Chapter Nine
As the blue gray light of pre-dawn started to filter through the windows, Ranger looked down on the woman sleeping his bed. As he buttoned the cuffs on his shirt, a pang went through him. Morning had come much too quickly. Their time together over far too soon. She was on her stomach, dark hair fanned out around her. She was a vision, just like he imagined she would be. What he hadn't imagined was how hard it would be to let go. Ranger didn't do attachments. His life didn't have room for them. They simply weren't part of his life plan, and until this very moment, he had been perfectly fine with that. But standing here looking at Stephanie Plum asleep in his bed, made him start to question those choices.
Her face was relaxed into a contented smile. Her breathing was slow and even. Ranger would like to think he was responsible for that look, but he knew better. The sheet was down around her waist, the graceful curve of her back beckoning him like a siren's song to climb back in bed with her, and say to hell with planning. Maybe Vinita had been right. Plans, were just that, plans. Things that were meant to change and evolve.
Ranger blew out a frustrated breath and sat down on the bed. He lightly stroked his hand down her back.
"Babe." He whispered.
He watched her struggle from sleep, slowly opening her eyes. A brief moment of confusion was replaced by a smile as she rolled towards him and sat up.
The sheet sliding precariously low on her chest. On one hand, Ranger really hoped that sheet slipped lower and those perfect breasts would peek out. On the other, he really hoped it didn't because then he would push her back on that bed, and nobody would be getting to work on time.
Instead, he cupped her face and brushed a light kiss across her lips. He couldn't quite stop his other traitorous hand from slipping down and palming that perfect breast. He heard her little gasp as he brushed his thumb over her taught nipple and she arched into him.
Ranger continued to stroke his thumb across her nipple, and he felt his body react. A whisper of a thought went through his mind that it was entirely possible this woman had already ruined him, but he pushed it away, and forced himself to pull back from her instead of leaning in and deepening the kiss like he so desperately wanted to.
"What time is it?" Stephanie asked. Her voice was husky with sleep and lust. The sound of it went straight through him, causing an immediate reaction that was so sudden it was almost painful.
"Early, a little after five." Ranger replied, failing to keep the growl of desire out of his voice.
She groaned and rolled her eyes. Ranger couldn't help but smile.
She was staring at him with those luminous eyes. Waiting. Invitation telegraphed on her face. He knew he should say something to put her at ease. Let her know last night meant something. That he desperately wanted to take her up on her invite.
"Get dressed and I'll get you some coffee." He saw hurt and confusion flash across her face.
Ranger got up and walked into the kitchen. If he didn't get out of there right that minute, he was definitely not letting her out of his bed. They could not do this. It was better this way. So why did his stomach twist when he saw hurt flash across her perfect features?
Stephanie watched his broad form as he walked out of the bedroom. OK, that had not gone like she had hoped, or even like she thought it was going to go based on the way he was touching her. Stephanie sat on the bed wondering what the hell had just happened. She could feel the sudden distance between them.
She looked down and, her clothes were folded and sitting on the edge of the bed. He'd even managed to retrieve her panties, which she thought might be lost on the beach somewhere. In her lust filled stupor last night she had completely forgotten about them. A sudden flash of heat went through her at the memory.
Her eyes cut back to the bed. Well, if her clothes all stacked neatly on the bed wasn't a sign, she wasn't sure what was. She took a couple of breaths. Maybe Pardo just had an early morning meeting, but somehow, she doubted it. She was pretty sure she was getting the brush off.
It was pretty clear they were a one and done, and she was being dismissed. Well, she would get up and put her big girl panties on, now that she knew where they were anyway. She rolled her eyes. It wasn't like she had a choice. She climbed out of bed and grabbed her clothes. She padded into the bathroom. Her body protesting with each step.
She looked in the mirror. Stephanie, she told herself, you can do this. You can go out there and pretend like the best sex of your life never happened. Just say thanks for dinner and move on. But that was the thing. She didn't get it. What had happened between last night and this morning?
Did it matter? Maybe that was the better question. There was a reason she didn't do things like this. It was called the morning after with all its awkwardness. She kind of wished she didn't have to spend an hour in the car with him, that they could just make a quick, clean break and call it what it was. Bad judgement.
Of course, she'd be happy to call it what it was if she actually knew what that was. They had clicked. She wasn't wrong about that. She didn't misread anything about last night, but something had changed between last night and this morning. And the hell if she knew what it was.
She'd been like a completely different person last night, maybe he had too. Maybe they had both let go and given in, and in the cold hard light of day Pardo had gone back to being his proper self, and she should too.
But Stephanie wasn't sure she wanted to go back. Last night she had been free and uninhibited, well after her one moment of slight panic, which had just come out of nowhere. He'd handled the whole thing without even a hint of drama.
She rolled her eyes. Look where free and uninhibited had gotten her. Her mother's voice echoed in her head. Stay away from wild boys, all they will give you is a reputation. Well, it looked like all last night had given her was multiple orgasms and a one-night stand. She snorted, but at least he'd been a good one. Not even her mother's disapproving voice could taint that memory.
She had no idea what had gotten into her. Well, that wasn't entirely true. This was probably all Morelli's fault. She'd probably slept with Pardo out of revenge. She'd been hurt and rejected. That was it. That was all this was. She'd just put it in the Stephanie does stupid shit over Morelli column, and move on.
The problem was she didn't think that was actually true. Morelli hadn't even crossed her mind. Her mind had been a hundred percent focused on the man in the other room, and sadly it still was. No, she would own it. She had wanted Pardo from the first minute she'd seen him, and last night she'd done exactly what she had wanted to do. It almost felt like this had been inevitable from the moment he knocked her on her ass.
She squinted and took a closer look in the mirror. Shit, she had marks on her neck that were not going away any time soon. What had Pardo done, marked his territory? No, it had been a testament to just how out of control she'd been last night. How consumed they'd both been. She rolled her eyes again. She was a little afraid if she kept doing that, they might get stuck that way. But so far it had been an eye roll worthy morning.
As she rubbed toothpaste on her teeth with her finger, she inspected the marks some more. Great, she'd get to see them for days so they could taunt her about her own stupidity. If that wasn't bad enough, her entire body felt sore. Every time she moved, she was going to be reminded of Pardo, of what they had done last night. The amazing, mind-blowing things they had done, that apparently didn't mean a damn thing this morning.
Stephanie pulled on her clothes, washed her face and tried to tame her hair. Fuck it she thought. This is who she was and Marc Pardo could just bite her ass. The only problem would be, she'd probably like it if he did. She was pathetic. Because a part of her was really hoping when she went in the kitchen, he would just take her on the dining room table. She'd kind of always wanted to do it on the dining room table, just to see what had been so fascinating about it. Dickie and Joyce had certainly thought the dining room table held a great deal of appeal
She let out a dejected sigh and went out to face him. They couldn't put this off forever, and the sooner she got back to Trenton, the sooner she could start forgetting. Pardo had given her a gift. He'd taken her out of her comfort zone. Empowered her to ask for what she wanted in a way she'd never felt empowered with Morelli. She supposed that was good and bad, because she'd discovered something about herself, including the fact Morelli would never be quite enough. The Italian Stallion was sadly lacking, and wasn't that about fifty shades of ironic.
When she got to the kitchen, Pardo handed her a cup of coffee. His expression neutral and unreadable.
Her eyes went to his neck. Apparently, he wasn't the only one marking his territory last night. A little flush went through her. She was pretty sure she must have had an out of body experience last night, because she'd never done anything like that before. If he minded it didn't show. He'd left his collar open. Maybe for men if was viewed different. It was like a badge of honor and not a slut stamp.
He was watching her intently like he was gauging her heart rate and peeking inside her soul. She quickly looked down, either unwilling or unable to meet his eyes. She noticed the coffee was black. Did he actually expect her to drink it? She gave him a little side-eye. Maybe he was a psycho. Everyone knew the only people that drank black coffee were serial killers.
"Um, do you have any cream? Any milk?" She asked.
Pardo looked a little pained. "No, sorry."
She took a little sip and grimaced. Gawd, that was awful.
She sat the coffee on the counter. The new and improved Stephanie wasn't going to do things just to be polite anymore. Whether Pardo knew it or not, he'd unleashed something in her last night. Something she couldn't quite name, and this morning her safe little boring life, didn't seem to fit anymore.
"I'll just get some when I get home." Her voice was crisp, cool even.
She was a bad ass. Well, OK, she was a wannabe bad ass. She'd read somewhere if you were in a bad mood, you made yourself smile, and eventually the smile became real. Maybe the same was true for badassery. It was worth a shot.
"'We could see if the coffee shop is open, but I don't think they open until six." He offered.
More time spent with tall, dark and silent, yeah, no thanks. "It's fine. I'll get my purse. I imagine we both have busy days." She said dismissively.
He nodded at her.
The trip back to the city was largely silent. Pardo had tried to make a little small talk, mostly about her plans for the day, but the effort seemed to strain him. Like he wasn't a guy that was used to wasting energy on making small talk about unimportant things. When he fell silent, she didn't really mind. The hum of the powerful engine and the road noise soothed Stephanie as she watched the scenery go by and the sun rise. The miles were quickly eaten away, and with each one, the distance and the disappointment grew.
They pulled into the parking lot of her building. The car had barely stopped when she reached for the door handle. A little zing went through her when she felt his hand grab her arm stopping her.
She turned to face him.
"Babe." He started then snapped his mouth shut. She just waited, the silence stretching and becoming uncomfortable.
And why was he calling her babe? His actions this morning had made it pretty clear he wasn't interested in anything more, so why give her a pet name. In her experience that usually meant a man found you attractive and wanted to spend more time with you. He wanted to make you feel special, but that didn't seem to fit this scenario. Surely, he wasn't calling her babe because he forgot her actual name. Her eyes narrowed.
"I know this doesn't make any sense." It was clear to Stephanie he was struggling for words. Trying to tell her something without actually saying it. The problem was, she wasn't a mind reader.
"It doesn't have to make sense." She finally said. In her experience, the most profound things in your life rarely did.
"Last night. What happened, the connection." His voice trailed off.
A beat when by as she stared at him. What was he trying to say? Last night meant something, the connection had been real? They'd just gotten carried away? Use your words she wanted to scream at him. He'd been all about using them last night, but apparently this morning his words had fled, right along with his interest in her. Well, whatever it had meant to him, she knew one thing. It was like nothing she'd ever felt before, and maybe never would again.
He tried one more time. "Even if you're really lucky, it's something that probably only happens a few times in your life."
She locked eyes with him.
"Or once." She whispered.
"Or once." He agreed.
Stephanie was pretty sure she'd stopped breathing. The car suddenly felt too small, too stifling like all the oxygen had been sucked out. That didn't sound like a guy that was giving her a brush off.
Ranger pulled her to him for a kiss.
A kiss that froze time. It was a devastatingly slow brush of his lips. He tasted like mint and coffee, as his tongue swept into her mouth, exploring her with deliberate, slow strokes like he was trying to memorize her. It felt like a lucid dream that she never wanted to wake-up from. She sighed as he nipped along her bottom lip.
He pulled back staring at her. His eyes were dilated almost black. Heat blazing in them, and something else. Confusion or maybe it was vulnerability. It was gone so fast she didn't have time to analyze it, and she couldn't really place it.
He looked like he wanted to say something, but she watched as the shutter came down and his expression became unreadable. He kissed her forehead and then moved back. The moment was gone.
Stephanie knew she should probably say something. Thanks for dinner, thanks for the mind-blowing orgasm, will I ever see you again? Something, anything really would do. Instead, she opened the car door and got out. She walked to the building entrance, refusing to look back.
She heard the engine growl as he drove away, and that was that.
There are some men who enter a woman's life and screw it up. Morelli had done that to her. Maybe not forever, but periodically. She grew up with Morelli, lost her virginity to him, ran over him with her car in a fit of justifiable rage, and now years later he was her on-again, off-again, probably never-again boyfriend.
Stephanie was a little afraid Marc Pardo was going to be one of those men. She just wasn't so sure about the periodically part of that equation. It was entirely possible he had entered her life and screwed it up forever.
Stephanie let herself into her apartment. The soft, rhythmic squeak told her Rex was running on his wheel. At least someone was up and productive this morning. When she turned on the kitchen light, Rex stopped, twitched his whiskers, then went back to running.
Stephanie started a pot of coffee, and then rummaged around until she found the hamster crunchies. Even those were running low. She threw a few in for Rex. He rushed to the dish, crammed everything into his cheeks, and rushed into his soup can. That's the thing about a hamster, it doesn't take much to make them happy. Ah, for the simple life. Stephanie wondered if it was wrong to be just a tad jealous of Rex.
She opened the refrigerator. Still the same slimy head of lettuce. Apparently, the food fairies didn't show up overnight, which was probably going to be the first of many disappointments of the day. Turns out she didn't have any cream for her coffee either, but she did have some of that powdered shit, which she figured made her only half a psycho. Seriously who drank black coffee. Maybe she was lucky Pardo had sped out of her parking lot like a bat out of hell. Saved her from another doomed relationship. Or a serial killer.
She blopped a glob of creamer in her coffee, only mildly disgusted when it didn't dissolve. Caffeine was caffeine. She took a big gulp, and tried not to grimace. Time to get on with the day, conquer the world, breakup with Morelli, and forget Pardo. Everybody knew all things were possible with coffee and mascara.
She wandered into her bedroom and stripped off her dress. She could swear she smelled like him, and a little pang went through her. She had no idea what it was, but the scent was memorable, she'd give it that. Just the hint of it on her clothes, and on her skin, evoked vivid memories. The citrus and bergamot mingled with something earthy was the perfect mix for Marc Pardo. It made her think of a slightly Zen like quality masking the truth about a man with a lot of secrets. There was a darkness to him, that she couldn't quite shake. Like he was a man that had seen too many things. Done too many things.
Pardo said he knew Vinnie. Maybe she'd swing by the bonds office and ask Vinnie about him. Or, maybe not. The last thing she needed to add to her list of bad traits was crazed stalker. It was just something about him. Something mysterious, and just a little dangerous. She told herself she'd think about it, knowing full well that probably meant she was going to do it.
Pretty much every bad decision in her life had started out the same way. Curiosity is what lured her into Morelli's garage for a game of choo choo, and it was curiosity that had caused her to sprinkle sugar on her head and go into the boy's bathroom because she thought it made her invisible. You would think she would have learned by now. It wasn't like curiosity had ever done right by her.
She blew out a big breath. She needed to get ready for work. Those bad decisions weren't going to make themselves. She had her meeting with Raymond tonight and she wanted to swing back by the warehouse. See if anyone was there today. The vendor still hadn't called her back, and given the size of the payments being made, that just seemed weird.
As she soaped up, she almost felt bereft as the scent of Marc Pardo was washed down the drain. It was like the last proof he actually existed was gone.
Half an hour later, her hair was still wrapped in a towel, and she was staring at her closet like she thought if she stared long enough a miracle might happen. This is what being sleep deprived did to a person. The most basic of tasks, like getting dressed, seemed overwhelming. She heard her phone ringing and briefly considered ignoring it, but forced herself to retrieve it from her bag.
She looked at the screen. It was Morelli. A stab of irritation went through her. He must have finished up with little red teddy. She just rolled her eyes, and hit reject. She was not in the mood to deal with Morelli this morning. Maybe never, if she really thought about it. Anger surged through her. She did not have room for Morelli and his lies in her life anymore. Really when she thought about it, the only place she had room for Morelli was in the trunk of her car along with duct tape and maybe a shovel. She was beyond pissed over last night. She was done with the drama. Done with the uncertainty and done with the lies. Morelli was not going to sweet talk his way back in this time.
Then again, Morelli hadn't done anything that she had not done last night. A blush heated her cheeks. Well, maybe. Same general idea anyway. It wasn't like she and Pardo hadn't reached for each other several times during the night. The man was a machine. God, and the things they'd done. He was very creative at finding positions that rubbed all the right spots, and he instinctively knew when he had found the perfect one. He knew exactly what she liked, before she did. She'd tried things with him that she would never have considered with Morelli. Another reason maybe Morelli wasn't the right guy. She realized how much she had been holding back with him. Morelli had been right about that, just wrong about the reason.
It was time to deal with Morelli. Maybe the key to true happiness was lowered expectations, but lowered was one thing, nonexistent was another, and she wasn't willing to settle for that.
Their relationship was probably one of those things that had been over for a long time, but nobody had the brass to call it. They were a familiar, dysfunctional pattern, and that is why they kept coming back together. It was like Kool-Aid, you still drank it because it reminded you of your childhood, a time when things were easier, even though you knew it wasn't any good for you. You did it out of habit. Trying to recreate some long-ago memory that had probably never existed anywhere but in your own mind in the first place.
Last night had been liberating and amazing, and Stephanie was pretty sure there was no coming back from that. Pardo might have walked his fine ass out of her life this morning, but at least she didn't have to worry about him scrawling shit all over the bathroom walls. So, there was that she guessed.
Ten minutes later she was still sitting there staring at her closet like maybe it housed the ark of the covenant or other mysterious artifacts that could be useful. You know, like clothes she thought.
It was the kiss. She couldn't stop thinking about the kiss this morning when Pardo dropped her off. What did it mean? He'd said they had a connection. Well, at least she thought that is what he said. She wasn't even really sure what that had been about. The way she had felt when he had taken her in his arms and kissed her when he said it made it seem like it was a message. That he was trying to tell her something. Maybe.
Great, now that had her thinking about the way he had made her feel when he'd ripped her clothes off and kissed her in other places. And then there was Pardo naked. And Pardo naked and aroused. And Pardo doing something about being naked and aroused. She groaned and flopped back on the bed staring at the ceiling. She wanted him. But right now, she really had to get moving, because she needed to make a couple of extra stops this morning.
Stephanie pulled out a pair of black slacks and a black and white striped shirt. Maybe if she wore this with her new heels nobody would notice the dark circles under her eyes or the marks on her damn neck. Stephanie Plum, master of rationalization. Believe whatever the moment calls for, yep that was her, and that was probably the only thing that was going to get her through this day.