Stephanie Meyer owns Twilight. Enjoy.
I observed myself in the mirror, my hand instinctively reaching out to touch my reflection. Was this real? My mind raced at the sight of my golden eyes and pale skin. A distant sound thundered in my ears. I was me, but different, more defined in every way. My clothes clung to me tightly, my hair smooth, bouncy, each soft ringlet weightless. Hmmp no frizz. I traced the line of my nose, and the arch of my brows, my skin cold and smooth, my cheeks contoured. Tilting my head, I admired myself, my fingertips moving to trace my lips, colored like the flesh of a blood plum. My lips under my fingertips were smooth, not chapped, the moisture tingled against my skin. This was weird.
"Miss Swan," a voice called out to me. I turned away from the mirror and moved in a smooth continuous motion across the room, searching for the sound.
"Miss Swan!"
I squinted, and jerked my head up from resting on my hand to see Alice Cullen standing in front of me.
"You were staring off into space. It was almost like you were asleep!" Her high pitched voice startled me.
"Sorry Alice, I totally zoned out. Not doing a very good job of lunch duty, huh?" I smiled and waved her down to sit at the bench. "Did you need something?"
She slipped into the bench seat with the precision of a gymnast, and I smiled at the effortless way she moved.
"Not really, just thought I'd come say hi. Edward seems to be stalling bringing you around." She rolled her eyes. "Crazy how there's basically less than a month left of school right?"
"I know! How are you doing? Preparing for finals?"
Alice tilted her head to the side and let out a soft laugh. "It's not my first rodeo, Miss Swan."
A blush crept up my face. "Of course, I'm sorry. I didn't even think."
"Don't be silly. You know, we're going to be great friends." Her small hand moved closer to mine on the table. "I've seen it."
My mind flashed to the daydream I had been having prior to Alice interrupting me. "Wait, you've seen me?" I kept my voice low. "You've seen my future? You've seen me like you?"
Alice's eyes glassed over, and her lips pursed. "The future is always in flux, Miss Swan. You've got a lot you need to think about. But all I can tell you is this-" her hand edged closer to mine, "is the start of a beautiful friendship...whether you're human, or not." Her petite frame spun out of the seat. "I have to go, Edward is on his way here. He's not happy I was talking to you. See ya!" She turned and offered a wave as she strode across the quad.
"Miss Swan?" I turned in my seat, my eyes lined up with Edward's torso. I looked up at him, his golden eyes bright. "I was wondering if you could look over this for me?" He dipped into his messenger bag and pulled out a sheet of paper.
"Sit down, Edward. I'll take a look."
Edward sat next to me on the bench. I didn't look at him, my eyes instead focusing on his stunning cursive script.
"Was Alice bothering you?" he murmured.
"No, we were just talking," I replied, pulling out a pen from my bag and making a few notes on his work.
"So, I was wondering if you wanted to go out tonight?"
Raising my eyebrow as I looked at him, I tapped my pen in the margin of the paper and wrote - ?
"I want to take you...somewhere quiet. The night is supposed to be mild." A smile spread across his face.
I chewed my lip and wrote - Okay.
Edward stood up, taking his paper from the bench top. "Thanks, Miss Swan, you were a fantastic help." He leaned forward, taking the pen that now lay on the bench. His cool breath caressed my ear as he whispered. "Be ready at 8:00."
My phone buzzed on the kitchen table at 7:00 p.m. I smiled, flipping it over to see a text from Charlie - Thanks for dinner Bell. Shift has been quiet so far. Don't spend too much time marking papers. You work too hard. See u tomorrow.
The after-school marking had become a habit, because not only was there so much of it, but it was also the perfect way to kill time waiting for Edward.
I tapped out my response - Marking is part of my job ;)... Glad you liked dinner. See you tomorrow.
Casting my eyes over the essays sprawled across the kitchen table, I sighed. You can do it Bella! At least two more…
An hour later, the sound of a knock coming from the backdoor broke me out of my intense squinting; Mike Newton and his horrendous handwriting, ugh. Jumping out of my seat and rushing to the back door, I opened the door, my heart skipping at the sight of Edward. He leaned against the frame, his smile crooked and eyes golden. I reached out and touched his hair, a complete mess, my hand going down to linger on the backpack strap across his chest.
Tipping his head down, he kissed my hand. "Hi."
"Hi yourself," I replied, my hand stinging from the contact of his lips on my skin. I gestured for him to make his way inside and smiled to myself as I felt the weight of his shadow following behind me.
Stopping at the kitchen table to grab my cell, Edward stood behind me, his breath feathering across my neck. "Are you ready?"
I turned my head up to face him, kissing him on the lips and giving him a nod.
"So where are we going?" I called out, as I moved around the house, ensuring I'd locked the front door, and closed the open windows. Flicking off the final light, I skipped to meet Edward at the back door.
He held his hand out, and my whole body relaxed at his touch. "I want to take you somewhere I would go before I met you."
Locking the back door, my other hand still entwined in his, I looked over my shoulder. "Was this your brooding place?" my eyebrow raised.
Edward laughed, pulling me away from the door. "You could say that."
We stood at the edge of the verandah, staring out into the dark night. It was surprisingly warm for Forks, the air thick and humid, my hand feeling clammy against Edward's.
"It's not exactly close, so you're going to need to jump on my back. I'll run us there."
My eyes popped open in surprise. I'd never seen Edward run.
Edward moved the backpack to his front, and pulled me closer to him. "Don't be afraid. I won't hurt you." He kissed my cheek and before I could even blink I was clinging onto his back. "Hold on tight and close your eyes."
The wind whirled around me as Edward ran. I squeezed my eyes shut, too scared to open them in fear that I'd throw up all over him. The wind created by the speed at which Edward moved prickled my face, and I buried my face deeper into his neck.
The air stilled around me, but not yet ready, I kept my eyes closed. Edward's hands caressed the underside of my thighs, and I shivered at his touch. Even with a layer of fabric between us, the contact still made me swoon. "We're here, sweetheart."
Sliding down his back, I still kept my eyes closed. The earth felt soft beneath my feet, the air still thick. Edward's hands stroked my face. "Open your eyes, Bella."
My stomach flipped at the sight before me. Edward was even more beautiful in the moonlight. The muted light danced across his skin, and the shadows created by the trees cut across the sharpened angles of his jaw. "You're really beautiful," I murmured, kissing him softly on the mouth.
Edward smiled against me and took my hand, pulling me gently onto the blanket he'd laid out beneath us. Sitting down, my back cozying against him, I surveyed our surroundings. We sat high above, still water below us, the city lights far off in the distance, twinkling in some attempt to compete with the stars.
"This is really beautiful too," I said, turning my face to kiss his chest, nuzzling into him.
"I used to come here a lot at night. I liked the quiet. No intrusive thoughts." Edward's hand caressed my thigh.
I sighed and placed my hand on top of his. I'd never considered how intrusive it must be for Edward to hear everyone's thoughts.
"Do you know why mind reading became your gift?"
"Not really. Carlisle believes that maybe it has something to do with our personalities before the change. Maybe I was very perceptive as a young man. I couldn't tell you; I don't remember much about my life before the change."
If I were to change, what would be my gift? I was so ordinary.
"What about you? Do you remember a lot about being a child?" Edward asked, his chin pressing into the crook of my neck.
My heart fluttered as he brushed his lips against my collar bone. "You know I actually don't remember a lot around the time Charlie and Renee divorced. It feels like a bit of a gap in my memory, empty space. I was only five when it happened."
Edward nodded, a signal for me to continue.
"I do remember how much I liked coming to see Charlie as a kid for the summer, but also how much I didn't like Forks. I think I was just too young to appreciate the beautiful things around here. The quiet, the blue tint of the sky, how green everything is."
"Are you happier here with Charlie? Then with Renee?" he asked.
"So much happier. That's not to say I don't love Renee, but she's just overbearing. She hovers." I paused for a moment. "Charlie, just lets me...be me."
"I understand." Edward curled my hair behind my ear, moving down to wrap his arms around my waist. "I'm really happy you came to Forks, Bella." He kissed the shell of my ear, and I squirmed at the ticklish feeling that surged through me.
"I'm happy I came to Forks too, Edward."
Friday afternoon, Edward and I stood at the edge of the creek bed. An overcast day, Edward only sparkled when the light peeked through the canopy of trees. My heart clenched and my stomach flipped as I admired him. Sometimes the strength of my feelings scared me, but I couldn't imagine not being near him, being with him. "I want you to meet my family," he blurted out, skimming a rock across the water.
"Alright. But how do you imagine we do that? Do you want me to set up a parent-teacher interview?" I rolled my eyes and dipped a toe into the cool water. Sometimes I thought that Edward had forgotten that, to the outside world, this was a student-teacher relationship. It made sense though, the Cullens were so removed from normal society despite their outward appearance. So accustomed to living on the edge of a community, never quite being "in" and, more importantly, not having a history. There was no way I was driving to the Cullen household for a casual visit without the people of Forks talking. "Edward, we managed to get away with me dropping you off last time due to the rain, but I can't just drive out there. You need to remember I could lose my job if people found out about us."
"I can run you there, through the woods. No one will see us, I promise." His foot joined mine and he kicked at the water, splashing my ankle.
"Okay, when?"
"Tomorrow morning. Alice has seen that Charlie is going fishing for the day. You won't have to explain your whereabouts."
Edward took my jacket as we walked through the door of the Cullen house. My heart thundered in my chest. I shook my hands by my side in some effort to fling off my nerves, marveling at the glass entryway. I squinted my eyes, looking out into the surrounding forest. Two dominant questions rolled around in my head: would Edward's family like me? Would I make an idiot of myself?
"Would you relax, please? Your heartbeat is out of control," Edward laughed. "They are going to love you, I promise."
We walked up the staircase, my hand gripping tightly onto Edward's. Before I could even take a moment to look around or even greet the family that stood before me, Rosalie Hale's abrasive voice welcomed me. "Was your dad called away to a bad vamp incident and you were allowed to come out and play?"
"Rose, her dad's fishing. Those two were run off by the wolves last week. They haven't been sighted since. C'mon. Chill." Emmett nudged Rosalie.
"Ugh, the house stinks of human already," Rosalie replied, leaning into Emmett.
Esme Cullen's voice cut through the awkward tension. "It's so nice to finally meet you, Bella. Edward has spoken so fondly of you." She moved towards me and then abruptly stopped. "Oh my, he wasn't kidding. You do smell good. Freesia, maybe even a touch of lavender...a very floral scent!"
"Mom, seriously," Edward groaned, squeezing my hand gently.
My cheeks reddened at Esme's words about my smell. I tried not to stumble over my words. "It's really nice to meet you, Mrs. Cullen. I've already graced Dr. Cullen with my presence at the hospital."
Carlisle laughed, a sound very similar to Edward's. "I am glad I was there to help you when you needed it, Bella. We all can't thank you enough for the happiness you've brought to Edward."
"Yeah, Edward is actually kind of fun now that he's no longer sulking all the time!" Emmett's voice boomed through the kitchen, his comment even eliciting a smirk from Rosalie.
"Okay, that's enough. I'm going to take Bella to my room."
"Oh, be sure to give her a thorough tour of your domain." Emmett waggled his eyebrows.
"You'll be the first person allowed in that room since we arrived here!"
Edward rolled his eyes, taking my hand as he ushered me out of the kitchen and led me up the staircase to his bedroom. We stopped on the last rung of stairs, my hand reaching out to admire the tapestry on the wall.
"Hey, where are Alice and Jasper?" I looked back down the staircase.
"They had to go hunting. Jasper was feeling a little off." His mouth turned down in a frown.
"Oh, right." I paused for a moment, considering what Edward meant by feeling "off." Shaking my head to rid myself of nervousness, I bounced up the staircase, Edward trailing behind me.
The first thing I noticed on entering his room was the distinct absence of somewhere to sleep. "No bed?" I raised my eyebrows.
"I don't sleep, remember?"
"Sometimes a bed is used for things other than sleeping." I snaked my hand along the waist of Edward's jeans, pulling him by the belt loops to his white leather chaise.
"I haven't been doing much of that either, remember?" Edward let out a chuckle and followed.
"This'll do," I mumbled, pulling him down with me.
I kissed him chastely at first, my warm lips pressing against his, one, two, three, four. He smiled against my mouth, and I ran my tongue across his lips playfully, keeping my eyes locked with his. He groaned and opened his mouth, letting his tongue slide across mine as our kisses deepened. My hands trailed along the waistband of his pants as I rocked against him.
A loud door slam echoed through the house and I scrambled off him.
"That was Emmett. Everyone's left the house…to give us some privacy. Your scent does take a little adjusting to." He smirked.
My brow furrowed and my stomach flip-flopped thinking about how my smell had made his family uncomfortable. Would it always be like this? Would I always stick out like a sore thumb?
Edward's voice interrupted me. "Stop it." He reached his arms out and I climbed back on top of him. Edward's hands rested on my hips, his thumbs sneaking up under the hem of my sweater to caress the soft flesh. "Esme absolutely adores you. If only you could hear her thoughts. She is so thrilled you found me."
I raised a brow. "I get the vibe you were a bit of a pain?" I crawled off him and tip-toed over to the bookcase that adorned the wall of his room, marvelling at the rows and rows of perfectly organized books.
"'A pain' would be an understatement. Carlisle and Esme have been very tolerant of my behavior. Being a little 'older' than my siblings, I think they truly understood how difficult it's been to not have a mate and to feel so alone amongst them," Edward mused.
I turned sideways to look at him, my hands tracing the spine of a weathered book as my eyes danced across the fabric of his shirt that strained across his chest. Edward had been alone for a very long time and had felt a depth of loneliness I would probably never understand. My heart fluttered at the knowledge that I had been the person to break him out of that loneliness.
Drifting back towards him I climbed into his lap, toying with the buttons on his shirt.
"So Esme is Carlisle's mate, and Rosalie is Emmett's, Jasper and Alice… So does that make me your mate?" I hadn't heard that term before. It sounded almost animalistic.
"From my perspective, yes. Vampires are unchanging. I will never love anyone else. Ever." He took my hand and kissed my palm.
"So we're, like, made for each other? Like soul mates?" I asked, gnawing on my bottom lip.
"There is no one else for me but you, Bella. No one, vampire or human."
A smile spread across my face, my heart full from his words. "I love you so much, Edward." I leaned forward and kissed him chastely on the lips. "There is no one else out there for me, either. I wish I'd found you sooner, come back to Forks earlier. I'd been so unhappy for so long in Arizona, I don't know why I just didn't come here earlier."
"You came at the right time, love. We're together now. That's what's important."
A comfortable silence fell between us.
"What are you thinking about?" he asked as he pushed a piece of hair from my face.
There's no time like the present. "I'm thinking about how I've shown you how I like to be touched, but you still haven't shown me." My hand took advantage of the gap created by the straining buttons of his shirt, and I slipped it inside, running my hand across the soft hair on his chest.
Edward's mouth opened and then closed as my fingertips grazed his nipples.
"I know you want to be safe and that I'm fragile and you don't want to hurt me, or for me to hurt myself, but it's only fair, right? Before we can continue…" I removed my hands from inside his shirt and ran them through his hair. We hadn't spoken too much about having sex, only skirted around the topic.
Edward's hands clutched my hips as he drew me closer to him. His mouth collided against mine, our tongues sliding against one another. I wriggled around his lap, itching for friction and sighed when I felt his hips pushing against mine. Heat surged through me as my mind played images of what could happen next.
"You drive me absolutely wild, Bella Swan," he murmured as he began laying kisses down my neck. "I never thought I'd feel this way about anyone, that I'd want to do this so much. I've lived over a hundred years and never felt the desire or the need like I do with you."
I ran my hand through Edward's hair, tugging on the ends at the base of his neck. He groaned with each pull, his strong neck stretched out as his head tilted backwards. I stared at the expanse of skin and kissed along his throat.
"You know, if you keep doing that, I'm not going to have an opportunity to show you anything." He titled his head forward and removed my hands from his hair. My face still buried in his neck, I looked up at his pleading eyes. I shuffled back off him, sensing that he needed a break.
He ran his hands across his face."I've been talking to Carlisle about my venom and about what it means for you, if it can hurt you. We don't think it will. It's more about its impact if it gets into your bloodstream. So it's safe." I could see the cogs turning in Edward's mind. He was squinting a little, a quirk I'd noticed that happened when he was thinking. "Everything else is the same." He gestured to below his waist and if he could blush, he would have been. "I am a 108-year-old vampire, but I'm also a man…"
"Oh, I know you're a man." I leaned forward, pushing Edward back into the chaise.
As I leaned down, I purposely rolled my hips against his, a small chuckle escaping my lips as I watched the way his face scrunched up. "So we're all alone?" I feathered kisses against his neck, gently pressing my pelvis down against the growing hardness in his jeans.
Edward let out a groan. "Yes, and for a while. They won't be back until dark."
Edward rolled me onto my back, straddling me with his knees at either side of my hips. My head spun and I giggled, playfully pawing at his chest. "Ugh, you always make me dizzy when you do that."
He rolled his eyes and snatched my hand, kissing my fingertips as he leaned back against his heels.
"I think it'll be easier like this with you beneath me. If it gets to be too much, I-I can just move away. I worry if I'm on my back and you're so close to me, I'll lose control."
I gnawed on my lip, guiding his hand with mine to curl a stray lock of hair behind my ear. Edward's vulnerability not only made my stomach flip, but turned me on. My skin prickled beneath my clothes, heat travelling up my chest and into my cheeks. Our hands trickled down my face and along my chest, lingering on the swell of my breasts.
He played with my fingers as our joined hands settled on the curve of my hip. His touch teased my skin and I shifted, rubbing my thighs together. One by one he lifted my fingers up until my palm was open and facing him, before pulling my hand over his jeans, against his dick. My tongue darted out to wet my lips as I soaked up the feeling of the rough denim against my palm and the noticeable twitch behind the fabric. He leaned over me and placed one hand over my heart, continuing a trail of soft kisses up and down my neck.
I stroked and touched him through his jeans, and his cool mouth created heat along the thin flesh of my neck. Everytime his mouth caressed the fabric covering my breasts, I wriggled and whimpered beneath him. This isn't about you, Bella. It's about Edward.
I pushed my hand further into his crotch, determined to get things back on track. He leaned back and let out a loud groan, his hands stilling their movements on my body. "We need to focus on you. Even if it's just for tonight."
Feeling brazen, I began unbuttoning his jeans. He did not move to stop me, his eyes remained closed. I sat myself up onto my elbows, as my hand made its way into his boxers, exploring the cool, hard flesh inside. He was hard, very hard. I ran my hand up and down his length, the skin taut as I reached the head and what I thought to be the beginnings of precum leaking at the tip. I spread the liquid with my thumb and Edward rocked back and forth on his heels, pressing himself against my hand.
"Show me, please?" I wanted to see. I needed to see. I moved my hand away and held myself up, leaning back against the chaise.
Edward locked eyes with me as he removed himself from his boxers. Thick, hard, and pulsing in his hand, the skin was red and tight across the head. "Touch yourself," he demanded. "Please. Anywhere, just... touch yourself."
I nodded, running my hands down my torso and over my breasts. I never imagined that intimacy could be like this. Better than the books, more erotic than any movie I'd ever seen. My entire body throbbed, the feeling only best described as intense.
"You look so beautiful, flushed and red underneath me, that knowing smirk on your face." He hissed, stroking himself now, up and down, a repetitive pattern. My eyes lingered on the way his wrist twisted at the base and his fingers squeezed, how his hand almost relaxed when he got to the head.
Edward babbled. "Fuck, Bella. It's too much."
Sensing his gaze travelling down my neck, my core throbbed as his eyes fixated on the one dominant pulsing vein in my neck. It thudded against the skin and the sound rang through my ears, louder than my heartbeat. Edward's eyes narrowed, a small wrinkle appearing between his eyebrows. He eyed my neck longingly, his hand still feverishly working over himself. My eyes sought out his, but they remained locked. There had to be a connection between blood and pleasure on his part, a strong connection. One that he probably wasn't ready to admit to yet. He'd always want my blood, but was it more than how much he wanted me? I felt almost unbothered by this, maybe even in fact turned on. Edward wanted me. He wanted all of me. His eyes suddenly snapped up at me, his pupils completely black. I gaped at him. Could he smell how wet I was? The cotton fabric of my underwear was completely soaked.
"I want to touch you so badly." Edward groaned as his eyes travelled to my hands on my breasts. His hand moved faster, as his hips lifted to meet every thrust. His other hand ran through his hair and his neck tilted back as he looked to the ceiling sucking in deep breaths.
"No, this is about you. Keep going. I'm learning," I assured him. "But wait. Where are you going to come?" I looked around for tissues, anything to clean up. Of course a vampire wouldn't need tissues. Duh.
Edward began unbuttoning his shirt with his free hand. The blue fabric slinked off his shoulders in waves as his grip tightened around himself. He towered over me, his bare chest broad and heaving. His hair ventured in a mess of directions, but it was his arms I couldn't tear my eyes away from, the muscles flexing as he stroked himself. He mirrored my appearance from a few nights before: naked, completely exposed, and unashamed.
With my name falling from his lips. "Bella, Bella, Bella, Bella…" and his face scrunched, eyes creasing on the sides, his hips thrust forward as his grip tightened further and he came onto his stomach. He looked beautiful even in the throes of orgasm. Before I could say anything, he was gone. I heard him rummaging through his bathroom, water whistling down the sink and the thudding of a towel hitting the hamper.
Edward walked back into his room, his denim blue jeans unbuttoned and hanging low on his hips.
"Sorry, I needed a moment." I focused on nothing but Edward's crooked smile until he was standing in front of me at the chaise.
I reached out my hand and ran my fingertips across his bare stomach. "You're actually stupidly hot."
Edward smirked, playfully swatting my hand away and moved to lay next to me on the chaise. I curled into his side, my hand now trailing up and down the soft hairs across his chest.
I looked up at him through my lashes. "Edward, can I ask you a question?"
He nodded, his eyes closed.
"Will I ever be like you? Has Alice seen it?"
Edward's eyes shot open and his brows furrowed. "Do you want to be like me?"
"If it means being with you forever... yes." I was stunned as the words tumbled out of my mouth, but knew they were true.
"Bella, I don't want to lose you, ever. And if it means that I need to change you, I will. But not now, not right away. I need you to really think about it before you let me do it." Edward's tone was serious.
"So you will change me. It will happen?" My eyes were pleading.
"Alice's visions change. They shift and move depending on the decisions we make. You could change your mind." He paused, as his hand stroked the soft flesh of my stomach. "Forever is a long time. You would have to give up all your friends and family, say goodbye to Charlie and Renee… to Angela and Jacob. To your entire life." His hand made its way to my face and turned it towards him, our eyes locking. "I know you love me as I do you, but there is so much more to it than that. There will be an eternity of bloodlust. Your early years you'll, quite frankly, be miserable with hunger, because all you'll want is human blood."
He stopped for a moment and I curled my body into him, my head tilting to hide in the crevice of his neck. His hands caressed my face and he gently lifted my chin so that we were looking at each other again. "It's more than just you and me, Bella. I do want to be with you forever, but I don't want to change you and then have you resent me for all of eternity. I couldn't live with the guilt. You need to think about this, really think. I don't want you to make a mistake." Edward ran a hand through his hair, tugging gently on the ends.
"I know. But I do want to be with you, Edward. Forever." I reached out to grasp his hand. Our fingers entwined.
Edward's cool thumb caressed my palm. "I want to be with you too, Bella. But I need to give you the appropriate amount of time to really think it through."
I cuddled up to Edward on the chaise. My head leaned against his firm chest and I closed my eyes, listening to the empty sound. What would be an appropriate amount of time? How would it happen? What about Charlie, Renee, Angela… Jacob? Teaching? My whole backstory, my whole life?
Questions tumbled around my mind like clothes in a washing machine and my heart rate accelerated. A tinge of nausea washed over me and I sucked in a breath. Too much to think about. I didn't want to think about it now. Not here.
Edward hummed quietly, stroking my hair. "You've got plenty of time Bella. You don't need to decide now. I promise, we have time."
A massive thank you to Cris, JennaReads, Teaandsolitude and TheBaseBallGirl for helping me draft and re-draft this chapter. I had a bit of a tough time with this one! Thank you to those who review each week, I really appreciate your feedback.