~ The Orange Juice Conversation ~
The Mikaelson and Salvatore siblings were gathered at the Salvatore house, engaged in a conversation about a certain food preference.
"Chunks are disgusting," Rebekah insisted.
"It's a tasty bonus snack!" Kol argued.
Rebekah gagged and covered her mouth. Her brothers weren't sure if her reaction was just her being dramatic to make her point or if she was actually trying not to throw up.
"Elijah, you agree with me, right?" Kol asked.
"A gentleman swallows without complaining," Elijah replied, stone-faced.
"So you agree that they're disgusting!" Rebekah said.
Elijah neither confirmed nor denied it.
"It doesn't bother me either way," Klaus added his two cents to the conversation.
"Even if you get a really big chunk?" Rebekah asked. "Like, so big you couldn't swallow it without chewing it first."
"Well, if it was that huge, I think I'd be more worried that my lady friend needed to visit her gynecologist."
Having no luck swaying her brothers in their opinions, she turned to Stefan and said, "You agree with me, right?"
"Uh... well," Stefan hedged. "You know, human women tend to die when I-"
Kol interrupted him, "Yes, but you have a preference when it comes to the chunks, don't you? If you were at a party and a sorority girl came out of the bathroom and said 'You're a vampire, aren't you?' and handed you her Diva Cup and everyone else at the party starting chanting 'Shots! Shots! Shots!' and you buckled to social pressure and downed it... right before you slammed back the shot, what would be going through your mind? Would you hope that it did or did not have chunks?"
Stefan clearly did not want to answer the question, but after a few long moments he sighed and said, "No chunks."
Rebekah flitted over to throw her arms around Stefan.
"Finally, someone who agrees with me!"
(Cue awkward squirming from the Mikaelson brothers, none of whom particularly approved of Stefan as a partner for their sister.)
Damon, who had been listening to the entire debate unfold without voicing his own opinion until now, piped up, "Well, as much as I hate to agree with Baby Mikaelson about anything, I am definitely on Team 'With Pulp'."
Kol plopped himself down beside Damon on the couch and said, "You're my new favorite person. Go, Team Pulp!"
At this point, the front door opened and three more vampires entered the house: Elena, Caroline, and Katherine.
"Hey, what are you guys talking about? Orange juice?" inquired Elena, who had only caught the last few comments of the conversation.
Behind her, Caroline hissed "Why are you still following us?" at Katherine under her breath.
Knowing that every vampire in the house would be able to hear them anyway, Katherine replied at a normal volume, "I live here."
"No, you don't."
"Yes, I do!"
Everyone else chose to pretend that Katherine and Caroline's conversation was private, and ignored it.
"Not orange juice," Stefan said awkwardly to Elena, his answer made more awkward by the fact that Rebekah was still clinging to him.
"We're vampires," Kol said. "We are discussing whether we prefer chunks or no chunks when we drink menstrual blood."
Katherine's face scrunched into an expression of distaste.
"Chunks are gross. I spit that shit out."
Elena's expression was caught somewhere between confusion and disgust, but she didn't say anything.
"It doesn't bother me unless they're, like, really big chunks," Caroline said.
Klaus grinned. "Welcome to Team Ambivalent, Caroline."
He gestured for her to come sit next to him, and she did.
"I can't believe that Katherine is the only other member of Team No Pulp with us," Rebekah grumbled.
"Yay, team," Katherine said with only a hint of sarcasm as she sashayed over and sat in Stefan's lap.
Rebekah looked absolutely murderous at this development, and Stefan's visible discomfort ratcheted up a few levels. (But he didn't tell either of them to get off of him.)
Elena hovered awkwardly in the entryway, trying not to draw attention to herself. She wanted no part of the discussion that was going on. When she tried to sneak past the living room to the stairs, she found herself dragged into the conversation anyway, as the rest of the group insisted on knowing her opinion.
"Uh..." she said awkwardly. "I've never done that before, so I don't really have an opinion. Sorry, guys."
Elena thought she could get away with that, but when she tried to slip away again, Kol cried "Wait!" and presented her with the same hypothetical party scenario he'd given Stefan earlier.
After a long awkward pause, Elena said, "I really don't know."
"Well, how do you like your orange juice?"
Lying, but at the same not wanting to have the same opinion as Katherine, Elena put forth hesitantly: "With pulp?"
"Yeah! Team Pulp!" Damon cheered.
He and Kol waved Elena over to sit with them. Seeing that it was useless to try to escape, she sighed and went to sit beside Damon.
Elena noticed that one person was still sitting apart from the three groups whose opinions had been made known.
"What about Elijah?" she asked. "What team is he on?"
"Elijah is on a team by himself," Klaus answered. "Team 'A Gentleman Doesn't Complain'."
"Doesn't that mean he should be on Team Ambivalent with us?" Caroline asked.
"No, he should be on Team No Pulp," Rebekah argued. "He does think it's disgusting. He just doesn't want to admit it!"
In the end, Elijah reluctantly assigned himself to Team Ambivalent, which put them at three vampires on each team, with no clear winning opinion on this divisive subject.
~end~