The frustrating thing about Celestials, Merlin concluded, was that there was no way he could do research on them without outright asking them himself; humanity had tried to record what they knew, but they knew very little (they completely missed The Goddess, for one). So obviously he couldn't trust anything humans had written as even a smidge true; which was beyond terrible for this because the warlock was unable to ask the Celestials he knew, and he wasn't about to risk praying and bringing another Angel into this.
(The idea of praying and accidentally bringing God into the scene was a whole different panicked thought; if that happened he might just throw up and fling himself off a cliff in another attempt on his immortal existence.)
The Goddess couldn't be asked because she was his target, Merlin didn't trust Amenadiel to not turn around and be a loyal mama's boy and with Lucifer he didn't want to concern him. The fallen angel had expressed that he wanted his friend nowhere near his mother; but something in Merlin that had felt dormant for so long- since Arthur's death- compelled him forward.
Compelled him to find out more so he could protect his friend he held so dearly to his heart; like he and Arthur, Merlin and Lucifer had a unique relationship he would never be able to replace. Something he would forever treasure and take care of.
The Goddess was suspicious, and she didn't act like she cared for her son's well-being. She pushed and pushed, disregarding the emotional status of Lucifer. She claimed to love things and to be doing things in his best interest but… Merlin may never have been a father, but there were times when he was in charge of something else and had to push them to do something they needed to do- in this scenario, it seemed more like she was pushing him for something she wanted.
She was desperate at times, scared of his failure.
As if she was running out of time.
Lucifer had told him as well, after he convinced him to open up more, how she had manipulated him- most notably, how she kept trying to get him to feel whatever it was that was needed for Azrael's blade to work; going so far as attacking him.
"She's… much stronger than I expected." He had muttered, a stray thought verbalized by accident. Nevertheless, it took Merlin's attention and he immediately latched onto it like the paranoid shadow he was.
Sadly, they hadn't been able to discuss it any further, but even with the arrival of those from his past, Merlin couldn't get her behavior and actions out of his head. Her using Lucifer had to be stopped, even if for nothing more than sparing Lucifer the continued heartache. Nothing meant more to Merlin than the safety and well-being of those he loved, and for so long, that had just been the Devil.
So, he decided to go against Lucifer's words and at least just investigate The Goddess.
Granted, it wasn't the easiest task to complete, what with having to juggle between doing it in secrecy and babysitting 4th century knights come to the modern era. After all, they had suddenly been thrust into this fresh new world and were hopelessly confused and lost over many things, which was understandable of course. Merlin had actually grown and experienced the times, but they had not, and it would be unfair to begrudge them their reactions to the abrupt change.
Still, he couldn't help but be a little exasperated anyways; having to explain what felt like common sense.
Lucifer had promised to come by when he had a moment, but he was tied up with… something weird? Something about an old man with a beard and hospitals? Merlin didn't completely understand his emoji speak, so he decided to just wait until his friend swung by to ask for clarification in person where the man would speak words.
It'd save him a headache, but it did leave him with a different one as he tried to handle the excitement and curiosity of his old friends.
Admittedly though, try as he might to be annoyed, there was still that part of him that was simply giddy and overjoyed to have them back in his life.
It was astonishing and admittedly felt a bit like a dream when he was able to sigh and sit on the couch and suddenly the knights would be settling down beside him- apparently they understood he needed his space to process everything himself, but when he sat on the couch, he was fair game to them and their questions and playful antics once more.
Something about it was both new yet achingly familiar, and it just filled the warlock to the brim with love and warmth. This wasn't something he had replaced; it was something he got back- something like this could never be replaced. These were interactions and affections he had been missing for so long- that he had mourned and cried and understood he would never have back again. At the time of his grief, when his immortality had truly set in, he had thought having them back was an impossible feat.
Merlin loved being able to look around the living room and see his friends again, smiling at him and each other; joking in their unique way about the new things they were learning and witnessing.
Knowing that this wasn't a dream that would be ripped from his fingers when he woke up.
There was a part of Merlin that wanted to listen to Lucifer and not watch The Goddess and to just relish in his friends' company. For so long he had missed this- watching them tease one another and be comfortable in their environment because it was them together. Ever since he lost Lancelot, there had been a hole and it had steadily grown until he felt hollow and empty; and now, it was all fixed.
But this only reminded him that during that time, when he felt alone in the past eon, it had been Lucifer who offered him true friendship, and Merlin couldn't abandon him when he needed him now. It had taken time, but they had become vulnerable with each other in ways they still couldn't with others- in a way the Warlock had never been able to, not even with the knights or Arthur. Merlin had laid his sins and flaws out, pushing Lucifer to reject him, but the Fallen Angel who claimed to have no love left had only opened his own heart up, allowing a unique friendship and love to blossom.
No, Merlin owed it to his friend to be there; Lucifer was stubborn and independent, but he needed help. He needed to know he wasn't alone when he was being pushed and pulled, and Merlin would be there for him, even if it meant setting aside his comforts and joy.
Luckily, the knights were easy enough to distract with movies and documentaries.
They weren't ready to leave the house unchaperoned; technology and customs had grown far too much, and they were easily overwhelmed still.
They hadn't believed him about a realistic CGI dragon being fake until he finally found a video explaining the technology; it went over their heads of course, but they at least believed he was telling the truth with how determined (and exasperated) he was. That, or they were finally letting it go because he was beginning to threaten to conjure a dragon to feed them to.
Too many things made that nearly impossible to actually do, but they didn't need to know that.
He supposed he should have been a bit more concerned or worried, meeting a being stronger than anything he had ever come across- stronger than even the Triple Goddess herself- that had an apparently reputation for being pure evil.
But Merlin vouched for him, and that was all Gwaine needed to welcome him into their new home with a smile and an offer to drink; it was on Merlin, of course, because the Knight had no way to achieve such drinks himself. The scoff and look he received was worth it, when it seemed to take a bit of weight off of his friend's shoulder.
Even after all this time, the shadow that seemed to weigh Merlin down remained a firm presence.
For the alcoholic knight, he had only seen him days ago, but it had been terrifyingly longer than that, and the thought of him having been alive and alone for so long was both utterly heartbreaking and unimaginably terrifying.
He wasn't the only one who harbored those feelings, of course. When Merlin stepped out onto his balcony or to buy them things, the knights took time to speak of their feelings and predicament; they loved Merlin, but he had time- a terrifying long amount of time- to get used to everything. This was brand new and terrifying to these knights who were told they were nothing more than figures of history and fantasy now. It was nice to regroup and discuss amongst themselves, where they shared the same perspectives.
It didn't really help all that much considering Merlin seemed to be deep in something new, trying to distract them to work on something- though, judging by his well hidden frustration, it wasn't going all that well…
So, they talked amongst themselves.
"All this time… it's… imagine, fifteen hundred years…" Elyan had rubbed his face, staring down at the floor, his face pained as he remembered all the moments that made Merlin a kid brother in his eyes.
"He's strong but…" Leon had looked down at his hands- the only one of them to die of old age, so no doubt relishing in their youth. "I wouldn't wish that life on anyone; even with all of you gone, I still had him for a time, and Guinivere and the others I had known my whole life. I even had a family by then, so when I died, I… I wasn't alone…"
"I don't think any of us really died alone." Gwaine muttered, reflecting on his own death where Percy had held him, not even bothering to fight the tears of exhaustion and sorrow as his friend's life slipped from his grasp, quite literally. Judging by his expression, the giant knight was thinking of the same. "We all had.. Someone, I think, who was there when we died… I think, I would choose to die alone, though, rather than live alone. That seems like a fate much crueler."
Glancing over through the glass doors, Merlin's back was to them, his shoulders tense as he was no doubt deep in thought. "A part of me sees the Merlin I knew, the one of our time. But then, I look at him when he gets lost in thought or thinks no one is looking and…" Gwaine struggled for the words he needed to articulate his thoughts, throwing a look as if that alone would get the point across.
Luckily, Lancelot seemed to pick up on it.
"I think it's the shadow of secrecy, stronger than ever and enveloping him like a heavy winter cloak; for so long, he apparently shared his secret with one other man, but that wasn't even by choice. He's hidden himself away, clearly paranoid and afraid. In all his actions, he considers what might happen if the tiniest inch is given and someone is able to figure out he has magic, and that terrifies him." The explanation that this had been his whole life and had simply grown with immortality and loneliness is not lost on them.
"You really knew since the beginning?" Leon asked, deciding to change the topic, the loneliness feeling like both an easy challenge and an impossible mountain to climb. The topic of magic was easier to swallow, surprisingly.
The Noble knight nodded, shifting. It was weird for all of them to be discussing this so casually and openly; Gwaine would have never betrayed his friend, but his feelings on sorcery and magic had still been affected by his time in Camelot, serving under Arthur. While the man wasn't cruel, none of them trusted magic, having witnessed it be used for so much evil (and the effect that must have had on poor Merlin, watching from Athur's shadow as the condemned it as evil, over and over, when it ran through his blood._
"If you remember the Griffin, Merlin had enchanted my lance. I had caught him, and told him as much but… even then, I knew he was someone with nothing but kindness and a pure heart." Lancelot explained; they had all heard the story at one point or another, though never that fact. "He had encouraged me to take the credit so I could be a knight, knowing he couldn't take it because he would be executed for saving everyone."
To see someone like that; so pure, so good to be fated with such an axe swinging over his head- just for being born with magic… It hurt all of them. Gwaine swore he wouldn't leave Merlin like that again, and prayed to whatever Gods may hear him that he would commit acts of treason so heinous they wouldn't dare bring him into any afterlife and leave his first true friend alone again.
No, Gwaine thought, looking back up to the present. He would not abandon his friend to that fate again.
The two immortals sharing a look as Lucifer held up a bottle brought Gwaine from his musings, and he brought himself to focusing once more on his current surroundings.
Focusing on what he could do for Merlin now.
"Oh, thank you, but I think I can do you one better." Lucifer grinned mischievously, and Gwaine swore that everyone around them already regretted them meeting; perhaps it was because of his own growing smile when he was presented with a new drink. "Something a bit better, eh? Why Merlin is feeding you that drivel is beyond me."
Lucifer radiated a confident energy, clearly comfortable in interacting with them despite knowing they were still fifteen hundred years in the past in comparison to them, and the fact he was a mythical being that they would have been told to kill had they met during that time period- thank the gods that wasn't the case.
"Well thank you mate; Merlin says you're the one with the good taste." Throwing a grin back at him, Gwaine was pleased to see that while rolling his eyes, there was mirth in his expression.
"Not all of us have a top shelf at ready disposal, though, I should have guessed you would have brought a drink; he owns a club." At their looks of confusion, the warlock elaborated. "A club is something like a tavern, a place where people go to drink and dance and party-"
"And hook up and do all sorts of fun things in bed together." The Devil winked, causing Gwaine to brighten up even further since that seemed like exactly his sort of thing.
"Ah- so not that different after all!"
"Dear gods, what have we done?" Leon muttered. "Merlin, how could you let them meet; Gwaine was bad enough as it was."
Merlin could only helplessly shrug, his annoyance finally fading completely as he smiled at the scene before him; he made to go towards the kitchen- probably to get the glasses he hadn't pulled out yet- but Lucifer placed a hand on his chest.
"Lucifer…" The Warlock muttered, a look of fear gracing his features, but one pointed look and head tilt had him sighing, submitting to whatever it was Lucifer had told him to do. A look of familiar shyness that left a fond feeling in Gwaine's heart overtook his features, though downcast slightly, his eyes going gold were not lost on any of them, nor was the magic that caused the glasses to float over in front of all of them.
That was right; despite them all now knowing about his magic from his own words, he still seldom displayed it to them. When asked, he said that technology had advanced to a point where he didn't feel a need to use it as much. The only time they had really seen it was when he levitated the mug, displaying his powers openly and clearly so they wouldn't find this another trick of modern living.
Gwaine should have figured; a part of Merlin was so clearly trained to hide it from people- from them, his friends. He had stated that even in this current time, magic was not something he should openly display unless he wanted to risk attention from the wrong kind of people.
Fifteen hundred years, and there was still a metaphorical axe hanging over his head. All this time, and he was still afraid of being open in front of them, fearing how they may react or treat him. Discussing it amongst themselves and seeing it with his own eyes was different for Gwaine, and with a firm grip on the glass and an encouraging smile, he knew he'd have to step up to show Merlin he was safe and loved, magic or not.
Time should have healed this wound on the world, but since it didn't, Gwaine would simply step up. He hoped his fellow knights would, but if not, he would carry this weight himself. Merlin had done it for so long, anyways.
He needn't worry about that, though.
Glancing over, he saw that while Elyan was a little tense, he really had sorted through his feelings. The others clearly were unbothered, though Lancelot seemed to be on edge for Merlin, likewise worried how the others would react.
Of course, they could feel safe even with his magic.
To be fair, it was hard to distrust or fear Merlin; as angry as he could have possibly been, his heart was worn on his sleeve; the man had one of the purest hearts he'd ever seen. Gwaine didn't think he'd ever seen rage or hatred expressed by the other.
"There now, that wasn't too bad, was it?" Lucifer stated, grinning with such pride and light, Gwaine couldn't help but be astonished that this man was apparently all that was evil in the world.
They had just met, but anyone who drew Merlin from the shadows of his fears was good in Gwaine's book.
That was something none of them had ever been able to achieve, not with the ban on magic and all that happened that drove Arthur to fear it more and more. Light faded from Merlin's expression over the years, as he clung to the shadows more and more, viewing everyone and everything with a critical, paranoid eye. Even back then, it was easy to see that the manservant laughed and smiled less, especially as they all grew more distant to take care of their own lives and duties. (And then they started dying, and god, Gwaine wondered if Merlin just stopped laughing entirely.)
Secrets between them made the gap too large for Gwaine to fix; and he had a feeling that even if he had tried, Merlin was too far gone- too wrapped up in Arthur's shadow to step back out into the light and build a life for himself. The bridge between them didn't allow the knight a glimpse into these fears that Merlin clutched close to his heart; not even his loyalty was enough to unlock those secrets, and he had to wonder if he would have ever been told.
After all, apparently the only reason Merlin found the courage to even tell Arthur of his magic, it had been during his dying moments. None of the others were told anything outright.
Gwaine went to his grave with nothing but suspicions and a bitter longing for things to be simpler.
Don't worry, I'm still here! I'm just going through it, and haven't had much inspiration to write.
I did have more for this initially, but I'm going to wait until next chapter before we finally get more of that Lucifer and knights interaction, probably from Luci's perspective. I'm not sure what I want to do with that yet, and I'd rather get this out than keep everyone waiting while I struggle still lmao. I had a little bit written, but i didn't like it at all, so pelase just give me patience! I'm also moving again in a month, so, I won't have time for as much writing again LOL but I don't intend to abandon this or any of my other stories!
I think one of the reasons I've been struggling with writing is I didn't really vibe with Lucifer Season 5B and 6, and I want to say that this, and any Lucifer writing I do, will likely only remain canon with Season 3, maybe a bit of Season 4. I like God alright so I'll keep his character the same. Just a little heads up, but with this story I think I'll probably really begin straying away after I finally conclude season 2 and The Goddess' presence.Anyways! Merlin and Gwaine reflections! I love Gwaine a lot and I am going to have so much fun writing him in the modern world, befriending Luci especially. Anyone who loves his good homie Merlin is a good person in his eyes!Reviews are always appreciated 3 Hope y'all are doing well!