"Ugh" groaned Lorimer as he lied on his bed dejectedly. He was currently in his black depression sweater "I still can't believe I impaled my mom through the head" he said as he slowly got out of bed
He went and grabbed a cup of strawberry juice before drinking it like a depressed alcoholic
"I should try to get out of my room" said Lorimer tiredly as snapped his finger, causing the room's light to turn off before walking to his door and slowly opening it. He looked around to see no one "all clear"
He took a few steps out of his room; still nothing. He then walked to the stairs and nothing, but as he was about to take one step off of the last step, he heard a familiar voice "Lulu! You're finally out of your room"
"Kill me please" whispered Lorimer as he heard his mother's voice...his second mother but we're not talking about that
"And you're wearing your depression hoodie" said Beth in a soft worried tone "you wanna talk about what's going on?"
"No" said Lorimer in a grave tone
"I get what you're saying" said Beth softly
"No, you don't" replied Lorimer tiredly
"I get it, let's go get something to drink while we talk" said Beth softly as she pulled Lorimer to the kitchen
"No! I actually don't wanna talk about it this time!" Yelled Lorimer angrily, but Beth payed it no mind "I am not acting like tsundere for pity and attention and comfort. I seriously want to be left alone"
"C'mon, I have some tea. You can let everything out on the couch" said Beth softly, causing Lorimer to groan "aww, you want a hug?" She didn't hear anything Lorimer said before she hugged him
"No no no!" Said Lorimer as he tried to struggle out of Beth's grasp before stopping "it could've been anything: gravity falls, undertale, Steven universe. Heck, even Doom as a demon sounds better than this"
"What are you talking about?"
"Kill me"
_-_-_
"So, other than wanting to avoid new Mom, I wanted to know-" said Lorimer tiredly with a plate of food in his lap "what in the name of cipher's bow tie happened to old mom?!
Lorimer and Rick were now eating in the garage, away from the rest of the family
"Cipher's bow tie?" Asked Rick as he raised a brow while eating a bit of food from a plate using a fork
"Stop questioning my references" deadpanned Lorimer before Rick locked the garage down to make sure nothing gets out "what's the problem with Mom"
"*sigh* she's smart, like you and me" said Rick dejectedly as he ate a bit of food "the only difference: the mindset"
"Mindset?" Asked Lorimer in a serious tone as he ate a bit of food
"My mindset is a man's, hers is a kid's, yours is an animal's" said Rick with a frown on his face
"Excuse me?" Said Lorimer, feeling a bit offended before he continued "rude"
Rick rolled his eyes and continued "I do things I want when I want, but I have control. Something you and your mom don't have"
"Please, I have plenty of control" said Lorimer angrily before eating another bit of food
"No, you run on survival. Sure, you can do stuff because you want to. But in the end, your main priority is to survive" said Rick calmly with a frown "like an animal"
"That's not true!" Snapped Lorimer as he stood up causing the food in his lap to fall on the ground
Rick glanced at the plate and raised a brow before replying "try saying that to the gaping hole in your mom's skull, or your sister and dead dad who you completely forgot about, and what about that time you ditched us when we were caught by giants and only came back after it was safe for you? And I wonder how prepared you are to kill me in case I become a threat to your survival"
Lorimer couldn't reply. Rick was right, Lorimer always prioritized survival before all else. He also had many contingency plans for Rick. No matter what, he always prioritized survival.
"You really don't make it easy for people to admit you're right" said Lorimer as sat back down dejectedly. He took a pause then continued "*sigh* fine, what about Mom?"
"When she was a kid, she did stuff because it's fun or relaxing for her, even killing. But that was all suppressed by years of therapy and counseling" said Rick as he finished his plate "and I suspect because you undid all that forcibly, she couldn't get used to being smart again while still thinking like an adult"
"Yeesh, gonna have to keep that in mind when I put her in a new body"
"You kept her mind?!"
Before the conversation could continue, they heard someone knocking "Uhh, Rick? Can you come with me upstairs, I need your help"
"What did he ask for this time?" Asked Lorimer in disappointment
"A sex robot" deadpanned Rick
"Again?! God f*king damn it!" Yelled Lorimer angrily before face palming "I really need to remove those hormones."
"Probably for the best"
_-_-_
"Where's the sex robot, Morty?" Asked Rick as he entered the room
Rick and Lorimer entered Morty's room, but there was robot; only a floating orb. "That's Gwendolyn- i-i mean the robot! She started beeping and then transformed and tried to fly away!"
"Strange...that's usually the man's job" said Rick cheerfully "you know what I'm talking about, Morty? Wuba luba dub dub!" Rick then began laughing "Morty, that's my catchphrase remember? Remember-remember how I cemented that catchphrase?"
"We're getting off track here. Let's talk about catchphrases after dealing with this Sonic the Hedgehog reject" said Lorimer calmly as he caught the robot from the air with unbelievable strength "also, can we make sex noises while we're doing it? I know it's kinda out of character, but I really wanna do this" as Lorimer talked, the robot
"Okay, but let's make it quick" replied Rick
_-_-_
After some inspections and a lot of questionable noises that caught the attention of the rest of the family, the true purpose of the robot was revealed as an alien looking baby fell out of the floating orb
"Oh boy" said Lorimer tiredly as he facepalmed
"Oh boy what?" Asked Beth worriedly
"I think this robot was designed for more than long weekends" said Rick as he inspected the robot "genetic compiler, incubation chamber. Yep, this is some kind of baby maker and that is half Morty half who know what. It's my bad, I'll take care of it" said Rick calmly before pulling out a gun
Everyone except Lorimer hurriedly stopped him "You guys are the worst. *sigh* Give me the baby"
"No-"
"Mortimer, if I wanted it dead you wouldn't be able to stop me. Now give me the baby so I can find out what potential dangers it could bring" said Lorimer as held out his arm
"Yeah, that thing could eat brains or grow to the size of Delaware" commented Rickwith a frown as he crossed his arms
Morty sighed before reluctantly giving his brother the baby. Lorimer then proceeded to take a blood sample before dropping it on the ground, causing a few large red vines to appear
"What the heck is that?!" Asked Jerry as he jumped back at the sight of the vines
"The house's defense system also does other stuff like the mute pollen that I...did I use it on you before?" Asked Lorimer as he plugged one of the vines into his head after giving Morty the baby
"Multiple times!" Yelled Jerry angrily
"Okay, cool. Anyway, i got the results" said Lorimer, completely dismissing Jerry which caused the latter to frown angrily "and I have some good news, some better news and some bad news"
Everyone except Rick, who rolled his eyes, smiled at Lorimer's words before he continued "good news: he won't grow to the size of Delaware nor does he eat brains. Better news: we can still kill it before it's too late" Lorimer then took the gun from Rick's hand and pointed it at the baby
"Lorimer, no!" Said Beth standing in front of the baby
"You said you wouldn't hurt it!" Yelled Morty
"Mortimer, that thing has chaos hardwired into it's genes" said Lorimer with a frown "it's DNA literally spells out violence! Which is just confusing since it's an alien, but I'm not gonna think about it"
"No! We can change him for the better!" Pleaded Morty
"Lorimer, it's just a baby and it's half Morty" said Beth softly
"Mom, the females of their species most likely split off from the males because of their violence; leading them to creating robots to reproduce instead of them" said Lorimer as he readied the gun "I don't about you, but that's a big red flag for me"
"Lorimer, please. Just do this for me, okay" said Beth calmly with a smile as she approached Lorimer "do it for mommy, okay"
Lorimer paused as the gun was one inch away from the gun "yeesh, your conscience must be killing you right now. The PTSD hits hard and dirty"
"Just take the gun before I shoot myself" said Lorimer tiredly "can I at least remove the violence from his DNA?"
"No! That's brainwashing! Morty jr will be taught through love" said Morty with a smile
"Oh god, he named it" said Rick tiredly
"Isn't that also brainwashin- no, you know what? I don't care anymore. Just tell me when it blows up in your face" said Lorimer with a scowl "I'm gonna go get a drink and wait until you kiss my ass just so I fix everything"
_-_-_
"So, how long till the baby becomes a monster?" Asked Rick calmly
"Not long"
"You okay there, bud?" Asked Rick raising a brow
The two were now sitting in the kitchen as Lorimer's head layed on the kitchen counter
"Pain"
"Yeah, that's gonna wear off eventually. Wanna play checkers while we wait?" Asked Rick as he held a checkers board
"I don't know how to play"
"God, you're really depressed" commented Rick
"I had her at direct gun point, Rick" said Lorimer dejectedly before Beth walked into the kitchen
"Hey, Lulu. I finally got everything ready, we can finally get you out of that depression hoodie!"
"This is actually torture" whispered Lorimer
"Mine was arguably worse" whispered Rick before turning to Beth "So, what did the baby do?"
"Eh, just cried then belched fire. Baby stuff" said Beth calmly "but, now we can talk and relax"
"What's this stuff about talking and relaxing?" Asked Rick raising a brow
"It's to get him to relax, he wears that hoodie whenever he's depressed"
"It's a coping mechanism! And would you just shut up?!" Yelled Lorimer angrily before turning to Beth "you know what? I'm done with this! I don't want to talk to you about it! Hell I'll just go make my own therapist and talk to them instead because I thought I was clear I don't want to talk about it! And one more thing!" Lorimer then walked into the living room where Morty and Morty jr were
"Destruction, Domination" said Morty Jr cheerfully
"Nice" said Jerry sarcastically
"Already?" Asked Summer
"Now are you convinced that it's evil?" Said Lorimer angrily
"No! He ca-"
"Well, how about we just see?!" Yelled Lorimer angrily before snapping his fingers as Beth and Rick entered the room, causing Junior to be put in an odd chamber "I'm aging him up and showing you the bloody truth!"
Vines then grew from the floor and plugged themselves in everyone's heads
_-_-_
"Hello, welcome to your kid's mind, Mortimer!" Yelled Lorimer angrily
"Uhh, why is it so...empty?" Said Morty nervously
"Lorimer, calm dow-" said Beth before Lorimer interrupted her
"I AM CALM!...anyway, the kid ages faster than a human by miles, so I'm putting you guys in his life to see what happens quickly and efficiently"
As Lorimer said that everyone except his had their eyes rolled back into their skull and after a few seconds, they returned to normal
"Oh my god" said Morty in shock "that ungrateful-"
"Yeah! Piece of s*t isn't he?!" Said Lorimer angrily "how about we try again?"
And thus, they did it over and over and over again until Morty gave up and Lorimer took them all out of Junior's mind
_-_-_
"Gave up?" Asked Lorimer angrily
"Yeah" said Morty dejectedly
"Finally, you see that he's a horrible son and he wouldn't change because he can't help it, he can't control it! Because-" said Lorimer before slowly realizing what he just said "because that's just what he is" said Lorimer dejectedly
Lorimer stared at the chamber that held his nephew silently for a few seconds before sighing and snapping his fingers, causing the chamber to de-age Junior and not just that, but turn him completely human as well
Morty stared at the red haired human baby in front of him silently before turning to Lorimer
"I removed everything that makes him bad. Now he's just a normal baby. The red hair was something I added myself" said Lorimer dejectedly as he headed to his room "if anyone needs me, I'll be in my room"
And with that, Lorimer went to his room and buried himself inside his hoodie and blanket
Meanwhile, the Smith family has gained another member
_-_-_
Tell me how I did, leave a review
Toodles.