Sam Sharpe delighted in life's simple pleasures: The fluffy touch of a kitten, the smell of rain on a summer's afternoon, double teaming her girlfriend with her girlfriend's kid brother. You know, tame and wholesome stuff. In her day to day life, Sam was...well...she was kind of a pushover. She worked at a diner where the boss treated her like trash, and if one of her customers started acting aggressively toward her, she would freeze up like a deer in the headlights. If they were particularly mean, she would scamper off to the bathroom, sit on the closed toilet lid, and cry into her apron. Everyone who knew her called her things like "meek" and "humble". Some of them even said she was a wimp.
All of those things were more or less true, but there was another side to her, one that most people never saw or experienced. She had only shown it to two people so far and had no firm plans to show it to anybody else, though she was sure that she eventually would. See, in order to show someone her inner self, she would...you know the saying If I tell you, I'll have to kill you? Well, her version was If I show you, I have to fuck you. The only people who would ever meet the other Sam, the dark Sam, the Sam who took control and dominated, were ones she was about to have sex with. For Sam, you see, was a total Dominatrix. She was the classic archetype of a lady in the streets but a freak in the sheets. She was submissive in the world place and among her peers, but in the bedroom, she was in charge. She barked orders, gave commands, talked to her partner the way her boss talked to her, and forced whoever was lucky enough to be beneath her to carry out all the hot, degrading, and downright disgusting acts her sick little brain could come up with.
She discovered that she was a Dominatrix late in life. Not until she met Luna, in fact. Before that, her sexual experience was limited and she didn't know what she liked because she had done so little. The first time she ever did anything was with her stepbrother, fittingly enough considering future events. Her parents divorced when she was nine and for several years, she spent the summers with her father and his new family in California. He had married a woman with a son around her age named Kevin and the first time Sam met him, she was smitten. He had wavy chestnut hair and dreamy hazel eyes that made her leak into her Hello Kitty panties.
They hit it off instantly and would hang out all the time. They would play games together and chase each other around the backyard as kids sometimes do. The way he grabbed her from behind, his hands on her stomach, made her feel weak and fluttery inside. It was innocent at first, but then his hands began to wander to her budding breasts and his crotch started to brush and prod her butt. She let him do it and secretly wished he would do more. For a while, they played cat and mouse with one another, stealing errant touches that could have been accidental but totally weren't. One day, after their parents had gone to sleep, they sat on her bed and talked. Sam was dressed only in an oversized T-shirt and a pair of panties; being almost naked in front of him excited her and she burned from head to toe. She stuck her chest out to make her breasts appear bigger, and her stiff nipples made little tents in the fabric.
He kept darting his eyes to her breasts and she furtively pulled the hem of her shirt up to reveal her legs. It felt daring and dangerous, and her heart slammed so hard that it echoed through the chambers of her head. She wasn't trying to seduce him, was too young to even fully understand what that meant or how to do it, she was just doing what excited her in the moment.
One thing lead to another and they wound up touching each other. He kissed her neck and rubbed her through her underwear, and she played with his bulge. Looking back, it was funny, she was too shy and nervous to kiss him, but she was not too shy and nervous to take his penis and stroke it. She knelt in front of him and he pulled her panties down to her knees, his touch hot and soft and alien on her sensitive lips. His fingers explored the moist spot between her folds and shockwaves of sensation wracked her stretched out side by side and carressed each other's bodies until they both came. She shook and bucked with the power of her climax and his load splattered the front of her shirt; she could feel it through the fabric, hot and thick, and she had the urge to scoop it up with her finger and put it into her mouth, but chickened out at the last second.
Over the next two summers, she and Kevin gradually went from heavy petting to oral sex to full-blown almost sex. She only ever let him put the tip of it in though one time he did go in to the balls, but she made him pull out. She was young and dumb and was convinced that if they went all the way, there was a 100 percent chance she'd get pregnant. Heh. Chance. More like certainty. She finally smartened up and decided that next summer, she'd let him fuck her. Only Mom and Dad got into a huge fight and Sam stopped going to California. She stil thought about Kevin sometimes and still wished they'd had sex. She was with Luna now and genuinely loved her, but if she ever met Kevin again, she couldn't promise that she wouldn't do him, just to get it out of her system and move on.
If that never happened, though, she'd be fine with it, because Luna was great and Sam was happy with her.
Six months Sam's junior. Luna was her polar opposite. She was an outspoken and abrasive go-getter who lacked Sam's self-consciousness and general door-mattiness. Sam hated to draw attention to herself and blushed furiously if everyone in a theater or restaurant turned to look at her. Luna had no qualms about getting loud. If you cut in front of Sam in line, Sam would roll her eyes and accept it. Luna would tell you to take your ass up out of her way, and if push came to shove, she'd punch you in the face. That wasn't to say that she was a jerk who delighted in throwing her weight around. Far from it, in fact, she was sweet, kind, and easygoing; she could get along with anyone and preferred peace over violence. She just had too much pride and self-respect to allow herself to be screwed over. Sam had never really thought about why they were so different, but in some abstract way, she figured that it had to do with their families. Luna had two loving parents and a boatload of siblings; the former taught her to love herself, and the latter taught her (from a very early age) that if she wasn't willing to fight, she'd be mown down and trampled.
For her part, Sam didn't have that. She had one little brother, and when her parents were together, they were focused more on their bipolar trailer trash bullshit - alternating between violent fights and emotionally disturbed monkey sex - to pay much attention to their children. Sam didn't feel like that had impacted her self-esteem, but realistically, it probably did. A child's mind is like a little lump of clay, easily shaped, and once they reach a certain age, it hardens and that's that. You didn't fully embrace the idea that she had a low self-esteem, however, because she didn't hate herself. In fact, she thought she was kind of hot, and she loved her own taste in music and movies. Oh, and fashion. And she knew for certain that she could make a guy or a girl cum gallons with just her lips and fingers alone. If you were to sit her down and ask Sam, what do you like about Sam? she would have a lot of answers. You might even say that instead of self-loathing, she had a problem with self-aggrandizing. Not a huge problem, but a problem nevertheless. She would allow for that possibility because, honestly, she would rather love herself too much than love herself too little.
But anyway, back to our regular, Luna-related programming.
Luna was as unlike her in the bedroom as she was in the world at large because Luna was a sub. She liked being spanked, called names, and forced to wiggle around on her belly like a worm. When she and Sam were together, she gave up her power and control and let Sam do whatever she wanted to her. Sam found control sexy, Luna found the loss of control sexy. Sexually, they were both an inversion of the other and fetishzed what the other had. Sam longed to have Luna's confidence and aggressive nature, Luna liked to roleplay being meek and servile. It was a strange dynamic, with each of them the mirror image of the other. Sam was content with their relationship and - for the time being, at least - didn't see herself being with anyone else. She was old enough to know that high school romances rarely pan out in the long run, but just young enough that she thought her high school romance was different. She and Luna completed each other on such a deep level, like two puzzle pieces, and Sam wasn't sure that she would ever find anyone quite like Luna. They were night and day; Luna was her other half. They loved each other and were happy together.
Then something happened that changed everything...for the better, it turned out. Luna confided in Sam that she had once had an innocent little crush on Lincoln. As she listened, Sam was reminded of herself and Kevin playing doctor together in her room with the door closed and their clothes partially off. She remembered the way his hand felt on her virgin pussy, the sensation of his wet lips wrapping gently around her aching nipple, remembered the sheer, girlish excitement of doing something wrong...something dirty...something incredible.
She really missed that feeling, and thinking of Luna and her little brother together, she felt it once more. It was like a drug and she was like a junkie chasing a high. She nudged and urged Luna to act on her feelings, and to make a long, boner-inducing story short, Luna and Lincoln eventually had dirty, disgusting, sinful brother sister sex. Immediately after, they had a threesome: Sam fucked Luna from behind with a strap on while Lincoln rutted her throat.
It was awesome.
For the next couple weeks, Sam and Luna took turns with Lincoln; one day he would be Sam's right hand, dominating Luna with just as much gusto as Sam herself, and other days he would be a sub right along with Luna. Sam would spank him, call him names (like "Buck-tooth faggot"), and cuff his hands behind his back. At first, she was too shy to do anything overtly sexual to him. She wasn't used to being with guys...especially guys younger than her...and she was kind of afraid that Luna would get upset. That last one, however, is what ultimately decided her. What better way to establish total dominance than to fuck her girlfriend's brother right in front of her?
She planned to do just that - fuck him - but she wound up punking out at the last minute, just as she had with Kevin. Instead, she made him lay on the floor, tied his hands behind his back, and sat on his face. She rubbed her pussy back and forth over his nose and lips, creating wet friction, and he helped out by licking her clit and opening. She stared at Luna the whole time; Luna sat against the wall with her hands cuffed behind her back and a dog collar around her neck, a thin metal chain holding her to the threw her head back, ran her fingers through her own hair, and let out a moan. "Like that, Lincy," she purred, "it feels so good. Eat my tight little pussy." When she came, she squeezed his head between her thighs and rocked her hips, not caring if she broke his face or drowned him in her fluids. Luna watched in a mixture of shame, anger, and arousal and knowing that Luna was boiling with jealousy made Sam cum so hard that she gushed. Lincoln swished and gargled her juices and she grinned at him. "Drink it," she ordered.
Like the good little fuckboi he was, he did as he was told.
During the first month of their ménage à trois, Sam regularly had full on sex with Luna, but wouldn't do it with Lincoln. She would make him watch and tease him by thrusting her butt in his face but not letting him touch her. She would let him fuck Luna, but only when she said so, and she usually made them stop every time he looked like he was about to cum. She had always thought he was cute, but his O face - red, sweaty, and clenched, teeth gritted and eyes rolled back into his head - was irresistible, and she prolonged his and Luna's lovemaking for as long as she could just so she could look at it.
One thing she didn't really like was his dick.
It was fine as far as dicks go, plump and well-crafted with a slightly curved head and a thick knot at its base, but she had only seen, touched, tasted, and smelled pussy for so long that she liked the idea of a fat cock more than she did the reality of a fat cock. She stroked it a few times to get him bothered and hot before making him watch her have sex with Luna, but she didn't feel the same fascination with it that she did with Kevin's when she was a girl. Maybe it was because that dick was her first...or maybe she was gayer now than she was then.
She meditated on this problem for a few weeks, trying to pinpoint and identify what her problem was. She finally decided that she was being stupid and came up with a plan to help herself get over it. One day, Lincoln was sitting on the edge of his bed and playing video games while Luna cuddled up next to him, one hand on his chest and her head resting on his shoulder. Sam came in from the hall, where she had been talking to Leni, took a deep breath, and shut the door behind her, turning the lock in one fluid motion with her thumb. She had been building herself up to this for days and was far, far more nervous than she ought to be, for several reasons.
Sucking it up, she went over and knelt in front of Lincoln. He looked down at her, and she laid her hands on his knees, pushing his legs apart. She pulled down the tab of his zipper, unbuttoned his jeans, and looked up at him. "Lift up," she said.
Lincoln hesitated, looking as though he couldn't believe his good fortune, then popped up and pulled his pants and underwear down. His semi-flaccid dick plopped out and twitched like an excited dog. He sat back down, and she curled her hand around his shaft. It was warm and soft, like an iron pipe wrapped in velvet. She brought it to her lips, closed her eyes, and sheathed him in her mouth. The taste of salt and copper coated her tongue and his shaft expanded and contracted against her cheeks as his heart pumped blood into it. She molded her lights tight to him and began to bob her head slowly up and down. She always thought his cock would taste the same as Luna's pussy but she was wrong. All genitalia are not created equal and as she went down on Lincoln Loud, she realized that she liked pussy much, much better.
Part of her wanted to stop, but she didn't; she had resolved to push through and cure herself of her cockophobia, so she went faster, pausing only to swirl her tongue around his tip. Lincoln threw his head back and ran his fingers through her hair, hips rocking urgently. Precum oozed down the back of her throat and her slobber dripped down Lincoln's dick. She could sense that he was close, and went faster still. Finally, he started to shake like a tea kettle on a hot stove, then, with a cry, he filled her mouth with his cum. She was not prepared for how thick and snotty it was, and she gagged. She refused to spit it out, however, so she choked it down. For the rest of the day, she could taste his dick, even though she gargled with mouthwash a dozen times.
Later on, Luna walked her home, and Sam broke the silence between them. "I think I'm gay."
Luna arched her brow. "Really? I had no idea."
Her voice dripped with sarcasm.
"No, I mean, 100 percent gay," Sam said. "I mean…" she trailed off, not sure how to continue. She was not repulsed by the idea of being with a man and did not regret sucking Lincoln's dick, but she also didn't enjoy it the way she enjoyed being with women.
Then again...was it really women in general, or was it Luna? She genuinely loved Luna and wanted to be with her over everyone else on earth, even Kevin. Maybe she had some sort of mental or emotional block that kept her from enjoying sex with anyone else.
Truth be told, she didn't know what it was, and that irritated her. She was normally so in tune with herself.
"What?" Luan asked.
Sam shrugged one shoulder. "I dunno. I guess I'm confused." Her cheeks burned with embarrassment. She had heard of people being "confused" about their sexuality, and she had always laughed at them. How do you not know what you're into? You're either gay, straight, or bi. All the other terms they came up with on TikTok weren't real and didn't mean anything. You were into men, women, or both, I mean, it's not that hard. What turns you on? Men? Then you're straight. You should know pretty early on what pops your pickle, she did; she was mainly into guys but kinda liked girls too. Only now it was different...now she understood how a normal, well-adjusted person could be "confused."
"It's not a big deal either way," Luna said with a dismissive shrug.
"Well, it kind of is," Sam said. "This is a pretty major thing to be confused about."
"I guess," Luna said. She looked like she wanted to say more but didn't know what to add or how to add it. "I take it you didn't like sucking then?"
Sam sighed. "I don't know."
Collecting her thoughts, she told Luna everything, including the whole corny maybe I love you too much to enjoy sex with anyone else thing. Luna listened, nodding where appropriate, and hummed thoughtfully as she contemplated Sam's conundrum. By the time Sam had finished, they were sitting together in the swing on Sam's front porch, Sam with her shoulders slumped and Luna with her legs manspreaded (was that even a word?). Sam clasped her hands together and stared down at the smooth, oiled planks and struggled to get over the oppressive sense of failure weighing heavy upon her chest. Luna had said that it wasn't a big deal if she was unsure of her sexuality, but it was absolutely a big deal to her. She wanted to be as confident in life as she was in bed, to be as confident as Luna was, and not knowing something as basic and fundamental as which gender she liked shook her confidence.
She couldn't help thinking of transpeople. She respected and accepted them, but she couldn't help pitying them. See, to her way of thinking, the foundation of a normal, well-adjusted person is having a solid sense of self. You have to know who you are and be comfortable with it. If you have a conflicted identity, your foundation isn't made of concrete, it's made of sand. Feeling that your spirit and your body don't match up, being a man but feeling like you're a woman, has got to negatively impact you mentally and emotionally. A lot of transpeople suffered from mental illnesses and it was usually blamed on society hating them or something. That probably played a part, but they lacked a solid sense of self, and there was no way that that didn't contribute. Anybody who doesn't have that is bound to be affected in some way.
For Sam, gender per se was never an issue. She wasn't overly girly and she wasn't boyish either. She was just her. She preferred jeans and T-shirts to dresses, but she also liked putting on make-up (sometimes) and occasionally being the little spoon. It was funny; it was 2021 and so many people were focused on gender, but they didn't, like, have to be. There was such pressure to self-identify as one thing or another, but it wasn't the fifties, you could just live your life and very few people would actually bother you. You could be a girl and wear pants; you didn't have to be a frilly little princess like Luna's kid sister Lola. It was different for guys, most of them couldn't wear make-up or nail polish without catching bullshit from people it didn't affect, but still, she had never seen a need to dissect and categorize herself like that. She was privileged in that she was okay with her biological gender; she didn't hate the skin she was in, though she didn't pound her chest in pride about it either. Why would she? She didn't control what sex she was. Being a girl wasn't an accomplishment, nor was it a failing. It just...was. Why be proud of something you had no control over? Oh, I'm black; oh, I'm white. Okay...congratulations, but what have you done with your life? Oh, nothing? Well...have fun being a certain skin color, I guess.
In other words, Sam was chill about herself and never struggled with any kind of identity issues even though she didn't have the relative comfort and safety of being jammed into a tiny, sharply defined box. Now, however, she felt lost and uncertain, like a woman in a tiny boat on a big, stormy sea. White-capped waves rose all around her, battering her dingy from every side, and every time she peered worriedly over the side, land was farther away than it had been the last time. She wasn't even sure that her sexuality was the problem here; it very well could have been her devotion to Luna.
She said as much, and Luna shrugged. "Maybe you should fuck another girl just to see."
Sam laughed.
"Seriously," Luna said. "I've been fucking Lincoln silly and you're okay with that, so it wouldn't be right if I said you couldn't be with someone else too. It's not like I'm going to get jealous."
Turning to her, Sam lifted a quizzical brow.
"Okay," Luna said, "I won't be that jealous. But really, You should do another girl."
For a moment, Sam turned Luna's offer over and over in her head. "It's different with Lincoln," Sam said, "I'm there when you guys do it."
"I can be there when you do it," Luna said.
Hmmm.
Maybe.
"Are there any girls you like?" Luna asked.
"Not really," Sam said, "I…" she trailed off. "Actually, there is one. I don't really like her, like like-like her, but she's kind of cute."
Luna turned to her. "Who?"
Hot color crept over Sam's cheeks and a lump formed in her throat. "Well, uh, it's…" she rubbed the back of her neck and squirmed uncomfortably.
"Who?" Luna pressed.
Sam sighed. This was actually pretty embarrassing. "It's…"
Again, Luna said, "Who?"
"Luan," Sam said.
She looked up at Luna, and Luna cracked a lopsided grin. "Luan? Really?"
"Yes," Sam said self-consciously. She hastened to add: "I mean...she's the only girl outside of you that I'm kind of attracted to. Emphasis on kind of."
That was the truth. She didn't really look at other girls and didn't lust after or crush on Luan. She didn't oogle her or think about her or feel all fluttery and jelly-like when Luan was near, she did, however, think she was cute. Something about the braces, ponytail, and skirt really did it for Sam. She had never thought of actually doing anything with Luan, had never fantasized about her, but if she was going to get off with another girl, it was probably going to be her.
"Okay," Luna said with an understanding nod. "We gotta seduce Luan then."
"Does she like girls?" Sam asked.
A lot of people whine and cry about dating being hard. Guys bitch and moan because girls don't flock to them in droves like the characters in their favorite anime flock to bEsT bOy and girls stomp their feet because they can't find the literal perfect guy every time they look for him in dive bars or on dating apps. Dating isn't a competition and people shouldn't turn everything into a pissing contest of misery - I have it worse than you, no I have it worse than you - but if you asked her, straight people had it easy. At least they know that when they walk up to a member of the opposite sex, there's like a 95 percent chance that that person is also straight. You might not be their type and they might reject you, but you've already won half the battle by being part of the gender your wouldbe sweetheart prefers. If you're going for a member of the same sex, your chances of them being into you are much, much slimmer. That made dating awkward and difficult.
Luna cocked her head in thought and rolled her eyes up to the sky. "You know...I dunno. She's never said anything about liking girls, but she hasn't said all that much about liking boys either. We don't really talk about our love lives, you know?"
Well damn. She didn't even know if Luan would be interested. That was just another obstacle she'd have to surmount. Then again, why was she sitting here worrying about it? She was Sam Sharpe. She might be meek in the streets but she was a freak in the sheets. It didn't matter what Luan wanted, it mattered what she wanted, and she knew she had the wiles and the sex appeal to get it. There's a saying that goes women are like spaghetti, both are straight until they get wet. She didn't think that that was true in every case - some women are hardcore strictly dickily and that's okay - but she was pretty sure that if she gave it her all, she could get Luan so bothered and hot that she would have little choice but to assent to Sam's every sexual whim.
"You think we can turn her gay?" Sam asked seriously.
Luna lifted and lowered one shoulder. "I dunno, but if anyone can pull it off, you can. I was into guys before we met and you turned me."
That made Sam beam with pride. "Not all the way," she said demurely.
"Most of the way," Luna said. She laid her hand on Sam's shoulder and squeezed. "You're good at turning straight girls gay."
Sam blushed.
"How should we do it?" Luna asked.
"I don't know," Sam said, "but I'll think of something."
And think she did.
On Friday evening, Luan Loud walked home with Lynn, Lincoln, and Luna, her backpack slung over her shoulder and her earbuds in. A few weeks ago, Giggles, her friend, came to school steaming mad over the new Dave Chappell special The Closer. Giggles, who dressed as a clown every single day, even at school, went on an epic rant about how transphobic it was, getting so worked up that spittle flew from her lips. Giggles was a confirmed left-winger but a totally rational person, so if she was that pissed, it had to be bad.
Luan was a huge Dave Chappelle fan and after seeing the huge controversy surrounding The Closer, she was really anxious about watching it. Luan was not a political person (she made fun of everyone), but she wasn't okay with hatred pf amy kind. The world is a big, scary place full of bad news and sadness; comedy should be an escape from those things. When she was a little girl, kids at school made fun of her for her big teeth and called her names like "Bucky Beaver." That name didn't look super hurtful on paper, but it really got to Luan after a while. She even cried a few times. No matter how bad things got at school, however, comedy had the power to make her feel better. When she was laughing or hanging on a comic's every word, waiting feverishly on the edge of her seat for the next punchline, she wasn't thinking about how ugly or gangly she was. No matter what problem she faced in life, she could always escape into comedy.
That's powerful. If something can have that kind of effect on you, it is sacred and magical. It should remain holy ground and not be warped or perverted. Then again, offensive comedy was hilarious to her. It's not that she particularly liked racist or sexist jokes for their own sake, oh no, she liked the shock value. When she heard a racist joke, she laughed because she was not expecting it and because she knew how wrong it was. It's like...oh my God, did he/she really just say that? Wtf?
Of course, shock humor is pretty cheap, so she wasn't a huge proponent of it.
She liked dad jokes.
A lot of people groaned and rolled their eyes at dad jokes, but Luan loved them, the cornier, the better. She also liked puns. Puns were an art form and being able to come up with them was a sign of great intelligence. Give her some wordplay over raunchy Amy Schumer stuff any day.
Back to the topic at hand. Giggles was up in arms about The Closer and after much hemming and hawing it, Luan decided to give it a watch. She started in last period study hall, then slipped her phone into her pocket and switched to listening for the walk home. She was almost done and to be quite honest, she didn't see what all the fuss was about, Chappelle made fun of everyone like he usually did, Luan could kind of get where transpeople might be mad, but at the end of the day, it was a raunchy comedy routine by a raunchy comedian. Imagine getting mad at George Carlin for cussing, 'cause that's basically what this was.
She, Luna, Lynn, and Lincoln were on Castle Street, two blocks from Franklin, and dark clouds choked the sky, threatening rain. A cool wind blew against her face and ruffled the little strand of hair that stuck up from her forehead. She swiped her hand across it and lowered her head a little. She took a deep breath through her nose and smelled rain. As if on cue, a drop of cold water splattered on the top of her head. Uh-oh, better hurry.
Before she could quicken her step, something jammed into her side and she let out a breathless oof. She looked up and Luna was grinning madly at her. She motioned for Luan to take her earbuds out, and Luan did so. "Uh, hey," Luan said uncertainly, "what's up?"
"Not much, man," Luna said. "What about you?"
"Just listening to Dave Chappelle."
Luna's grin widened, straining at the corners; her face looked like it was going to crack, and a maniacal light danced in her brown eyes. She was the dictionary definition of the word creepy and Luan was suddenly ill at ease. "I love Chappelle. That one song he did is fire."
Confusion swept through Luan. Song? What song? Was -
That's when it hit her.
Luna had no idea who Dave Chappelle was; she was just pretending to (for whatever crazy reason). She obviously assumed he was a singer. Wow, Lune, do you even know me? I barely listen to music. "Yeah," she said, playing along, "he's great."
"You got any plans tonight?"
That was a strange question. Though they were roommates and close on a topical level, Luna and Luan didn't make it a point to hang out together. They were two different people with their own social circles and their own distinct personalities; while they loved each other, they didn't live inside of each other's butts. Luna had her thing and Luan had hers. They saw each other at dinner, hung around the house when they weren't out with friends, and met every night in their room. Outside of that, they didn't do much together and both were okay with that. Even close-knit families need hobbies, interests, and friends outside of the family. If they don't have those things and only associate with each other, they're probably hillbillies.
"Not really," Luan said at length.
"No dates with Benny?"
Luan shook her head. "No. We don't date anymore. We decided to just be friends."
"That's a shame," Luna said, "anyway, Sam won three tickets to that comedy club you like and I was wondering if you wanted to go with us."
She was referring to The Funny Farm, a small hole in the wall comedy club located downtown on Main Street, between the Union Hotel and the First Bank of Royal Woods. It was once a dive bar that held punk shows, but closed down after a bunch of drunk idiots with mohawks and safety pins stuck in their skin rioted up and down Main Street because one of their favorite bands broke up...or got back together. Luan wasn't clear on exactly what happened, but it led to a bunch of broken windows, overturned trash cans, and a burned up mailbox. The city stepped in and shut the club down. A year later, The Funny Farm moved in and started holding open mic nights every Thursday. Luan went each week, sometimes just to watch and other times to participate. The hipsters who turned up loved her dad jokes and howled with approval every time she cracked open a fresh pun. Going in there, she felt like a rock star.
Because The Funny Farm was the coolest place in town, she didn't think twice before answering. "Yeah, I wanna go."
"Awesome, we're leaving at six."
"Cool," Luan said.
By now they were approaching the house. Luna and Lynn ran on ahead, while Lincoln hung back and texted on his phone, probably to Ronnie Anne or something. Luan cut across the yard, went up the stairs, and let herself into the house. Lola and Lana were watching cartoons, Lucy was practicing some arcane rite over a pentagram drawn with salt on the floor, and Lisa walked around with a clipboard, making little notations here and there. She stood over Lucy and jotted something down. "Fascinating," she said to herself.
Luan went upstairs, dropped her backpack onto her bed, and sat, the mattress dipping beneath her weight. She kicked out of her shoes and peeled her yellow socks off. Ahh, sweet relief. She checked her phone, saw that she only had five minutes of The Closer left, and exited out of it. She could see where someone might be offended by some of his comments, but then again, he was an offensive comic. God, imagine if it was Don Rickles up there. He'd say a lot worse and get canceled in a second. In fact, he'd probably get people so mad that they'd drag him into the street and stomp him to death.
With two and a half hours to spare before leaving, Luan jumped in the shower and scrubbed herself from top to bottom so she'd be as clean as a whistle for the show. After that, she dried off, wrapped the towel around herself, and stood at the sink. She rubbed a circle in the condensation coating the mirror and made a series of funny faces. She had a website that she posted videos and monologues, and she was always looking for new ways to make her audience bust a gut without saying a word. That, my friend, is called diversity. Some comics can only get a laugh by saying "fuck", others can only do slapstick, and others still can only do heady, cerebreral stuff. The best comics, however, can make you laugh in a variety of ways. It's best to diversify your portfolio, that way you can stay fresh and get the maximum milage out of your career. She learned that from the book The Science of Comedy by Seymour Butts.
Grabbing her toothbrush, she brushed her teeth, then gargled with mouthwash. Her dentist all but bullied her into flossing, but she didn't really feel like it today, so she skipped that step. Flossing took up way too much time and made her teeth hurt. She did, however, use a soft pick to make sure her braces were clean and free of tiny food particles. She would do that before bed, though.
Back in her room, she changed into a clean skirt and blouse, then put on a new pair of socks. She sat on the edge of the bed, unzipped her backpack, and took out a thick textbook crammed with papers. She stretched out on her stomach and opened the door. For the next hour and a half, she did homework, starting with English and ending with history. What's the deal with homework anyway? Don't they have you school long enough to learn things? Why maake you take stuff home with you? What better way to turn a kid off from learning than to cut into their free time with busywork?
How dumb.
Sheesh, and people said she was a clown.
When she was finally finished, she shoved her papers and her pencil - worked down to the nub - back into the book and closed it. She put the book back in her pack, zipped it closed, and checked her phone.
Almost show time.
She slipped into her shoes, grabbed a water-squirting flower from the nightstand drawer, and pinned it to her chest. She took a big sniff and it shot a stream of water at her nose, making her laugh. "Ready?" Luna asked, coming into the room.
"Ready," Luan said.
Downstairs, Sam sat on the couch with Lincoln and Lucy. Her hands were laced behind her head and one leg was crossed over the other. When Luna and Luan came down the stairs, Sam twisted around to look over her shoulder, and her face lit up. "Hey, Luan," she said with a playful little hilt.
"Hey," Luan said.
Sam and Luna had been together for what seemed like forever but had probably only been about six or eight months and Sam had spent so much time at the Loud house that Luan had come to know her fairly well. She had always liked Sam, though they never had the opportunity to hang out. Luan didn't know if they'd have much in common since Sam was so much like Luna, but that didn't really matter, she guessed.
Getting to her feet, Sam rocked back and forth on her heels. Something about that struck Luan as nervous. "You guys good?"
"Yep," Luna said.
"Cool. Let's go."
Outside, the sun sat low on the horizon, and its orange light spread across the ground like the glow of the world's biggest bonfire. The clouds that had harassed Luan on her way home had cleared and only a few tattered remains dotted the sky. The ground was dry, so she assumed that the drop of rain she felt was one of the only ones that had actually fallen. "I'm pretty stoked for this," Sam said, "I love comedy."
"So do I," Luan said, "it's my passion,"
As she spoke, Luna, who had been between them, moved, and Sam got closer. Now they were on either side of her like a pair of bodyguards.
"Yeah, comedy's great," Sam said. "You see the new special Dave Chappelle did?"
"Actually, I was just watching it earlier," Luan said, surprised. She had never gotten the impression that Sam was such a comedy buff.
"What'd you think of it?"
Luan opened her mouth but hesitated. Sam and Luna were obviously part of the LGBTQIA2++ community and as such, might be offended by his act. How could she answer that question in the most diplomatic way possible?
Before she could think of a politically correct way to respond, Sam said, "That shit was funny."
A weight lifted from Luan's shoulders. "Yeah, it was pretty good. I like his earlier stuff better but it was good."
"Yeah, I mean, it wasn't the best but it was funny. What's even funnier is how pissed people are over it."
"I can get how people are offended -"
"I don't. People are just soft. He makes fun of everyone: White, black, left, right...but we're the ones throwing a fit? That shit makes us look weak. Like we can't hang with everyone else." Sam scratched the back of her head. "By we, I mean the gay community. You're not gay, right?"
Luan shook her head. "No, I'm straight."
"Firmly straight?"
That struck Luan as an odd question. "I guess. I've never been with anybody so I really don't know. When I like someone, they've always been boys, so…"
Sam nodded. "Probably straight then. But who knows? I thought I was straight until I met this hot piece." She pinched Luna's ass and Luna jumped "Anyway, I'm trying to ger tickets to see Chappelle. If I can, you wanna go?"
"Do I!" Luan exclaimed.
"Cool beans."
A little while later, they reached The Funny Farm. Inside, it was dim and dank like a cave, a bunch of tables and booths facing a stage. They sat at one of the booths along the wall, Luna on one side and Sam and Luan on the other. Sam's leg rested against Luan's, and when Luan pressed against the wall, Sam got closer.
Jeez, ever hear of personal space?
"This place has food, right?" Luna asked. "I'm hoooooongty."
"Yeah, they have all sorts of stuff," Luan said. "I like the chicken fingers."
Just then, a waitress came over and took their drink orders. "We're ready to order now," Sam said. "Three orders of chicken fingers and fries." She whipped out a twenty dollar bill and held it up, looking proud of herself.
The waitress favored her with a blank expression. "This is The Funny Farm. It's gonna be more than that."
Grinning smugly, Sam whipped out a second twenty.
"More," the waitress said.
Sam's face faltered and she looked stickenly at Luan. Luan nodded. "It's pretty expensive here."
"Not to worry," Sam said, "there's plenty of money in the First National bank of Sam." She reached into her pocket and blinked in surprise. She tried her other pocket, then her jacket, getting more and more frantic as each one yielded nothing. Luan snickered behind her hand and Luna rolled her eyes. "Actually, I'm tapped out." She batted her eyes at Luna. "Oh, Luuuuuna…"
Luna pulled another twenty out of her pocket and showed it to the waitress, who nodded. She and Sam both handed their bills to the waitress, and when the waitress was gone, Sam flushed in embarrassment. "I had no idea it was this expensive. From the ticket prices, I figured it'd be a lot cheaper."
"How do you think they make their money?" Luan asked. "Chicken fingers are the cheapest thing on their menu. You should see how much the hamburger costs, much less the cheeseburger." She shook her head as if to say ain't that a shame.
"This chicken better jump off the plate and eat my pussy for what they cost."
That made Luan laugh. "They're good, but to be honest, they're not that good."
Sam grinned. "Your sister is."
Luna shot her a dirty look, and she smiled sheepishly. "What? You are."
"There are little ears present, man," Luna said.
"Little ears?" Luan asked. "Where?"
The waitress picked that moment to return with their drinks. Once she was gone again, Luna took a sip of her Pepsi and said, "You. You don't need to hear this."
"Yeah, you're right," Sam said and favored Luan with a sidelong grin, "this is too grown up for you."
Oh, was it now? "Trust me, it's not."
"Yes it is," Luna said. "Your tits haven't even dropped yet."
Shocked laughter burst from Sam's throat and Luan's face flushed. "You're one to talk," Luan shot back. "Lucy has a bigger bust than you."
"She uses black magic," Sam said, "that doesn't count."
"Besides," Luan said, "I'm not a baby."
Luna blew a raspberry and Sam looked at Luan with mischief in her eyes. "Have you ever had sex?"
That question caught Luan completely off guard and she blinked as if struck.
"No," Luna snickered.
"So you're a virgin," Sam said. "That means you're too young to hear this."
Luan opened her mouth. "No, I mean…" she trailed off and blushed.
"You're not?" Luna asked and sat up straight.
"Who's the lucky guy?" Sam asked playfully.
Luan's blush deepened and she suddenly wished she hadn't said anything. Sam and Luna were both leering at her and a rush of guilt and shame washed over her. "I've never actually, you know, done it," Luan said, "but I did...other things."
"Other things, huh?" Sam asked. "Like what?"
"And with who?" Luna asked.
"Benny," Luan said.
"What did you do with him?" Sam pressed.
Luan squirmed uncomfortably in her seat. Her face burned and she wished she could shrink and fade away. "Just stuff," she mumbled.
"What kind of stuff?" Sam asked. "Come on, you can tell us."
"Just fooling around," Luan said. She didn't want to say anything more, but Sam kept pushing her.
She didn't notice Sam shooting Luna a look and jutting her chin out as if to say go away, but she was aware of Luna getting up and announcing that she had to "take a leak." Luna hurried off, leaving Luan and Sam alone.
"It's just you and me," Sam said. "What did you do?"
Luan sighed. "We did, like, you know, playing with each other and…"
"And what?"
Blushing even harder, Luan admitted, "Oral."
A big grin spread across Sam's face. "He ate you out?"
Luan nodded.
"Did you like it?"
For a moment, Luan grappled with how to respond before deciding to just go all in with it and be honest. "Yeah," she said, "I really liked it."
"Right on," Sam said. "Nothing beats getting gone down on."
Luan smiled to herself as she remembered the times Benny lifted her skirt, pulled down her panties, and lovingly caressed her with his tongue, "Yeah, it feels incredible." A hazy look crept into her eyes and she drew a nostalgic sigh.
"You guys aren't together anymore, right?" Sam asked.
"No," Luan said, "we broke up."
"That sucks," Sam said, "any other guys in your life?"
Luan shook her head."No, I'm not really ready."
"Bet you wish you could still get eaten out though," Sam said.
Luan chuckled. "Kind of."
Though she didn't know why, Sam smiled.
Shortly thereafter, Luna returned from the bathroom and slid into her seat. Their food came a few minutes later, and Sam rubbed her hands crisply together. "It looks good, not even gonna lie." She picked up a chicken finger, then sat it back down again. "Hold on a sec, I almost forgot." She reached into her jacket and pulled out a flat, square shaped bottle filled with amber liquid. There was no label but Luan knew at once what it was. OMG, really? Sam unscrewed the cap, leaned over the table, and poured some into Luna's drink. She poured another slug into her own, and then turned to Luan.
Luan had never had alcohol before and her first instinct was to turn it down, but she didn't move as Sam dumped a generous measure in. She just spent five minutes trying to convince Sam and Luna that she wasn't a baby. If she turned down the...whatever it was...that they were both drinking, her argument would be shot down in flames and they'd probably make fun of her. Taking a deep breath, she picked the cup up and took a drink, doing everything in her power to keep from wincing and gagging, and largely succeeding.
"How's it taste?" Sam asked.
Luan forced a smile and held up her thumb. "It's great. What is it?"
"J&B scotch," Sam said with a hint of pride.
With the way it burned, I thought it was rocket fuel, but okay.
During the course of their meal, Luan nipped and sipped on her drink so that neither Sam nor Luna thought she was chicken. By the time she was half way through, she was starting to feel kind of...fuzzy. That was the only way she could describe it: Warm and fuzzy. Her pussy felt hot and strange, like she had to pee, and her brain felt like it was swaddled in warm wool. If she had to compare it to something, she would say it was almost like the loopiness that comes with a high fever, When she reached the bottom, she got a refill from the waitress, intending to wash the taste out of her mouth, but Sam added more scotch and Luan went with it. She didn't like it at first, but now her mouth cried out for it, and regular soda tasted flat and somehow empty.
The lights dimmed and the first comic took the stage. Luan didn't know if his jokes were really funny or not, but she laughed until she cried anyway. "I think I'm drunk," she slurred to Sam at one point.
"Me too," Sam said.
They laughed so hard they couldn't breathe.
A succession of comedians came and went, each one cracking jokes and doing monologues. A few of them bombed, but a few were really good. Sam slapped Luan's leg and leaned in, her breath hot and boozy. "This place is great, you come here a lot?"
"All the time," Luan said, "I love it here."
They drank until the bottle was gone. The room was twisting and turning and Luan felt so loose that she was afraid her head was going to roll off her neck, an image that inexplicably made her laugh. Sam laughed too, and her laughter sent Luan into hysterics. They leaned heavily on one another and kept the other from falling over. "What are you laughing at?" Sam asked.
"I don't know," Luan said. She laughed harder still because she knew exactly why, but the lie slipped out so easily that it was like a greased turd. She didn't even mean to lie, didn't want to; it just happened.
This was crazy lol.
After the last comic bowed and said her farewells, Sam, Luna, and Luan got up to leave. Luan stumbled and nearly fell, but Sam caught her at the last minute. Her hand crept clumsily to one of Luan's breasts and gave a gentle squeeze. A sharp pang of sensation rippled through Luan's core and her breath caught. "There you go," Sam said into her ear. Her breath was hot on Luan's skin.
A shiver went down Luan's spine, and confusion filled her. She squinted her eyes as if to see better, but the fog in her brain was so dense that she could make neither hide nor hair of what was going on, or even what time it was. "It's late," she slurred as they staggered for the door.
"It's only 8," Sam asked.
"What?" Luan asked. "No, that's...bullshit."
"I swear. It's 8:05."
"It's not 8:05. You're a lie."
Sam laughed. "Okay. It's 5:08 in the morning."
"That's more like it!" Luan exclaimed.
Outside, full dark had fallen and stars twinkled overhead. Streetlamps cast pools of rusty light on the sidewalk and a chilly breeze rustled the trees. Luan laughed and stumbled, and Sam held her up. "You had way too much to drink, little girl," Sam said.
"I had one two," Luan said and held up three fingers. She knew it was the wrong amount but for some stupid reason, she did it anyway, which made her laugh.
""You better play it cool when we get home," Luna said. "Mom and Dad will throw a fit if they find out we've been drinking."
Luan waved her off.
Fifteen minutes later, they hurried through the door and up the stairs. Thankfully the only people in the living room were Lucy and Lori; Lori was bent over her phone, dead to the world, and Lucy was too engrossed in a horror movie to know or care. In her room, Luan sat heavily on her bed, then flopped back, her chest rising and falling. Luna sat on one side of her and Sam stretched out on the other side. She brushed Luan's cheek with the back of her hand and smiled. "Hi," she said.
"Hi," Luan slurred. "I'm drunk."
"I know," Sam said.
With that, she stroked her hand up and down Luan's leg. Luan's spine tingled and she jumped a little, making Sam grin. "What are you doing?" Luan asked.
Sam's touch was soft and warm, and the friction of her hand gliding up and down Luan's thigh, getting closer and closer to her most sensitive spot, was somehow both exciting and terrifying. "Remember what we talked about?"
No, she didn't. Luan could barely remember how she got home.
"How much you like being eaten out?"
A vague memory stirred in Luan's mind.
"You said it feels incredible," Sam said. Her hand snaked under Luan's skirt and cupped her chewy center through her panties. Luan sucked a startled breath and her eyes widened as she realized what Sam was saying. "I want to make you feel incredible." Leaning over, Sam placed a kiss on Luan's inner thigh. Tingles raced up Luan's back and her heart blasted into her throat. She jerked an anxious look at Luna, who only smiled.
Sam hooked her fingers into Luan's panties and pulled them down to her knees; the fabric bunched and rolled against Luan's skin. Something like panic gripped Luan's chest and she tried to snap her thighs closed, but Sam gently pushed them apart. "Let her do it," Luna said. "She's really good."
"I'll put you on Cloud 9, baby," Sam said. She hiked Luan's skirt up and trailed kisses up one thigh and down the other. Luan blushed from head to toe and covered her face with her hands, both disgusted...and intrigued.
Sam ran her hands up and down Luan's stomach as she kissed closer and closer to Luan's lower lips. Luan's heart raced and her breathing sped up. Part of her wanted to push Sam off because she didn't like girls, but another part wanted her to continue because she really, really loved getting oral.
Feather light, Sam's hand skimmed over Luan's hpt, quivering pussy, and then her lips touched Luan's folds. Luan sucked a sharp intake of breath and Sam traced her tongue along Luan's lips. Luan arched her back to give Sam better access and Sam began to stimulate Luan's clit with the tip of her tongue, curling it around the nub of Luan's arousal. Luan grabbed handfuls of the blanket and twisted, her entire body blazing with passion and her nipples so hard that they pushed out the front of her bra. Without missing a beat, Sam pulled Luan's panties the rest of the way down, hooked them over Luan's ankles, and tossed them away. Luan spread her legs and Sam pressed her lips greedily to Luan's core like a thirsty traveller drinking from a well. She licked and lapped Luan's clit, and when she sucked it into her mouth, Luan bucked and let out a waverting half-whisper half-sigh.
Sam slipped a single finger into Luan and Luan's body molded to it, her wet walls trying desperately to pull it deeper. Sam moved her finger back and forth, exploring Luan's innermost secrets, and Luan wrapped her legs around Sam's head. She tangled her fingers in Sam's hair and began to mindlessly thrust her hips against Sam's face, urgently seeking release. She winced when Sam solid another finger in, this time in her butt. She began to move her hand back and forth, and any hesitation or uncertainty that Luan may have felt melted away. Her eyes rolled back into her head and she pulled hard on Sam's hair, humping her face. Sam went faster on all front, and the most intense and indescribable flurry of sensation broke over Luan. "Don't stop," she whispered, "don't stop, right there, God."
Obliging, Sam went faster still; her fingers plunged deep into Luian and her tongue coaxed her to the edge of her endurance. Luan ripped open the front of her blouse, thrust her hands into her bra. She began to furiously rub her aching nipples in quick, rough circles. She bit her bottom lip and rocked her hips, needing to cum so badly it hurt.
When Sam's finger brushed a hidden bundle of nerves hidden deep inside of her, Luan bucked and cried out. Her body clenched and her chest swelled like a balloon getting ready to burst. Her orgasm hit her and she let out a long, muffled cry, She crossed her legs over Sam's back in an X, dug her heels in, and rode the wave of her climax.
When she came back to herself, Sam was lying next to her. Luan rolled onto her side and gazed at her, panting to catch her breath. Something passed between them and they inched closer until their lips were touching. Sam swept her tongue into Luan's mouth, and Luan swirled her tongue around it. As they made out, Luan undid Sam's jeans and shoved her hands down the front of Sam's panties. She found Sam's pussy and started to rub her clit. Sam did the same, as they masturbated each orther as their tongues grappled for donaincne. When they came, they came together; Luan moaned into Sam's mouth, and Sam held Luan close.
They held each other while the shakes subsided. Aftershocks went through Luan and she sucked great gulps of air. The musk of hers and Sam's excitement hung in the air and she could feel Sam's heart pounding next to hers. Sam squeezed her and kissed her forehead. "Better than Benny?" she asked.
Luan readily nodded. "Much better."
"Good," Sam said. She sat up and looked around for Luna. "Lune? Where are you?"
Luna grinted from the top bunk, where she lay on her stomach, not fully passed out but not entirely awake either. "Yeah. I'm totally gay."
"I don't know if I am," Luan said, "I'm kind of confused...but I really fucking liked you eating my pussy."
Sam sucked Luan's bottom lip into her mouth and nipped it between her teeth. "We can totally do it again."
And they did.
Tons of times.
THE END