be here and watch you hurt yourself, I can't do it, Riles," Maya said as she shoved the books in her bag.

"I just want to feel safe," Riley confessed and her friends turned to her.

"I thought we were doing a good job," Zay said.

"You guys are but … you guys weren't there, either time, just myself, and you guys won't always be there. I have to learn how to do this … alone," Riley said.

"But that's the point of having friends, you don't have to worry about being alone, you don't have to do this alone," Lucas said.

"Riley we don't want anything to happen to you, and we just want to protect you," Farkle added.

"It's just a few extra classes, just so I can be stronger," Riley said.

"I'll take them with you," Maya said.

"This is something I have to do on my own. I appreciate you guys so much for being there for me. Protective, but I also need to learn to depend on myself as well. When I go against Billy in the courtroom you'll be there but it's me on the stand versus him. I have to be able to do that battle on my own. I don't feel strong enough yet but these classes are helping me. I'll promise to tell you guys when I go and let you pick me up, drop me off but the extra classes, that's something I need to do on my own," Riley said.

"We can compromise on that," Charlie butted in before Maya or Lucas could say anything.

"Speak for yourself Gardner," Maya muttered.

"Please respect that," Riley asked.

"Fine," Maya grumbled and leaned back in her seat.

"Let's just do homework," Smackle said and the others returned back to their books.

Riley opened her bag and grabbed out her notebook and the stack of envelopes.

"Que eso?" Zay asked in Spanish to Riley who giggled.

"Las Cartas?" Riley said, unsure of her answer.

"Bueno, Estás mejorando," Zay said and Riley blinked.

"I said you're getting better Sugar, come on let's study for our test," Zay said.

She absentmindedly flipped through some of the letters when she stopped on one that said Random House. She pulled it out and ripped it open to read. As her eyes scanned the words she instantly turned to Maya.

"You're accusing me of hiding things but what the hell is this Maya?" Riley asked and shook the letter.

"I have no idea," Maya said.

"You sent Violet & Peaches to a publishing house!" Riley snapped.

"No, I didn't!" Maya said and reached for the letter.

Maya grabbed it and scanned the letter to see for herself. Her mouth dropped open and she stood to her feet.

"This is a prank it has to be," Maya said, not taking her eyes off the letter.

"What's going on?" Farkle asked.

"Random House wants to publish us, I mean we have to get an agent but they want to publish our graphic novel. Riles I never sent this in," Maya said.

"Who else has the copies, Maya!" Riley said.

"But I didn't send anything! What does that matter anyhow! Riles, they want to publish us!" Maya exclaimed with a smile.

"No!" Riley said and got to her feet.

"Riley! A real-life publishing company wants to publish us, we are talking about what does it say here? … six-figure payout!" Maya said and their friends started to congratulate them.

"I can't believe you! I trusted you!" Riley snapped.

"Seriously I didn't send it but what does it matter Riles, this is major-"

"No!" Riley said.

"You're being ridiculous, something good is finally happening for you and you want to turn it away!" Maya said with an eye roll.

"Billy is Shadow Man!" Riley confessed.

The confession quieted down their friends and Riley's eyes watered.

"You never told me that, you know how much I love that character, why would you not tell me that Riley?" Maya asked.

"This was just a hobby, something fun to do, and I thought you understood that. I don't want to publish something that he is a part of," Riley sniffled.

"But Riley Shadow Man could be anyone, we can change it and-"

"Maya no, and I really wish you didn't do this," Riley interrupted.

"For the last time, I didn't do this!" Maya exclaimed.

"So who did huh?" Riley asked.

"I did," Lucas confessed.

"What?" Riley and Maya said in unison.

"We haven't shared these new stories with anyone. How could you have done that?" Riley asked.

Lucas sighed and rubbed his face in frustration. He got up and placed his hands on Riley's shoulders.

"You got a book deal, Riley," Lucas said.

"Lucas, how did you send something you don't have to Random House?" Riley asked.

Lucas tried to smile but Riley searched his face for an answer. When he avoided looking into her eyes, she knew exactly what he had done.

"That's how you knew! That's how you knew about my eating disorder, my nightmares, my stories, my darkest secrets! You read them in my diary and lied to me about it!" Riley said.

"Riley-"

"No! You don't get to talk to me, Lucas! I can't believe you! You lied to my face about it! What else have you lied about?" Riley asked as she grabbed her things.

She snatched the letter from Maya and shoved it in her bag. She pushed past Lucas and Maya was hot on her trail.

"Riley wait," Maya called.

"Why?" Riley said and turned on her heel.

"Everything is a mess, I'm a mess! I am so tired Maya, I can't breathe in my own skin. You guys want me to be one way but I can't be old Riley. She's gone. I also can't be terrified of every shadow! I need to be stronger and you guys won't let me. You guys keep restricting me into this box, and I understand you're trying to protect me but I need to be able to do so as well. On top of it, Lucas! Someone who I thought just understood me and my pain. Someone who I felt could be trusted has been lying to me all this time. I don't know who to trust or what to trust but myself," Riley cried.

"I'm your best friend Riles," Maya said.

"Maya-"

"No! Let me finish. You are my best friend Riley! I know you're going through a lot right now, and you're pulling away. You're changing, and it's scaring the shit out of me but I am your best friend. So we're going to argue, we're going to fight one another, but I am not letting you go because we are best friends. I love you! I want to protect you, so if you don't want to do the book deal, fine I agree. You want to take extra self-defense, okay I will wait until you're done. However, you will not push me away, no way. We are forever. Thunder?" Maya said as she walked over to Riley.

"Lightning, I'm sorry" Riley whispered.

"So am I," Maya whispered.

Maya grabbed Riley's hand and pulled her into a hug. Then she pulled away and turned Riley away from the cafe. They interlocked their hands and walked away from the madness.

A/N: I know this chapter was all over the place but there is a method to my madness. Just hold on tight. Thanks for reading! Reviews are always appreciated.