"So...he doesn't know your name?"

"Nope"

"And why don't you tell him"

"Well, mother~ where is the fun in that?"

"Oh~ I'm liking you more and more"

It was a mistake.

Brrr~brrr

I did not expect this to happen, and I will admit, I had the foolish thought, that infinitesimal moment in which I stupidly smiled at the notion.

Brrr~brrr

A girl asked for my number! I thought. It's Ramen-chan, but what boy wouldn't be happy that a girl asked for his number? Cringing at the memory, I can only facepalm at my past self. I had no delusions nor ulterior motives about Ramen-chan, since early on we both revealed our thoughts on the matter, but still, she was cute and asked for my number. My teenage brain romanticized everything and Ramen-chan being who she is, made fun of me for that. It was part of the course and everything went according to our usual play.

But I didn't think that those actions would culminate in this.

Brrr~brrr

The first messages were nice, funny and all the cringy stuff you could expect from her, I responded in kind. I, being me, put care and thought to every single word and answer I wrote, the middle school me had returned for a moment, and I was smiling like a fool.

Then came her sixtieth message, her hundredth message, her five-hundredth message.

At some point in between them, I remembered —much too late— that Ramen-chan wasn't like the middle-school girls that ignored me and didn't answer.

She was the opposite.

Brrr~brrr

"Would you kindly stop" deprived of the last ounce of patience I answered the call "Don't you think that eighty unnaswered messages kind of send you, I don't know, some kind of signal?"

"Did you really think a Bioshock reference would stop me? What? Did you brainwash me? Am I your son?"

"Wouldn't it be 'daughter'?"

"Maa maa, you still haven't checked, you never know~"

"A futa? Are you futa-chan?"

"Aren't you taking the joke too far"

Scary~ I can feel your dark energy from the other side Ramen-chan, you gotta keep your killer intent hidden.

The thing about Ramen-chan —and I don't know how I didn't see this coming— is that she started texting me as soon as she got my contact info, and I mean, she was in front of me when she sent me the first message. I laughed, thought —foolishly— that it was some kind of joke.

Well, the jokes on me, apparently.

"Ramen-chan, you're really lonely, aren't you?"

"Where did that come from?!"

She hasn't stopped texting me all day, I tried to be polite, answered the first few messages, then it became bothersome, then irritating, and finally, I decided to simply ignore it. It will probably go away, I thought, she's just bored, I tried to understand.

Then the calls started, that's when I realized that she really didn't have anyone else to bother...probably.

"Don't you have friends?"

"Oh, I have plenty!"

"Then why don't you call them? I'm sure they miss you, being such a charismatic person"

"Are you trying to get rid of me? tch tch tch, bad Hachiman, bad bad bad~"

I slipped my foot, right in front of my house, about a few meters away from the entrance door.

"Since when do you call me by name?!"

"Ara...wha? no way~"

This girl really doesn't know when to stop.

I sigh, giving up any kind of resistance, it's clear that Ramen-chan persistence surpasses my will to be left alone.

"Why are you calling me then?"

I opened the door with a fuzzy mind, it was a long day of work today, Ojichiro-san had my skin 'cuz some plates fell and broke. It wasn't even that he yelled or something, but that glare...geez— I can feel the goosebumps just from remembering it. "I'm home"

"Welcome back, darling!" My phone goes 'thump' when it hits the floor. "tehe" she sticks her tongue playfully while putting her knuckles on the top of her head.

Isn't that a Hikigaya Komachi technique? Have you been teaching this to outsiders Komachi?!

"Is this a nightmare?"

"Shouldn't it be a dream!"

No no no, Ramen-chan...you can't receive me at my house with a pink Pretty Cure apron —that by the way, it's mine!— call me darling and expect a positive reaction! What do you think of me?! This is the hub of Komachi's church! Not a place for dirty fantasies!

"Oh, you're blushing!" she takes 'guts' pose with a confident smirk "Still got it"

Of course I'm blushing! Even if I complain, this is practically a hidden fantasy for every teenage male in the world — But that's besides the point!

"What are you doing here?"

"Heh...if you've read my messages you would know" with that she blasts raspberries at me and goes inside. I take off my shoes and follow her, trying to get answers more than anything. "We're preparing dinner right now, you can help or you can wait!" she yells from the kitchen.

Well, I guess I could wait—hold on there! "We?" As I say that, I finally arrive at my kitchen and come upon the most anxiety inducing scene I could ever see in my life.

"Onii-chan!"

"Welcome back, Haa-chan"

Komachi and my mother are cooking, both of them with aprons of their own, showing me toothy smiles as if this was the greatest prank they could ever pull.

"Oh my~ aren't you the luckiest, having so many beauties around you"

And the cherry on the top in Ramen-chan teasing me on the side.

"...Mom?"

Yes, that's what's weird here, Komachi being at home and cooking is something normal, Ramen-chan helping her is understandable if you consider how well they got along after knowing each other for around a week now. But my mother being at home...so early?

"Hey there" she responds to my call with a gentle smile "I know it's weird that I came, but when Komachi told me that your girlfriend was coming~"

"What! No she's not my-"

"Mother, please~"

Why are you blushing while holding your cheeks Ramen-chan?! You're not helping! And why are you calling her 'Mother'?! Are we married?! Have I been married without my knowledge?!

"Hehehe, just a joke Haa-chan" she taps her chest a few times to control her laugher, I could only turn red at the prospect of having fallen to their teasing "I moved my schedule a bit, it just happens that Komachi invited Ramen-chan for a sleepover too"

"Ah…" I heaved deeply, almost had a heart-attack—no...it couldn't be "You called her…"

"Ramen-chan?"

My own mother has betrayed me if that mischievous smile is anything to go by. I turn to the black haired girl that has been the source of all of this, she responds to my glare with a glint in her eyes and a crooked smile of her own.

"I swear, I will get you someday" I made my oath, written upon my soul. Sebastian! Where are you?! I will trade my soul right now!

"Haa-chan…"

My mother covers her lips with one hand while her eyes shine in fake tears. Komachi blushes, averting her eyes slightly and Ramen-chan's smile widens.

I have just put my foot on my mouth...didn't I?

"I'm hard to get, you know...Hachi-kun"

Of course she wouldn't let it go.

"Onii-chan is so determined. Komachi approves!"

I blush.

"Haa-chan is already at that age...to leave his mother for a hussy!"

I blush harder.

"Mother! Please don't call me a hussy"

I want to die and be reborn as an ostrich just so I can hide my head on the ground.

"No no, Ramen-chan, it is my duty as a mother to stand in the way of the women that want my son"

"Ah, I see, it should be a fair battle then, to fight for the heart of DeadEyes-kun, I see"

Is this a shonen now?

"I may be an old lady, but I still have my charms, my son will not be stolen easily"

"Aahh, isn't it too much of a bother then?"

"No no, please take him!"

Am I a ball that you're passing to each other? And why are you giving me away, mother?

"Well...if you're offering~"

"I'm going to go and watch TV and forget that this ever happened"

I ran away and didn't turn back, not when Komachi called me a nincompoop for not helping, not when my mother swayed her hips saying 'Haa-chan is so cool~' and not when Ramen-chan said that I was losing points in the 'Husbandry' department...whatever that is.

The house was boisterous, noisy, and far from a calm environment in which a tired soul like mine can rest. Though…

"I'm happy"

Really...is it good or bad that even though it really annoys me, I can't deny that fact. Komachi is smiling, mom says 'welcome back', and the air is filled with a tasty fragrance.

Home made food.

My chest feels warm, and this house doesn't seem so lonely as it used to anymore.

I guess this will be a slice of life...at least until school starts.

Is it an arc then?