Stephanie Meyer owns Twilight. Enjoy.
Edward in the sun took my breath away. I now understood why vampires 'couldn't' go out in the sun, and it wasn't because it was fatal to them. His body shimmered like the glittery lip gloss I remembered wearing as a young teen. Light reflected off his chest, his skin luminescent. The way the sun bounced off his skin drew my eyes in, reminding me of that day I was so sure I had seen him 'sparkle' in the meadow.
He lay back with his shirt open and his eyes closed. A smile lingered on his face and his eyelashes fluttered. He held onto my hand as I sat and stared. I reached out to touch him, and he ghosted my hand as I traced patterns along his bare chest. I stopped where his heart should have been. I flattened my palm, wondering if I would feel something. Edward's expression changed and he frowned, removing his hand. Wanting to be more convinced - as well as to be even closer to him - I leaned over and straddled his waist. His hands moved gently to my hips, a smile creeping back across his face and I leaned down to rest my ear upon his chest. It was silent, an empty cavity.
"When did it stop beating?" I asked, my voice tinged with sadness. I continued to listen, hoping to hear something.
"A long time ago. I was seventeen," Edward responded as he ran his hands up and down my back. It tickled as he applied the lightest of pressure. I continued to lie against Edward's chest for some time, long enough for the clouds to move across the meadow. Soon the bright green grass faded, the lilac of the flowers less bright and Edward no longer shimmered.
I sat up, still straddling him. I began buttoning his shirt, taking my time to slip each button through. Edward's eyes crinkled in the corners, his lips in a smile. It occurred to me that while I touched him so readily, he seemed more hesitant. "Are you holding back when you touch me?" I asked.
"Yes. I could hurt you so easily. I have to think about every touch with you. You're so fragile." Edward frowned as he spoke. He had clearly thought about this already.
I wondered what this meant for us. I stared off into the distance, admiring the meadow, our meadow, a perfect backdrop to our morning together. The ground seemed less flat today; it looked almost more open as flickers of sunlight danced across space. Picking at a blade of grass and rubbing it between my fingers, I considered whether Edward and I could ever truly be physical. Could we even get beyond a single base?
"I want to try something." Edward's soft voice drew my attention to him as he began unbuttoning the first few buttons of my shirt. My heart raced; was he feeling me up? We hadn't even kissed yet! But his hand did not go where I thought it would. Instead, he rested it gently over my heart. Sensing my confusion, he murmured, "Your heart is like a metronome. Feeling your heartbeat keeps me grounded, present."
"Oh, I just thought we were moving to second base... first." I started to laugh and winked at him to break the tension.
"Bella. Be still," he said sternly as his other hand came up to caress my face.
I closed my eyes and waited. I counted ten breaths. It felt like hours. Finally, Edward's lips touched my own. I obeyed his request and remained very still. We stayed close for some time, his lips pressing against mine in the most chaste yet enjoyable kiss of my adult life. I loved his touch, the way his cool hands caressed my face, occasionally moving to linger in my hair. I needed more, though. Ever so slightly, I opened my mouth, but then Edward was away from me and standing on the opposite side of the meadow. I sat back panting, my chest rising and falling rapidly, having fallen back onto my elbows.
"I want to do that... very much. But one step at a time, please," Edward spoke, his voice soft but still carrying across the meadow, his frame silhouetted by an overhanging tree at the edge of it.
"I'm sorry." My cheeks reddened at my admission and I lifted my hands to cover my face. "You just...You make me a little wild, Edward," I babbled.
He was in front of me then, removing my hands from my face. "No, no, don't be embarrassed. I feel the same way. I promise." He cradled my face between his hands, holding me like I was a delicate object. "Let's change the subject. Do you have a list?"
The question surprised me. I looked at him, puzzled. "A list?"
"What do you want to know? You were mumbling in your sleep last night about a list of questions, things you wanted to ask me. I'm all ears. Go ahead." Edward sat in front of me with his hands in his lap. For the first time, he actually looked like an eager student.
"Let's start with your family."
Edward spent the next hour detailing the story of how he came to be what he was and the formation of the Cullen family. I sat in awe, listening to him speak as he described the pain of venom spreading through his veins as a seventeen-year-old boy, and the shame he felt even to this day as a 108-year-old vampire.
"The pain was like nothing you can possibly imagine. It burned. I felt like I was on fire for days." He rubbed his thumb idly around my palm.
"What was it like when you woke up? Were you scared?" I asked, watching the pattern his thumb made across my skin.
"Miserable. I was so thirsty, it was absolute agony." Edward paused for a moment. "I didn't remember myself right away. I felt so lost, so confused. It took some time to find myself again." Edward reached out and stroked my face. "I was very lucky to have Carlisle."
"But it got better, right?" I nuzzled into his hand.
"Yes, but even so... I've done things, Bella. Things I'm not proud of. I've killed people." Edward looked away from me then, his head downcast in shame.
"What do you mean?" I moved a little closer, needing to be nearer to him, to reassure him even after this confession.
"I went through a phase after Carlisle changed me, a rebellious period. I'm not proud of what I did. And I'll understand that if knowing that makes you change your mind about me, about this." He looked at the narrow space between us.
Edward had killed people. I considered the idea in my mind that the man I had fallen in love with had taken a life, or, more accurately, lives.
"Did you kill randomly or… just bad people?" I asked, hoping for the latter.
"Bad people, people with malevolent thoughts, who wanted to kill or harm others. I was a little bit of a vigilante. It doesn't make it right. I still feel ashamed." Edward looked away from me again, not making eye contact. "I'm thankful that Carlisle saved me, but I've also spent a long time resenting what I am: frozen in time, never moving forward, just stuck."
"Do you still feel that way now?" I asked, pressing my hand into his.
"Everything was so dark before you, Bella. Life was bleak. Monotonous. I went through the motions, I played my part. But then you arrived and there was...light, so much light. Now I feel seventeen again. I feel human."
"So, you feel like you can move forward… with me?" My voice tinged with hope.
"Yes. If that's something you'd like, too." A small smile crept across his face.
"So what are you, then? My vampire boyfriend?" I was grinning now, but I needed confirmation of our relationship.
"That works." He moved quickly to peck me on the cheek and my insides flipped. My cheeks tinged pink from his chaste kiss. "I love you," he murmured quietly into my hair.
I thrilled at his declaration. Leaning back on my elbows, I decided it was time to find out more about my vampire boyfriend. "Tell me about your siblings, about your mother." I picked at the grass beside me, waiting for his response.
"Alice is very special to me. She brings a lot of joy and positivity to our lives. Sometimes I feel like I'll go crazy because of her, but ultimately, I think it would be worse without her. Her gift is special. She sees things, the future. Even before she was turned, we suspect she had the gift already…" Edward looked out to the distance thoughtfully, his brows scrunched.
I stopped pulling at the grass at Edward's revelation. "Did she see me coming?"
Edward stalled. "She did see me draining you that first day in class. You may have noticed she was a bit 'off' at first during that period. She was only able to calm down when she saw that I wouldn't do it, that I would be able to resist."
I recalled Alice's initial expression after I'd turned the heater on in class, and then remembered her laughing five or so minutes later. The dots began connecting.
"Jasper is her mate. He hasn't been a 'vegetarian' for as long as the rest of us. He looks miserable all the time at school, because he's still learning to control his thirst. He hasn't bitten anyone in a long time, but I guess you could say he isn't as desensitized as we are." Edward let out a chuckle, flipping over onto his stomach and rested his head on his arms.
I moved my hand to caress his hair. "What about Rosalie and Emmett? I don't think Rosalie likes me very much. Every time I see her in the corridor, she glares."
"Rosalie doesn't really like anyone but Emmett." Edward laughed into his arms. "Emmett is... well, he's everything that you see in school: loud, boisterous, silly. He enjoys his existence, his life with our family and with Rose. For a vampire, he can sometimes be ridiculously happy putting on the charade of being human."
"And Rosalie, does she not like being what you are?" I fingered a lock of his bronze hair. Edward let out a little sound.
"No, she never has. She longs to be human again, to be like you." He stopped. "She isn't happy that I want you like this. That you want me as well."
I nodded, unsure as to what to say.
Edward sat up, his eyes studying my face. "You look a little paler than usual. Maybe you've heard enough about vampires for today?" He ran his hand along my face.
On cue, my stomach grumbled, and my hands instinctively went to cover the noise. "Oh, I haven't eaten in a while. That's probably what it is."
Edward frowned. "I'm so sorry, I completely forgot. Come on, let's get you home and get you something to eat."
We walked to the edge of the backyard, and his body became still, frozen on reaching the boundary. "Shit."
"Bella, is that you?" Charlie's voice called out.
I turned to Edward, who looked sheepish. "I didn't hear him, I'm sorry."
"Yeah, Dad, it's me," I called back. Edward followed behind me, and as if the weather was on our side, a slight drizzle began falling from the sky.
"Dad, I've got Edward Cullen with me. I ran into him on the trail. I might take him home, with the weather and all." I pointed to the sky as we made our way to stand in front of Charlie.
Charlie shuffled on his feet, kicking mud off his work boots. "Oh, Edward, hey. I did tell Bella when she moved here that she might run into you and your family in the woods. How were the trails today?"
"Good, Chief Swan. I spotted some beautiful deer by the creek bed. I ran into Miss Swan on my way back home just as the weather was changing. I hope that's okay? I can call my parents…" Edward played his role well. I smirked at how convincing he sounded.
"Don't be silly, Edward. I'm sure Bella would be happy to drive you home. Surely, as your teacher, she probably has a duty of care." He laughed.
Edward and I walked alongside each other to the truck. The drizzle trickled down my face. I titled my head back and stuck out my tongue. Edward chuckled next to me and walked around to the passenger side, settling into his seat. Charlie was long gone, having made his way inside to escape the rain that was now coming down heavier. Edward's hand snaked inside mine, and I pulled out of the driveway and started the journey to the Cullen household.
"I don't actually know where I'm going, so you'll need to direct me." I squeezed Edward's hand, enjoying the way his long fingers looped between my own.
"How about we pull over and swap seats, and you can eat while I drive?" He gestured to my emergency box of granola bars in the open glove box: a rushing-to-work breakfast staple. I let out a loud sigh and pulled over. We swapped sides quickly and I ravenously tore into the granola bar as Edward hurtled my truck down the main road.
"So what's the deal with the wolves?" I asked abruptly between chews on the bar.
"We're natural enemies. I'm not sure how much your friend has told you."
"He's told me a bit. I know about the legends and the treaty."
Edward let out a heavy sigh. "We stay off their land as promised, and we don't eat people. We follow the rules."
"I'm sorry, it looks like you don't want to talk about it." His sigh felt like a silent message.
"I do, just… not now, not tonight." He smiled.
I nervously gripped onto the grab handle, my palms slippery. I had not driven at this speed in my truck, ever. I wouldn't have thought it even capable. I looked out the window, watching the treeline whizz past us.
"Relax, Bella. I would never let anything happen to you." Edward reached over and placed his hand on my knee. That simple act left me feeling at ease. Edward would keep me safe.
The rain was not letting up. As we pulled into the Cullen driveway, it was hard to take in the beauty of their home, obscured as it was by the thick sheet of rain.
"I'm not sure how comfortable I feel about you driving home alone in this." Edward looked outside.
"I'm not sure how comfortable I feel about coming inside," I replied, feeling a blush creep up my neck.
Edward's cell buzzed in his pocket. He scowled, opening the message on his phone. "It's Alice. She said the rain will pass in around twenty minutes. You'll be able to drive home safely then."
I watched as lights switched off and on inside the Cullen house. Shadows moved through rooms, too quickly for my eyes. I wondered what it was like inside. I would know soon, I hoped, but not tonight.
"I can think of one way we can pass the time," Edward murmured as he began kissing along my jaw. I sighed and turned my face so his lips would meet my own. Our kisses were soft and chaste. I tried to not use my tongue, although I desperately wanted to. I kept my hands in my lap, mindful of our conversation in the meadow today.
Edward broke away from me. "Bella, you can touch me." His hands found mine in my lap. He entwined his fingers in my own, rubbing his thumb in small circles against the flesh of my palm. He moved my hands to his shoulders, and put his own on my waist.
I linked my hands together around his neck. "I know, I just don't know how. I don't want you to get overwhelmed."
He moved to rest his forehead against mine.
"I know this is new for you, Edward, but it's also new for me too. I've been intimate with men before, but I haven't had to worry about them wanting to, you know..." I trailed off.
Edward pulled away, looking out of the car window. "Kill you," he completed my sentence, his voice cutting through the cab of the truck. "I don't think it will always be like this, Bella. But I understand if you don't want to continue this, if you think that I can't give you what you need." He stopped for a moment. "All I can ask is that you be patient with me. I want to try. I want this. I want you. I just can't give you everything right away. It's not safe, and I won't risk hurting you."
"Edward, of course I want to continue this! This doesn't compare to anything else I've ever experienced-the way you make me feel." My voice was pleading. I couldn't believe he thought I wanted to end this before it had even begun!
Relief flooded Edward's face.
I moved my hands to cradle his face. "We'll figure this out. Together." I placed a soft kiss on Edward's lips, running my hands through his hair. He purred in response, tilting his head back. I dropped my head to kiss his neck, my mouth open and my breath hot against his cool skin. "The rain has stopped. I should probably get going."
Edward sighed and began unbuckling his seatbelt. As he exited the truck, my eyes lingered over the obvious erection in his jeans. He looked down at his crotch then back up at me, embarrassment coloring his face. "Message me when you get home, please?" He lingered outside the truck door.
I nodded, giving him a small wave as he finally shut the door.
Later, tucked into my bed in Charlie's house, I texted Edward.
Safe in bed. Wish you were here.
His reply was instantaneous. I can be there if you want. Ten minutes max.
Always persistent. I should sleep Edward.
I like watching you sleep.
I threw my head back against the covers. Go to sleep!
I don't sleep, remember.
I smiled into my pillow, blindly typing out my goodnight. Goodnight Edward.
Goodnight my love.
A massive thanks to my beta team, without you this fic would be a scramble of words on my notes app x