"Victor? Victoria."

By MaturePopcorn

Description: Victor has some heavy things on his mind. He's been so depressed he can hardly function, and he knows his friends will always be there to help.

WARNING: T for language and drinking, etc.

Author's note: I really hope this is even good? Idk I second guess myself all the goddamn time, but I like to think this is at least a decent fic. Enjoy? Enjoy!

Much love,

~Hannah

Chapter 004

Victoria got out of bed about a week after her initial appointment with her new therapist and sighed. She had another appointment tomorrow, and she was grateful, but she felt as though she were moving towards her goals at a snail's pace. She knew this was just the process, and that she wasn't alone, but she was still anxious nearly all the time, and just wanted a moment's rest.

Victoria sighed and grabbed Tofu's Pokéball off her nightstand. She had been bringing him out every day lately, and was incredibly grateful for his company, but today she felt, for some unknown reason, as though she couldn't bring herself to letting him out. She stared blankly at the ball in her hand before finally setting it gently back down on the nightstand.

Walking out of her room, Victoria made her way downstairs and to the kitchen to grab some breakfast. As though out of habit, she first opened the liquor cabinet and paused as she found herself face-to-face with the half-empty bottles of booze. She hadn't had a single drink in well over a week, and had promised Hop she'd at least try not to drink, but her willpower was caving. This whole thing was so hard, and she finally decided, why not? She had made progress, and she was tired of emotionally feeling like rubbish all day. Maybe a drink or two would help. Besides, she had only promised to try; she had explicitly said she made no promise to absolutely never drink again.

Victoria poured herself a double shot of brandy and drank it all without a moment's hesitation. She poured another one, but waited to take it; she knew too much too fast was never a good idea. She took some eggs, butter and cheese out of the refrigerator and a pan out of the cabinet and began cooking herself some scrambled eggs, and when they were ready, the effects of the double shot had begun to take effect. She took a bite of the eggs and, thinking it needed a little salt, grabbed that out of her spice cabinet.

Victoria drank the other double shot then. She breathed deeply in, feeling the warmth in her mouth, then slowly she breathed out, allowing herself to close her eyes and send a silent message from her mind to the Universe, and Arceus, whether they were listening or not. She wished for happiness, and a speedy transition, and thanked them for having Hop, Marnie and Bede in her life, then apologized for drinking. This, however, didn't stop her from then opening her eyes and grabbing a bottle of vodka out of the freezer, pouring herself a screwdriver with the orange juice in the fridge.

She ate her breakfast quickly, and drank her cocktail as she did so, and finally she began to wash her dishes. Despite her efforts to not drink too fast, she could feel the world spinning ever so slightly, and her head felt light. She knew she should stop now while she was ahead, so to speak, but found herself wanting more and more and more. Maybe her therapist was right; maybe she was an alcoholic after all.

Victoria decided in that moment that she didn't care all that much. She liked the calmness that came with drinking, and so far there had been few real consequences. Victoria finished washing her dishes and opened the liquor cabinet once more.

Grabbing the first thing she saw, she opened a new bottle of whiskey and took several long sips from the bottle. Fuck it, why not get plastered again? She didn't have plans to see anyone today. If she blacked out again, she would just stay home.

A brief thought crossed her mind; if she drank too much and was hungover tomorrow, would she miss her appointment? That was the last thing she wanted. Yet… She couldn't bring herself to stop.

A knock on her door was heard then, and she froze. She slowly put the bottle back in the cabinet and stumbled up to the door, looking through the peephole and seeing her friends staring back at her. Marnie and Hop had decided to stop by.

"Fuck," she thought. "Maybe if I pretend I'm not home…"

"Tooori, open up," Hop called through the door. "I know you're here; I can see it on my phone."

Oh, that's right; they had recently followed each other on their phone's location apps. They knew where they all were at all times. Victoria cursed herself in her head and opened the door.

Marnie smiled warmly. "Hey, mate; just wanted to say hi and see what your plans were for the day."

Victoria avoided eye contact and mumbled, "Uh, not much. I was just going to chill at home for a while…"

Hop frowned and stared at his friend. After several long moments of silence, he gently said, "You know, I can always tell when you've been drinking. You never sound like yourself."

Victoria frowned back and said, "So? I haven't had that much."

Marnie tilted her head and asked, "Why are you drinking at all, though? It's nine in the morning."

Victoria snapped, "If you felt what I feel, you'd wanna numb out, too."

Marnie sighed and responded, "Mate, you know we're always here for you. But I'm scared when you drink; I don't want to see you hurt yourself again."

Victoria winced at this. She hadn't self-harmed in quite some time, but if she was being truthful, the thought had crossed her mind recently, and it was becoming increasingly hard to avoid those thoughts. Especially when she drank; that's when they were strongest.

Hop said, "I second that. It breaks my heart, Tori. I just want you to be happy, and I know I can't fix everything like I wish I could, but I want to help you get away from this kind of stuff."

"You guys do enough as it is," Victoria said. "I love you, and you help a lot. But some things can't be fixed with friendship."

Marnie and Hop were silent a moment, then Marnie asked, "Can we come in? We can hang out for a while, maybe play some games."

Hop added, "And we can keep you from drinking any more."

Victoria glanced at the floor again and finally responded, "I think I'd like to go for a walk. You two are welcome to join if you'd like."

Hop nodded, and Marnie joked, "You're not gonna smoke those awful cigarettes again, are you?"

Victoria snorted and playfully replied, "You know I am."

Hop and Marnie walked through the doorway to the inside of Victoria's house. Hop said, "Why don't you bring Tofu? I'm sure he misses you."

"I've been bringing him out every day lately."

Hop chuckled and said, "You know he always missed you, though."

Victoria shrugged and said, "Yeah, I'll bring him along. That would be nice."

Victoria went upstairs and put her shoes on, as she was dressed in the clothing she slept in but could also be seen in public wearing. She grabbed Tofu's Pokéball off her nightstand and went back downstairs, and saw Marnie looking inside her liquor cabinet.

A little annoyed, Victoria huffed, "What're you doing?"

Marnie shrugged and closed the cabinet. "The last time I looked in there was a month ago, and I was expecting the bottles to be emptier, but they're not. You went through a lot of full bottles in a month, and replaced them with new ones." She paused, allowing Hop and Victoria to absorb this, before asking gently, "Mate, how much have you really been drinking? You don't have to lie, y'know."

Victoria suddenly felt tears begin to well up in her eyes as she realized the full scope of things. Was she really drinking that much? She mumbled, "I guess quite a bit… I don't really track that kinda stuff."

Hop glanced at Marnie before looking back at Victoria and saying, "I can clear it out for you, if you'd like. Get rid of it all."

Victoria frowned. "Hop, you know I'm going to say no to that."

Hop chuckled, a little sadly, and replied, "I know. Just thought I'd try. Come on, bring Tofu out, and let's get going."

Victoria brought Tofu out of his Pokéball, and as he turned and faced his trainer he cried out happily and rushed over to her. He nuzzled up against her face, and Victoria stroked the top of his head and said, "Hey, buddy; let's go for a walk." Tofu rushed to the door, and the three trainers followed him outside into the cold February air.

Tofu led the way as they walked through the suburbs, and Victoria found herself stumbling a good amount. Eventually, Hop linked his arm through her's, and guided her so she walked in a somewhat straighter line. She still bumped into him quite a bit, but he didn't seem to mind. She breathed in the cool, misty air and sighed deeply; she hadn't blacked out after all. She decided she'd quit drinking for the day, and try to be good for a while longer.

They walked through the suburbs of Wyndon for about an hour, then returned to Victoria's house and played games for a couple more hours. All in all, the day had gone pretty well after the early morning bump in the road. Victoria felt confident her life was moving in the right direction again.

"Victoria, I'm ready for you."

It was now the following day. Victoria stood from her seat in the waiting room of Dr. Altman's building and walked to where her therapist was waiting for her, then followed her down the hall and into her office. Hop hadn't gone with her this time, as he had other obligations to fill with Professor Sonia, and Victoria was okay with it. Now that she had gotten her first visit out of the way, she was far less nervous.

Sitting down on the cushion chair across from Dr. Altman's desk, she took a moment to glance around the room; she had been so anxious the first time she had come here, she hadn't bothered to look at what was on the walls. There was a window overlooking the street outside, with the blinds halfway open, and a curtain pulled to the side. On the walls were various pictures, some drawn and signed by various people that Victoria assumed to be friends of Dr. Altman, and some photos of Dr. Altman with various people. Maybe her family? On the wall closest to her desk, Dr. Altman had hung her degrees, and Victoria saw that she had a PhD.

Dr. Altman began, "So, how was your week?"

Victoria shrugged and said, "It was alright, I guess. I've been spending more time with my Pokémon lately. Hop and Marnie, my friends, came to visit me yesterday. They stopped me from getting plastered, though I was already a little drunk when they got there."

"How much have you been drinking lately?" Dr. Altman asked.

Victoria responded, "Not as much. Yesterday was the only day this last week that I drank at all."

"So you're more of a binge drinker," Dr. Altman stated.

Victoria shrugged again. "I guess."

Dr. Altman asked, "Have you considered quitting altogether?"

Victoria frowned. "I told you last time, that's not why I'm here."

Dr. Altman took off her glasses and looked deeply into Victoria's eyes. "I know, but I am your therapist, after all. And if I'm going to refer to an endocrinologist, I want to make sure you at least have the drinking under control, which it sounds like to do you may have to quit completely. It can dysregulate you and mess with hormones. I recommend-"

"I'll drink as much as I fucking want."

Victoria blinked as these words left her mouth. She hadn't thought before she said them, and her face flushed as she realized the consequences of her actions.

Dr. Altman frowned. She said, "I recommend quitting, and if you can't do it on your own, there's always self-help meetings."

"Self-help meetings?"

Dr. Altman clarified, "AA."

Victoria felt anger bubble up inside her; she saw that Dr. Altman wasn't as avoidant as she had previously thought. How dare she?

"I'm not going to AA," Victoria said. "Ever. If it will help me get hormones, I'll just quit on my own."

Dr. Altman stared at her patient. "Will you drink anyway and lie to me?"

Victoria stood up suddenly and exclaimed, "Hey! I said I'll quit, so I'll quit!"

Dr. Altman sighed, though not in annoyance, and said, "I'm not trying to upset you. I just want you to know that there are certain guidelines in place, and to get references, you need to be away from alcohol." She paused and glanced down at her notes, taking a pen to write something, then added, "If you say you'll quit, I'll believe you. Let's move on to something else, then."

Victoria sat back down. The rest of the meeting went by far too slowly in her opinion, and she had to seriously fight the urge to simply leave in both protest and frustration. After 45 total minutes, Dr. Altman said, "Well, I'll see you next week. Do your best, okay?"

Victoria simply shrugged and walked out. Something about Dr. Altman rubbed her the wrong way sometimes, but she knew this was the only path to hormone treatment, and she was willing to struggle along it for that reason alone.

Victoria walked home, and upon arriving, went straight to her liquor cabinet. She grabbed the nearly full bottle of whiskey and began chugging heavily; fuck sipping, or shots, or mixed drinks; this was the fastest way she knew to blackout, and in that moment, that was all she wanted.

Victoria stopped chugging about halfway through the bottle when she heard a concerned chirping noise behind her. She turned around and saw Tofu, looking at her with worry in his eyes; she had forgotten that she had left him out of his Pokéball to roam the house while she was gone.

"Fuck, Tofu, I'm sorry; please don't worry," she said to her Pokémon partner. Tofu walked over to her and chirped anxiously, nuzzling her neck. He looked at her as if to ask, "Why are you drinking again?" and Victoria broke down immediately, feeling the effects of the alcohol begin to wash over her. She cried out, "I don't know what's wrong with me; so much has happened so fast, and I'm too overwhelmed. Arceus, I need to call Hop."

Victoria distanced herself from Tofu momentarily and pulled out her phone, going to her speed dial and calling Hop. She waited, sniffling, as ring after ring came, and finally, after about six or seven rings, she got Hop's voicemail. She failed to realize in the moment that even if he had picked up, it would take him a good while to get to her house anyway; he was all the way in Wedgehurst.

"Fuck," she said. "I'll try Marnie." She called her, and the same thing happened. Where was everyone? In desperation, she called Bede next. After three rings, Bede picked up the phone, and Victoria sighed in relief.

"Hello?"

"Bede," Victoria said, her words beginning to slur slightly. "Can you come over? I'm having a rough go of it again, and I drank a lot."

There was a silence, then Bede asked, "You called me? Where's Hop and Marnie?" He quickly continued, "Ah, it doesn't matter. I'll be over in five minutes."

Victoria sniffled and said, "Okay." She hung up and put the bottle of whiskey back in the cabinet. Walking over to the couch, Victoria sat down, and Tofu curled up next to her with his head on her lap. She stroked his fur for a while until, only a few minutes later, a knock came at the door.

Victoria stood from the couch and went to the front door, opening it. Bede immediately walked in and asked, "Where's your alcohol? I'm confiscating it."

Victoria frowned. "Bede, that's not why I-"

Bede interrupted, "I'm your friend too, y'know. Hop and Marnie are too light on you. If you actually want help, you're going to have to accept the help offered to you."

Victoria swallowed heavily. Maybe this was for the best; her therapist had told her to quit anyway, and she wanted that referral more than anything. She sighed and pointed to the liquor cabinet, and Bede walked over to it, opening it.

Bede began pulling bottle after bottle out and placing them on the counter. When they were all out, he opened one and walked over to the sink and began pouring it out.

"Bede!" Victoria exclaimed. "You said you were confiscating it, not dumping it!"

Bede frowned and glanced back at his friend. "What difference does it make? You shouldn't be drinking, and I have no use for this stuff. Saving it for later will only encourage you to drink down the road."

Victoria groaned. "At least pay me back for it; that's a lot of alcohol to waste."

Bede smirked. "Nope." After dumping the first bottle out, he grabbed another one and added, "I'll take you out to eat; how about that?"

Victoria shrugged. "Fine, but not fast food."

Bede nodded and continued his task. When the last bottle was empty several minutes later, he began throwing all the empty glass into the recycling bin. He said, "Maybe tough love is what you need right now."

Victoria mumbled, "I guess…"

Bede finished throwing the bottles away, then turned to Victoria and asked, "Where d'you wanna go?"

Victoria thought for a moment before answering, "Circhester. There's a restaurant there I like a lot."

Bede nodded. "Then let's get going."