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Disclaimer: I do not own Carrie White, the Avengers, or MCU characters.

Chapter 6: Helicarrier

Carrie didn't look up from her book as Phil tried to speak with his idol, Steve 'Captain America' Rogers and consistently put his foot in his mouth. This was partly because she was too embarrassed for her handler to look, and she didn't like the way Steve had looked at her when they met.

He had probably read her file, so she tried not to let it get to her. Soon enough they would be too caught up in finding the Cube to be awkward. In any case her past would be common knowledge among the Avenger roster and Carrie knew theirs (except Black Widow but that was to be expected). He was kind, at least, as kind as Phil had insisted, and gave Carrie space.

The book, third of the Harry Potter series was as interesting as the first two. When they approached the Helicarrier in their Quinjet, she slipped a bookmark into her place and got her bag.

Phil told her she could stay outside a bit if she wanted, so Carrie hung back as Steve and Bruce Banner spoke, Natasha 'Black Widow' Romanoff, standing by silently. The teen remembered Phil mentioning that Black Widow and Hawkeye often ran missions together and wondered what she was thinking. Carrie could have used her powers to get an idea, of course, but privacy and consent outside a mission was the first thing Phil impressed on her, and it was rude, so she didn't. (Black Widow was not someone to piss off.)

She smiled shyly at Bruce when he noticed her. "Hello Doctor Banner." He nodded in return. (Ms.) Agent Romanoff then warned them to get inside – because the Helicarrier wasn't a boat but an airship and was rising from the water. Carrie was in awe.

Bruce's smile was pointedly fixed. He had thought the Helicarrier was a submarine and commented with stiff cheerfulness. "Oh no, this is much worse!"

They went inside; Bruce almost immediately headed to his lab while everyone else and the crew maintaining the Helicarrier's flight also used their technology to track down the man who stole the Tesseract – Director Fury said he called himself Loki, the God of Mischief. Apparently Norse deities were walking among them now – Phil told her others appeared in a small town some time ago and fought something, which ended up leveling said town.

It would make sense for Carrie's mother to keep that fact a secret from her. She never would have stood for her daughter questioning God. Carrie still believed in Him, but her experiences with the Tesseract and Loki…

Well, God wasn't the only one out there. Perhaps Loki's people weren't even actual gods and had been mistaken for such by people in the past. Regardless, Carrie understood that life was cruel, and some people really needed something to believe in to survive it. She had certainly needed it back in Chamberlain, even when her mama tried to twist it and faked Bible passages. The girl didn't have to agree with others, just respect that they believed in something different and leave it at that.

It was amazing how simple a solution could be if you got past the need to be in the right.

Since they couldn't really act until they found Loki, Carrie went to her assigned room to continue reading. She needed to be in a certain radius of the Tesseract to sense it and wouldn't be of much help until Doctor Banner pinpointed its general location.

She would just stay out of the way until then. It was a good chance to keep resting anyway – the lethargy was lighter but still there.

Agent Barton had done well, Loki was pleased by the progress they had already made. The resource and manpower were good for improving his sour mood at having been delayed by the mortal girl Carrietta White.

He had researched her of course, once things were underway and Selvig had the materials he needed to start the portal's construction. Agent Barton had read her file and was able to tell him everything SHIELD knew. The puppet also alerted him to the Avengers Initiative and the members it would be composed of.

The Other expressed interest on behalf of Thanos on the girl – he was to take her alive and have her delivered to him. Her ability to interact with the Tesseract and Specter was unprecedented. Thanos wanted to know more. The former prince almost pitied her. (There was no 'almost' about it, he did pity her.) Having the Mad Titan's interest could only invite pain and misery.

Well, pain and misery seemed to be something Carrietta White was intimately familiar with. Loki had read her file and prided himself on not allowing his composure to slip in front of the mortals. He himself experienced what Midgard would label 'bullying' but it never went to the extremes the girl suffered. The cruelty heaped upon her was deliberately meant to break the child, because she was a nothing. A pathetic little nothing who only deserved scorn for not fitting to their standards of what was adequate behavior.

Then the tables turned when her tormentors realized they had been harassing someone with power, someone who could crush them with a thought. Now they labeled her a monster even as that word was thrown back at them by the masses. (A monster, yes. Always a monster, never the victim. Always in the wrong, no matter what -)

"Sir?"

Loki looked up to see the enthralled Agent Barton waiting for acknowledgement that he had his attention. The former prince of Asgard dipped his head a fraction to confirm he was listening.

"The equipment is ready, and we've located our target, all that's left is to pick up the iridium."

The Specter pulsed in his hands, power humming, brushing against his skin as he smiled. "Then let us be on our way."

Carrie had finished her book, but rather than go to the next one in the series, she decided to stretch her legs and walk around a bit. If she happened to walk past Doctor Banner's lab on her way. . .

She sighed. Really, why was she doing this to herself? The teenager pulled out the digital folder of the lessons her tutor gave her and opened it. This was among several and contained information on important superheroes that would be in the spotlight for years to come.

Bruce Banner transformed into the Hulk whenever he got angry, after testing a potential super soldier serum containing gamma radiation on himself. The only way to keep the change from happening was to stay calm.

Which was hard to do when a high-ranking military man who was obsessed with your power kept hunting you regardless of the collateral damage. Doctor Banner seemed to have perfected the art of hiding from his stalker the last few years though.

Carrie could still remember the moment she lost it – all the rage, pain, and humiliation she suffered through her entire life; it was too much. Even now, she could admit, if only to herself, that she hadn't care whether Chris, Tina or the other kids who hurt died at the prom. It had been more about the principal of the thing that bothered her when she woke up. Carrie never wanted to be like them, ever. She never wanted to hurt other people no matter how much she was hurting, no matter what she fantasied when her life was more miserable than usual.

She couldn't bring herself to care whether they lived or died as long as they stayed in the past and left her alone. Carrie didn't want them dead and that would have to be enough – there was too much pain for her to forgive them. They wouldn't even be sorry anyway.

That said, the girl was still concerned about herself. Odds were that someday, likely soon, she would get very angry while using her powers. Carrie didn't want a repeat of prom night and knew she needed to learn how to maintain her self-control when in such a state. Doctor Banner seemed the best person to ask for advice, Carrie just didn't have the nerve to go up to him.

Even if she did, why would he give her advice? Carrie knew he was only here to find the Cube and then wanted to be on his way as soon as possible. He would probably think she was trying to get close to him on orders from Director Fury. It could be that her powers would make him afraid of her too. Deputy Hill had shown more wariness than her boss of Carrie in the beginning, but neither were cruel to her. Doctor Banner may not be the same, for all mild mannered he was when she met him. She hadn't missed how he flinched away from proximity to SHIELD agents and didn't let down his guard. It was relatable.

There was also that fact that she was. . . Carrie White. The "pudding pop", "pizza face", "old praying, fart face Carrie" who ate shit. The last month was so exhausting – there was so many things she needed to learn and get used to. She could pick her own clothes in any color she wanted, taking a shower was an option, and slept with pillows and blankets instead of a bare mattress.

Mama wasn't here to beat her for the smallest of things. Carrie didn't have to worry about being locked in a closet with her own urine and feces stinking it up. There was no fear of going hungry. Carrie hit the bed every night too tired to think with all the changes to her life.

The last week things had been slowing down though. . . and now thoughts she wished would disappear were making themselves known. The teen really needed a distraction and she impulsively grabbed the next book in the Harry Potter series from her dresser.

She would take a walk and see what Doctor Banner was up too – maybe she could get him lunch if he hadn't eaten yet. It might work as a peace offering and if it went well Carrie could make a habit of this in return for bothering him with her questions. If he said no, she could retreat to a new corner with her book and figure out something else.

A quick question to the kitchen staff and it turned out that he hadn't been down to eat. So, Carrie put together a tray from the cafeteria and went over to the lab. It was hard to balance so she snuck a glance around before using the Power to levitate some of the heavier stuff. The book was tucked snugly under her arm.

The doors slid open, announcing her arrival, and Carrie waited nervously in the doorway. The scientist looked up from the device he was making and seemed surprised to see her.

"Um, you didn't eat, Doctor Banner." A thought flung some of her blonde hair from her face. "I brought you something, i-if that's okay."

"No, its fine." He looked at the digital clock hanging from the wall. "I didn't realize the time."

There was a corner of the lab, shielded behind a frame where one could eat without having their food around the projects and Carrie set it all down on the table. Doctor Banner stared as a small bowl of tea bags neatly avoided a collision with his face and settled on the table.

"I heard you liked tea but didn't know which, so I brought a couple of what they had. Um, my lunch is here too. Would you mind if I stayed? I can leave if you want me to!" Carrie inwardly cringed at how pathetic she sounded.

"You can stay." He smiled kindly. "And you can call me Bruce."

"You can call me Carrie." She said shyly. "I-I don't really go by my full name."

The lunch was a simple thing of oatmeal with cinnamon rolls as a snack. Bruce chose the chamomile tea and Carrie decided on the black tea. She noted how the scientist smiled at the sight of the cinnamon buns.

It was quiet for a few minutes, as they ate their sandwiches and waited for the tea to steep. Carrie waited another minute before she took the plunge.

"Bruce? I was hoping to ask you for some advice." She said rubbing her hands together. "I'm sure you read my file and the news about Chamberlain."

"Yes." Bruce grimaced. "I have my issues with SHIELD but you're better off with them than back in that place. Have you been. . . adjusting well?"

"I have my good days and my bad days." Carrie admitted. "At first, I was kept so busy I didn't really think, but now. . ."

"Yeah. I get it. You have to think things through eventually but keeping busy helps when you need some inner quiet."

Her smile was strained. "I am trying to figure something out that keeping busy can't help me with. I – I was so angry when Chris dumped the pig's blood on me. I felt like I was in haze, that everyone was laughing at me and all of the horrible things I went through were just playing over and over in my head. In that moment I wanted to hurt the people who hurt me so badly. I wanted them gone. Then the SHIELD agents knocked me out and when I woke up, I was in control again, but. . ."

"The feelings aren't gone." Bruce finished for her.

"Director Fury said that, uh, one of the reasons SHIELD took me in instead of locking me away was because of my reaction when I thought I killed people. I was so upset, so horrified – but it was more about how I had become a monster. One of the things I promised myself was not to end up cruel and heartless like Chris. It was a relief when I found out I hadn't killed anyone but. . . a lot of them either mistreated me or looked the other way and did nothing. It was mostly the popular kids who came to Prom, outcasts stayed away. I-I didn't care if Chris or Trina died, even now. I don't want to kill them, but I wouldn't be sad if they died. I still hate them, it's all still inside me and I don't know what to do if I snap again."

Bruce didn't say anything as she spoke, calmly and intently listening to her. When she was done, he didn't say anything right away, and took a few moments to think.

"I know what it's like to have to be careful about getting angry, we both know its why you came to me. I'm also assuming you read my file too, so you know my dad was a piece of work like your mom and I didn't fit in growing up."

Carrie nodded. Yes, she did know. Bruce's dad hurt him and Mrs. Banner, eventually Bruce's mom ending up getting killed and Mr. Banner arrested.

"So, as someone with shared life experiences and similar problems, my advice is to practice and have conviction."

"Practice and conviction?"

"Anything that helps you feel calm. A game or a song you can play in your head, even an activity is good. I'm sure you have something like that already but it's probably not positive."

He hit the nail right on the head. Whenever she had a nightmare or was on the verge of a panic attack, Carrie indulged in a mantra of 'Don't lose control. Stay calm,' which often had the opposite effect.

"Breathing exercises help, which I'm sure SHIELD will provide. Conviction is important too – you said you made a promise to yourself to be a good person. Your determination to stick to that will make all the difference, make sure you understand your reasons. It isn't a bad thing to not care what happens to those girls. Their abuse was horrific and they wouldn't be sorry anyway, you're already upholding your promise by not going after them for revenge. That isn't something to feel guilty for."

The rest of lunch was spent talking more, Bruce admitted that Carrie may have to improvise since what worked for him, may not work for her. The important thing was to not give up and see failures as something she can learn from. It was also important to find out her limits and plan for them accordingly. Try to have people she trusts nearby.

He also admitted that it was easier said than done.

Carrie was gathering the dishes when Phil walked in. The agent smiled at the sight. "Have a good time?"

She nodded. "Bruce and I had lunch together."

"That's nice. I was coming to let Doctor Banner know we've located Loki in Germany and sent the Black Widow with Captain America to capture him. It's possible we may be able to get the Cube's location from him."

Bruce nodded. "Thanks for letting me know. I'll keep working on the tracking algorithm. It's possible he left it behind there, even if he didn't I can find echo trails and track it from there."

"Please do. Carrie, may I speak with you for a moment?"

After a quick goodbye to Bruce, Carrie followed her handler, the tray and dishes floating next to her. Phil, as always, regarded the sight as perfectly normal.

"Once you've taken care of that I want you to stick with Doctor Banner. You can help him in the lab, and it will keep you busy."

Carrie nodded. There was a lot of things he wasn't saying but she could venture a guess. "If Loki gets caught, you're bringing that spear. . . thing here too, right?"

Phil's smile widened a bit. "Of course. Just keep an eye on it while Doctor Banner examines it. We don't want any more surprise visitors springing up on us or Loki getting to him."

The teen agreed with him but still couldn't help but feel she was missing something.

Have a lovely time!

Sincerely,

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