An: I need to say again: In this fanfiction is spoken about sensible topics like, suicide, depression, panic attacks... In general mental health struggles.

I think I don't say enough how sorry I am for typos or lost words, I try but somehow some words don't even get uploaded from here ...

"You know what, yes I am leaving, I should have known you are still not ready, you probably never will be"

Then the door closed with a loud thump...

Donna felt her heart break once more as she walked out the door, she could already feel her tears make their way down her cheeks. The regret of leaving burning in her chest like a campfire.

She had fought with Harvey like that before, but that was diffrent, they weren't in a relationship. Now they were, and she left.

Maybe he was right, she learned to be good at leaving, but he made her leave.

He wasn't good at fighting for her either, she didn't even dare to look back, see that he was not following her. That he once again was just standing there, doing nothing.

She knew he did not hurt her intentionally, he never did, she knew he always wanted the best for her. But it still hurt.

The worst thing was, she did not want to leave the building, close the doors behind her. Maybe even close the chapter of their relationship, before it even dared to start.

She felt her breathing hitching, her palms sweat and her eyes started to burn from the tears. Donna sat down on the stairs, leaning against the wall, trying to calm down.

The event still so visible in her mind, but she could not pinpoint what went exactly wrong. He wanted to say something but didn't, he asked her that, what she had intentional asked him. What she wanted her future to look like, and it wasn't that she couldn't picture a future.

She could picture a future with him so colorful and loud, she had dreamt of the future even. But it wasn't realistic, she knew Harvey wasn't like that, and she made her peace with it. She did not want him to feel pressured to change, she didn't want him to think she wouldn't be happy either way.

Her perfect future would be so different then his, she knew that... She couldn't have told him that she wouldn't like to live in a big city anymore, that she would like a small neighborhood, with a garden, a warmer smaller home. She couldn't have told him that she wanted a quite home, nothing ostentatious. Still elegant of course.

Sometimes she even could picture their kid, a imaginary but fantastic kid with his smile... But that was a wish dream, Harvey wouldn't want to move out of the city... And she would never be a stay at home mom while her Husband was always not there, that wasn't her. Donna didn't even know if she wanted to be a mother, the thought to do this with him though, that was something completely different. She wasn't even sure he wanted to marry, marry her.

So she didn't say anything, she stopped it from escalating, because she loves him. And if she would be with him for the rest of her life, it didn't matter if they were married, living in the city or having children.

But it escalated anyways.

She sat on the stairs for a while, waiting until the last tears dried out. Donna wanted to go back, talk, figure this out. Heck, tell him what she did wish, even if it wouldn't be what he wanted, but she didn't want to fight with him. She needed them to be okay. But the exhaustion didn't let her stand up, the whole day was alot, the night before did not give her much energy either.

Harvey could kick himself, because once again he messed up, he messed up big time.

Just because he didn't dare to tell her what he wanted, because he thought it would be easier if she told him, and he would just agree. He messed up because frankly, that's what he does.

Especially with Donna, a small part always knew, a small part always knew in the back of his mind that he loved her.

That she was the one.

But he knew he couldn't do it, be with her, he knew he wasn't good enough. He knew he couldn't give her what she needed, all the time he saw how the time ran out. But his capability of functional relationships wasn't even existing, he was to messed up to be brave enough to try. But he still wasn't ready.

He thought he was ready, he thought he could finally make it work between them, but all he did was hurt her once again. The look she had on her face, a look he had seen way to often, the hurt, the love, the sadness, the need, the want, the hate...

He had told her he would never let anything haopend to her, so long ago he said she wouldn't ever need to be scared again. But maybe all this time he was the one making her feel bad, maybe he was the one ruining everything good about her. Maybe he had used her good heart, and poisend it with the black hole called his heart.

Harvey never understood how he deserved her attention, attentiveness, care, support, love, faith... How he managed to have someone like her in his life, that she stayed all these years with him, when all he was was a burden for her.

He felt like a fool for thinking that they could have a future, that he was worthy.

"Because I think you are worthy"Donna's voice echoed through his head, she had said that a long time ago, or at least it mow felt like a decade ago.

Ironically reminding him that she believed in him, believes in him, for a reason that he never understood. She always believed in him, but he never believed in himself.

And then something shifted, a glint of an idea punched itself in the very front of Harvey's head.

If Donna after all this time still wanted him, believed in him, even though she shouldn't, because he wasn't a good man. Then it was finally time to be that man, because she deserved it.

He just needed to finally believe in himself.

He finally could pore himself away from his position, where he basically freezed on the spot after she left. Only now realising that after the escapade with Mike and Rachel, he still didn't wore an actual shirt.

He went to his wardrobe and took the next best T-Shirt he could find, and swooped it over his head. Then he went out of his condo, without even closing the door.

Somehow he knew he needed to figure out Donna's room number, and convince the hotel reception to let him in.

When he already tapped on the elevator button, something out of the corner of his eye cought his attention.

As he turned around, he immediately recognised the curled up women that was soundless asleep. Harvey felt a pinch of guilt settling itself in his gut, he should have come look for her sooner. He shouldn't have barked her out of his Condo, her day must have been super exhausting.

Carefully he put his on hand under her back, and the other one unter her knee joints and lifted her uo in bridal-style.

He carefully carried her to his bed again, and layed her down on the bed, took a blanket and tucked her in. Then he turned down the lights and placed himself on the living room couch.

Harvey wasn't sure if Donna would be okay with him sleeping next to her, he wasn't even sure if she wanted to talk to him, she was pretty mad at him after all.

He just hoped it would be okay tomorrow, that they could talk. But the sleep didn't come to him for a long time, his thoughts always circling back to Donna.

When Donna woke up she was totally misorientated, the last thing she remembered was crying on the stairs... But now she was definitely in Harvey's bed.

First she wanted to stand up, confront him, she was still so angry at him. But the cozy feeling of the sheets made her stay, she wanted to just savor a moment in peace. The bed smelled like him, like his calming scent. She wasn't ready to face another argument.

Before she could fall back asleep, a knock from the door startled her.

"Can I come in?" Harvey's voice asked through the door a little unsure sounding.

"Yes" Donna said after thinking about her response a little.

Slowly Harvey pushed the door to the side and gave Donna a tired smile.

"Wow you look like shit" Donna noted.

"Geez thanks" Harvey said dryly.

Donna only gave him a apologetically smile.

Harvey walked towards rhe bed, but then stopped before it, looking with uncertainty at Donna.

"You can sit, I mean it's your bed..."

"Thanks" Harvey muttered and then sat down next to her feet.

They both just stayed right there, neither of them knowing where to start.

"I am an asshole" Harvey told her.

"You are" Donna acknowledged.

"I am sorry"

"I know"

"I don't even know why I got so angry" Harvey admitted.

"It's okay" Donna said.

They both knew it wasn't okay through.

"It's not" Harvey said shaking his head.

"It's not" Donna admitted.

"But you are right" he admitted.

"Of course I am" Donna quipped, "But with what?"

"I am not ready" Harvey told her his eyes burning into hers.

He could see how Donna swollowed a lumo in her throat.

"But I want to be ready, I know I need to be, but I am not, I don't think I ever will be that"

"What does that even mean?" Donna asked forlorn.

"That despite that I might be really bad at all this, I do want to be with you, but I am going fo mess up alot"

"Tell me something new" Donna said with a grin.

Harvey took Donna's hand in his and squeezed it with a big smile.

"You know I am sorry too" Donna told him.

"For what?" Harvey asked confused.

"I wasn't honest with you" Donna told him, sitting up to be eye to eye with him.

"I do have a picture of a possible perfect future, but I know you do not agree with that, and I do not expect you to do so. And I don't need that future, because you alone make me happy."

"Okay- Will you tell me?" Harvey asked.

"Okay" Donna said breathing out audibly.

"Come on, it can't be that bad"

"Well- I mean first of, I don't want to really live in a big city anymore. Chicago is fine, great even, but maybe a little more outside? I do not want to work all the time anymore, maybe even something completely different, something with fashion maybe... And I do want to get married-" Donna said looking away from Harvey, "And maybe, I don't know but... Maybe I do want children" Donna finished, still trying to avoid looking to Harvey's eyes.

"You know... For a women who thinks she knows everything you are pretty dull" Harvez told her amused.

"Excuse me?"

"I mean come on Donna, that sounds all really nice"

Donna now directly looked at him, completely baffled.

"Well you know I did do some research and there are some great neighborhoods in Chicago, like Greektown, Clarendon hills, Hinsdale...Oh and Naperville, I like that one especially"

"Wait you don't want to live in a big city?" Donna asked.

"No, how did you ever come to that conclusion?"

"I just assumed- I mean- You know..." Donna tried to find words.

"Oh my god- I did it, you don't know what to say" Harvey said smiling.

"I am just suprised" Donna told him.

"Why?"

"Because caring makes you weak?" Donna suggested, quoting one of the things he had said so many times.

"Well then I will be weak" Harvey jokes.

"You are an idiot"

"And you love that idiot" Harvey said smiling.

"Mhm" Donna summed and then leaned forward to kiss him.

Then suddenly Donna pulled back again.

"What is it?" Harvey asked.

"You know you indirectly just said yes to marrying me, right?" Donna half asked, half stated with a mischievous grin.

"I guess I did, but maybe let's be together for at least a month, you know..." Harvey said chuckling.

"Agreed, I still need to figure out if I want to keep you"

"I think I have a expiry date that was due, lets say 12 years ago?" Harvey kids.

"Well to bad, I guess you are mine now" Donna said with a wicked grin, again leaning in to kiss Harvey...

Donna and Harvey walked down on one of the streets from Manhatten, it was already afternoon and they only now managed to get out of the condo.

"Why again couldn't we just order in?" Harvey complained.

"Because as nice as that is, I wasn't in Manhattan for a long time and I missed it"

"Yeah I bet, because the streets in New York don't smell disgusting" Harvey quipped.

"Don't be such a grump"

"I am just saying we could have stayed in the condo, in bed-"

"Okay you are for no use" Donna said playing annoyed.

"I'll stop..."

"Good boy" Donna said grinning.

"I am the annoying one?"

"Yes."

"If that's my life from now on I am gonna shoot a bullet through my head" Harvey joked.

He could immediately feel Donna stiffening next to him, she stopped in her tracks.

"To soon?" Harvey asked.

"Don't ever joke about that" Donna said sternly.

"It was just a joke" Harvey said and nudged her softly in the side, so they could start walking again.

"Not a very funny one"

And then they just walked in silence.

"We can go back to the condo if you want to?" Suddenly Donna said.

"What, why?" Harvey looked at her irritated.

"You wanted to, we don't need to go out if you don't want to"

"Is this about what I said earlier?"

"No"

"You are liying"

"Yes it is, but I mean it, if you don't want to go out that fine..."

"It was a joke, I might not be a fan of goung out, but it's really fine-"

"Just say-"

"Donna please stop, you are making it weird" Harvey complained.

Donna bit her lip and contemplated what to say, "I just don't-"

"Want that I shoot a bullet through my head? Yeah I got that, I won't do it, promise" Harvey finished her sentence.

"Good"

"Good" Harvey said giving her a small smile, "Now what would you like to eat?"

"Mexican"

"Mexican?"

"Yes what is wrong with Mexican?"

"I don't know it's just a little greasy?"

"All food is greasy"

"Okay, then Mexican it is"

"Good, I know this really great place only 2 blocks from here, you will love it!" Donna said excited.

"Donna?" Harvey asked.

"You know you don't always need to ask to ask me something"

"Yes, but I want your full attention"

"Okay, well then hit me up"

"I know we talked about it, but we didn't fixate anything, and that fine if you aren't sure or still want to wait. But are we moving to Chicago or not?" Harvey asked.

"I think I would like to move to Chicago" Donna certified.

"Really?" Harvey asked, flahsing her one of his Cheshire cat smiles.

"Yes, I think it would fit us"

"Then I need to call Jessica and tell her" Harvey said excited.

Harvey searched in his pants pockets and took his phone out, ready to dial Jessica's number. But before he did he look next to him, to Donna.

"Do I ask her for a job for you or not?" Harvey asked.

Donna thought for a second.

"No, I don't think it's right anymore, I am good at what I do, but-"

"You are capable of doing so much more" Harvey finished once again her sentence.

"Yes, and I think I will need to figure out what that is"

"We will find something" Harvey assured her.

"Yeah, now give Jessica the news" Donna told him assuring.

"I love you" Harvey told her while he slipped his arm around her shoulders, then clicked on the 'call' button to call his former mentor.

Only second's later Jessica picked up.

"So you actually called, in time!" Jessica's said through the telephone speakers.

"What did you expect?" Harvey asked laughing, "Okay don't answer that"

"So boy, I suppose you thought about my offer?"

"I did"

"And?"

"I'll take it" Harvey confirmed.

"That's great, I knew you would"

"Through I have some questions..."

"Do tell"

"When do I need to start?"

"October as the latest, through it's going to be a adapting phase first, since you don't know anybody there yet"

"Okay that is plausible"

"Do we also have a new chef of human resources?" Jessica asked curiously.

"I think I need to dissapoint you there" Harvey told her.

"Don't tell me you screwed it up with Donna again..."

"No no, infact, everything is very well-"

"You finally did it, you got your head out of your ass!" Jessica said.

"I suppose you could say that..." Harvey said chuckling.

"I am happy for you, and tell her I pray for her saneness" Jessica joked.

"Hey what about mine?"

"I don't think you have any"

"Okay I am hanging up"

"Have a good day, we will see each other soon" Jessica told him and then the line went dead.

Harvey slowly took his phone and let it vanish into his pockets again, breathing out a deep breath.

"Are you okay?" Donna asked.

"Yes, it's just..." He trauled off.

"Much change?" Donna suggested.

"Yeah" He confirmed with a small smile tangling up on his lips.

Suddenly Harvey felt donna stop walking right next to him.

"What?" He asked, looking at her confused.

"We are here, The Mexican place" Donna explained, as if he was a complete idiot.

"Oh, of course" Harvey muffled while he slowly took his arm from her shoulder again, so they could walk into the place.

They both sat down on a table for two, near by the entrance. They both studied the card, looking for something they could eat. Through after a while Harvey gave up, because he could not find anything that he would like.

"What should I eat?" Harvey asked Donna.

"I don't know pick something in the card" Donna suggested humorous.

"Come on, I have no idea what I will like..." He pleaded.

"And I do?" She asked quirking an eyebrow at him.

"Yes"

"Okay well-" Donna began, but stopped talking as she looked up at her boyfriends face that was grimaced deeply, "What's wrong?" She asked.

"Paula" Harvey mouthed at Donna.

And in that moment Donna knew, she turned her head around, at the exact minute as the british Therapist recognised them. Their eyes meet for bare seconds and Donna thought, or hoped, that Paula decided to just ignore them. But then Paula took her steps towards the newfound couple.

to be continued...

This update is actually on time!

Unbelievable isn't it?

I need to admit it's a little short though.

Somehow right now I feel like throwing in every chapter new shit at Harvey and Donna, sorry if it gets annoying.

And for everybody still waiting for Mile to find out, don't worry it's going to be soon. I just like to build it up a little, so it feels right whem I write it.

Please review, it always helps me get motiavtion and it's nice to read some feedback!