"Victor? Victoria."
By MaturePopcorn
Description: Victoria is deep in her transitional process, and things in her life are slowly getting better, even if it is sometimes two steps forward and one step back.
Warning: T for language, drinking, self-harm, etc. This chapter alone is more so K+.
Author's Note: This chapter is a little more on the technical side of things; I like to think this story is at least a little educational, in some vague sense of the word, and I want to teach people how transitioning works any way I can. Next chapter will be a lot more on the emotional and relationship side of things again.
Much love,
Hannah
Chapter 008
The date was July 17th, and Victoria was finally on her way back to Dr. Russel's office to receive her testosterone blocker. The blood work had come back normally, though she had borderline low thyroid, and Victoria jumped on the first available appointment to finally, finally, start hormone therapy. She was walking to the office with Hop and Tofu next to her; Hop had promised to be there while she got the blocker, and she wanted Tofu to tag along as well for his company. She was incredibly grateful for their presence.
The three turned down the avenue, and passed a 7-11. Ever the self-sabotager, Victoria briefly had the impulse to run in and buy alcohol, but she shrugged the desire off as though it were nothing. Why on Earth would she ever ruin things now?
Hop glanced up from his phone and looked over at his friend. He asked, in a soothing tone, "Are you nervous?"
Victoria smiled. "Surprisingly," she answered, "No. I feel great, and I'm looking forward to today immensely."
Hop grinned back and said, "Great! Now tell me what you're grateful for, and not the same answers as last time."
Lately, Hop had been asking Victoria about twice a day, every day, to tell him what she was grateful for. Ever since the self-harm incident, he had been researching mental healthcare on the Internet, and doing his best to implement what he could into their daily lives. Victoria was happy he cared so much; he meant so much to her, sometimes it hurt.
Victoria nodded as they came to a stop at an intersection, waiting for the light to change, and she began, "I'm grateful for you, as always, but I'm also grateful for today, and starting HRT. I'm grateful for Bede and Marnie, as always, and I'm grateful for Tofu. And…" As she thought deeply for a moment, Hop chuckled, and Tofu nuzzled her arm with his head.
"Those are the answers you give every time," Hop teased. "I want new answers."
Victoria shrugged and smiled, replying, "I'm just always grateful for them." She paused, then added, "I'm grateful I live in Wyndon, and in Galar. And I'm grateful the media has mostly been kind and caring. I honestly wasn't expecting it, especially after the several bad interactions I had with strangers in public."
Hop nodded, satisfied. "Good. I'm glad you seem to be doing a lot better lately," he said. "Oh, I wanted to ask you something."
"Shoot."
Hop said, "I'd like to stay at your place for as long as we both deem fit; I'm tentatively thinking about a month."
Victoria frowned, though in confusion and not annoyance. "Why?" she asked innocently.
"I want to make sure that with the hormone stuff, if you have mood swings and get depressed again, you'll always have someone around to talk to and help you through the pain." He shrugged and said, "I mean, I don't have to stay… I just want to help any way I can."
Victoria was touched, and joked, "Well, now I'm double grateful for you." She chuckled and said, "That sounds good; you can sleep in my guest room."
Hop smiled warmly and said, "Ace! We'll have a great time."
Victoria found her cheeks growing flush with color, and she couldn't fully place why. She had been keeping her newfound feelings for Hop well under wraps, but occasionally she slipped up ever so slightly, and cursed herself in her head. She had to get over this stupid obsession; it wasn't at all possible, and worrying about things like this would only hurt her more in the end.
They crossed the street in front of them, then turned left and entered the tall medical building before them. They made their way to the sixth floor and followed the signs back to the receptionist desk, and Victoria smiled. It was really happening, right here and now. She said to the receptionist, "I'm here for my appointment."
The receptionist checked her in, and she sat next to Hop in the waiting room. She crossed her legs, and kept them crossed; she was completely at ease with herself in this moment, and knew that soon she'd be happy with a feminine body.
She made small talk with Hop and played a bit with Tofu for a while before, right at two o'clock, Dr. Russel walked into the waiting room and said, "Victoria, are you ready?"
Victoria stood and smiled warmly in response. She told Hop, "I'll be back soon!" and followed Dr. Russel down the hall and to her office, with Tofu right behind her. They sat down in their respective chairs, and Dr. Russel began, "Are you excited for today?"
Victoria nodded. "I'm super happy this is finally happening, and not even that long after I came out as trans in the first place."
Dr. Russel smiled and nodded. "Let's talk really quick, then we'll take you to the procedure room."
The two talked for a few minutes about Victoria's life in the last three weeks or so and even earlier, and Victoria was happy to report that she hadn't drank and was only smoking a couple cigarettes a day. She was proud of herself for this accomplishment.
Dr. Russel, on the other hand, said, "It's good you're not drinking, but you really do need to quit smoking completely. Please don't have any more once you get your blocker in." She chuckled and asked, "Would you like to have one last one before we do the procedure? I can wait about ten minutes for you to go outside and smoke."
Victoria shook her head and took her half-full pack of cigarettes out of her jacket pocket. She extended them out to Dr. Russel and said, "You can just throw these away. I've waited long enough; ten more minutes would feel like ten years right now." Tofu cried out happily, and Victoria smiled at him; she was glad she was quitting, not only for her sake, but for his.
"Patience is a virtue," the doctor said.
It was Victoria's turn to laugh. "Are you encouraging me to smoke now?" she joked.
Dr. Russel smiled and shook her head, then stood from her desk. She took a step towards the door and turned her head towards Victoria, saying, "Follow me; I'll take you to the next room now, then."
Victoria stood from her seat and followed the doctor further down the hall and to the right, past several doors of offices, until eventually they reached the end of the hall. Dr. Russel gestured towards the last door on the right, and Victoria followed her inside.
It was a large room crowded with medical equipment, and a hospital cot in the middle. A small curtain hung from the center of the room, not doing much in the way of dividing the room, and Victoria wondered why it was even there. She noticed a small table next to the bed with an absolutely tiny white cylinder sitting on it next to a precision knife and a needle and syringe. Is that what was going into her arm?
Dr. Russel said, "Lay down on the bed, and roll your sleeve up to your shoulder, if you can. If you can't get it up high enough, you'll have to take your shirt off." Victoria did and instructed as Tofu lay down next to her for emotional support, and Dr. Russel clarified, "Sorry, left arm please. We do this in the non-dominant arm."
Victoria hesitated, slowly rolling down her right sleeve. She gripped the end of her left shirt sleeve gently, unable to move it up. She glanced up at the doctor and warned her in a whisper, "I have some scars."
Dr. Russel nodded and said, "I understand. There's no judgement."
Victoria nodded and rolled her sleeve up. Thankfully for her, the scars on her arm were no longer red and bumpy; instead, they were smooth and white. It was impossible to tell that they had been made three weeks ago, and not something like three years ago. She figured that if they were red, Dr. Russel may say something to delay her HRT even further.
Victoria was able to get her sleeve up to her shoulder as instructed, and Dr. Russel sat in a chair next to the bed and table. She produced a cloth mask from a drawer in the table and put it on, then pulled the curtain over to divide Victoria's arm so she could no longer see past her own shoulder or to Dr. Russel at all. She was thankful; she knew she'd be too curious to not look, and didn't want to faint at the sight of her own blood or something like that.
Dr. Russel picked up the needle, out of sight from Victoria, and said, "Okay, you'll feel a small pinch as I put the numbing agent in your arm. Are you ready?"
Victoria replied, "Yeah, I am," and gently grabbed Tofu's hand. He nuzzled her affectionately as the doctor injected her with numbing medicine, and Victoria asked, "Why is the curtain there?"
Dr. Russel answered, "The same reason I'm wearing a mask. We don't want anything from your breath, like water molecules, to get into the cut; it could infect it."
Victoria nodded, momentarily forgetting that the doctor couldn't see her, and asked, "How long until my arm is numb?"
Dr. Russel chuckled and said, "Only about five or ten minutes. Impatient still, eh?"
Victoria replied, "Maybe just a little." She let go of Tofu's hand and began stroking the fur on the top of his head. "Will I notice anything right away?" she asked.
Dr. Russel answered, "Not for the first day or so, but after that you may notice a decrease in energy and appetite for a few days as your body adjusts. You may find yourself somewhat crabby, but that will pass, as well."
They waited about ten minutes in relative silence, and Victoria focused on her breathing as best she could, as Hop had taught her to do. Eventually, Dr. Russel asked, "Do you feel this?"
Victoria frowned. "Feel what?"
Dr. Russel replied, "Good; your arm is numb. I'm going to proceed, and you may feel a slight pressure difference at the incision site, but thankfully no pain." Victoria heard Dr. Russel pick up the knife and white cylinder.
This was it. The moment Victoria had been waiting for months, but really, secretly years. Even before she knew about the process of transitioning, before she knew what it entailed and what would transpire, she knew she wanted something different. Something better than the sadness she experienced on a daily basis as a boy. Victoria thought for a moment of all that had happened since Valentine's Day of that year; in that moment, she was happy, and grateful. Why focus on the setbacks and bad days when there was so much progress and good happening? Hop was there for her as much as he could be, and Marnie and Bede were, too; really, everyone that mattered in her life was there for her.
Victoria knew she was lucky. She knew that many people who came out as trans were quickly shunned by those around her; especially those in other regions besides Galar. She knew there was so much ignorance and hate in the world, but in that moment, she decided to be grateful and focus on the positives.
Victoria felt a strange sensation in her upper arm, and the sound of the knife being put back on the table. She took a deep breath in and held it as long as she could; just as she was finally exhaling, Dr. Russel pulled back the curtain and revealed to Victoria that her arm was bandaged up with gauze, and the doctor told her, "You're all set!"
Finally. Finally. Finally! Victoria laughed in pure happiness, and Tofu cried out just as happily. In a couple short weeks, Victoria would begin the process of taking estrogen, and in that moment, she felt as though the world was finally right again, for the first time in many years.