Hello again. I'm going to preface this chapter with a cursory trigger warning because we start touching on Piper's past and she's seen some pretty awful things. I don't think I've gotten into anything super bad in this chapter, but better safe than sorry. /shrugs
I'm actually super proud of this chapter, so I hope you guys like it just as much as I do! Enjoy and as always thanks for reading!
Trigger warning: mildly graphic murder scene, child abandonment/neglect, mentions of gore (though nothing too graphic)
He stands alone in a rudimentary town, simple houses lined up neatly on a street rather plain in appearance. Foliage he does not recognize is placed strategically to give the illusion of comfort and serenity. The sky above him is a pale green, and two suns burn hotly down on his skin. It reminds him of his home planet, and if he were more focused on the sensation, he would take a moment to revel in the nostalgia. This is not what occupies his attention, however.
It is the many lifeless bodies strewn as far as he can see, faces all frozen in pure terror.
Spock is… speechless in the face of this carnage. He is filled with a powerful urgency to find Piper, to make sure she is safe. He does his best to search the faces for her, trying to not linger long enough for their corpses to unsettle him. He only grows more desperate when she is nowhere to be seen.
His head whirls around, hoping for someone to offer assistance, someone who is alive , but he is alone.
What is this place?
What on earth could his t'hy'la be doing here?
Spock opens his mouth, taking in a great lungful of air to shout out for her when movement in one of the houses catches his attention. He runs to the house just as the front door is thrown wide and a child bursts forth over the threshold. Blonde hair, matted down with dirt and what looks suspiciously like blood tied back with a hair tie, shines brightly in the light of day.
It takes a moment for him to recognize her. Spock has not seen many pictures of Piper this young. She is very private about her adolescence, and has never seemed willing to share her experiences.
Spock is starting to understand why.
"Piper, is that you? What are you doing here? Where are we?" When she does not respond, or even seem to hear him, Spock realizes that he is relegated to that of an observer. He closes his mouth, unsettled by the knowledge that whatever danger killed all these people could still be present, and he would be unable to do anything to protect her.
With an agility that surprises him, she throws a bulky pillowcase over her shoulders and sprints into the street. She is not stopped by the sight of death around her, her eyes passing over the sea of corpses with a cold detachment that makes Spock's stomach churn unpleasantly. His feet move swiftly to keep up with her as she jogs down the street, weaving between houses in a route that is seemingly random and difficult to follow. At times he nearly loses sight of her, only able to glean her direction by a flash of blonde hair as it disappears around a corner. And still everywhere they go, bodies lay prone in varying states of decomposition. Some appear charred, while others are waxy and swollen with trapped gases. Nausea rolls in his stomach at the stench, bodies cooked in the light of the suns, and he breathes shallowly through his mouth to combat the smell.
He diligently follows her until he can clearly discern her intent to run into the tree line close by. Curiosity as to their destination and relief at leaving the dead bodies behind fills him. There is a brief moment of concern when Piper breaks through the tree line before him, and he puts more strength into his stride in order to keep up with her.
He nearly trips over her crouched form as soon as he breaks through the vegetation. It is only by the grace of his enhanced reflexes that he is able to tilt his momentum off to the side, colliding with the thick trunk of a tree a few steps away from Piper and likely bruising his arm in the process.
If his arm is indeed corporeal enough to sustain damage in whatever semblance of the afterlife they now occupy.
Spock dismisses the thought as irrelevant as he focuses on Piper. This close to her, he is able to more clearly see her condition and is immediately alarmed. Her frame is very thin and frail. He would go so far as to say she is emaciated from what is clearly severe malnourishment. Her blonde hair is not in the lustrous waves he is used to seeing, but instead is full of debris and gnarled with many knots and frayed ends. There are several dark spots on her scalp that he cannot tell between dirt and dried blood without getting closer, but the shock of seeing her young form abused thus has him arrested against the tree.
Piper takes the pillowcase in her hands (Spock can clearly see the bones in her wrist, and is greatly displeased when her nails are broken and bloody in several spots) and dumps the contents on the ground in front of her. Metal cans of preserved food, random bits of clothing, one blanket, and a hypospray of unknown medication. Piper sighs and begins to chew on her fingernails.
"This isn't nearly enough," she mutters, and Spock jolts. She is so young , and yet her voice is so hoarse. When her body is in such severe condition, it is quite difficult for him to attempt to hypothesize her age when she sounds like this. A deep frown etches its way between his brows.
After a few minutes of quiet mumbling, Piper groans and shakes her head. Angrily, she grabs her stash and replaces it within the pillowcase. When she stands, Spock is startled to see that she barely reaches his stomach. He is unable to determine if it is due to the malnourishment or that she is at such a young age. Judging by the sharp intelligence in her blue eyes, haggard and sunken though they may be, he feels more inclined towards the lack of proper diet.
He is unsettled.
The feeling does not linger for long.
Quiet rage fills him the next second as Piper steps past him, traversing deeper into the thick forest with intent. Hands shaking and blood boiling hot in his veins, Spock follows her.
Where were the adults? What happened to her mother? Who let his t'hy'la live such a harsh life until now?
A twig snapping behind him makes both Spock and Piper jump. Piper whirls around and ducks behind the closest tree, swearing impressively under her breath. Spock steps close behind her so he is better able to keep both her form in his line of sight as well as the approaching threat.
He relaxes when he sees an adult man with skin darkened by the harsh sunlight step through the foliage, the insignia of the Federation proudly displayed on his uniform.
At last, someone responsible to take charge of this abysmal situation and see to Piper's horrendous condition.
A blur of motion pulls Spock jarringly from his thoughts as Piper bursts out from behind the tree and charges at the man. With a wild cry, she swings the pillowcase, using the element of surprise and the power of inertia to spin the heaviest end of the bag into the man's knee. With a sick crack Spock realizes Piper has just shattered bone. Instantly the man drops to the ground, a scream of pain piercing the silence. Several birds take to the sky, squawking in annoyance. Spock is too stunned to move.
Piper, however, wastes no time, using the remaining momentum of her swing to bring the bag up and crush the full weight on the poor man's face. There is another crack, and Spock's stomach turns dangerously at the smell of blood. The man splutters wetly.
"P-please, I'm -"
" Shut up! You killed them! You killed them all! " The unbridled fury in Piper's shout is so full of pain and murderous rage that Spock takes an instinctual step back.
Piper wastes no more breath on words.
The forest is quiet shortly after once again, save for the sound of Piper recovering from her physical exertion. Spock's mouth tastes of bile as he watches, horrified, while Piper takes a moment to gather her breath before picking up the pillowcase soaked in blood and throws it over her shoulder once more without a care. She turns around, facing Spock for the first time since he stepped behind her.
Her face is hard, eyes shrouded and looking down at her off hand where a spattering of blood stains her skin. She makes a noise of disgust and wipes it off on her stained shirt, leaving streaks of red over numerous stains. Then, with a purpose, she continues on her trek into the forest, the contents of her bag clanging together the meaningful sound in the forest.
She does not bother to look back at the body she leaves behind.
Helpless to do anything else, Spock follows after her, feeling dazed and numb. He knows that he will never forget the atrocity he just witnessed for the rest of his life.
He struggles over the foliage as Piper weaves and ducks her away through the forest, steadily pulling ahead of him with her better knowledge of the terrain and smaller frame. Spock is unsure how to consolidate the person he knows Piper as with the murderous child in front of him. Before this, he would have been able to vouch for her character with absolute certainty that his Captain would never be able to end another's life unprovoked, and yet he cannot deny the scene he just witnessed.
Spock feels like there is some large piece of information missing that would allow him to understand the context behind the dead body in the forest. Behind all the dead bodies on this planet, to be perfectly honest. It is a tickling feeling at the back of his head as he follows after a blonde ponytail and a pillowcase stained red. A constant mantra running through his mind of I am missing something .
He is sure the answer is there. As sure of anything he has ever learned in his life. He is sure because Piper is his t'hy'la, and he would never have been meant for someone who senselessly killed others.
It takes two difficult hours of hiking, and he nearly loses her three times, for the pair of them to come to a stop. They are on the edge of a lake, the water like still glass without any wind to disturb it. To their right is the bottom of a very tall cliff side, with what appears to be the entrance to a cave. This is what Piper walks toward.
When she rounds the corner, Spock blanches when over a dozen young faces swarm around the young Captain, pawing at her with obvious relief and devotion. The tension Piper had ever since he first saw her finally starts to melt away as one particularly young child pushes to the front of the crowd.
" Piper! "
Finally, finally , Piper grins. It is so similar to the cheeky grin Spock sees nearly every day that it takes his breath away. Finally he can see the woman he knows in this child, and his heart aches in his side.
"Hey, Kevin."
She drops the bag to the ground, no one paying it any mind, and she kneels down to grab the toddler in a tight hug. Spock is disheartened when he notices that every child hiding in this cave is just as emaciated, just as skeletal and malnourished as Piper. All of them have shadows across their face, and despite how relieved they are by Piper's presence, every single child looks haunted by something. Apprehension grows thick in Spock's stomach.
"Kodos didn't find you, did he? You were gone forever ."
Everything in Spock's mind goes very, very cold and all higher brain functions cease to exist.
It has been many years since Spock heard of Kodos and the tragedy associated with the name, but the knowledge was so horrific as to firmly lodge into his neural pathways. He greatly doubted there was a single person in the Federation that did not know the name Kodos and Tarsus IV. Starfleet had kept the details very quiet, and the exact knowledge of what happened on the small, red planet was privy only to the higher echelon of Starfleet command and any survivors. A group which, apparently, his t'hy'la found herself a part of. Spock always wondered what happened to a colony 10,000 strong that appeared so promising. Over the course of three short months, nearly every person in the colony was dead, the identities of any survivors buried so deep that, until this moment, Spock himself forgot there even were any.
Spock felt a large piece of the puzzle clicking into place and thought he might be sick.
Piper pulled back to look Kevin in the eyes, ruffling his hair and standing up. She smiled down at him sadly, and shook her head.
"No, Kev, he didn't find me. I'm okay."
Kevin looked down at the stained pillowcase doubtfully, the first child to acknowledge its presence and the ominous blood soaked into the fabric. Piper noticed his gaze, and quickly scooped up the bag, wading through the crowd and deeper into the cave. Spock meant to follow. He desperately wanted to.
Now that he knew they were on Tarsus IV, he could not stomach the idea of letting her out of his sight.
However he never got the chance, as a rather unpleasant sucking sensation spread out from his stomach. Bright, white light filled his vision, and warmth spread through his limbs, and something pulled him and he was gone.
He blinks, disoriented, the light clearing his vision as quickly as it came. Spock finds himself standing in a quite filthy kitchen. Empty beer bottles litter both the floor and counters, dirty dishes piled high in the sink and around the rest of the empty space in the kitchen. The air is heavy with humidity and the stench of something moldy and rotten. It makes him gag, the cloying taste of decay coating his tongue. A grimy window over the sink looks out over a field of long gross, yellowed and blowing in the wind. Spock can just make out the branches of a single tree in the corner. The filtering light from the sun outside is the only available light in the room, so it takes him a moment in his perusal for his eyes to adjust and notice the small child laying in the middle of the floor.
He lets out a very soft breath of relief at the blonde hair bent over a PADD. Carefully - though Spock is unsure if his presence is enough to disturb anything in whatever form of the afterlife this is - he steps over the bottles until he seats himself in the empty space next to Piper. Curious, he looks over her shoulder. He fights back a smile at the doodle she is finishing of what appears to be the shockingly accurate blueprints for a Type 2 Warp Core.
Aside from stopping occasionally to wipe away the sweat on her brow, Piper remains on the floor without acknowledging the heat. Spock hardly notices, acclimatized as he is to much harsher temperatures from his time on Vulcan. He takes the time to examine her.
Her hair is impossibly brighter, her blonde tresses in wild waves around her face and brushing the tops of her shoulders. Her face is still round with her youth, though Spock notices with a sense of disquiet that she is still thinner than he would expect. Her clothes look too large for her frame and worn with time, likely borrowed from someone older. And possibly, from the bright comic depicting an antique superhero, from a boy. Due to the shamble of a house she sits in, he thinks with dread that her guardians are neglectful, bordering on abuse.
Spock all but confirms this when her stomach makes a loud sound of protest. Piper grunts, putting her small hands on her stomach, dropping the PADD to the floor. Her bottom lip sticks out in a rather impressive pout that he recognizes as an expression she favors whenever she knows events are not turning out the way she intended. Particularly when deep in an argument with Doctor McCoy. He feels a small warmth of fondness soften his features, even as he is distressed with her that she makes no move to search for food, nor calls for assistance.
Piper lets out a little sigh, and picks the PADD up once more, though closes her doodles and opens a work program that is, in his time, outdated but recognizable. He knows it as a program common to many of the schools on Earth, modeled after his childhood academy though tempered to account for the lesser cognitive functions of humans. It was designed as a test for intellect and the propensity for quick thinking. An IQ test, Spock believes it to be called. No such concept is prevalent in Vulcan culture. You either succeed at the tasks presented to you, or you do not, and your competency is judged thusly.
Spock is floored to see Piper hack into the program, opening a subroutine taken from the coding used on Vulcan, banishing line after line of code and adding her own until she exits and restarts the program. Once she settles in, laying on her stomach with her feet kicking back and forth in the air, she opens a mock program of what Spock knew as a child. Instead of looking vaguely bored as she was with her drawings, there is a twinkle in her face, and a small, excited smile lights up her face making her childish innocence shine.
It is remarkable enough that she was able to competently navigate the complicated coding of the program, though Spock knew her aptitude for programming when she cheated on her third attempt at the Kobayashi Maru test. He was unaware that she was so capable at such a young age, however. Spock is suitably impressed.
His respect for her only grows as she attacks each problem with a single-minded focus she recognizes in himself. She devours the knowledge with a hunger on her face that he can feel echoing in his own katra. When Piper encounters a problem she is unable to solve, it does not frustrate her and send her into a spiral of childish tantrums, but makes a delighted smile brighten her face. She attacks these problems rigorously, working through the knowledge, finding the solution, until Piper is the only clear winner in what Spock is coming to realize is a miniature war happening in her kitchen. One corner of his mouth curls with amusement.
The pair of them jump when a door on the other side of the kitchen creaks in opening. There is a flash of blind panic on Piper's face as she quickly closes the program and wipes all traces of its presence from the PADD, opening up her doodles again. She clears these too, pulling up a finished drawing of a poorly-drawn flower and peeking over the top of the PADD to see a young boy with brown hair poke his head through the doorway.
"Bright Eyes?" Spock tilts his head. This young boy is tanned from the sun, clearly older than Piper. He can see traces of a familial relation in the similar curves of their nose, and the pair of impossibly blue eyes they share. This boy's face is a little sharper where Piper's is soft and round. Perhaps he takes more after their mother.
Piper carelessly tosses the PADD to the side, tripping over herself as she scrambles to her feet and launches across the kitchen. The young boy easily spots her and steps fully into the house, bending down to scoop her into a hug. Piper squeals in unabashed glee, giggling wildly when the boy spins her around in a circle before setting her gently down on the floor. He ruffles her wild hair with a fond grin and pulls the door shut behind him.
"Where's Frank?"
Piper's face dims a little bit, and she throws her arms around his waist, shoving her face into his waist and mumbling something unintelligible.
"What? I didn't catch that."
Piper pulls back and rolls her eyes.
"I said he's at work, Sam. He won't be back for hours."
Her stomach chooses that moment to growl once again, the noise cutting through the air like a knife. Curiously, she pales as Sam's jovial expression sours and he peels her away from him. He looks her over, finally taking into account how thin she is, the state of her clothes. He swears and grabs her hand, pulling her into the kitchen and angrily kicking beer bottles out of the way.
"When was the last time you ate, Piper?"
"Sam, forget it . I have school tomorrow, I'll just eat a big lunch there."
Spock suppressed a growl at the audacity that Piper would starve herself for a whole day to wait for one meal. Sam had a similar reaction, dropping her hand and whirling around on his younger sister.
"The fuck I'm leaving you here to starve to death, Piper! Where's his credit stash, I know you know where it is."
Piper's cheeks flushed and she crossed her arms, jutting her chin out defiantly and stomping her foot.
"Yeah I do, but you'll never find it and I'm not telling you. Frank counts it every day to make sure I'm not stealing, and I'll be the one to get beat if even a single credit goes missing since someone decided they couldn't 'be a Kirk' in this house anymore and left."
Sam spluttered indignantly as Piper walked around him and picked up the discarded PADD from the floor. Angrily and with jerky movement, she opened up another school program, this one designated for homework assignments. She pulled up several documents and stomped over to her older brother. She harshly shoved the PADD into his stomach, making him grunt and reflexively grab it before it dropped. Piper glared at him and crossed her arms again.
Spock could not decide if he was more horrified over these newfound revelations or amused at how fiery her temper was even at such a young age.
"Here, you ungrateful cretin, I looked over your homework and marked the mistakes you made. You should spend more time studying rather than doing… whatever it is you do these days."
Sam blinked at her, looking greatly offended before he looked at the PADD and his eyes widened. He quickly skimmed over the assignments, his ire fading into awe before he looked down at his sister.
"Piper, this is calculus."
She rolled her eyes and heaved a very put-upon sigh.
"Well it is now. I don't know what you were doing, but it wasn't calculus."
Sam blinked, seeming not to hear her snarky retort. Spock was unsurprised. If she could draw blueprints from memory and essentially attend a virtual Vulcan adolescent academy, calculus should prove no great challenge for her.
"Piper, you're five."
Spock snapped his eyes to the young child in question. It was illogical to assume Sam was being untruthful, he has no reason to lie and nothing to gain by behaving in such a way. And yet, Spock was having a great deal of difficulty coming to terms with this. She was only five years old, and already this intelligent?
Precisely how far did her intelligence reach?
"You must feel pretty embarrassed then."
Sam scowled.
"Rude, young lady. I know Frank doesn't set a good example but that's no reason to have bad manners."
Piper scowled back up at her brother.
"It's not like anyone else is around to set an example for me."
Sam flinched, looking immensely guilty before sighing and setting the PADD down on the island. He knelt down and put his hands on her shoulders when it looked like Piper was going to storm off. She tensed and stubbornly refused to meet his gaze, glaring down at her bare toes.
"I thought you of all people would understand why I couldn't stay here anymore, Bright Eyes."
"Of course I understand," she snapped waspishly. Then, much softer and her voice wavering with vulnerability and sounding very much like a five year old child, "I just don't understand why you wouldn't take me with you."
Sam's face fell and he pulled her into a tight hug. Piper's little arms wrapped tight around his neck, and she wrapped her legs around him when he stood up.
"Oh, Piper…"
There was a suspicious sniffle from where she was hiding her face in his shoulder and she said something, though Spock was unable to hear what. He was also unable to hear Sam's response and bright light filled his vision again. Dismayed, he felt a sharp lurch in his stomach and was gone.
Before his vision clears, Spock feels that it is unbearably cold. It cuts through his skin, prickling his sensitive fingertips and makes his body shudder uncontrollably. His vision notices the fire first and he hurries toward it, standing unreasonably close and soaking up the warmth with a grateful sigh. Once he has sensation in his hands again, he looks up at the two other people in the frozen cavern with him. One of them is Piper, much as he has come to know her. The third one is his time-travelling counterpart, or Ambassador Selek as he requested to be known after the destruction of Vulcan. They appear in an animated conversation, Piper's brow furrowed in confused irritation.
His stomach gives the most curious sensation of falling out his feet and through the floor as he realizes when exactly the two had occasion to meet on an icy planet.
Ah.
"Sir, I-I appreciate what you did for me today, but if you were Spock you'd know we're not friends. At all . You hate me. Point of fact, you unjustly marooned me on this ball of ice for attempted mutiny."
Spock clenched his hands, his face coloring in shame. She was, of course, correct. His treatment, while justified in her removal from the bridge, had been exaggerated due to his misplaced rage at the death of his mother and the obliteration of Vulcan. He had violated several Starfleet regulations by ejecting her in an escape pod on Delta Vega, and he considered himself lucky she had not requested a court martial once the situation resolved.
"Mutiny?" Selek asked, not hiding the note of surprise. Piper glared down at her feet, her face flushed from the cold and her freckles standing out. She kicked a small chunk of ice away from her and deeper into the cavern.
"Yes," she ground out from between her gritted teeth. Selek frowned.
"You are not the Captain?" Piper scoffed at his disbelief, crossing her arms in front of her defensively.
"No. You are. Him. Spock. Whatever. The younger you. He was made Captain when Pike was captured by Nero."
Selek let his gaze drop from Piper and back to the fire, the light reflecting off familiar brown eyes. The flickering flames cast deep shadows on his weathered face, and Spock felt a familiar and surreal sense of disembodiment looking into the face of his future. Wrinkles folded his skin, his hair a dark gray, back hunched with age and the weight of many, many years. Meeting with the Ambassador was as intriguing as it was unsettling.
"Fascinating," Selek murmured. "It appears the rippling effects of my travel through time have had more unintended consequences than I could have calculated."
"Yeah, thanks for that, you prick," Piper spat angrily. Spock recoiled from the unconcealed animosity in her voice, his katra shriveling at the perceived rejection. It took many meditative breaths to calm his distress and shove it down, as well as continually reminding himself that this event had already transpired and what was waiting for him in the future was a warm and unconditional friendship built on respect and trust. Ideally, something that would bloom into a more intimate and meaningful relationship should he succeed in this impossible endeavor.
Undoubtedly he would succeed.
Spock would not accept failure as an option.
"Because of you, Nero appeared right in front of the U.S.S. Kelvin and murdered my father. Do you have any idea what my life has been like because of that? What it did to my mother, my whole family? Do you even care what I have had to personally live through because of you?"
Selek seemed to curl slightly in on himself as Piper's voice only grew louder and more incensed. Spock felt torn between understanding the impossible situation Selek dealt with, and protective fury for his hurting t'hy'la. Her anger was so black and powerful that it battered against his mental shields from across the fire.
"Of course I care, Piper. There is no other in any universe that I would wish to be safe from harm. Knowing that I am directly responsible for causing a lifetime's worth of pain to you, specifically, is… unthinkable."
Piper snorted in derision and shook her head.
"Yeah, you seemed real torn up over it when you threw me off the fucking ship."
Selek finally looked up at her, frowning in admonishment.
"My younger self is unaware of my presence in this universe, and has no knowledge of the choice I made or the lasting consequences." Selek paused, his face paling and his eyes dulling for a moment. "Or rather, I must amend that and say he had no knowledge of the consequences until today."
Piper's anger cooled somewhat, no doubt as the memory of Vulcan crumbling in on itself jumped to the forefront of her mind. Cursing under her breath, she stomped over to the block of ice Selek sat on and threw herself down next to him. For a time they said nothing, simply staring into the fire and lost to their thoughts. Spock did his best to push the memory of this day from his mind and the resulting grief. It was so great, so fathomless that it nearly rivaled the acute pain he felt at Piper's death. As such, he had been unable to purge the grief from his system, even after diligent meditation every night. It was an emotion he still fell prey to if he was too lax in his control. Being present again on the day of Nero's attack on Vulcan, on the day his mother died, was testing every ounce of control he possessed.
"I'm sorry for your loss," Piper intoned empathetically, though it was still colored with irritation. Selek blinked, brought out of his stupor and looked at the blonde woman from the corner of his eyes.
"Thank you, my friend."
Piper stiffened. Then, she sighed.
"So, what now? Because you say you're Spock, but I don't believe that because I just saw Spock and while I've been working on some interesting theories around time travel it's still only theoretical. I mean, if you're from the future, that's all pretty redundant, because of course it's already proven wherever - whenever? - you're from, and our current understanding of time travel has no bearing on whatever got you here. But I have had a real shit day today so - "
"Piper, cease your rambling. I am able to streamline this entire conversation, if you will allow me."
Spock saw her swallow her words, likely a snappy retort, and breathe deep through her nose. She narrowed her eyes when Selek removed the glove from his right hand and turned to face her fully. Spock felt his stomach churn uncomfortably at the knowledge of what was coming. Mind melds were deeply personal and considered sacrosanct, and observing one without permission or knowledge was an offense of the highest order. To add insult to injury, Spock had not allowed himself to brush minds with her in such a way. First out of respect for his relationship with Nyota and a desire to maintain clear boundaries with other potential suitors and not cause any hurt or confusion. Then, after learning of Piper's significance, to give her the necessary time and space to heal her mental wounds so they might lay the foundation for their relationship on something strong and healthy.
To know that Selek had melded with her mind caused a surge of jealousy to run hot through his limbs.
"I cannot begin to comprehend the ramifications this has had on the universe, let alone your life personally, and there are no words I have to convey the depth of my regret for this. I was left with little choice, and if you will permit me, I would appreciate the chance to explain myself before you cast judgement too harshly."
Piper shot to her feet and backed away from Selek, her face dark and clouded with suspicion.
"The last time a Vulcan had a hand near my face, I ended up shoved in an escape pod and thrown on this shithole wasteland," she hissed. Selek frowned, looking as disappointed as Spock had ever seen him.
"I understand, and I can empathize with your mistrust for me at the present moment. However, there is too much information for me to convey through stilted conversation, and you are too curious by nature not to extend this time with questions. Normally, I would indulge your curiosity without reservation, but if we are to stop Nero from committing more atrocities, time is indeed of the essence."
Piper glared at him, weighing her options, and Spock barely dared breathe. After what seemed like too long and barely any time at all, she gave a jerky nod, and stepped timidly closer to the old Vulcan to sit once again on the seat of ice. Selek wasted no time, placing his hands upon her face and closing his eyes.
"Our minds, one and the same," Selek murmured reverently. Spock's eyes widened. The impudence of Selek to dare covet this. An aged version of Spock he may be, but his mind was not meant for Piper.
She was his.
Piper's blue eyes widened as well, and through his anger, Spock wondered if she could feel the significance of Selek's words. If they held the same weight for her as they would when Spock would someday share the same sentiment with her. Selek seemed to realize the intimacy and vulnerability he shared with Piper and cleared his throat uncomfortably before hiding everything behind a blank mask. When he next spoke, his voice was civil, if still warmed with affection.
"129 years from now, a star will explode and threaten to destroy the galaxy," he explained before both Selek and Piper closed their eyes. Spock ripped his eyes away, ingrained Vulcan beliefs not allowing him to watch. Additionally, he could not stomach the sight, petty though it may be.
Spock watched the dying fire, tasting the burn of bile in the back of his throat. He would not begrudge Piper this. She was only able to make choices based on the knowledge she possessed. As she was not as well-versed in Vulcan culture and customs as him, she had no idea the significance of a mind meld between those who were mentally compatible, to say nothing of a mind-meld between t'hy'la. And, at this point in her life, her regard for Spock was abysmally low, and she was without the insight as to the nature of their future relationship.
Logically Spock knew all of this.
Logic again failed him, and he remained crouched in front of the fire, stewing in his jealousy and anger.
It was only the gasp from Piper that gave him the strength to look back up, as it was the first sign that anything was different between them. All of his anger disappeared at the expression of utter devastation on her face. Selek slowly lowered his hand from her, his brows slightly puckered in concern. Piper's blue eyes were almost comically wide, filled with tears that were rapidly spilling over onto her cheeks. She took one more gasping breath in, her whole body beginning to tremble.
Then her face crumbled, and she fell forward into Selek's arms and screamed out in torment.
Selek wrapped her tightly against him as sobs wracked her frame. Piper bunched his coat in her hands, and Spock could see her whole body vibrating with the intense emotions too big for her to contain. She took in several gasping breaths and melted into the older Vulcan and screamed out in agony once again. It called to the darkness inside Spock, to the grief for his race, for his mother… for Piper. It sounded nearly exactly like the screams that echoed in his head the day he lived through Vulcan crumbling into nothing. The day he watched as life fled Piper's body and he learned what it was to truly be alone in the universe.
Spock grit his teeth bitterly as Piper tried to both shove Selek away and pull him closer, nearly crawling into his lap, and let loose the loudest and most anguished wail he had ever heard. To watch as Piper fell under the pressure of his loss, to see her break and shatter into piece after piece was an agony all its own. To bear witness to Piper, his t'hy'la , needing him more now than ever before and seeking the strength to put herself back together from another was… Spock had no words to describe the ways it cut him down to see this.
There was no greater torture for him than this.
This was… Spock was not certain he would be able to survive this trial. He wanted, needed, to reach out and rip her from Selek and into the safety of his arms. To watch her suffer through the deaths of billions of Vulcans without being able to be of use or, at the very least, provide company and strength was crippling.
Selek rubbed one hand soothingly over her back, his bare hand cradling her head to his chest. He was whispering things in her ear that Spock could not hear over the soul wrenching sobs howling out of her mouth, but whatever the old Vulcan said, it made her shake her head vehemently. She tried again to scramble away from him, but Selek held firm, and she submitted to the comforting without any more resistance. Spock counted the minutes as he stayed there, powerless to do anything but watch.
It was precisely seventeen minutes and forty-nine seconds before she quieted down to the occasional whimper.
It felt like an age.
Spock was sure to be sick.
Piper must have said something into Selek's coat, because the older man chuckled lightly and pulled her limp body away from him to look down at her.
"It is of no consequence, Piper, the fault is entirely my own as I failed to warn you of the emotional transference between our minds when they are joined in a mind meld. I will gladly accept a few stains on my coat, if that is my only penance."
The blonde gave a watery chuckle, cleaning her face as best she could with the sleeve of her coat. Spock, hands trembling, took solace from the fact that she at least seemed to have recovered and be in better spirits.
"So you do feel something behind that cold exterior?" Spock marveled at the strength and mercurial nature of his t'hy'la that she could go from so utterly destroyed one moment, and teasing the next.
"Yes," Selek responds simply.
His eyes flick over Piper's face for a moment, tucking a strand of hair behind her hair before Spock sees familiar walls come down and his face melts into impassivity once again. He grabs the blonde woman, and gently deposits her from her compromising position in his lap and stands, brushing off his coat and fixing his glove back on his hand. At a much slower pace, Piper stands next to him, her eyes watching the old Vulcan like a hawk, as if she has encountered a problem she cannot quite figure out yet, but is determined to try.
"Now," Selek says, turning to the exit and moving forward with purpose. "We must go. There is a Starfleet outpost not far from here."
"Wait!" Piper cries suddenly. Selek pauses immediately, turning back to face her, his eyes wide with surprise. "Where you came from… did… did I know my dad?"
For a moment, Selek's face falls. Spock can sympathize. It does not take much effort to hear the way hope clings desperately to the end of her question, fragile though it may be. The dull ache must be sharper and more acute for the older version of himself, the pain of knowing he took that opportunity from their t'hy'la cutting right into his katra . Spock shudders at the thought of changing anyone's life so drastically, let alone the one who possesses the rest of his soul and happiness.
Selek walks back over to stand and Piper, and though he hides it well, Spock can see the guilt in a pair of brown eyes he knows well. Without responding, Selek tucks Piper's hair back into her coat and pulls up her hood against the frigid weather outside the cave, cutting her off from Spock's view. It is so obvious, so apparent to Spock, how hungry Piper is to belong , to have been loved by someone, how fiercely she needs to be comforted by him. It makes everything in Spock ache that it is not him she turns to for consolation, even though technically speaking, it is him she is speaking to. Spock wonders if, even now, even so early, she can sense the connection between them, and if she clings to it as desperately as Spock did after Khan.
"Yes, Piper," Selek soothes eventually. "You often confided in me as him being your inspiration for joining Starfleet. He lived a great many years, and proudly watched you become Captain of the Enterprise ."
Spock heard the sharp inhale from Piper as her hands lashed out and bunched in Selek's ruined coat once again.
"C-Captain?" she asks brokenly. Spock could nearly picture the way her eyes would sparkle with heartache.
Selek mildly removes her hands from his coat and nods, valiantly keeping his face blank and walls in place, though Spock could see the struggle this presented to him. Spock briefly wondered if this is how Piper saw him, if this is how he looked whenever she was reading his emotions with her uncanny ability to know what was going on in his head.
"Yes, and it is a ship we must return you to as soon as possible. Follow me."
Spock saw Piper's hood nod softly and she stepped towards the entrance.
When his stomach pulled in a way that was quickly becoming familiar, Spock closed his eyes against the bright light and allowed himself to be pulled to the next Piper and hoped she was the one he searched for. Spock was not sure he had the emotional fortitude to continue otherwise.
There is a specific video on youtube that I listened to when describing Piper's shared grief with Selek. If you'd like to listen to the scream that inspired her outburst, go to youtube and type in Masumlar apartmani final part (Turkish) she is screaming be quiet and click on the first video. Go to 4:10. The breakdown that woman has is what I used as inspiration for that whole scene.
Please leave me a comment letting me know how this chapter came out. I don't have the next chapter done yet, but I'm working on it. I had *a* chapter done, but then I had to end up getting rid of the direction I was going because it was a steaming dumpster fire of a plot. Hopefully this one turns out better instead. Lol. One can only hope, amirite?