An: I need to say again: In this fanfiction is spoken about sensible topics like, suicide, depression, panic attacks... In general mental health struggles.

Then Donna's eyes shot open, but the sobs didn't stop, her body was shaking and her breathing got shorter. In need to feel his warm presence she grasped around, trying desperately to feel his body besides her, but there was no body. The bedsheets next to her were cold, probably for a long time.

Donna felt more panic rising in her body, she tried to keep herself calm but she couldn't manage to stop the tears streaming out of her eyes. Hectically she jumped of the bed and turned the lights on, hoping maybe he was just out of reach and still hete by her side. But he wasn't.

She felt her heart jumping up and down in her chest as she moved into the livingroom, in hope to find her new lover. But the lights weren't on either, and her panic completely blurred out any logical ideas of where he was. Donna could feel her body getting weak as her so vivid dream shot back into her head, she grasped the counter as hard as she could holding onto it so she wouldn't break down on the floor.

"Donna?" A concerned and uncertain voice rattled her suddenly.

Her brain needed several minutes to register who he was, to realise that everything was okay. That he was here, alive and they even now shared a bed. Donna closed her eyes, trying to calm herself and stop the tears, because he didn't need to see her like this. Nobody ever saw her like this.

Slowly Harvey moved towards her, his Hands gently driving over her shoulders, to the sides of her torso, turning her around. His soft hand's now resting on her waist, they stood face to face. Harvey had no idea what made Donna loose her composure, but he would try anything to fix this.

The sight was almost concerning, her face was completely red, burned from the salty tears and her eyes were swollen. The worst thing was that she couldn't bare to look at him, Harvey soon realised that she must feel ashamed.

Her hands werr basically chocking his arms, he was pretty sure they would leave marks, but it didn't matter. Then suddenly her head shot in his direction, her lips crashing hard on his with fierce. And her nails kept digging into his arms.

It left him confused, because Harvey had never seen Donna quite like that, never so devasted and lost. And it scared him, and he wasn't good at the whole boyfriend comforting thing anyways. Never in his life had he seen Donna this shaken, and he had no idea what to say, but he didn't want her to stand there like this.

"What's going on?" Harvey asked her.

Donna looked again down towards their feed.

"Please tell me, because I don't know what I can do" Harvey asked desperately.

"I had a bad dream" She told him quietly.

"Okay" Harvey answered slowly, not sure what that meant, "What was the dream about?"

Donna just skook her head, he could see how her eyelid was twitching, like it always happend' when she tried to not show her emotions.

"Come tell me" He tried to reassure her.

But it only made more tears well up in her eyes, rolling down her cheeks. Donna breathed in a shaky breath, hoping it would finally give her enough energy to get on her game again.

"You don't want to talk about it?" Harvey asked her.

"Can we just go to bed?" She asked still visibly shaken.

"Are you sure?" He asked still concerned.

"Mhm" She summed.

With that they both went to the bedroom again, Donna was still clenching his body with her hands. Before they could go into bed Harvey tapped on the mattess, only realising in horror Donna's side was completely drenched with sweat.

For once again Harvey was really glad to have such a hig bed, because he was to tired to change the bedsheets now. And he was pretty sure Donna was not in the position right now, to be able to do that.

"I don't think your side is that comfortable, do you think it's okay if we just share mine?" Harvey asked her.

"You don't have to-" Donna tried to argue, even though she knew she probably would not stop their contact anyways.

"I don't have a problem with it" He told her sincerely.

"Okay" She slowly answered, still to tired to talk anything more.

Harvey tried to loose Donna's grip, that was still holding his body tightly by her side.

"Donna you need to let go" He told her.

All he got was her shaking her head, determined not to let him go.

"Look, I just need to grab you a clean shirt so you can change your clothes, because I don't think what you are wearing is very comfortable" He explained.

Slowly Harvey could feel Donna's grip loosing up a little, he squeezed her shoulder once more and then finally broke away from her. Then he went quickly into his closet, to get a comfortable shirt for Donna. And in bare seconds he already was back by Donna's side, who just stood there with a blank expression, not giving Harvey any indications of what was wrong.

"Here" He quietly whispered as he handed her his shirt.

Silently she pulled her still soaked shirt over her head, and then dressed herself with the new one Harvey gave her. Donna flashed him, what was supposed to be, a ressuring smile. Harvey, still with a big question mark, decided to let it go for the night. He would ask her about it the next day.

Without another word they both went to Harvey's bed side, finally both settling in each others embrace again. Soon Harvey could hear Donna's breathing regulate and her body finally calmed down between his arms.

Donna didn't sleep very long, but when she woke up her body didn't feel like it was smashed between two cars anymore. And for some time she just lay there, in Harvey's arm's. She could feel the Sunlight slightly brushing over her skin, warming her body, and she could feel Harvey's arms securely wrapping around her. His legs interwined with her, her head by her beck, his breath tickling her jae and earlobe.

He was like a security blanket wrapped around her, and she believed, knew, that if she would just stay like this for the rest of her life, nothing could get to her. But the foggy memories about the last night, the dream that she still so desperately tried to vanish in her brain creeped into her mind. Reminding her bot only about the feelings that were rushing through her, making her literally not act like a functioning human beung, no it also reminded her of the fact that she needed to explain this to Harvey.

But she didn't want to talk, not again, and definitely not about her feelings. It felt stupid being the one who needed to get comforted, because he was hurt. Because she wasn't the one who did shoot a bullet through his head, he was.

Still, Donna was the one not able to get herself together, but she was supposed to secure him. Not the other way around. And it wasn't for the fact that she didn't like Harvey comforting her, she loved Harvey being caring and loving around. It wasn't because she didn't want to let him in.

But something inside her didn't want to be weak, she wanted to make sure he was happy. So the thought of talking once again about her feelings weren't something she looked forward to,it wasn't something she planned on doing. Did she even have to explain herself?

With new determition to finally get herself together, and be the supporting part she had always been she carefully loosened herself out of his embrace.

Then she took a quick shower, took sweatpants and a shirt she found in Harvey's closet on and headed out of the condo. Because she didn't have anything in his condo, everything was still at her hotel room.

But when she entered the hotel lobby, she didn't expect to find Mike and Rachel, sitting there on one of the couches talking. First she thought she would be lucky, they wouldn't see her and she could just walk by. But of course she wasn't.

"Donna! There you are, we were worried where were you all night?" Rachel asked her best friend, standing up from the couch in unison with Mike.

"Oh I just went out for a walk…" Donna tried to lie her way out.

Even though she knew that was pointless in every way, she was standing in what definitely appeared as a man's clothes. Her walk of shame perfected by the fact that she must look very exhausted, due to the night that wasn't all that great.

"We haven't seen you in two days now!" Mike said upset.

"I didn't know I need to tell you every move I make, or do I?" She said defensively.

"No Donna", Rachel said with a frown, "But we went here together and we just expected to actually be here together…"

Before Donna could answer she saw how Rachel's face morphed into a even bigger frown, her eyes looking Donna up and down at least three times.

"Okay where were you?" Rachel asked now clearly curious.

"I said I went for a walk?" Donna tried lamely.

"Oh my god!" Mike nearly shouted through the hotel lobby with excitement.

"What?" Donna asked her friend, even though she could already suspect what he had just figured out.

"You got laid!" Mike announced like a little kid on Christmas.

"Oh my god" Rachel repeated her husband's words in shared excitement.

"Why would you think?" Donna asked, feeling her cheeks fluster up.

"I know, I am Mike" Mike imitaded Donna's trade mark.

"So did you?" Rachel asked happily.

"Why are you guys so excited about my sex life?" Donna asked bluntly.

"We are just interested in our friends life" Rachel told her.

"Oh really?" Donna asked with a raised eyebrow.

"We are just happy for you, it didn't seem like you…uh…had alot of fun in the last months and I, we are just glad that you finally found somebody after the whole thing with-" Rachel tried to explain.

"Oh my god I can't believe this" Donna said baffled.

"We don't mean this in a mean way, we are really glad for you Donna…" Mike said.

"You gotta' be kidding me" Donna exclaimed.

It wasn't that she didn't knew that she stopped dating after she left New York, but the fact that apparently they had thought about it morr then she herself did annoyed her. Because if wasn't like she didn't have sex in the last hslf year, just because she got into this mess with Harvey. She did have conquests, went on some dates, to be truthful, she never had two dates with one guy. But that was still besides the point, she didn't want her friends to be thinking about how she apparently didn't have fun anymore.

Because now she was once again viewed as someone who needs help, she didn't want to be the friend who hangs around her couple friends because she was lonely and old. But she supoosed that she was that friend, or had been for the last months.

"I am sorry Donna" Rachel said apologetically.

"No it's fine" She told her friends.

"So how about you tell me about that guy?" Rachel asked with a mischievous grin.

"Oh so that's what you are after Michelle Ross?" Donna asked playfully.

"Yes, so how about we catch a coffee Harriet?" Rachel asked joyfully.

"I suppose I should go now?" Mike asked.

"Yes" Both women said in unison.

"Just..uh...Donna?" Mike asked a little unsure.

"What is it?" She asked.

"Maybe don't bragg about this man you are seeing infront Harvey, I mean I am happy for you..." Mike said, still a little uncertain if he touched a boundary he wasn't allowed to be involved in.

Donna bit her upper lip, contemplating if she should just tell them who the mystery guy actually was... But she and Harvey decided not to tell anybody about it yet.

"I won't hide my relationships", Donna began, "But I'll try not to dig into any wounds" Donna lied.

Because the truth was, she was even excited to talk about the 'man she was seeing' infornt of Harvey, making him flustered. Because he couldn't complain or say anything to it.

"Where is Harvey anyways?" Mike wondered out loud.

"I don't know I haven't seen him since after the Gala" Rachel now wondered herself.

"Donna, didn't you leave with him?" Mike asked her.

And if it wasn't for the fact that Mike and Rachel believed that Harvey and Donna were impacable of realising they belong together, maybe they would have guessed who the man Donna was seeing was. But over the years, they got shown over and over again how it still didn't work out between them. How still nothing actually happend.

"Yes but we took seperate cab's, he probably is busy with showing Haylay the city?" Donna suggested, lying once again.

She didn't like to do it, lying wasn't something she did, she knew she wasn't bad at it through. And if it would give her a little more time with Harvey, in the bubble they had created for each other, she was ready to not tell her friends about their latest progress. Yet.

"Makes sense..." Mike agreed with a little frown on his face.

When Harvey woke up he immediately felt something was off, something was quite right. Only as he had felt the loss of the warmth around him he realised what was wrong, Donna wasn't in bed anymore.

At first he thought much of it, she probably was just already awake, but slowly something dawned on him. The memories of the last night crawled back into his head, the picture of Donna who was so lost and vulnerable. Something he had never seen before.

And she hadn't told him what was wrong, she hadn't said much anyways, something totally un-Donna. So no, he wasn't going to lie in bed all day, he needed to know what made Donna so out of her usual.

Last night he woke up in the middle of the night, for no exact reason. Because he hadn't felt that tired he had gone to the balcony, just enjoyed the view for a while, because he didn't want to wake Donna. But apparently Donna hadn't slept good, something bugged her, and he had no idea what it was.

After finally getting the energy to do it, he stood up and dressed himself and made his way to the kitchen to look where Donna could be.

But Donna wasn't here, infact the fact that her shoes weren't there anymore told him she went out. But Harvey couldn't quite get why, Donna wasn't someone who ran away from confrontations, or maybe she was and he never noticed?

"Good morning" Suddenly Harvey's niece posaund, rattling her uncle out of his thoughts.

"Good morning, did sleep well?" Harvey asked.

"Mhm" The girl summed happily.

"Good"

"Where is Donna?" Haylay asked her uncle, looking around to find the redhead.

"Oh well...She went out" Harvey told her.

"Why?"

"Because she wanted to" Harvey told her lamely.

"But why did she want to?"

"Because she is an adult and needed some space"

But Harvey knew the explanation wasn't right, at least he hopef that Donna didn't need space from him.But maybe she did? Maybe she realised that he was a mess, maybe she figured she was better off without him? Maybe this was the end of their new found relationship, and he was a idiot for not seing it coming.

Before he could spiral himself even more into the mess of thoughts, that were telling him he had messed this all up for good, his ringing phone rattled him out of it.

"Haylay sorry I need to take this, it's your dad" He told his niece, as he saw who the caller's ID was.

"Okay" The little girl nodded with a twinkle in her eyes by the mention of her dad.

With that Harvey took his phone and clicked on the green accept button, and walked into his bedroom and sat down on the bed once again.

"Hey Loser" Harvey greeted his brother through the phone.

"Brother you finally picked up!" Marcus said with enthusiasm.

"What do you mean with finally?" Harvey askwed confused.

"I called you like 3 times today already"

"I didn't hear any calls"

"Doesn't matter, because I have great news!"

"You do?"

"I found Katie and Matt, so you don't need to read Haylay anymore Pinkalicious" Marcus said happily.

"You did?" Harvey asked his brother.

"Yes, and I don't want to get any hopes up, but I think we are able to work everything out"

"That's great" Harvey said, genuinely happy about the progress in his brothers life.

"Yes and you won't believe it but she was the whole time in New York!"

"She was?" Harvey asked a little surprised.

"Yes and...", Marcus said and then paused, "I asked Katie and she would pick her up from your place today, if that's okay?"

"Today?" Harvey asked a little irritated.

Because the thought of needing to say goodbye to Haylay now made him sad, Harvey knew he needed to say goodbye at some point, but that didn't mean that he was particularly happy about it.

"Yes I think it would be a good idea" Marcus told him earnestly.

"And you are sure Katie isn't going to take Haylay and not come back to Boston?" Harvey asked.

"Yes, I need to trust her, I was the one who hurt her, so I need to believe in this"

"Okay" Harvey said sighing.

"I'll tell her she can come by at the afternoon if that's okay?" Marcus asked.

"Yeah I guess" Harvey agreed.

"Look, I know you had it pretty hard in the last month's, and I am very grateful that you helped me out with this whole situation. But I think it will be good for you to get back to everything." Marcus told his brother honestly.

"What if I don't want to go back to how it was?" Harvey asked.

And it wasn't about Haylay then anymore, it was more about him, about his life and future.

"What do you mean?"

"I just I don't know what I am supposed to want anymore"

"Maybe figure out what makes you happy and then it will just lead your way" Marcus suggested.

"I don't know what happened but something made you really soft!" Harvey said laughing.

"Hey!" Marcus contradicts.

Harvey already had another 'insukt' for his brother ready, however then another call appeared on his phone display.

"Marcus I am sorry but I just got another call...I need take that" Harvey told him.

"Okay I'll see ya'" Marcus said good bye to his brother.

Then the line went dead, and Harvey accapted the other caller, Mike.

"Mike?" Harvey asked though his cellphone.

"Harvey, hey..." Mike's voice sounded a little distantly.

For a short time it was just silent.

"Mike what's up?"

"What should br up?" He asked back.

"I don't know, you called"

"Oh yeah right... Sorry, I was just thinking"

"Maybe think about why you called me?" Harvey asked dryly.

"Well Rachel and I were wondering if you would join us for lunch?" Mike asked.

"Oh well I don't know" Harvey said.

If he would be honest, he didn't want to, he wanted to spend his lunch with Donna, and nobody else but her. And Haylay of course.

"Come on we could go to a nice restaurant and..."

"Look I'd like to, but Katie is supposed to pick Haylay uo today snd I can't just not be here..." Harvey explained.

"Oh, she is already leaving?" Mike asked.

"Yes I suppose she is"

"Does that mean you aren't going with us back to Seattle then?" Mike asked.

And this question felt like a gut punsh, because no it probably didn't mean that. Or did it? He wasn't sure, even worse was he wasn't sure how he was supposed to configurate with Donna. Because they still haven't actually talked about what they will do, where they will be.

"I need to figure that still out"

"Okay...Well maybe we could come to your condo with take out food?" Mike suggested.

"Oh well that would work", Harvey finally agreed, but then a idea popped into his head, "How about you guys ask Donna to come to?"

It was the easiest way Harvey could think of to see Donna as soon as possible, and with every minute that she wasn't there it gave him more panic. He wanted, needed, to talk to her.

"Oh really?"

"Yes why not?" Harvey asked a little confused.

"I just didn't know on which terms you guys are, and I didn't want to make either one of you uncortrable..."

"We are friends Mike, it's fine", Harvey told Mike, but then realized that if he wanted to play the friends card he shouldn't just want to invite Donna, "Maybe ask Louis and Sheila to come too?"

"Okay, yeah, I will ask" Mike gave in.

"Good"

"We will come around at two o'clock, if that's alright?" Mike asked.

"Yes of course"

"Any idea which food we could eat?" Mike asked.

"No, it doesn't really matter to me..."

"Okay I just ask the others" Mike shrugged it off.

"Okay good then we see each other at two?"

"Yeah, see you" Mike said before he hung up.

Harvey breathed out, finally able to lie is phone down and think. Now he needed to talk to Haylay, then everybody would come over and he somehow needed to fix everything with Donna.

Even though he had no exact idea what he was supposed to fix, because she didn't call or say anything, she just dissapeared. But maybe she didn't need to call, it wasn't like she had the obligation or anything. Still, she hadn't seemed okay, anything but okay, but he had no idea what he was supposed to do.

And the digging feeling that was swimming on the surface of his mind, telling him she was going to end this, before it even really had begun didn't help either.

Donna had been trying to sort her head for the whole way to Harvey's condo, she didn't want Harvey to ask any questions about the last night, but she didn't want to cit him out either. The more she thought about it, the more she realised she didn't tell him she would go catch new clothes and be back soon. But then again, she thought she would be back before he would have been awake.

But then she went on drinks with Rachel, which was fun, and needed. She could finally tell someone about Harvey, even though she couldn't tell that it was Harvey. She had even gone as far to tell Rachel that every feeling she ever had for Harvey was history, because in a way, it felt the easiest. Especially considering she had admitted at the flight to New York, that she and Harvey had shared moments together that weren't all that friendly.

So now standing infront of his apartment door was weird, she did manage to go back there without Mike and Rachel, she had excused herself by saying she needed to take a nap. It shouldn't be weird through, she had only seen him a couple of hours ago, it wasn't like they had a fight or anything…

Finally she decided to knock, twice, first she wasn't sure if he had heard her. Maybe her knocks weren't audible enough, but before she could even raise her hand again to add more knocks he opened the door and she stood face to face with him.

"Donna" Harvey said with a small smile.

"Harvey" She gretted back, as if it would speak volumes, tell a story.

"Sorry I just dissapeared without saying anything, I really didn't mean to" Donna attempted to explain.

"It's really no problem, you don't have the obligation to tell me everything you do you know, just because…" Harvey rambled but stopped abruptly, followed with a frown masking his face.

"Because what?" Donna challanged with a smirk.

It wasn't that she didn't know what he was meaning to say, it was that she actually liked to hear it.

"Nothing" Harvey mumbled sheepishly, "Do you wanna' maybe come in?" He then asked.

"Yes, that would be great"

Then he took her hand, squeezed it once and led her to his leather couch, so they both could sit down next to eachother.

Donna could sense on how his eyebrows were tilted and how his shoulders flexed, he was debating if he should say something or not.

"Look-" Harvey began but then paused for a second, glancing towards her again, "If you want to end this", he gestured between them, "Then please just say it, I understand it" He told her with a strangled voice.

"What? Why- Harvey no I don't want to end this, how could you even assume that?" She asked shocked.

"I don't know" admitted weakly.

Donna slowly reached out to his shoulders and caressed them gently, she could imidently feel his body relax under her fingertips.

"Please don't ever doubt that I wanna' be with you" She said earnestly.

"So you want to be with me?" Harvey asked still a little unsure.

"Yes" she confirmed.

"Good" He said, flashing her that Cheshire cat grin she loved.

And then they just stared at each other, their giddy smiles mirrored in their partner. But after a while ther seriousness crawled back into Harvey's face features.

"Donna?"

"Mhm?"

"What happened last night, because I have never seen you like this and…" He trailed off.

"It's really nothing you need to worry about" She half-lied.

"But I'd like to worry about it"

"Harvey it was just a stupid nightmare" She said, trying to play it lightly.

"Well then tell me"

"I already forgot the dream"

"No you didn't"

"Don't tell me what I do or not do"

"Please"

"Harvey…"

"You know I once dreamt about a red ball trying to catch me, and he had Louis face" Harvey told her to lighten the mood a little.

Donna escaped little giggles at the thought.

"You did?" She asked amused.

"Yes, and there was also that little blue one with Norma's voice barking at me" He said laughing himself.

"Oh my god" She said, laughing even more at the thought.

"All I am saying is that we all have weird dreams, or fears, and I'd like to hear from yours" He said, now getting back to the actual topic.

"Okay I get it" Donna said with a big sigh.

"I don't want to press you into telling me- But you always pressure me to do things that are a little scary in the believe it's good for me, and I would like to do the same for you"

"Well damn me"

Harvey gave her just a affirming nod.

Donna pressed her eyes together, trying to figure out what to say, but still trying to keep the dream from her vision.

"I dreamed that you died like, actually died…that you killed yourself" She explained, her throat feeling very dry all of the sudden.

It wasn't much explaination, it wasn't even actually everything, but it was a start.

"You know I am not going to die, right?"

"I know, but I woke up and you weren't there, and I freaked…" Donna tried to explain, again feeling her body shudder by the thought of it.

Harvey slowly pulled her towards him, holding his hand around her.

"Donna I am sorry that my past action aren't, well, great ones. I really am sorry that this all sucks and now you just get more…baggage, but I won't ever do that again"

"But what if you are not happy anymore someday?" Donna asked.

A thought that had played in repeat mode in her head, ever since she dreamt that dream.

"I am happy"

"But what if in the future you are not?"

"I think I'll manage"

"Don't you get it, I just don't want you to just someday realise you are not happy with everything, because I can't loose you"

"But I am happy with everything right now"

"But if you look at the future…what do you need to be happy?" Donna asked.

"You" He said simply.

"Harvey that's not-"

"But it's true, it's you, I don't need anything else to make me happy. I know I can manage with you everything." He told her honestly, locking his eyes with hers.

"You really have gone soft" She said chuckling.

"Maybe I always have been?" He suggested.

"Oh I know" Donna said with a smile.

"Do you now?" He asked with a grin.

"Yes" She said, leaning forward to finally meet his lips again.

It was a short kiss, but it made their boths smiles even bigger, if that was possible.

"But Harvey think about it please, you need to figure out what you need, what do you want to work, where and how your future is going to look like" Donna told him firmly.

"Our future" He corrected.

"No not our future, right now you need to figure that out yourself, but I'll be here"

"But in my future you are a big part of it, I can't just argue you away" He pointed out.

"What I want comes after yours, we will figure out a way to make them one" She promised.

"But I don't know what I want"

"I believe you will" She told him.

"You do?" Harvey asked hopefully.

"I always had faith in you, and it doesn't stop with this" She told him earnestly

to be continued...

Damn I hated this chapter (so sorry), that's why I didn't upload it sooner. But I am definitely not dropping this story...

Okay I think I need to acknowledge, even though I am kinda mad about it because I only realised it now, Haylay isn't right, it's Haley. I wrote the name wrong all along, so let's just pretend it is supposed to be like that.

Also I know it's a long way coming, but I will definitely write about Mike finding out about everything (and Louis, Rachel etc...), probably in the next chapter. But one step at a time.

I would be very grateful for a review!