So, you know those moments in history or in works of fiction where the good guys finally reach the point where they snap and just tear into their oppressive masters? Consider this that moment for Comet. Hope that you enjoy it, everyone!
Comet had seen things that could be considered both amazing and terrifying throughout his fourteen years of existence. Monsters, herds of stampeding Warnicorns, flushable toilets, to name a few. Yet as he stood within the depths of the dreaded Sgt. Oleg's Reform School for Wayward Princes, his friend and guide from Earth in tow, Comet felt like all of that paled in comparison to what he saw now. Floating before him, with a face powdered so whitely that he looked like a figurine and a stringent hairstyle, was Mare Cranium "MC" Colthead, his oldest friend, boasting a vacant smile devoid of any real emotion. When faced with the revelation that his brother from another mother had been turned into an obedient regal robot, Comet reacted in the most logical way possible: by freaking the Hell out.
"Marcia, this is terrible!" He cried out as he grabbed hold of Marcia's Prince disguise. "This school has taken my best friend and turned him into a mindless zombie!"
"My good man, you seem to be rather distressed. Perhaps some tea and crumpets would help to soothe your nerves?" MC asked in the same posh manner as before, which only made Comet even more upset.
"THAT'S NOT THE MC I KNOW!" Comet shouted in anguish. Seeing how her best friend looked ready to fall to pieces and knowing just how screwed they would be if that happened, Marcia decided to take charge.
"Relax, Comet. I've got this," Marcia confidently said as she strode towards the fly unicorn head. "Hey, MC. Remember me?" She asked as she took off her hat, allowing her hair to fall freely downward and her headband to become visible. "It's me, Earth Turd? You know, that 'hussy' who tried to steal your best friend away from you?"
"Tsk, tsk, tsk, madame. Such language is unbecoming of a lady and belongs in the gutters of Galfamor." MC simply told her.
Wow, that was actually polite, Marcia thought to herself. "You know, Comet, I think I like him better this way," she told him.
"Well, I don't, Marcia. It's not my MC!" Comet pouted as he crossed his arms in frustration.
"Oh, come on, Comet. After we disable that crystal and get him out of here, he'll finally be a benefit to society," she tried to argue. This, of course, only made Comet look at her like she'd gone mad.
"At least one of us will be of some use to society and not traipsing about in such an appalling state," MC dryly remarked.
"I'm sorry, what?" Marcia asked in confusion. "MC, I know that Comet's outfit isn't the most regal right now, but I don't think it's necessary for you to tear into him like that."
"As barbaric as this young man's choice of apparel is, madame, I wasn't talking about him," MC clarified. "I was actually referring to your and your absolutely deplorable state of attire."
"Excuse me?" Marcia questioned as she sharply raised an eyebrow in accusation. "And what's wrong with what I'm wearing?"
"Everything. What kind of woman goes around disguising herself as that of a man?" MC said in a very disapproving tone. "It's an insult to the natural order of society and everything we hold dear, and frankly, I am surprised that your parents would allow you to disgrace them by going out in public like this!"
Marcia was left at a complete loss for words. Never, in her entire life, had she been subjected to such blatantly sexist criticism. She was livid, absolutely infuriated. While MC had looked down on her, calling her a gold-digger, hussy, and friend-stealer, he'd never disparaged her for her gender! And at that moment, Marcia knew that she preferred the old, obnoxious MC over the dignified yet misogynistic behavior of the one facing her now!
"I take it back, Comet. I hate this new MC more than the old one," Marcia said, disgusted.
"You see, Marcia? This is what this place does to people. It takes any sense of free-thinking and originality from a person and wrings them completely dry!" Comet said as he gestured towards the floating horsehead. "They force-feed everyone here the same diet of innocuous, oppressively fancy mush until all these poor souls can do is spew it out of their mouths!"
Marcia raised her hands to de-escalate the situation. "Okay, Comet, I admit it. This school's methods are violating several ethical standards-"
"Told you so!"
"-But not much time's passed since you last spoke to MC. So, it's likely that they only finished doing whatever they did to him just before we got here," Marcia explained. "We just need to get him to someplace he recognizes, and this state he's in should wear off on its own."
"You think so, Marcy?" Comet asked as he kept looking at his virtually-zombified friend in concern.
"Trust me, Comet. I swear on my word as Dr. Marcia, Ph.D., that this will work." Marcia then began to gather to move around the room, collecting various items as she did so. "Now, don't just stand there and start grabbing anything useful."
"Why? What are we doing?" Comet said as he began to look for anything useful, even though he didn't know what exactly that meant.
"One of the keys to a successful prison escape is to buy yourself as much time to remain undetected as possible. That's why we're going to use this stuff," she gestured to the items in their arms, "to make a dummy of MC. Hopefully, it'll fool the guards long enough for us to make our getaway."
"Marcia, that's brilliant!" Comet said, complimenting his friend's ingenuity. "Where'd you learn that trick?"
"From Don Siegel's 1979 prison film Escape from Alcatraz. Which was based on how three prisoners escaped the thought-to-be-inescapable Alcatraz Prison."
"Oh, yeah, that place. You told me about it when we planned that day trip to San Francisco," Comet said when he recalled when Marcia talked him into using his scissors to take a day trip to the famous California city. "Too bad we couldn't go there because the ferries were closed, and you wouldn't let me just take us there."
Marcia rolled her eyes. "I told you, Comet: those places depend on tourist revenue to stay open. So now less talking, more dummy-building."
Within moments, the teens had managed to create a convincing decoy before hanging it from the ceiling. Once Comet grabbed ahold of his brainwashed buddy, Marcia gingerly opened the door, just enough to peek out and spot any patrolling guards. Thankfully, luck seemed to be on their side. "It's clear," Marcia whispered to Comet as the two bolted from the room, with the latter carrying MC under his arms.
Unfortunately, in his current state, MC proved to be a hindrance to their plans. "I say, escaping is most inappropriate, my good man," MC told them in the same posh and haughty voice as before. "Guards? Guards!"
"MC, shush!" Comet told his friend as he tried to get him to keep his mouth shut. However, it would seem that the brainwashed Prince of the Coltheads was either unable or unwilling to listen to his best friend, as he kept calling out for the guards. Finally, realizing that this wasn't going to stop, Comet let out a heavy sigh as he pulled out his Wand.
"Sorry, MC, but you made me do this!" Comet then tapped MC's snout with his Wanda, creating a muzzle to silence him until they could get clear. However, not even that seemed to dissuade the floating equine cranium from trying to cry out in a misguided attempt to get help.
"Comet, how much farther do you think we have to go?" Marcia asked as she followed behind him. "Do you even know where we're going?"
"No. It's not like the bastards who run this place let outsiders know the layout," Comet told her. He wasn't wrong either. Sgt. O's was a place that kept everything about it close to its metaphorical chest. They only released the bare minimum of information about the site to the public to preserve its methods, and even then, the only ones who could access it were the Kings and Queens who sent their sons there.
"You know, for someplace so infamous, it seems like not a lot of people know what this place is really like." Even Marcia couldn't help but point out that particular thread.
"What little information this place is willing to share claims it's to keep potential rivals from copying its methods, and most of the public seems to buy it," Comet told her as they snuck around another corner as they worked their way back to the classrooms. "But us Princes know the truth: they don't want anyone to know about the torture they put people through here."
"Comet, don't you think you're-"
Comet spun around and looked at Marcia once more. "I can't believe it! Even after everything you've seen since we got here, you still want to defend this posh prison!?" Comet asked, utterly incredulous. "This place represents everything wrong with what it means to be royalty! They don't just get rid of so-called 'un-Princely behavior'; they repress any ideas that they consider to be a threat to the way things are." When he saw that they had made it to a hallway with more classrooms, Comet stopped and began to point at each of them. "Look, Marcia, at what they teach. 'The Importance of Following Traditions.' They insist on keeping things the same even when it doesn't make sense. And over there, we've got the 'Alpha Male Introductory' course. That's basically telling Princes to believe they're always right, even when they're wrong."
"Okay, those do-"
"Wait, I'm not done," Comet interrupted. "That class over there teaches Princes how to get rid of 'weak emotions.' That's just another way of saying, 'we don't want you guys to ever show things like sadness, compassion, and more.' But that one?" Comet then pointed at one classroom in particular. "That one has to be the worst offender! 'How to Control Your Woman, Advanced Studies'! I may not have known about the concept of feminism before I came to Earth, but when I was a kid, my Mom taught me to respect women as equals. And if she saw any of this, she would go ballistic." Comet wasn't exaggerating. As the Queen of Mewni, everyone expected Lake Dragonfly to be quiet, timid, and obedient to her husband. But as a Johansen, Lake didn't believe gender dictated one's role and made sure Comet learned this growing up. So if she saw something like this, she would level the place.
When Comet had finished calling her out, Marcia couldn't help but shudder. She was grateful to live somewhere on Earth where being a girl didn't limit what she could do with her life, but she also knew that, historically, many women weren't so lucky. And after hearing what MC said about her disguise and what Comet had pointed out just now, Marcia realized what made this place so bad. It was like all the toxic masculinity of Medieval Earth being force-fed down people's throats.
"Alright, Comet, I admit it. This school is as bad as you made it out to be, and I can see why you would hate its guts. But what on Earth could we possibly-"
"Hey, you there!"
A sudden, gruff-sounding voice called out to them from the fall end of the hall. Marcia and Comet looked behind them and saw, to their horror, one of the school's many guards looking right at them.
"What do you two think you're doing outside of class. No students are allowed to leave the classroom until they are dismissed by their instructors," the guard said as he walked towards the two teens. "So what are you two doing loitering around in the hallways."
This is bad. We were so focused on our argument that we didn't bother to pay attention to the guards, Marcia thought as she mentally scolded herself for her carelessness.
"Marcia, get behind me," Comet whispered as he reached for his Wand. "If I blast this guy, we can make a break for it."
"No, wait. maybe we can still talk our way out of this," Marcia whispered back. "And don't let them see MC," she told him before stepping forward. Clearing her throat to make her voice as deep as possible, Marcia then began to speak.
"My apologies, good sir. I'm, uh, Prince Marcus," Marcia said, introducing herself. "My friend and I are new here, and we noticed that one of the other Princes seemed to be coming down with something. We were escorting them to the nurse's office when we got turned around. Would you happen to know how to get there?" Marcia then stood there and stared at the guard, hoping that he would buy her story.
The guard's stern expression began to soften, and for a moment, Marcia felt like they were in the clear. Once again, though, fate seemed to conspire against them. Comet was so busy watching the conversation that he failed to notice that MC had slipped off his muzzle and thus resumed what he'd been doing: trying to hinder their escape.
"Yoo-hoo, guard?" MC called out from behind Comet's back. "I am being held against my will as a part of an escape attempt."
"MC!" Comet said, not even bothering to hide his voice as he began to shake MC. "What is wrong with you, man!?"
"Honor demands that I obey the wishes of my family and do what is best for my kingdom," MC stated without hesitation, much to Comet and Marcia's horror. Now fully aware of what was going on, the guard became hostile once more. Very, very hostile.
"I knew it!" the guard cried. "None may leave this school without permission from the Headmaster. You two are coming with-AUUGGGGHH!" Marcia didn't even bother letting the guard finish making his threat. Instead, acting on instinct, she lunged forward and elbowed the being in the gut as hard as she could before following up with a roundhouse kick to the head that sent them flying into a nearby wall. Marcia didn't even bother to ensure that the guard was down for the count since she knew that the noise would bring more there in seconds.
"Come on, let's go!" Marcia shouted. Comet didn't argue with her orders as the two (and MC) bolted down the hallway as the guard began to regain his bearings. Getting up from the floor and dusting themselves off, the security guard pressed a button on their jacket, activating a built-in communicator.
"Attention, all guards. Be on the lookout for three possible escapees on the loose. Repeat, there is a group of Princes attempting to escape the school grounds."
Comet and Marcia began to race down the hallways, having thrown stealth out the window. As they did so, they could hear voices coming from the nearby hallways and rooms that only seemed to get louder the further they went.
"This isn't good. We need someplace to hide!" Marcia pointed out as the voices began to get even louder.
"Quick! In here!" Comet pointed to a nearby room, prompting them to duck inside. Once they got inside, though, they saw something truly horrifying. Sitting there, at various dining tables, was a group of a dozen or so Princes sipping tea while repeating something.
"Keep your pinkies at 90 degrees, more tea, please," they would say in unison before taking a sip. Then, they would repeat that same phrase once more. "Keep your pinkies at 90 degrees, more tea, please."
Play Pinkies at 90 Degrees- /X43kuKeuBA4
They kept doing this over and over and over like they were in a trance. It was absolutely terrifying to look at. They didn't even act like real people, more like mindless robots. Comet summed up what he and Marcia were thinking in a very appropriate manner.
"It's like every nightmare and lecture I've ever had fused into one, clone itself, fucked the clone, and then made this!"
Marcia didn't even bother to scold Comet for his language; she completely agreed! "That is terrifyingly accurate, Comet!"
Then, to make things even creepier, MC started to join in on the chant.
"Keep your pinkies at 90 degrees," he said, horrifying Comet.
"You don't even have pinkies, MC," Comet tried to point out. "You don't even have hands!"
"I think they went in here!"
Marcia was brought back to reality by the sound of the guards approaching the room. "Quick, we gotta hide!" she said as she pulled them to the ground just as the guards entered the room.
"No sign of them. Spread out and find them. They have to be here somewhere!" One of the guards barked orders before leading his compatriots into the tables. All the while, the Princes remained ignorant of their surroundings and kept repeating the same phrase over and over.
End Music if it Hasn't Already.
"Marcy, they're right on top of us," Comet said as they took shelter behind one of the tables. "Okay, I vote we start blasting our way out of here," Comet said as he held out his Wand. Despite the overwhelming temptation to agree with him, Marcia's safe kid instincts kept her from doing so.
"Do that, and the whole school will be after us. All we need is a distraction."
"Well, there's no way they're getting my individuality like they got these mindless drones'," Comet proclaimed as he peaked up over the table, seeing that one of the guards was coming dangerously close to their hiding spot.
Marcia's face lit up at this. "Hold on, Comet. I think I've got an idea!" Marcia motioned for Comet to get back down while she stood up and grabbed a nearby teacup.
"What are you doing, Marcy?"
"Taking a page from your book," she said, winking at him before she went through with her insane plan. Then, throwing the teacup at the nearest guard, Marcia cried out in the loudest voice that she could hope to make, "IT'S NOT CRIMINAL TO BE AN INDIVIDUAL!"
"Hey! Who did that?" The guard in question asked, trying to find the one responsible for attacking him. But Marcia wasn't letting them have any time to react.
"Everyone, is this really what you want your life to be like?" Marcia said to all the Princes, who had stopped what they were doing, to look at her. "Sitting here in these gaudy clothes and sipping tea while we're force-fed mindless drivel? Come on, that's no way to live! It's not criminal to be an individual!"
The Princes just looked at Marcia, then at each other, and then at the teacups in their hands. Then one of them shouted out, "What the fuck am I doing with my life!?" The Prince then proceeded to follow Marcia's example and threw his teacup at another guard. He then proceeded to leap onto the table, scream like a madman, and bodyslammed the guard into a nearby table.
After this, there was no stopping what was to come. One by one, the Princes seemed to come out of whatever trance they were in and realized how stupid what they were doing was. They began to throw their teacups to the ground or at the guards, all while repeating Marcia's words: "It's not criminal to be an individual!"
"RIOT!" One of the more rowdy-looking Princes shouted before grabbing onto the nearest guard, plunging the room into utter anarchy. As the guards struggled to contain the chaos, they failed to notice three people taking advantage of the confusion to slip away.
As Comet and Marcia ran away from the tea room, they were met with a pleasant surprise, courtesy of MC. "Heh heh, that fool got scalded," the floating head said, making Comet gasp.
"Did you hear that, Marcia? MC just laughed at an authority figure! So he's still in there!" he jubilantly shouted, making Marcia smile for her friend.
"What did you just say?!" Mr. Abhorrent said as he slammed his fist down on his desk. "Because I better not have heard you say that there was an uprising in my school, Geminine," the Headmaster threateningly told his assistant and the two guards accompanying her. As their leader continued to glare at them, Geminine felt the sudden urge to hide her face behind the clipboard she was carrying. Even the guards, who were robots, winced at the sight of the livid Headmaster. Mr. Abhorrent was never in a particularly good mood, but rarely was he ever genuinely mad. On the rare occasion where he lost his temper, though, people wisely learned to fear it.
Geminine gulped before nodding her head. "I'm afraid that it is true, sir. Two Princes were found by a guard outside their dorms and classrooms. They promptly attacked the guard before fleeing into the tea room, at which point they incited the students present to turn on the security. We are still working on quelling the riot and, um, have yet to apprehend those responsible."
Mr. Abhorrent didn't say anything at first. He merely placed both hands on the desk before using it to push himself up in a deliberate attempt to look intimidating as possible. "Put the school on lockdown. Get every guard we have available to contain this crisis and find the freethinkers responsible. No one has ever escaped from Sgt. O's-"
"AHHHHHHHHHH!" a voice seemed to scream out, catching everyone off guard.
"Did, did you hear that, too?" Abhorrent asked in utter confusion. When the others nodded. "As I was saying, no one has-no, nope. It's over. The screaming killed my big dramatic speech about how no one's escaped Sgt. O's-"
"AHHHHHHHHH!" the voice screamed again, making everyone even more confused and Mr. Abhorrent angrier than he already was.
"Oh, for the love of-" Abhorrent grumbled to himself. "Just go and fix this. And find whoever's responsible for that stupid screaming while you're about it!"
"It will be done, sir," Geminine dutifully nodded before going off to complete her tasks, leaving the Headmaster by himself.
"I don't know who's foolish enough to start a rebellion, but they will soon learn the cost of doing so at Sgt. Ol-"
"AAHHHHHHHH!"
"Okay, where is that screaming coming from?!"
"Comet, why do you keep screaming like that!?" Marcia yelled at him.
"I'm sorry, Marcia!" Comet said apologetically. "I think my fear of this place has gotten so bad, I scream when someone says this school's name, even if they're not in the room!"
"That is the dumbest thing I have ever heard, Comet!" Marcia berated him. "And yet, it's not the craziest thing I've ever seen you do," she reluctantly admitted. "Now come on, we gotta find a way out of this place!" The two had been running for the last few minutes in a desperate attempt to evade the guards. Yet, no matter where they turned, they only managed to run into even more guards; the whole place seemed to have them coming out of the woodwork!
"There they are! Grab them!"
Then, to make matters worse, they took a wrong turn and ended up in a hallway filled with guards, forcing them to double back, only to find the way they came loaded with more guards. They were slowly being boxed in. Thinking fast, Comet and Marcia then ducked inside the nearest room just as the guards were right on top of them.
"Quick, barricade the door!" Marcia shouted as she struggled to hold back the sheer weight of the robotic guardians of Sgt. O's for long. Moving at speeds that Marcia didn't even think were possible for someone his age, Comet began to grab anything that wasn't nailed down and used it to block the door. Couches, bookshelves, curtains to tie everything together; Comet just went to town. Yet, no matter what they used, the guards just kept breaking through.
"New plan: hide!"
Thinking fast, the teens made themselves as scarce as possible, just as the guards broke through. They scanned the room for the fugitives for a quick moment before noticing a pair of horned, purple boots sticking out from one of the curtains that hadn't been torn down.
"There they are! Get them!" The guards then rushed forward and pulled away the curtains...only to find no one there—just an empty pair of stylish boots.
"It's a decoy," the guard said in frustration before barking orders at his compatriots. "Spread out and search the area. They couldn't have gotten far!"
Unbeknownst to them, the people that they were looking for had been hiding right above them the entire time. Using his impressive parkour skills and enhanced strength as a Mewman, Comet had managed to grab Marcia and MC before climbing his way up to the ceiling to a chandelier hanging overhead. They waited in absolute silence as the guards left to continue their pursuit, blissfully unaware that they had just missed their prey.
"Okay, I'll bite: how much can you bench, Comet?" Marcia asked as soon as the guards had left. Comet simply shrugged his shoulders to this before they used the confusion to slip away.
Elsewhere, the guards had finally managed to put the school into lockdown. The student rioters in the tea room had put up fierce resistance, but eventually, they were overwhelmed by sheer numbers. After that, it was a simple matter of returning them to their dorm rooms, which Mr. Abhorrent personally saw.
"As you can see, sir," Geminine said as she dutifully followed her boss, "we have successfully stifled the uprising. And I've received word that the guards are closing in on the ones responsible for this revolt. So soon, we will have them in custody and stifle their free-thinking spirit in the Solitary Conform-ment Chamber."
"Very good, Geminine. This could have been the biggest crisis in the history of Sgt. Oleg's-" Mr. Abhorrent paused for a moment, anticipating the bizarre screaming, but it never came. Satisfied, he then continued speaking. "-yet we have managed to crush it in its infancy."
"Yes, sir. And over here, we have our latest success story, Prince Mare Cranium Colthead." Geminine then motioned to MC's room, where the two saw the Prince floating by the window. "Once one of our most rebellious Princes, as you can see, MC has been reborn as the model of Princely etiquette."
"You know, I'm not sure if stifle is the word that I'm looking for," Mr. Abhorrent said as he noted the repeated use of that word. "Now, Geminine, I want you to go prepare the Chamber for its newest occupants. I will be leading this hunt myself." Mr. Abhorrent said with a wicked grin on his face as he departed to join the hunt.
If Mr. Abhorrent had bothered to stick around, he might have looked at Mare Colthead with a bit more scrutiny. And if he had done that, he would've realized that "Prince Colthead" was really a well-made dummy hanging from a rope attached to the ceiling. That, and that there was a note addressed to him that said "The Lannisters send their regards,"
Comet and Marcia had to face the facts: they were lost.
After managing the give the guards the slip, the two friends had decided not to take any chances as they tried to find their way out of the school. Instead, they darted in and out of rooms or hid behind furniture if anyone came by. In hindsight, the pair were grateful that they got prior experience in infiltration in Libertalia. Otherwise, they may not have made it this far without getting captured.
Unlike Diavolo's crew of undisciplined pirates, though, the guys guarding Stg. Oleg's knew what they were doing. They were thorough, sweeping every crack and crevice for signs of their quarry. Most detrimental, though, was the fact that they knew to never split up. Several times, the Prince and his guide had spotted a guard standing by themselves, easy prey for the likes of them. Comet's first instinct was to try to get the jump on them, but Marcia continued to point out the fact that several other guards were lurking nearby, waiting to ambush them, a very deadly tactic.
Thus, the pair's progress through the school was slow-going, and with more and more guards appearing around every corner, their chances of slipping out undetected grew slimmer. Then, just as they rounded another corner, they came across a lone guard. Acting instinctually, Comet threw up his Wand and hit the robot with a point-blank Narwhal Blast that left them impaled on the wall. Moments later, they could hear shouting as more guards began to run to their location, followed by the sound of dogs barking.
"Come on! We've got to find a way to lose them for good!" Comet said as he grabbed Marcia's hand and began to run twice as fast as before. He could hear the dogs hot on their heels and knew that they were running out of time. But then, it seemed like they caught a break. After rounding another bend in the labyrinth of hallways, Marcia spotted a familiar-looking door on one of the walls. It was a laundry chute!
"Quick, through there!" Marcia peeled off and made a beeline for the chute, prying it open before motioning Comet to get in. "See you guys at the bottom, bro." Comet climbed in first with MC tucked underneath his arms before Marcia tried to get in. However, something was wrong; Marcia wasn't able to move forward.
"Come on, damn it! Why can't I get in here?" Marcia asked aloud as the barking got even closer.
"Marcia, come on! We don't have much time!" Comet shouted as he tried to use his legs to keep him in one place. He wasn't going to go without knowing his best friend, the one who had agreed to go with him on this crazy mission, was right behind him!
"My stupid cape's stuck on the door! Curse this fashionable outfit!" Comet could hear Marcia cry out from above. As Comet tried to crane his neck up in an attempt to see what was wrong, he lost his balance, making him slide down the laundry chute, destination unknown.
"MARCIAAAAAA!"
"Comet!" Marcia cried out to her best friend. Then, in desperation, she tried to reach over her shoulders and tear the cape off. As the girl did so, though, she felt several pairs of hands grab ahold of her. She began to kick wildly, hoping that one of her attacks would dislodge her assailants, to know such luck. The next thing Marcia Diaz knew, she was roughly yanked out of the laundry chute into the waiting arms of the guards of Sgt. Oleg's Reform School for Wayward Princes.
Comet had no idea how long he'd been falling. The laundry chute seemed to go on forever. It spiraled, twisted, turned, and snaked its way through the school. If it weren't for the fact that they were in serious danger, Comet would've found the whole situation to be fun. But, on the other hand, MC seemed to be laughing as they continued their descent into the unknown. Then, after what seemed like an eternity, the ride came to an abrupt end, depositing the two Princes on a pile of laundry the size of a small hill. Thankfully, the clothes pile proved to be enough to break their fall, so they landed at the bottom of the floor without any injuries.
Comet was, however, shaken up by the whole ordeal, as would be expected, given everything that he had endured throughout the day. After taking several deep breaths to calm himself and let the adrenaline wear off, Comet was able to get his bearings. That's when his mind remembered something important: Marcia had never gone down with him.
"MARCIA! SHE'S BEEN CAPTURED!" Comet cried in alarm as he bolted right up off the ground. Then, pulling MC up to eye level, he began to look his best and oldest friend in the eyes as he began to plead for help. "MC, you got to snap out of this. Marcia's in trouble, and it's all my fault! I need your help to save her, bro! Please. I can't do this alone!"
MC looked at Comet, and then he got this funny look on his face. For a brief moment, Comet dared to hope that he managed to get through to his bestie. But, alas, that's all it was; a hope. MC quickly shook his head and began to speak in the same, overly-posh tone as before.
"A Prince who misbehaves shall be saved in the Solitary Conform-ment Chamber."
Comet could feel his eyes beginning to well up with tears. No matter what he did, he couldn't get through to MC. "Why can't you remember who you are?"
Marcia Diaz was not having a good day. First, she had woken up to find out that she had misplaced the red headband she liked wearing. Then, the Diaz girl learned that Comet's other best friend was subjected to torture inside the school-that-shall-not-be-named. So, out of pity for her best friend, she agreed to help bust him out. She thought it would be a simple quest. She turned out to be wrong, though.
The school in question turned out to have security tighter than anything found on Earth, and the Princes who attended it were subjected to methods that Marcia was certain violated several ethical standards. Such methods included but were but not limited to physical and verbal abuse, brainwashing, and enforcing outdated, toxic views on masculinity and gender attitudes down people's throats. Even MC, the Prince they had come to rescue, had succumbed to their torture. And in the process of trying to escape, Marcia had started a riot, alerted the entire school to their presence, and got herself separated from Comet, captured, and beaten up by the guards and the school's demonic Headmaster, Mr. Abhorrent, in a vain attempt to get her to tell him where her friends were.
These events led Marcia to her current predicament: chained to a chair in the middle of an empty room with a giant screen projector on the wall. However, in their haste to drag her there to break her, the guards made a fatal error. They had neglected to check her for tools. Luckily for her, she had hidden her lockpicking kit in the folds of her shirt before they could find it. After that, she just had to wait for them to leave her alone before she got to work.
First, she tested out her limbs, trying to feel how much of her body she could move. Her legs were a no-go as they were strapped into the chair. But, to her relief, she found that she could still move her neck and her wrists. "All right, Marcia. Time to put everything you learned to the test," she muttered to herself as she carefully used her wrists to remove the lockpicking kit from her sleeves. Using the dexterity built up by years of practicing martial arts and physical sports, she managed to open the equipment up and grab one of the tools inside. Carefully, she placed the tool of choice between her fingers before flicking her wrists up as far as they would go, making sure the instrument was facing the lock. Then she got to work.
Contrary to popular opinion, lockpicking wasn't that hard if you knew how to do it. The key was tension and finding the right amount. As you used a tool to feel around inside the lock, one had to lick for a specific pin, proving to be harder to move than the others. That would be the first one to work on. Once Marcia used her tool to get that first pin in place, she heard an audible click as it set in place. After that, it was a matter of repeating the process until all of the pins were bound. Thus, the lock would be unobstructed and would-
"Open!" It had taken a little longer than she had expected due to restriction of movement, but at last, Marcia heard the last pin click into place, creating the familiar sound of the lock opening. After that, Marcia pulled her hand up and felt the restraint offer no resistance. Her hand was freed! "Now, on to the second on-"
In her excitement after freeing herself, though, Marcia had accidentally dropped her kit and the tool she used on the floor, well out of her reach. "Oh, come on!" Marcia bemoaned her bad luck for the umpteenth time that day. Her one hand was freed, but that was of little consolation as she still remained trapped.
Okay, new plan. I endure whatever torture the bastards put me through, and when they come to check on me and let me out of my restraints, I get the drop on them. It wasn't much of a plan, and many things could go wrong, but it was the best that Marcia could come up with.
Just as Marcia had finished formulating her escape plan, though, the ceiling above her began to open. "What in the?" As Marcia watched, a metal, princely crown-like device began to lower from the top onto Marcia's head. "Okay, what is this supposed to b-ahh!" Before Marcia could finish her sentence, the device extended several tiny, metal clamps that grabbed hold of Marcia's eyelids, forcing them wide open.
"Okay, this is some Clockwerk Orange shit going on here!" Marcia said, criticizing the school's lack of originality. "What's next? You're going to show me this slideshow of all the things a Prince is supposed to do?"
Right on cue, the screen in front of Marcia turned on, display what had to be the drabbest, dull, and uninspiring slideshow Marcia Diaz had ever seen in her life: A Lesson in Etiquette with a Glance at the Improper: XXXVIII Edition.
"Ah, mierda," Marcia cursed in Spanish as the slide began to switch around, displaying several images. The first was of a very posh young man wearing the most ridiculous-looking feathered hat the Diaz girl had ever seen in her life. It even had peacock feathers in it!
"The proper hat for the event, lest you be in malcontent." A dull, GPS-lady voice spoke.
"Oh, boy. So I guess that we're doing this now," Marcia said in irritation at the fact that she was being Clockwork Orange'd. "Bring it on. I can handle anything you throw at me."
The next few slides began to go by, displaying various regal-looking males in different situations that Marcia had seen monarchs in paintings on Earth. All the while, the dull-sounding voice continued to talk about its 'lessons' in rhyme. Marcia, though, refused to let herself be broken.
In the booth up above, Mr. Abhorrent was observing the conform-ment process with displeasure. He had recognized this Prince from today's arrivals and thus was displeased that someone would dare to do this on their first day at his school. That displeasure had only grown when the boy refused to tell them where his co-conspirators were, even having the gall to spit in his face. For a brief moment, he had the base urge to bash their face in with his cane, but he withheld himself. Such actions were unbecoming of a gentleman, and he would not allow a child to make him a hypocrite.
Besides, there are other ways of breaking someone, Mr. Abhorrent thought. This new arrival was proving to be particularly stubborn, though. "Ugh, I can smell his free-thinking stench from up here," the Headmaster complained. "Geminine, increase the power. Let's show our little rebel what he's dealing with."
"Yes, sir," Geminine dutifully obeyed, pressing a button that caused several jolts of electricity to course through Marcia's chair, making her scream in pain. Yet she held fast.
Don't let them break you, Marcia! You're stronger than this! Marcia told herself as she mentally braced herself. She knew that this would be one of her toughest battles yet, but for her sake, and for the sake of Comet, she would not lose!
"So, this is how it ends then," Comet said aloud as he lay in the pile of dirty clothes. "Not in a blaze of glory that will be spoken of for generations, or surrounded by my friends, loved ones, and adoring fans. Instead, the story of Comet Dragonfly, Magical Prince Extraordinaire, comes to an end on a cold, checkered floor, surrounded by soiled linens and bedsheets. Wearing an eyepatch as his best friend is hopelessly brainwashed, and his other best friend is likely being tortured as we speak." Comet let out a weary sigh as the full weight of his f*k-up weighed down his soul. Not only had he failed to save MC, but now he put Marcia in danger. How dumb could he possibly be?!
As Comet laid there, looking up at the ceiling and bemoaning just how bad things had gotten, his eye happened to come across a certain poster. It was an idealized, overly handsome, manufactured Prince sitting poised and dignified, giving off a half-lidded smile as he drank some tea. However, it was the words on the poster that got to Comet. The same words that seemed to be the mantra of this school: "Embrace a Prince mentality. Wipe away your individuality," Comet read aloud. And then, something happened.
Within an instant, all of the horrible memories Comet had accrued over the years hit him like a tidal wave. All the times the Mewman elite snickered and mocked him behind his back for how he chose to act. The jokes they made at his expense about how he was a failure as a Prince. The lectures from his nasty Uncle Eternia about "A Prince was supposed to be" and how he and several other relatives kept trying to pressure his Dad into sending him to this hellhole. But most of all, he remembered the nightmares. The horror stories that other Princes told about Sgt. Oleg's and its unscrupulous practices had been enough to leave Comet wide awake at night, not wanting to fall asleep for fear of waking up at the infamous institution. And just when it felt like Comet was about to drown in a sea of negativity, something inside of him...snapped.
It was like someone had ignited a white-hot sun inside of his chest, instantly burning away all the negative thoughts, especially the fear. Instead, he felt only one thing within him: anger. And that anger compelled him to act!
"Embrace this!" Comet charged right at the poster with a primal cry, holding a broom that he happened to grab, and proceeded to whack at the offending artwork. "Stupid poster! Stupid Eternia! Stupid Abhorrent! I. FUCKING. HATE. SGT. OLEG'S!" Comet screamed as loud as he could, not caring if anyone heard him. He had had it with being afraid of this school! He had had it with this place taking away other people's freedom! And he had had it with taking away his friends! "A school like this...DOESN'T EVEN DESERVE TO EXIST!" Comet shouted as he let all of his anger out. But soon, the rage began to fade, and Comet started to see that he had failed to do any damage to the poster.
Just like how I failed to do anything about this prison, Comet thought as he felt the fight leave him. Just like how I was unable to do anything for my friends. Comet could feel the tears beginning to come out of his eyes as he fell to his knees. "I can't even save my..., my own friends," he said as he continued to sob to himself.
As all of this was transpiring, MC had been watching the boy from a distance, still sporting the same creepy AF smile, his mind filled with things such as Princely duties, finding a proper marriage partner, and the future of his people and whatnot. But somewhere, in the back of his mind, a dim part of him recognized the strange, emotional boy standing before him. He knew that he knew him from somewhere, that he had known him for a long time, and that he was supposed to be important to him. Like, the most important person in his life. But he couldn't remember his name.
C-C-Comet? Yes, that is right! Comet, my oldest and dearest of companions, MC mentally reminded himself. But then he paused as another thought came into his head: how could he have forgotten about Comet? About all the fun that they had together? About the dude who loved him and saw value in him even when others didn't? But most importantly, how had he failed to realize what was happening at the moment: Comet was...crying.
Who dares to hurt my best friend?! MC thought as he floated towards the weeping boy. First, he looked at Comet, and then he looked at the poster. On the surface, it was supposed to one of encouragement to become a model royal. That was supposed to be a good thing! Right?
But wait...what good is being a model Prince if all it does is make the people around me all miserable and junk? As soon as that thought had entered MC Colthead's mind, the domino effect began to take place. A sudden realization began to come over him as he began to remember how he had acted since Comet had somehow gotten inside the school. And it absolutely disgusted him!
What am I doing? THIS ISN'T ME! I'M NOT SOME GOODY TWO-SHOES PRINCE THAT FOLLOWS THE RULES! I'M A REBELLIOUS PARTY ANIMAL! And in that instant, MC felt clarity and knew what he had to do. And so he floated forward, and after a second of hesitation, used his horn to tear a tiny rip in the poster.
"Heh heh," MC chuckled to himself as he did so. That felt...good. Like, really good! So he did it again. And again. And as he did so, his laughter became less refined and more boisterous and carefree. It had felt like an eternity since he last felt like this! "Heh heh heh, heh heh heh ha ha! Oh, yeah! That feels so GOOD! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA!"
Comet managed to stop crying as he heard what was happening behind him. When he looked up, he saw a miracle occurring right before his eyes. MC was slicing away at the hated poster, laughing as he shook off the powder and tore off the ribbons that were keeping his gorgeous, flowing mane in a ponytail. "OH, THAT IS GOOD! I'M BACK, BABY!"
"MC?" Comet couldn't believe his eyes at first, but sure enough, there he was: Mare Cranium Colthead in all his wild glory. "MC! YOU'RE BACK!" Without a second of hesitation, Comet leaped towards his floating-headed friend and pulled him into the biggest hug he could give. "I WAS SO WORRIED I HAD LOST YOU FOREVER!"
"I know you were, Comet, but thanks to you, I'm going to be just fine!" MC said in a rare moment of sincerity. "Like I told you, no jail can hold me for long! WOOHOO! I FEEL SO ALIVE!" MC whooped and hollered as he spun through the air, feeling freer than he'd been in months. "But I can't believe you broke into this place just to get me out, Comet. You are, like, the best bro in the history of bros!"
"I can't full credit, MC..." Comet said sadly. "Marcia helped me get in here, but she got captured by Abhorrent."
MC gasped. "Earth Turd got caught?" He said, genuinely horrified. "Oh ho ho ho ho, no way! There's no way I'm letting that chick get put through the wringer here! Best bestie's never leave each other behind, right?"
Comet gasped. "You just called Marcia my best friend..."
"On Earth. I'm still your best bestie and bro for life. But if she was crazy enough to break in here and help get me out, then I guess she's alright with me, or whatever. Just don't tell her I said that!" MC said. "Now come on! I know the way to the Conform-ment Chamber where they're probably torturing her!"
"Hold up, MC," Comet suddenly said, stopping his best friend in his tracks. "I want to rescue Marcia, but that's not going to be enough."
"Huh?"
Comet got this weird look on his face. "I said that it's not enough. I've been here a few hours, and I've learned that this school isn't as bad as the stories said it was. It's worse! And dozens of other Princes are going through what you went through and what Marcia's going through! Well, no more. This tyranny ends today!"
"Comet, you wouldn't happen to be suggesting what I think you are?"
Comet then got this devious look on his face. "If by that, you meant that we run roughshod over all the guards, rescue Marcia, and then wipe this blight of a school off the face of the Universe, then yes, I am suggesting that. I don't care if my Dad or family find out; this place deserves to go down for what it's done!"
"Say no more, man; I'm in! I've got months of pent-up anger at this place that need an outlet!"
"Well, then, what are we waiting for! The day of reckoning for Sgt. Oleg's Reform School for Wayward Princes is upon us! Hey, I said the name without screaming!"
"FUCK YEAH! LET'S BLOW SHIT UP!"
Now newly invigorated, the two best friends charged out of the laundry room, not caring about who or what spotted them.
"The area's secure. All the Princes remain in lockdown, and the teachers are overseeing the worst offenders in their classrooms."
After subduing the failed uprising, the guards at Sgt. Oleg's had been put on high alert by Mr. Abhorrent. Despite one of the suspected ringleaders having been captured, the other remained at large. Thus, the guards had double their search efforts, determined to bring the fugitive in no matter what. Thus far, all efforts had failed, but they knew that it was only a matter of time before the one responsible for the uprising would be apprehended and made an example of.
The guards of Sgt. Oleg's had been programmed specifically to apprehend fugitive Princes, after all. Their combat protocols, durable chassis', and ruthless efficiency meant that they wouldn't stop until they had found their target. In addition, Mr. Abhorrent had personally ensured that they were programmed with every possible scenario and countermeasures, one of which included maintaining communicator contact at all times and frequent check-ins. So, as one of the robotic guards rounded the corner, it was time for the next check-in.
"Reporting in. No signs of the fugitive in this sector," the guard designated as M-650 called in.
"Nothing on our end."
"That's a negative. Where could the fugitive possibly be, anyway?"
"They're still in the school, which means we will find them. SB-129, what is the status on your end?"
Nothing. The guard tried again.
"SB-129, what is the status on your end? Report!" This time, the crackling of static came in on the other end.
"...ZZZTTT...Confirmed! We have engaged...ZTT...ugitive. He's...o..rong! Ne...backup! ARRGGHH!" And then silence. The guard began to frantically radio into his comrades, wanting to know their status.
"All units, be advised, unit SB-129 is down. We have possible hostiles inside the school!" At first, the robotic guard was met only with silence. But then, his communicator was flooded with reports. Several of the patrols around the school were calling in about being attacked by various creatures of unknown origin. One group said that they were being attacked by flying monkeys wielding exploding bananas. Another group was being attacked by a bunch of flying pigs using narwhals as spear weapons. Yet another was assailed by a group of sentient potted plants with teeth and teddy bears with crossbows!
"How is this possible? No one could have snuck an entire army inside this school!"
"We didn't need an army. All we needed was one really pissed-off teen."
M-650 wheeled around. Standing behind it was the fugitive that they'd been hunting throughout the school, along with one of the students that had somehow gotten free from their room.
"HALT! IN THE NAME OF SGT. OLEG'S YOU UNDER AR-" But M-650 never got a chance to finish their declaration as Comet Dragonfly raised his Wand and called out and shouted, "Cheeky chipmunk chaingun corps!" The next thing anyone knew, a dozen or so chipmunks, cheeks packed to the brim with nuts, appeared on the ground and began to unload their payload on the guard. Normally, nuts wouldn't be able to penetrate the robot's armor, but each and every one of the nuts being fired was filled with explosives. Within seconds, the little guys had torn the giant automaton to shreds, making it keel over on the floor.
"Looks like he couldn't handle DEEZ NUTS!" Comet proclaimed victoriously. "ALL RIGHT, WHO'S NEXT!"
"Whooaa, dude. You are an absolute beast right now! I don't think I've ever seen you get so worked up about anything," MC noted.
"Because I decided to stop being scared of this stupid school. Instead, all I feel now is pure, unyielding rage. Now, come on, let's go save Marcia!"
MC couldn't help but cry tears of joy as he watched his best bro continue to mow down the guards as they went along. "I missed him so much," he said before joining in on the fun.
"GAAAAAHHHHH!"
"Yes, yes. It may have taken longer than we anticipated. Still, we've begun to extinguish that rebellious spirit," Mr. Abhorrent said as he watched the Conform-ment Chamber begin to work on the leader of the rebellion. Once he had been brought to heel, he would serve as an example to the remaining Princes: no one defied Mr. Abhorrent or the will of Sgt. Oleg's Reform School for Wayward Princes!
Little did the Headmaster know, most of Marcia's screams were a ploy. In actuality, she had drawn upon her years of meditation and focus to mentally retreat within her mind. She was at a point where she understood what was going on but, thankfully, was able to more or less resist the brainwashing. Her ultimate goal was to wait for them to come down and remove her restraints, at which point she would jump them and make her escape.
It was a sound plan; in theory, anyway. Truthfully, though, Marcia had not expected the process to last as long as it had. Or for most of the material to disgust her this much. Or for her eyes to feel so dry from not being able to blink! Truthfully, Marcia was worried that her fake screams of agony may become real if this didn't stop soon.
Fortunately, the Universe heeded her wishes and sent her a savior. Much to everyone's surprise, one of the walls was caved in by a giant, neon rainbow fist. And guess who was standing in the middle of the newly-created hole.
"Knock knock, motherfucker!"
"Oh yeah, you guys are so screwed now!"
"What is this-WHO ARE THOSE TWO!?" Mr. Abhorrent cried out from the observation room.
"Comet? Is that you?" Marcia asked since she couldn't exactly turn her head.
"The one and only, Marcia! MC's back to normal now-"
"Sup, Earth Turd?"
"-And we're here to save you and then level this school and free everyone in it. You cool with that?"
"Where did he get that Wand? I want to know who's responsible for this oversight!" Abhorrent angrily demanded. Had he been paying attention, though, he would've noticed that Comet had turned the torture hat into a giant, mutant butterfly. Said butterfly then proceeded to smash its way through the safety and began to growl and hiss at Geminine and Mr. Abhorrent.
Those two deserve a far worse punishment, but they're not worth the time, Comet thought as he pried Marcia freed from the chair.
"It's about time you show up. I don't know how much longer I was gonna last," Marcia admitted as she steadied herself using Comet as balance. "Don't worry, I'm good. I just really need to blink," Marcia explained as she began to rapidly open and shut her eyes. "Oh, yeah, that's much better. Now, what were you saying about leveling this place because I want in."
"Glad to hear, Earth Turd. Now come on, our army awaits us!"
"Stop them! Stop them!" Mr. Abhorrent shouted in vain as the Princes escaped. There was nothing he could do, though, with the giant butterfly closing in. "No, shoo, stay away, don't touch me!" Mr. Abhorrent was getting so worked up that he didn't realize that a blue-gray club mark had begun appearing on his left cheek.
"Sir, your cheek!" Geminine cried out, finally bringing Abhorrent's attention to the birthmark on his face that he tried so hard to conceal.
"AAAHHH! DON'T LOOK AT ME, I'm HIDEOUS! YOU SAW NOTHING!" Without even a second of hesitation, the Headmaster then dove down into the Conform-ment chamber and, keeping his eyes open with his fingers, proceeded to recite everything on the slideshow. As for Geminine, she was forced to deal with the butterfly by herself.
"Um, nice thing?"
"It's not criminal to be an individual! It's not criminal to be an individual! It's not criminal to be an individual! It's not criminal to be an individual!"
Even though the school was on lockdown and the Princes were stuck in their rooms, it did little to quell their spirits. Instead, those who had been in the tea room had begun spreading the story of what happened. How a mysterious Prince had stood up and openly attacked one of the guards before inspiring the others to do the same. The tale caught like wildfire, and soon, everyone royal in the school seemed to know about the mystery Prince and was spreading his message of freedom.
"KEEP IT DOWN IN THERE!" One of the guards shouted. "ANYONE WHO CONTINUES TO SPEAK UP WILL BE SUBJECTED TO THE SOLITARY CONFORM-MENT CHAMBER!"
"Why don't you come in here and make us, you stupid, fucking shithead?" someone called out.
"WHO SAID THAT?!"
"Uh, that was me, turd-face! You got a problem with it? Come at me, bro!" another Prince said to the guards. Any fear that the Princes seemed to have towards their captors was long gone, and the guards were slowly beginning to lose control.
"ENOUGH!" One of the mechanical guards. "You can taunt us all you want, but this changes nothing. You are stuck in your rooms and are unable to do anything about it! No one escapes from Sgt. Oleg's Reform School for Wayward Princes!"
"You wanna bet, gruesome?" And then, much to the Prince's astonishment, a new figure suddenly came barreling into the dorms. They launched themselves at one of the guards, sending them flying with a devastating uppercut. Next, several guards tried to swarm the newcomer, only to be met with a barrage of laser blasts, narwhals, and shurikens made out of nachos. Within moments, the guards were either all in retreat or had been dismantled.
"Booyah! That's what you get for messing with MC-"
"And Comet Dragonfly!"
Two more figures then joined the original one, and that's when the Princes recognized who it was.
"Look. It's our savior! The one from the tea room!" All of them began to clap and cheer at the sight of Marcia, making her blush in embarrassment.
"Damn, you really managed to get through to these people, Earth Turd. They love you!" MC noted. "You gonna give them your number?"
"MC," Comet snapped. "Not the best time."
"I was just joking, bro," MC said to Comet before turning back to Marcia. "Now go on, Prince Turdius. Speak to your people!"
"You got it," Marcia confidently replied. "Also, Turdius? Really?"
"What? I think it works."
"Whatever," Marcia said, choosing to merely roll with everything as she stepped forward to speak to the assembled Princes. "My fellow wayward brothers, for too long, this school has sought to control all that makes us unique. They want us to think that what makes us different makes us unsuitable to be royalty. But I say to Hell with that! Whether we're royalty or not, we decide who we want to be in life, and there's nothing that this stuffy, backward-thinking school can do to us that says otherwise. Our destinies are our own!"
"The Mystery Prince is right," One of the trapped royals said. "I'm sick of having to drink tea every day and be lectured on my posture. I-I want to make reaction videos!"
"I wanna be a dentist!"
"I wanna write really crazy, insane fanfiction o-of this one show I like too much!"
Even Glorkon got in on everything. "I wanna find my one true love and go on an amazing trip with her to this beach made out of sugar! And it'll be freaking delicious!"
"I'm more than just a hammer!" one Prince, who was a literal humanoid hammer, cried out.
"My brothers, Sgt. Oleg's wants to turn us into rubber-stamp Princes, same as everyone else," Marcia said. "But I say that we stamp on them!" Marcia pumped her fist into the sky. "MY NAME IS PRINCE MARCUS TURDIUS, AND I SAY IT'S NOT CRIMINAL TO BE AN INDIVIDUAL! WHO'S WITH ME?" Everyone present began to roar in support, at which point, Comet, and MC unlocked their cells and set them all free. "NOW, FOLLOW ME!" Marcia shouted as she led the way, with Comet and MC at either side. Not far behind them, the Princes armed themselves with whatever they could find before joining their saviors in an all-out charge for freedom!
Throughout the school, the remaining guards and teachers became confused as they heard the sound of screaming. That is until they turned to see every last Prince trapped inside this posh prison charging right for them, their eyes filled with a single, raw emotion: vengeance. When faced with such an onslaught, many of the teachers allowed their fight-or-flight instincts to take over. Most broke and ran for it or tried to barricade themselves inside their classrooms in a vain attempt to keep the vengeful students at bay, but that did very little to save them. Comet proceeded to take aim at every single classroom and, with the power of his Wand, proceeded to blast them open, allowing the Princes to drag out the staff for some well-deserved payback. Some of the braver teachers attempted to order the students to stand down, but they soon learned that the young teens were in no mood to listen to them after months of verbal and mental abuse at their hands.
The assembled army of Princes quickly descended on the guards and teachers as they let out months of pent-up anger, beating the absolute shit out of all of them. A few of the stronger Princes even worked together to tear a few of the unfortunate robots limb from limb and then hoisting their severed body parts into the sky like grizzly trophies. The sight of the machines leaking lubrication fluid, gears, and computer chips onto the floor was enough to make Marcia shudder and even question if she was doing the right thing by inciting all these boys into a frenzy.
Thankfully, they still had the decency to not do the same to the teachers. Instead, they settled with ruining their clothes, destroying their teaching material, and punching them as they passed by. Glorkon, though, was the most vengeful. He found the etiquette teacher who had been tormenting him earlier in the day, grabbed him by his underwear, and left him hanging from the nearest chandelier.
Pretty soon, the army of Princes had made it into the courtyard, where most of the remaining guards had convened for a final stand. It was no use, though. With Comet's chaotic magic, Marcia's karate skills, and MC's laser horn, they made mince-meat of the guards. Pretty soon, the tower containing the Tramorfidian crystal was left defenseless.
"Comet, would you care to do the honors?" Marcia asked, gesturing towards the tower.
"Prince Turdius, it would be my genuine pleasure," Comet playfully responded. Then, converting his Wand into its Wand-Staff form, Comet jumped into the air and began twirling it around before shouting "ROYAL WRECKING BALL!" The resulting spell created a massive, rainbow-colored ball attached to a chain that came out of the Wand's bell. Comet swung the ball towards the tower base using all his momentum, the two colliding in a massive cloud of dust. When Comet returned to the ground, he saw that he had successfully destabilized the structure, leaving it moments away from toppling over.
"CLEAR THE AREA!" Comet shouted, with everyone complying as the tower fell to the ground with a massive thud. As for the crystal inside the building, it exploded upon impact, lighting up the dreary atmosphere of the school in a rainbow of colors.
"WE DID IT! WE'RE FREE!" One of the Princes shouted, prompting all of them to begin crying, cheering, and celebrating even as they dealt with the remaining guards.
Now that the crystal was no longer active, Comet pulled out his scissors from their hiding space and tried to use them to cut open a portal. Sure enough, it worked! "We can portal out of here!" Comet shouted jubilantly, only to get no response from either of his besties. "Guys? Uh, guys?" Comet looked for his friends, and that's when he saw the two of them fighting side by side against some of the remaining guards. The sight was enough to bring tears of joy to his eyes.
"Awwww. My two besties really are besties now!" Comet said as he walked up to them. "Hugs!" The two gladly, if not awkwardly, returned their mutual bestie's hug.
"Well, I still wouldn't say we're besties Comet-" Marcia started.
"-But I think we can tolerate each other more after today," MC finished.
"Fair enough. Now, come on, MC! If we hurry, I can get Karla to give you a special concert for your birthday at the Bounce Lounge!" Comet gestured towards the portal.
"Are you kidding me?" MC asked. "Bro, I ain't going nowhere. The Bounce Lounge's got nothing on dis par-tay!" MC began to dance in the air like a man reborn.
"But, MC, it's your birthday!" Comet reminded him, not understanding his best friend's decision. So, MC decided to spell it out for him.
"Dude, Comet, you broke into the most infamous school in the Universe, helped me get my groove back, started an uprising, and managed to set everyone here free! I'm pretty sure that's the best birthday gift a guy can ever hope to get!" Hearing this made Comet smile with joy. Even after everything, he still came through for MC on his birthday.
"Besides," MC added on, "someone's gotta stay here and make sure what happened to me never happens to anyone else. And I think the best place to start would be to take all the files and footage Mr. Shithead has saved and leaking them online for everyone to see! No one's going to let him be in charge after this! Ain't that right, Prince Turdius?"
Marcia enthusiastically agreed. "Fight the power, my wayward brother!"
"HALT IN THE NAME OF ST-GAAAHH!" One guard tried to break up their little celebration by charging straight at them, only to be zapped into dust, courtesy of MC's laser horn.
"Rude," MC commented before turning back to Comet. "Okay, so I'm gonna go blast more of those robots, maybe throw the teachers out of the school on a catapult, and then I'm going to make myself at home in the Headmaster's office! Byeeeeee!" And with that, MC went back to join the victory celebration/clean-up party, with Marcia happily waving to him.
"Bite one of the guards for me!" she cheered him on.
"Okay, Marcia," Comet said as he took her hand. "I conquered my biggest fear, managed to eliminate the metaphorical sword Eternia's been dangling over me for years, and grew as a person. Now can we please, for the love of all that is holy, go home and spend the rest of the day eating nachos and playing Halo together?"
"That sounds like a great idea, Comet," Marcia said, wanting a break after the events of the last few hours. "But shouldn't we make sure Mr. Abhorrent's driven out first?"
"Nah," Comet said. "I think MC's got this. Besides, how much of a threat can he be now that he's lost control of the school?"
"Good point. I call dibs on Blue Team!" Marcia said as she entered the portal.
"No fair! I wanted to be blue!" Comet said as he ran after her.
"If your elbows are on the table, you belong in a stable," Abhorrent repeated as he felt his mind begin to calm down. Then, pulling out a portable mirror, he saw that his cheekmark had disappeared. "Ah, there. All better."
That was the only good thing about the day, though. In the span of a few hours, two stupid teens had managed to spark an uprising in his school, leaving it in ruins and his reputation as the feared Headmaster of Sgt. O's in tatters. And what's worse was the fact that he had no idea who they were or where they came from. That's when he noticed something shiny resting at the foot of the chair. Reaching down to pick it up, he saw that it was some sort of metal lockpicking tool.
"Hello, there." Mr. Abhorrent said to himself as he got a curious look on his face.
Retreating into the private study that he had secretly installed next to the Chamber, the Headmaster combed the shelves until he found what he was looking for: a book called "Black Metallurgy and Ores of the Universe." Using his personal chemistry set and a vial of elixir, he dropped the metal lockpick inside a boiling test tube and waited. After a few moments, the metal tool began to dissolve, turning the water a pale green color. Looking through the book she had with her, Mr. Abhorrent searched until he found the dimension from which the tool originated. The Earth Dimension.
"The Earth Dimension, then," Mr. Abhorrent knew very little about this dimension. Since it was so remote and lacking in any real magical power, most denizens of the Universe tended to overlook it. Which made it the perfect hiding spot for someone who wanted to avoid unwanted attention.
"Those fools may think that they have bested me today, but they have no idea what they have brought upon themselves," Mr. Abhorrent proclaimed. "I will find the rabble-rousers responsible for what has happened to my school, drag them back here, and annihilate them in front of the entire Universe. Then no one will dare to challenge my authority or the name of Sgt. Oleg's Reform School for Wayward Princes ever again!" Mr. Abhorrent. "Annihilate! That's the word I've been looking for!"
And that's a wrap on Sgt. Oleg's Reform School for Wayward Princes, people! For those of you who were expecting me to use this time to do one of my usual, fourth-wall-breaking outros, then I'm sorry that I disappointed you. However, I hope that I did not disappoint you guys with this chapter.
Out of all the parts of this story that I've done so far, I feel like Sgt. Oleg's was one of the hardest things to write about. I wanted to go out of my way to show just how much this school sucked and how its very existence was the antithesis to everything Comet stands for, just like St. Olga's was for Star in the show. Honestly, there were parts where I was worried that I wasn't going far enough to emphasize just what a hellhole this place was. And for those who want to complain that I didn't make Comet's rampage or the revolt longer, it's not that I didn't want to. It's just that I was worried that I make go on for too long. So instead, I invite you guys to use your imaginations. Just think of Comet acting like if someone made a clone using the DNA of John Wick and Liam Neeson's character from Taken and had it raised by Batman.
Now, it's time for
READER'S REVIEWS
The Wandering Hippie-Hippie, I was pointing the Thompson at the haters, not you. I place high value on free speech, even when I don't agree with it. You got the right to not like something. Thanks for the approval on the jokes, by the way. Especially the 'authoritah' one. That one wasn't even planned; I just rolled with it.
As for Mr. Abhorrent, I want to let you know something: what he did was far tamer than my initial plan. I was going to have him whack Prince Four-Arms with his cane, but then I thought that that would ruin the point of Marcia coming to realize that the school is as horrible as Comet said it was. But, yeah, you're right about him. He's very much like an abusive father who's not afraid to use physical violence to cow victims into line and then emotionally manipulate them to do what he wants. Basically, the kind of guy that belongs in jail.
Guest 1-The fact that Mark Hamill's most famous for playing one of the greatest heroes in fiction and now plays a lot of villains is so ironic that everyone can see it. Especially Mark Hamill.
NightAroma-Use his performance as Fire Lord Ozai from Avatar: The Last Airbender. That's what I used.
As for your questions: I do not know, and no. Only one cheekmark in this story.
LockAndKey989-Hope I didn't disappoint.
FungusDungus000-Yes, congrats. And that is the basis that I used for his voice.
SammieQ-Like I told Hippie, I actually planned on it being worse but backed out.
Guest 2-Ew. Ms. Heinous is an ugly hag, mostly because of her personality, though. And fashion choices.
See you guys next week. This next arc's going to be one of my favorites, mainly because I get to cram so many pop culture references into it: Interdimensional Field Trip!