A/N: Summer is over so I'm back. Hope you all stuck around. Let me know in the reviews what you think of this chapter.
Feels Like Home
Chapter 9
.
.
Ooh, and when you're cursing at the sky
And thinking, Lord you must be joking
My arms are open
And, and when you're looking in the mirror
Thinking, damn my life is over
My arms are open
.
.
Dizziness takes over, her breathing is shallow and her mouth completely dry. Hilli's voice is very far away, circling in her head. Grounding techniques. Donna tries to skip forward to the other options she mentioned. Enlist the help of others.
She lets her arm fall to her side and the cast hits Harvey. She nudges his side a bit before bringing her hand back up to massage her temples with her fingers. Despite her attempts, she hasn't been able to stop the images slamming into her.
And that's when she feels two hands grab her waist, pulling her down. Harvey slides his arms around her, holding her close to his chest. He mumbles something but she just listens to his heartbeat and breathes in sync to stay in the here and now.
Wednesday, March 17
Carefully and ever so slowly, Harvey extracts his arm from underneath Donna. She makes a faint noise but rolls into his warm spot and snuggles into his pillow. He's counting on her to sleep for a while longer. She fell asleep pretty quick in his arms but he knows episodes like this suck the energy out of you.
After getting dressed, he scribbles a note and runs out. He jogs his way around the neighborhood. Picking up fresh bagels, donuts, and a box of groceries he ordered earlier from D'Agostino.
He slips back into his condo quietly. He empties a tub of Stonyfield yogurt in a bowl and grabs the last pieces of fruit remaining from Louis' basket. Kiwi, Granny Smith apple, and green grapes.
He toasts the bagel very shortly, putting it on a plate, and together with butter, cinnamon sugar, and a cup of disgusting-looking tea he carries it all to the bedroom on a tray.
He has difficulty opening the sliding doors with his hands full and it wakes Donna.
She raises her eyebrows before sitting up. Harvey places the tray on the bed beside her and that's when she spots the contents and releases a chuckle.
"I forgot what today is," she says. "But clearly you didn't."
Harvey sits down on the bed. "Bagel with butter and cinnamon sugar?" he asks brightly.
Donna frowns. "Is that a green tie-dye bagel?"
"Yes!" Harvey beams.
"That looks—" She scrunches her nose.
"Not nearly as disgusting as this tea." Harvey hands her a mug.
She smells and sips. "You didn't!" Her eyes go wide.
"Milk, Irish breakfast tea, and a generous heap of sugar." Harvey practically shudders at the thought but Donna is sipping contently.
She examines the tray. Picking up the butter, her eyes pop out again. "Kerrygold Irish butter?" Her eyes soften. "You really went all out."
He shrugs. "This week the grocery stores carry a lot of Irish staples so I got us some." He slanders the bagel with a royal layer of butter and sprinkles on the sugar, then he hands it to her.
Donna accepts and closes her eyes to take a bite. The bright green colors really mess with your head. But upon taking a bite, she hums content and Harvey's shoulders relax. He prepares a bagel for himself and scoots over to lean back against the headboard.
"This is pretty good," he mumbles while taking a bite.
"Thank you. You evidently do listen to what I tell you sometimes," Donna teases.
"I always listen to you," he replies in a serious tone.
She stares at him, contemplating a response when she catches the time on the alarm clock.
"Shouldn't you be at your desk?"
"No, I took the day off."
"The day off?" Donna's eyebrows knit together. She leans forward to feel his forehead.
Harvey jumps off the bed. "Yeah because it's St. Patrick's Day." He reaches his dresser and rummages in a drawer.
"Harvey Specter took St. Patrick's Day off?" Donna looks stunned.
"You know it is really weird to use a third person's perspective when I'm right here?" Harvey turns around holding two wrapped parcels.
He throws them in her lap. Donna, curious as hell, starts to unwrap them immediately and holds up two pairs of socks. She tosses the largest pair dotted with green clovers to him. "I assume these are for you, judging by the size. And I get to keep these babies." A pair dotted with green top hats still in her hand.
"They are Happy Socks," Harvey announces. "Their brand is fun prints. You know popcorn, taco, donuts. I may or may not have ordered a pair with burgers on them too."
Donna does a double-take. "Socks with fun prints?" She squints her eyes. "I saw exactly none of those in your sock drawer the other day."
"Eh, time to live on the edge." Harvey takes another bite of his bagel.
"By wearing multicolored socks?"
"Maybe even underneath a suit."
"You daredevil." Donna rolls her eyes.
"Or to match the other gift." He nudges her to open it.
Donna opens the other parcel and her eyes shine, as she breaks into a spontaneous laugh.
"Happy St. Paddy's," Harvey laughs back.
She pulls out the green shirts, holding them up. Harvey's says 'She is my lucky charm' with a hand that points to the right. Hers says 'The lucky charm'.
"I thought the can opener was your lucky charm?"
"We haven't used that one for a long time now though," he says, a frown creasing his forehead. "But you are still around, making my life better. Making me a better man. Like you've been doing since the day we met."
She turns her head at him, staring at him intently. "You know," she says slowly, a tinge of apprehension in her voice. "I could've done without the horrible event surrounding it but it is nice to be in your orbit again."
He swallows before replying, "Did you ever leave?"
She runs her finger over the shirt's print. "It hasn't been the same since I became COO, has it?"
"No, it hasn't." His response has a hint of sadness in it. He rubs the stubble on his face when she admits, "I miss it."
"I miss it too," he says in a deep voice that seems to vibrate along her nerves.
Harvey lifts his arm and for a second Donna thinks he is going to touch her face but before she can decide how she feels about that he snatches his green shirt and marches in the direction of the shower. He is already pulling off his current shirt when she calls him. "Harvey."
He tosses the shirt in the hamper, then looks back at her expectantly.
"What's that?" Donna points at his ribcage.
Harvey checks his body, spotting the bruise, he stammers, "Oh, uhm, that's nothing."
"Did I do that last night?" Her voice holds a tremor.
Harvey's cheeks flush. "Not last night, no."
"But I did do it?"
Harvey rocks on his heels. "You were tossing around and hit me with your cast. You didn't do it on purpose. It doesn't hurt, don't worry about it."
Donna purses her lips but doesn't say anything so Harvey takes the opportunity. "I'm gonna grab that shower." And he disappears into the bathroom.
…
"Okay, so we agree I'll ask the associates to draft a motion to dismiss first." Louis' voice floats through the speaker.
Harvey said he'd be available for emergencies and his client being sued was definitely one.
Now that there is a plan Louis is calm again and he looks Harvey up and down. "What are you wearing? I think I have never seen you in a shirt. Let alone with text on it. What does it even say?" Louis tips his head and reads, "She's my lucky charm."
This is the moment Donna appears next to Harvey. Louis reveals all his teeth, much to Harvey's horror, and booms, "She so is. You have no idea just how lucky you are."
"Trust me, I know." Harvey's voice coming low from his throat. He gets up, offering his seat to Donna. She meets his gaze, her bottom lip caught between her teeth before she timidly says, "okay," and lowers herself in his chair.
Louis immediately launches into a theater rant. The look of relief on Donna's face doesn't escape Harvey. He lets them do their thing and escapes to the balcony.
The weather has suddenly turned around and spring is in the air. He brings out the cushions for the lounge set and positions himself with his face towards the sun. He's barely been outside the past few weeks.
"All this outdoor space and not one ounce of ambiance."
Harvey opens one eye to see Donna leaning against the doorframe. "I don't really use it much," he says, closing his eyes again.
"You don't say," Donna mocks, dragging a chair closer.
"You can have the couch," Harvey offers, sitting up.
"I'm fine, really."
Donna sits down, stretching her legs in front of her.
"I missed the sun," she muses. "I would kill for a balcony like this to soak up some sun after work. I always have to go out, go to the park, just to catch a few rays."
Harvey hums. He had never thought about that. He doesn't use it much but he does sit outside with the newspaper and a croissant on the mornings he isn't in a rush.
"I would get one of those egg swing chairs to curl up in, lots of lavender and ornamental grasses in containers, a hanging herb garden on the wall, make a huge lounge bed from pallets, an outdoor grill, and a large dining table for endless dinners on sultry summer nights."
Harvey steals a quick glance at Donna. She has her head tilted towards the sun as she daydreams.
He can picture it too. Finding Donna in that chair with a book as he comes home from his run, having their friends over for a BBQ. The men around the grill, the women, and Louis at the table. Laughter, music. Him and Donna on a lounge bed with a glass of rosé, watching the stars but as it is NYC, probably more the city lights.
He surprises himself and softly shakes his head. He's not sure where this is coming from. He has thought of being with Donna many times, in many ways, over the years but this is different. This is domesticity, building a home.
"A herb garden for someone that never cooks?" Harvey opens one eye to peek at Donna and that's when a pillow hits him right in the face as the air fills with her giggles for hitting her target.
Suddenly it is all too much at the same time. He sits up quite suddenly and hurries inside. "Parade is about to start soon, I'll put on the TV and grab us some soda," he calls over his shoulder.
Two hours later
Harvey jogs back inside. "Got it!" He holds up a bottle of Fernet-Branca liqueur in his left hand and a bottle of Jameson Black Barrel in his right.
"What did I miss?"
Donna downs the remainder of her Guinness. "A bagpipe rendition of Danny Boy."
"Bugger, I love me a Danny Boy."
Harvey adds whiskey, liqueur, lime juice, syrup, mint leaves, and ice cubes to a cocktail shaker with Donna's directions.
He plonks down two glasses just as a Song for Ireland fires up on TV by a new Uilleann bagpipe band marching across the screen.
Sitting down, he squeezes himself between the armrest and Donna as she has stretched out on the couch in his absence. She gives his knee a squeeze as she leans forward to grab her glass.
"A South Side Smash," Donna beams. "Now it is St. Paddy's Day."
They clink their glasses and take a sip.
"Wooo, they know how to drink, don't they, those Irish." Harvey shudders after his first gulp. "That's a smash alright."
"If you shout Sláinte too, you'll be a proper Irish." The redhead winks.
"Maybe after a few more gulps of this stuff, I'm there." Harvey holds up his glass with a big smile.
Donna sinks back into the cushions and drops her head on Harvey's shoulder, where it had been before he left to scour the ingredients for an Irish cocktail.
As she softly hums along to Seven Drunken Nights, Harvey balances a small fruit bowl on his knee. He still dutifully slices a cup full each day to make sure Donna eats and keeps up her vitamin levels. As she is about to hit a high note he stuffs a grape in her mouth.
Her laughter is uncontrollable and the grape juice drips down her chin as she bites the grape too hard. He grins and teases her before wiping her jawline and tugging her closer.
The TV is showing leprechauns handing out bread to the crowd.
"Is that—?"
"Barmbrack," Donna confirms with a nod.
"What's the story?"
She looks into his brown orbs. They are soft and genuine and a smile creases his face.
"There are two versions. It was traditional to bake a large barmbrack on New Year's Eve by the woman of the house. As nightfall approached, three bites would be taken out of the cake by the man of the house and thrown against the front door while invoking the Holy Spirit. This was to ward off poverty or starvation. After an invocation, the family would gather and eat the fragments of cake."
Donna pulls in her legs, then immediately decides to stretch again and is all around fidgety. Harvey slowly runs his fingers up and down her arm, brushing a few strands of hair out of the way. He doesn't say anything but it pulls her back into the here and now and she continues her story.
"The Halloween Brack traditionally contained various objects baked into the bread and was used more as a sort of fortune-telling game. In the brack were a pea, a stick, a piece of cloth, a small coin, a ring, and a bean. Each item, when received in the slice, was supposed to carry a meaning to the person concerned. The pea, the person would not marry that year; the stick, would have an unhappy marriage; the cloth would have bad luck or be poor; the coin, would enjoy good fortune or be rich; the ring, would be wed within the year and the bean, would have a future without money."
"Hmm," Harvey hums. "When we call your mother, we are also asking her for the Barmbrack recipe." A cheeky grin forms on his lips. "But we only stuff it with coins."
"Harvey!"
"And maybe rings," he whispers but Donna is too busy digging his ribs for his impudent remark to hear him.
And then a huge group of Uillean bagpipers perform the opening notes of Molly Malone.
It being the only Irish song Harvey knows, he promised her somewhere in the last hour to sing if it came along.
He looks at her from the corner of his eyes. But before she can remind him, his face wrinkles and he squeezes his eyes shut as he downs his South Side Smash and sings.
"In Dublin's fair city
Where the girls are so pretty
I first set my eyes on sweet Molly Malone"
Donna's mouth is slightly agape at first but she slams her own Smash and joins him.
Harvey messes up the words halfway down the line and despite Donna's attempts to reel him back in, he makes up his own lyrics and she pretty much rolls off the couch in laughter.
Hearing Harvey sing and absurd words at that, was definitely a first, even after 13 years of knowing him.
As Harvey hoists her back up, he studies her face. The laughter lines in her face, the dimples in her cheeks filling him with warmth. Even a boring TV parade is fun with her.
His thoughts from earlier on the balcony fresh in his mind, he knows it is her that makes his house a home. He will act on those thoughts soon. He just needs to find the perfect moment.