"Victor? Victoria."

By MaturePopcorn

Description: Victor has some heavy things on his mind. He's been so depressed he can hardly function, and he knows his friends will always be there to help.

WARNING: T for language, drinking, etc.

Author's note: Based loosely off personal experience.

Much love,

~Hannah

Chapter 001

Victor woke up on Valentine's Day feeling hopelessly depressed yet again. He couldn't understand why he was so down lately, but at 18 years old, he had already begun drinking and smoking quite a bit to cope with the flood of emotion. Victor glanced at his phone and saw he had several missed texts and calls, mostly from his best friend Hop; he had passed out in a blackout the night prior at barely 6:00, and he was certain he had stressed his friends out yet again by disappearing out of nowhere. Somehow, a mild headache was his only hangover symptom. He checked his missed texts from Marnie first.

"Hey Victor, we're worried about you; when you get this message, let me know; we just want to talk. Hop especially is worried sick, and he wants to make sure you're alright. You've been so distant lately… Please get back to me. Love you."

Victor sighed and shot back a short message, simply saying, "I'm fine. Don't worry about me."

Next was a missed text from Bede. This one was shorter, and quite a bit harsher.

"Everyone's concerned about your drinking. We're gonna hold a fucking intervention if you don't stop."

Victor stared at his phone, trying to think of a response but coming up short. Bede was trying, in his own way, to be caring, and Victor knew he was concerned, just shit with words. He decided to leave this one unanswered.

Finally, his text from Hop. Victor had to hold back tears as he read the first few lines alone, and by the end, he was silently sobbing.

"Mate… You know I love you so much, and I'm so fucking scared something's gonna happen to you. I just want you to be happy. Talk to me, mate. Open up. Please; if not for you, then selfishly, I want you to do it for me. I need you in my life, and I need you to be healthy and happy in my life. If something's bothering you, tell me; I'm always here for you, and I'll never judge you for anything. I love you. Text back when you get this."

All these texts from all three friends were sent before nine o'clock the night prior, and it was now three in the afternoon the next day.

Something inside Victor broke, and the feelings he had been experiencing for weeks, months, years, finally came to the surface of his thoughts, and that intangible thing that had been eluding him forever finally reared its ugly head to him. He knew what he had to do, what he had to say, if he ever wanted to be happy again. Now the problem was actually saying it out loud.

Victor, in a moment of impulsivity, texted Bede, Marnie and Hop in their barely active group chat.

"I've got some stuff to get off my chest. Meet me at the soccer field near the middle school at five."

There was no going back now. He was scared beyond belief, yet thankful for his impulsivity. Victor knew that if he hadn't sent that message, he would have buried these thoughts and feelings once more deep inside him for Arceus knows how long, and he knew he had to say something, anything, to alleviate the pain somewhat.

Victor got out of bed and took a drink from the whiskey bottle on his nightstand. After a couple sips, his headache had begun to subside, and he decided to quit while he was ahead. If he drank too much, he might miss his meeting with his friends, and then Bede might make real his threat of intervention.

Victor didn't feel hungry, so he skipped breakfast; really, it would've been lunch by this point, but it didn't matter much, seeing as he skipped it anyway. He went to the bathroom and stared at himself in the mirror for several long minutes.

Is that what his face looked like? His body? His jaw, nose, forehead… Is that really what he looked like? He felt like an outside observer, unaccustomed to his own body, and felt completely disconnected from himself. What the fuck was happening to him?

Victor couldn't even bring himself to letting Tofu, his Cinderace, out of his Pokéball. He didn't want his other best friend to see him in such a state; he had barely let him out at all a handful of times this year so far. It hurt too much to see the concern in his Pokémon partner's eyes.

Victor's phone buzzed, and he checked and saw a couple texts back to the group chat.

Marnie said, "Sounds good!" while Hop said, "I'll be there. Hope everything's okay today." Bede either hadn't seen the texts or hadn't responded, and Victor didn't even know which he'd prefer.

Victor didn't know what to do until five, so he decided to go for a walk. Maybe the fresh air would clear his head a bit; besides, he could smoke cigarettes as much as he wanted without his friends scolding him. He put on a jacket and walked out into the cold February air of North Galar.

Walking through the suburbs of Wyndon, Victor took out his pack of cigarettes and lit one, inhaling deeply. Was he really about to uproot his entire life with a single sentence? He knew he had to eventually; there was no running from yourself, after all. He knew certain facts to be true about himself, and he couldn't keep this information inside him anymore.

Victor turned right at the first intersection he came to, and found himself walking in the direction of the soccer field he'd be meeting his friends at. He guessed he may as well get there early and wait until everyone arrived.

Victor smoked three cigarettes before he arrived at the field, and when he got there, it was just past four o'clock. He made his way to the bleachers and sat down on the cold, hard, metal seats, lighting his fourth cigarette.

Victor's phone buzzed, and he checked the group chat to see Bede had finally responded. He said, "I'll be there." Well, it looked like everyone was coming.

Victor's mind was a swirl of confusing thoughts and emotions. He hated himself, but he loved his friends; and they loved him; so how could he hate himself? Victor was so caught up in his own head that he failed to notice the footsteps approaching from behind him.

"Mate, I thought you said you'd quit those nasty things."

Victor turned around and saw Hop walking towards him. As his friend sat on the seat next to him, Victor took another drag and said, "If you lived in my head, you'd smoke, too." He paused for a moment, then added, "Why are you here so early?"

Hop replied, "Because I was worried about you. I wanted to be here when you got here, but it looks like I wasn't early enough."

Victor shrugged his response. The two boys sat in silence for a few long moments before Hop whispered, "What's going on, mate?"

Victor felt incredibly anxious about actually saying what was on his mind. He knew he had to, but could he get through it without crying? Probably not. Best to wait until everyone got there so he'd only have to say it once.

Victor shook his head. "Let's wait until Marnie and Bede get here. I don't wanna have to repeat myself." Already, tears formed in the corners of his eyes, and he blinked hard to prevent them from spilling over. He added, "It's hard enough saying it once."

Hop looked at his friend with genuine concern and love in his eyes. He awkwardly grabbed Victor's hand and squeezed it gently, whispering, "It's gonna be okay, whatever it is. I promise; I would never break a promise to you."

Victor could no longer contain the tears in his eyes, and they began rolling rapidly down his face. It took everything in him to maintain a somewhat normal breathing rate, and Hop could only watch as his friend experienced nothing but pain.

More footsteps then. Victor and Hop turned around and noticed Marnie and Bede walking towards them, and Victor glanced at his phone; it was only 4:30. The realization of how much his friends truly loved him set in, and he broke down further. As sobs wracked his body, Marnie sat next to him and hugged him tightly. Bede merely stood next to the bleachers awkwardly. He cared, he really did; he just didn't know how to express it the same as the other two friends in their little circle.

Marnie broke apart from Victor and gently began, "Now that we're all here, do you wanna say what's on your mind? We're here for you. Even sour old Bede," she joked.

Bede snorted, and after a silence, Bede said, "I'm worried about you, you know. I just want you to be okay. I miss our old dynamics."

Marnie squeezed Victor's other hand, as Hop still hadn't let go, and Victor took a deep and steadying breath. It was now or never, quite literally, and Victor was tired of hiding.

"Guys, I don't know at all how to say this… I've been so mixed up lately; I'm scared of my own head these days. It's why I drink. It's the only thing left that helps me forget what's going through my subconscious on a daily basis.

"I wish I knew a more elegant way of saying this, but I don't, so I'll be blunt. I think I'd rather have been born a girl. I don't think it; I know it. I wish for it every day."

Victor squeezed her eyes shut, tears now completely overtaking her face and drenching her shirt. Marnie and Hop both squeezed their hands tighter, and both said in unison, "It's okay."

Bede, completely in shock on the other hand, couldn't stop himself from blurting out, "Like, you're trans then? What should we call you?"

Victor blinked. She genuinely hadn't even thought of that; whenever she found herself consciously thinking about the idea of being trans, she drank and pushed the thoughts out of her head. She had never bothered to think of a name.

Hop, however, immediately chimed in, "Wouldn't it just be Victoria? That makes the most sense."

Victoria glanced over at him and found herself saying, "Yeah, that sounds… Easiest."

Marnie shook her head and said, "It shouldn't be about what's easiest, mate. It's about what feels right."

Victoria nodded and said, "Victoria does sound right, though." What she wouldn't say is that she'd probably have gone along with any name Hop had picked; they were too close for her own good sometimes, and she valued his opinion just as much as her own, if not more.

Victoria sniffled and said, "I didn't think you guys would be as receptive to this as you were."

Hop laughed and said, "What'd you think we were gonna do, throw you away like trash? Mate, we love you so much. We'd do anything for you."

Victoria nodded, feeling her emotions go somewhat numb. She had said her piece, and now she didn't know where to go from here. She was utterly lost; she didn't know any other trans people, and she had no idea how to start the process of transitioning. She wished her hair was longer, and she wished she had better clothing, and… She wished a lot of things. But she knew Hop, Marnie, and even Bede would help her through her processes.

Hop suddenly said, "You know, I've done a little reading on this kinda stuff. I can help you talk to doctors, if you'd want me to. They can prescribe you the right medications. Plus, Marnie can take you shopping for new clothes."

Victoria smiled faintly. She said, "I would like the help, Hop. Honestly, though, I'd rather wait to wear girls' clothes until my hair is longer. It would feel too weird right now."

Bede said, "That's understandable. Do what makes you comfortable."

Marnie chuckled and said, "Hey, now the balance of the friend group is equally guys and girls. That's gotta count for something, right?"

Victoria couldn't help but laugh. She was so thankful she had the friends she did; she wouldn't trade them for the world.

Things would be rocky for a while longer, and her drinking days weren't quite over yet, but what mattered to Victoria was taking the first step with the help of the people she loved most. She could do this.

Author's Note Part II: This was originally going to be a one-shot, but fuck it, now I'm gonna write more, to go into more detail of Victoria's transition. Thank you for the review, nice person! You inspired me to develop this story a bit more.