Author's Note:

Written for: Charlotte - I hope you like this! I was very nervous about writing it for you. I think once you read it you'll understand why. Anyway, enjoy! And have a great Halloween! Eat lots of chocolate!

TW- Attempted suicide, suicidal thoughts.

Summary - James wrote a letter to his parents, sometime during his sixth year, explaining that he was safe from the most recent attack in Diagon Alley. He wrote that his friends were all okay. Little did he know just how wrong he was.

Beta: S.L. Blake

I'll Be There For You

Dear Mum and Dad,

I'm okay. A little shaken up, but apart from that, I'm okay. We weren't at the centre of it, for once, but that didn't matter. I protected the younger students from the Death Eaters, as well as trying to protect my friends. I was only hit by a hex or two, but nothing I couldn't handle. Peter was fine and came out without a scratch. Remus and Sirius were alright too, they were protecting each other. We're all okay.

See you in the summer holidays,

Love,

James

"Something is wrong."

James looked up from his piece of parchment. He should have been asleep, considering it was roughly about eleven at night, but instead, he had been writing a letter to his parents. Why? The latest attack on Diagon Alley hurt many students and a few of the younger ones had been pulled out of Hogwarts by their parents, deeming it to be too dangerous to continue attending.

His father had warned him at the start of the year that the war was getting worse. More and more Muggle-borns were disappearing. More attacks. But when he, Sirius, Remus, and Peter were actually defending the younger students and themselves in the attack, it had only just hit James just how dark times were getting.

He turned over in his covers and frowned, pushing his glasses up his nose as he turned to face his best friend, who was sitting in his own bed, staring at his own piece of parchment. It wasn't just any piece of parchment, James realised, as he squinted to see if he could tell what his best friend was worried about. It was the Marauders Map.

Whenever Padfoot said anything like that, James was never too concerned. Normally, it was to do with the fact that he hadn't received any Valentine's Day cards, or if he hadn't pranked anyone that day.

However from the tone of his friend's voice, he could tell this was a different worry. Something was wrong, and it was something that was clearly close to home for Sirius. Or perhaps, someone. His eyes widened ever so slightly, as he wondered if it was about Remus, or Regulus, Peter or one of the girls, for that matter. Perhaps Lily was in trouble? James had concern written all over his face. Were their friends in trouble? He was willing to leave the dormitory in a split second, if any one of his friends were in danger. Were the Slytherins involved? Did he need to get involved?

"Pads, what is it?" he asked, noting how Sirius didn't look away from the parchment he was studying. James surveyed his friend's face. The creases on his forehead and his usual cheeky smile were gone. He spotted Sirius's right leg bouncing, his frown deepened when Sirius finally looked at him.

"It's Remus," Sirius said, "He's… I'm concerned, Prongs. I…"

James got out from under his covers, missing the warmth immediately, as he put on his slippers and sat down next to Sirius, wrapping an arm around him.

"Where is he?" James asked and Sirius answered, by using his wand, to point to where Remus was on the map.

"The Astronomy Tower?" James chuckled lightly. "Maybe he's telling some students to stop gallivanting…" he started jokingly, not wanting to think of the worst, just yet. Although, it was an odd time to be at the tower, James thought, furrowing his eyebrows together. Remus's prefect duties should have ended hours ago. But Sirius wasn't having any of James's jokes. Not tonight, it seemed.

"Something he said earlier today, I just took it as one of his sarcastic comments, but thinking back, I really don't think it was. Besides, you and I both know he's usually back by eleven, on the dot."

James stared, his heart racing. He knew Remus was fighting his own battles, sure. That was always how it had been, from the beginning. However, James liked to think that he would be able to tell if his best friend was struggling and he'd also like to think that Remus would talk to them about it, if he was. Although Remus had been more reserved and closed off recently, sometimes that was just the way Remus was. James hadn't thought much of it.

Maybe he'd been too distracted with being Quidditch Captain; helping the younger students defend themselves, as well as catching one particular red-head's attention. But surely he hadn't been too caught up in his own life to not notice something was wrong with one of his friends?

Right?

"What exactly did he say, Pads? What's going on?" James asked, his voice shaking towards the end. He cared deeply for his friends, perhaps too deeply. He always made sure Remus had eaten something, and that he had smiled once, at least every day. He always made sure to make Sirius laugh, no matter what the situation was, even if they weren't supposed to be laughing. He always checked on Peter and made sure he was included in the group.

He checked on the girls: Marlene, Dorcas, Mary and Lily. James had grown up since last year and he hadn't asked Lily on a date once. He hadn't bugged her, or anything like that. In fact, he'd always said hello and offered her help with Transfiguration, or with Potions, even Defense, if she needed it. She would always say no, but at least he was trying. Trying to be better.

He was trying not to make the same mistakes, trying to make sure history wouldn't repeat itself.

"He said 'I don't want to be here. I just need a long night's sleep, and I don't want to wake up.'"

James blinked at Sirius, his eyes shone with worry and horror at the same time. His thoughts were going into overdrive: He didn't want to be here. Here at Hogwarts? Here as in… he didn't want to finish that sentence. He pushed it to the back of his mind.

"You thought he was being sarcastic? Sirius!" James exclaimed, in a tone like a mother telling off her child for eating too much chocolate, whacking his best friend on the back of the head lightly. "Come on, I'll grab the cloak. Idiot," he added, with a small grin.

"Alright. Alright, but in my defense he did laugh, grinning that beautiful smile of his, and he ate some chocolate, afterwards. He shared some with me, too," Sirius said as they both stood, wrapping up warm for a late night evening walk around the castle.

It was the night of Halloween. James had eaten all of the sweets and chocolates from the feast and he had sworn that he wouldn't be hungry, for the next day or two, at least.

He mock-gasped, "Wow! Moony sharing his chocolate. It must be true love," he said and grinned at the blush forming on Sirius's face. He laughed quietly when Sirius nudged him in the ribs.

The walk was silent through the corridors, both underneath the cloak, breathing heavily. James glanced at the map every so often, while Sirius didn't do anything but stare at Remus's footsteps, which hadn't moved at all. James guided him through empty halls to make sure he didn't trip over.

Once they finally reached the Astronomy Tower, Sirius ran up the steps, while James jogged behind him.

James didn't know what to think when he saw Remus sitting on the edge of the tower's window, his feet dangling off the edge, looking down below. His palms on the back of the ledge behind his back, arms straightened slightly looking like they were the only thing holding him from where he was.

Everything went in slow motion, he saw Remus's hands move from the edge of the window. His grip loosening.

James held his breath as he sprinted, taking large strides to where his best friend was, with Sirius two steps ahead of him, catching Remus's hand tightly, while James caught his other hand. He looked at Sirius, who exchanged his look in a split second before they pulled him from the window.

James was surprised and not in a good way, when Remus glared at Sirius and himself, before groaning, kicking the stone, cold brick wall, with immense frustration.

"Just let me go!" Remus cried out in indescribable pain, tears rolling down his cheeks. "Why do you have to save everyone, James? Why do you have a hero complex, why do you save everyone else, even if they don't want your help?"

He tried to open his mouth only to close it again. James's eyes filled with water, and he was trying his best not to blink. Not to cry. He didn't want to cry, but how could he not, after Remus had just tried to… And why was he taking it out on him? Don't want your help. What did that mean? Did no one want his help? Was he really being that much of a pain? Is that why they always said no? Because they thought he… James sniffed, wiping his nose as he stepped back from Remus, speechless.

"Moony- '' Sirius started, in a clipped tone, and for a second, just for a second, James saw softness in Remus's eyes. But it only lasted for a second, before they were back to glaring at him.

"- No. No, Sirius. You're just as bad as him! You don't love me. You love the idea of me. No one would ever love me, for me. For being this... this monster! The quicker you understand that, the easier it'll be to just let me go!"

James couldn't hold back the tears this time. His heart ached and the worst of it was that what Remus said about him was probably true. But, James thought as he watched Sirius's heart break into a million pieces, this wasn't about me tonight. This was about Remus. He can't give up.

He and Sirius just had to show Remus just why he couldn't.

Even if it meant hiding his own pain, for a little while.

Remus was more important.

"You've always been there for us, Remus. It's time we were there for you," James's voice was soft, fragile and a little cracked, as he spoke through the tears that were still rolling down his cheeks. He sat down where Remus had been sitting and Sirius joined him immediately.

"If we're going to let you go," Sirius continued, wiping his eyes with his jumper sleeves.

"We're coming with you," James finished.

James always thought that in another life, he and Sirius would have been twins. They never needed to tell each other the plan. They didn't need to tell each other how they were feeling. They just knew. He didn't know how it worked, but he wouldn't change it for a thing.

"No." Remus deadpanned. "No. You're doing it again, the pair of you! You're saving people who don't want to be saved!"

Sirius grinned, hope clear as day in his eyes. I wish I had the same hope, James thought as Sirius spoke, "So it's working then?"

James knew it wasn't going to be this easy. He knew nothing was ever this easy. He watched as Remus groaned lowly, running a hand through his hair as he paced back and forth, before deciding to join him and Sirius at the window ledge.

Sirius's smile vanished.

"Together, then?" Remus spoke, and James, for once, didn't know what to do. There wasn't a back-up plan. What should he do? The only reason Remus was still with them was because Sirius knew something was wrong. If he hadn't picked up on it when he did…

If he hadn't...

James burst into tears, head in his hands, his shoulders shaking as he cried. He cried the tears he had been holding in, since seeing Remus on the edge. Seeing one of his best friends want to end it all…

The war was getting to everyone.

He thought his friends were fine. He had been blinded by what he wanted to believe. Not for what was right there in front of him.

"James?" Remus whispered, but James just shook his head, wiping away his tears even though he wasn't doing a very good job of it. The tears kept on falling, but he didn't care. His cheeks had red tones, from where he held his head in his palms and his forehead was dripping, with a little sweat coming from his hairline. He ignored all this as he straightened his back.

"Yes, I'm ready. We're ready, right, Sirius?" James said, faking confidence. Although, he was sure it wasn't working like it usually did.

He missed the worry in Remus's eyes, the doubt, the regret as he glanced at Sirius, who furrowed his eyebrows together in deep thought, but nodded his head anyway.

"Yes. Ready," Sirius replied and if James had paid attention to the tone of his best friend's voice, then he would have heard the doubt. But as it happened, he didn't recognise it. He nodded and looked out onto the grounds of Hogwarts.

There was silence. All that could be heard was James's sniffles as he wiped away his tears. After a few moments, it was a surprise to hear who broke the silence first.

"Well no one asked me if I'm ready," Remus whispered.

James made eye contact with Remus, and really looked into his eyes. He studied the eyes he'd known for six years. And that pair of eyes stared right back at him, deep into his soul. James could see hurt. Regret. Sadness. But mainly, hurt. And he was annoyed that he hadn't noticed sooner. How could he not have noticed?

"Are you ready?" James asked, his voice just above a whisper, cracking slightly towards the end.

"No," Remus replied hesitantly and faintly, very faintly.

James wondered if he had imagined it, but he supposed it made sense. Of course Remus wasn't ready. None of them were ready for this. Not really.

"No?" Sirius asked, with so much hope in his voice.

James caught the look shared between Remus and Sirius, it was seeing looks like that when he'd usually smile, but he didn't have it in him to smile. Not tonight.

"No," Remus repeated.

"What -" Sirius started but didn't finish as Remus stood up, stepping away from the ledge, helping Sirius up as well, holding his hand and Remus shut Sirius up by kissing him.

James stared, not knowing what to feel as he took it in. He was happy and relieved that Remus had changed his mind. The plan had worked. It had all worked out. So, why was he still feeling… not quite right?

He wasn't jealous, no. That wasn't it. He did wish for what they had, though.

He was seriously thinking of giving up on Lily. He had changed, taken in Remus's advice, but nothing worked. Why? Was it because of his hero complex? Was it because he always tried to save people? Was he too well-liked? Was he too… James? Was he too much, would no one love him, for being him?

He didn't move from the window, leaning his head against the wall, internally sighing. James moved his glasses up to the bridge of his nose as he looked down at the Hogwarts grounds. It was high. Very high. But he was used to heights. That wasn't what scared him.

What scared him was that he wouldn't mind just… accidentally falling. Perhaps it would be easier for everyone, if he just wasn't around anymore.

"James, come on mate," Sirius said softly, placing a supportive hand on his shoulder. "Let's go. It's freezing."

James shook his head, not taking his eyes off Hogwarts, at night. The stars shone brightly through the clear sky. One star brighter than all the rest. If he remembered his Astronomy lessons, he recognised it to be the Leo constellation.

He closed his eyes, imagining falling off the edge. Imagining the darkness, the peace.

"James?" Remus's soft, broken voice was in his ear.

James didn't want to open his eyes. He couldn't get rid of the temptation. It was calling him, the monster inside him, coming back to haunt him. I make things worse for everyone. I save people. Maybe, I can't be saved from that. I need to make it stop. Make it all stop. What was the point of fighting, if no one wanted to be saved?

"I'll be there for you, like you were for me. You showed me that you're willing to do anything for your friends. Even if a monster like me is one of them. I'm holding on for you, Sirius and Peter. It was you that saved me. You didn't even think twice. Neither of you did. You were willing to…" Remus took a deep breath.

James finally opened his eyes again, shutting away his thoughts inside a box, with a lock and key. He opened them to find Remus crouching down next to him - a heartbroken expression on his face - before grinning. He grinned so brightly as though none of what had just transpired, had ever happened.

"Pinky promise," Remus said out of the blue.

James let out a light chuckle of disbelief, remembering Remus introducing the promise to them in second year, after The Marauders had caught Remus and Lily doing what had looked like an Unbreakable Vow.

"What are we going to pinky promise?" James asked, tearing his gaze away from the night sky, using his sleeves to wipe away his dried tears.

"Promise me you won't give up. I'll promise you the same," Remus replied, glancing at Sirius too, who nodded in agreement, choosing not to say anything. He looked to be on the verge of tears, blinking the water away from his eyes.

James sighed heavily. Fine, he thought. Not tonight. No one was… no one was going anywhere tonight.

He nodded once, standing up, joining Sirius and Remus in a triangle. James looked at his best friends, one at a time. He looked at Sirius first, who seemed to be putting a brave face on, behind his mask of grinning his cheeky smile. His eyes gave him away though, his eyes were sad, his smile not reaching them, like his smiles usually did.

He looked at Remus, who's smile was wider than before, but only by a small amount. Remus hadn't hidden his pain away, but it looked like he had accepted it. He was trying to be brave.

They all were. But at this point in time, none of them were very good at hiding it.

James put his pinky in the middle, and nodded to them both. "Don't give up, no matter how dark the times get," he said quietly, but determinedly. They had to be strong. And they had to do it together.

The only person who they were missing was Peter. But once he was sleeping, there was no waking him. Believe him, they've tried.

Sirius nodded and put his pinky in the middle, connecting him to James, both smiling weakly at each other. Remus nodded once, connecting his pinky to theirs. They didn't need to say anything else.

Everything had been said.

James grinned for the first time in a while, his whole body felt considerably lighter, like a weight had been lifted off his shoulders.

He knew one thing:

They were going to be okay.

"Promise."

The End

Trick or Treat? I'll leave you to decide.

Characters: James/Sirius/Remus

Trope: Devastation and ruin with a bit of soft loving to try and stop them from doing the unthinkable.

Prompt: The monster inside them berates them, calls them worthless, haunts their mind. They wish it would end.