It started on a clear blue morning in mid-September, the kind where golden light drenches the world and lends it the hue of a sepia toned memory. The leaves were just beginning to change from green to light yellow and the sky was a piercing, cobalt blue with nary a cloud in sight. The sun was warm but there was a slight coolness in the breeze, just enough to let you know that autumn was on its way. Lincoln was sitting in the middle of the living room with his legs splayed out in front of him and a pile of his older sisters' Barbie Dolls heaped on the floor between them like a stack of Holocaust victims. They were in varying states of undress, some were missing limbs, and almost all of them bore wounds from Magic Marker makeovers. Lincoln bent forward, picked up one without hair and clad only in a single high heel, and slammed it down on another, this one lying bent and twisted on the floor.

Last night, Lincoln had watched wrestling on TV with his older sister Lynn. He didn't like sports but the fighting guys grabbed his attention. The way they flipped from the top rope and pounded on each other was really cool. Since he didn't have any action figures of his own except for Hulk, Ironman, and Captain America, he took a bunch of Barbies from the toybox in Luna and Luan's room. If they found him with them, they'd be really mad and yell at him because they hated it when someone took their toys, but he didn't care. He wanted to play wrestling and that was that. He had just turned six and though he was aware that his actions had consequences, he didn't really think things through. He operated on the primal level of an animal who took what he wanted, when he wanted it, and if it caused a problem with another animal, he would deal with it if and when it came.

While Lincoln played, his mother paced back and forth in front of the big bay window overlooking the front yard. She checked her phone every couple of seconds and held her hand in the small of her back; she took short, sharp breaths and stopped every so often to squat, her big belly quivering as though the babies inside were trying to force their way out. He recognized her distress but he didn't think much of it. Ever since she said she was going to have a baby, she had been acting kind of weird. She cried a lot, ate Paw Patrol cheese sticks dipped in chocolate, and waddled around like the biggest penguin in Happy Feet.

It wasn't until Dad got home and loaded her into the van that he realized something was up. Dad left Lori in charge until Pop-Pop arrived and drove Mom away. Lincoln stood by the window and tried to keep from crying. Where was she going? Was she okay?

The next morning, Lincoln got his answer. Pop-Pop drove him and his sisters to the hospital and there, they met the new babies.

That's right, babies. Lincoln thought they only came one at a time but there was an extra one. He, Lori, Leni, and Luna were all hoping for a brother, but they got two dumb old sisters instead. Mom named them Lola and Lana, and even though they looked alike, they were as different as night is from day. Lola was quiet and haughty, Lana was loud, fussy, and farted a lot.

As the years passed, they each evolved along separate trajectories, becoming even more different. Lola developed a taste of pink and frilly things, Lana loved dirt and animals. Lola started to perform in beauty pageants, Lana took up home maintenance and auto mechanics for fun. Lola was obsessed with her appearance and with how other people viewed her; Lana cared about neither. Both were smart, capable of great kindness, and fun when they wanted to be. When they were born, Lincoln was jealous of the attention they got from Mom and Dad, just as he'd been jealous of Lucy before them, but he grew out of it and came to love them as he loved all of his sisters. If he had to pick a favorite, it wouldn't be a hard choice: Lana. Lola was too girly and waaay too bossy. Lana was chill and liked a lot of boy things, so he wound up playing with her a lot. They would ride bikes together in the hills outside of town and wade into the Royal River in search of crawdads. He wasn't sure about this, but he may have been the one to kick off her love affair with bringing small animals home; one day, he put a bunch of tadpoles and crayfish into a mason jar and gave it to her. Her eyes got really big and her mouth fell open in a perfect O. If life was a cartoon, a warm ray of light would have fallen over her and a choir of angels would have struck up the Hallelujah Chorus.

"Wooooow," she said, "that's so cool."

She took it and instantly started to shake it.

"No!" Lincoln wailed and clawed at his face. She looked up at him and slowly stopped. "Don't do that, you'll kill them."

"Oh," she said and flashed a sheepish smile, "sorry."

For the rest of the day, she hugged the jar to her chest like a little girl with a teddy bear, and from that point forward, she was always bringing critters into the house. She found a frog on the way to school one day and named him Hopps; she came in from playing outside with snails in a shoebox; and she proudly opened her backpack once to show Mom a bushel of spiders that she "rescued" from under the porch. Mom jumped back and screamed bloody murder, and when Leni saw them, her eyes rolled back into her head and she passed out.

That little incident earned Lana a hard ban on bringing "things" into the house. Mom and Dad made her release all of her captives into the backyard and then grounded her for the weekend. She didn't understand why they were being such hardasses, so Lincoln, feeling bad for her, had to explain something. "Not everyone likes jacked up looking bugs."

"But why?" she asked, genuinely curious. "Jacked up looking bugs are cool."

They were in Lana and Lola's bedroom, Lana sitting on the floor with her back against her bedframe and a sad and empty mason jar lying on its side between her legs. Lincoln settled down next to her and drew his knees to his chest. "Some people are scared of jacked up looking bugs, or they think they're gross. And honestly, I mean...bugs belong outside. That's where they're happiest."

"But I'm happiest when they're inside," Lana countered.

Lincoln nodded his understanding. "Yeah, but you can always go visit them. The backyard is right there."

She furrowed her brow in thought. "I guess," she said. She turned to him. "Thanks, Linc."

Thanks for what, he didn't know, but when she hugged him, he gratefully accepted it. Clyde picked on him from time to time about him being a slave for his sisters, but that wasn't true. Yeah, they got on his nerves, and sometimes they dragged him kicking and screaming into situations he didn't want to be in, but he liked helping them out. Not only did it make him feel good about himself, it also made him happy to see them happy. And the thing was...they did the same thing for him more or less. No, they wouldn't go to comic cons with him because they were stubborn and strong-willed, but if he was feeling down, they'd lift him up; if he sneaked out of the house to hang with Clyde, they'd cover for him. It was a true two way street and Lincoln was cool with that. Now, if he wound up doing for his sisters while they refused to do for him, yeah, that'd be a problem because it wouldn't be fair, but it wasn't like that, so he didn't even worry about it.

After Mom and Dad banned Lana from bringing creepy crawlies into the house, she got kind of depressed. Then, one day, she was happy again. Lincoln knew what that meant and considered his options: He could ignore it and let her be, or he could play Big Brother and step in...helpfully, of course. He wasn't like Lola, he wouldn't run to Mom and Dad and snitch. He'd talk to her or something.

Finally, he made his decision. On a warm Saturday morning, he went into Lana's room. Everyone else was off doing whatever they did with themselves when they weren't at home, and the only other person around besides them was Lisa, but she was locked in her lab and busy with some sort of science project, so they were effectively alone. The door was shut and when he tested the handle, being careful not to rattle it, he found it locked. He whipped out his wallet, removed his school ID, and wedged it in between the door and the jamb. He finessed it up and down, and finally got the card between the latch and the catch. The door popped open and he flung it open like a cop with a warrant. Lana was on her knees between hers and Lola's beds, a line of mason jars in front of her. Flies buzzed around her head, slugs rested on her bare forearms, and spiders crawled over her, making her laugh. As soon as he entered, she whipped around, and her eyes widened with fear. "Linc!" she started. She scrambled to hide the jars behind her back. "It's not what it looks like."

A spider scurried down her face and disappeared into her overalls. She sighed and hung her head. "It's exactly what it looks like," she confessed.

Now it was Lincoln's turn to sigh. He went over and sat beside her, bugs scurrying away in fear. "If Mom and Dad find you with all these bugs, your butt is grass."

"I know" Lana said heavily, "but I'm really into bugs. I can't help it. They're adorable."

One of the slugs fell from her arm and curled up on the floor, leaving a patch of mucus on her arm. Lincoln's stomach turned but he said nothing. He could see where Lana thought bugs were cool, he kind of did too, but this was out of control. Just the thought of there being an army of slugs and spiders two rooms away from his made his skin crawl. Knowing himself, he was already certain that if he thought of it while lying in bed, he'd get the heebie jeebies and wind up shoved in the corner and clutching a tennis racket to his chest, waiting for an invasion of eight legged freaks. Putting that aside, Mom and Dad would be furious if she found out that Lana was still stockpiling bugs. Jesus, what if those spiders got free and invaded Leni's room? She'd have a nervous breakdown and probably never be the same. "You should find new things to like," he offered.

"Like what?" Lana asked.

"Like things that don't ick people out," Lincoln said. "I dunno...maybe dogs?"

Scrunching her lips to the side, Lana hummed thoughtfully to herself. "I can live with dogs," she said.

And boy could she. Within a week, she had forgotten that bugs ever existed and had become a total dog mom. She brought strays home on the regular, read books and watch YouTube videos about dogs, and bought tons of dog-related merchandise. A neighbor down the street needed someone to dog sit her chocolate lab while she went out of town for the weekend and Lana volunteered to do it for free. "I don't need your money," Lana said when the woman tried to pay her. "Playing with cute dogs is my passion." For two days, Lana ran around the backyard with this dog, played fetch with it, scratched its belly, and crawled around on all fours with it, pretending that she was a dog too. "Being a dog would be so cool," Lana told Lincoln. "Can God turn me into a dog?"

"No," he said. "You're a person and you're gonna be a person forever."

She got really glum after that and scuffed her feet. "Anything could happen," she mumbled.

"Not that," he said.

The way she teared up hurt his heart. "Maybe," he said.

From that point on, Lana would often pretend to be a dog, even going so far as to buy a dog bed that she set up in the living room and would curl up in. She would crawl around the living room, cock her leg, and pretend to pee on things. Everyone laughed it off, but Lincoln overheard Mom telling Dad that she wanted to send Lana to a child psychologist. Lincoln warned her to give the dog crap a rest, and that made her sadder than learning she was stuck being a human for the rest of her life. For the next week, she moped around the house looking down. Not even her upcoming birthday could cheer her up.

On the day she turned seven - a Saturday - Lana intercepted Lincoln on his way to the bathroom for his first pee of the day. "Hey, Linc," she said. "It's my birthday."

"Happy Birthday," he said.

"Thanks." She looked anxious. "Uh...I have a birthday request. If that's okay."

Since he didn't have much money, Lincoln would give each one of his sisters a special request on their birthday. One year, Lucy asked to prick his finger so she could use his blood in a black magic rite; another year, Leni asked him to wear one of her girly designs to school. He would do almost anything just so long as it wasn't dangerous, illegal, or disgusting. She put her hands behind her back, lowered her head demurely, and did her best to look bashful.

That told him it was a pretty big request.

It was her birthday, though.

"Sure," he said and braced himself, "what is it?"

She looked up at him. "I wanna pretend to be a dog all day and I want you to play with me."

Oh.

While that was something of an odd request, it wasn't quite as bad as he feared it would be. He was expecting her to ask him to give her an all-day piggyback ride or something. Lana was light and compact but not that light and compact. Lana looked up at him expectantly, eyes big and shimmery. He didn't know how she was able to do that, but she did it well. How could he say no?

"Alright," he said, "you can be a dog today."

Her face lit up...and she instantly dropped to her hands and knees. She wiggled her butt like she was wagging a tail and bounded around him in a happy circle. Luna came out of her room in an oversized T-shirt with KROKUS across the chest. Her eyes were heavy and her hair messy; she had clearly just rolled out of bed. She saw Lana reared back on her knees, hands up and curved at the wrists like paws and tongue hanging out, and rubbed her eyes like a cartoon character. She said something that may have been "What the freak is this?" but sounded more like someone gargling mouthwash.

"This is my dog," Lincoln said, "Lana."

Lana went "Woof woof."

Lincoln felt like an idiot, but he believed in immersive play. If Lana was going to be a dog, well, then, she was a dog, and he was going to go all in on keeping the illusion alive.

For a second, Luna stared at him with a quizzically arched brow, then she shook her head and went to the bathroom. Lana ran around Lincoln in circles and then darted into her bedroom. Lincoln sighed and followed.

This was going to be a long day.

At the door, Lana met him on all fours, her tongue hanging out. She had put on a pair of floppy dog ears and a bushy tail. For one horrible moment, Lincoln thought it was one of those weird furry tails that go up your butt (he maaaay have seen those in an anime), but was relieved to see that it was only taped onto the seat of her pants. Lana reared back on her knees and looked up at him, head cocked to one side. "Uh...that's a good girl." He scratched the side of her head and she stomped the floor with one leg. Thump, thump, thump. Lincoln couldn't lie: Strange as it all was, she was kind of adorable. "You hungry, girl?"

By way of response, Lana panted.

Downstairs, Lana sniffed along the baseboard while Lincoln grabbed a bowl. He didn't know what to feed her, so he wound up filling it with dry Cap'n Crunch. He sat it on the floor and Lana scrambled over. He filled a dish with water and sat it next to the cereal, stroking Lana's back in the process. Luan and Lucy came in, saw what was happening, and froze in their tracks. "What's going on here?" Lucy asked.

"I'm just feeding my dog, Lana," Lincoln said.

The two girls looked at each other...then burst into laughter. "You're a weirdo, Linc," Luan said.

Yeah, cuz I'm the one eating from a bowl on the floor, but okay. Out loud, he said, "What can I say? I'm a pet lover."

"The powers of darkness think very lowly of you," Lucy said soberly.

Well, the powers of darkness can take a long walk off a short bridge.

Lucy and Luan walked off, still laughing, and Lincoln too a deep breath.

After breakfast, Lincoln and Lana went into the backyard to play. He found a rubber ball under the porch and launched it across the yard. Lana ran after it, her hat and ears flying off behind her. Lincoln watched her go, impressed. She was fast. She came back with the ball clamped firmly between her teeth, and Lincoln situated the ears back on, scratching her cheek. "You're a fast pupper," he said. "For a second there, I thought you were going to go back to 1955."

She tilted her head questioningly to one side. Huh?

"It's a...a classical reference," he said. He took the ball and stood up. Lana tracked it with her eyes. He faked throwing it to the left, and then to the right;; both times, she started after it, but caught herself. Lincoln laughed merrily. "Which way?" he asked. "Which way am I gonna go? Huh? Huh?" He finally threw it straight, and to his surprise, Lana leapt and snatched it out of the air with her mouth. Lincoln's jaw clacked open and he gaped at her.

"Now that was cool," he marveled. "I didn't know you could do that."

Lana dropped the ball at his feet and looked up at him, panting with her tongue out.

They played ball for another ten minutes before breaking off to wrestle. They rolled and tumbled, At one point, he sat up and Lana pressed her hands to his chest, pushing him back down. She got on top of him and started brushing her lips over his cheek like she was licking him. It tickled and he laughed. "Down, girl."

Back inside, Lincoln sat on the couch and Lana curled up next to him. Lori, Lola, Leni, and Lynn all looked at them funny. "I have a birthday request," Lola said.

"What?" Lincoln asked.

"Stay far away from me."

Lori, Leni, and Leni nodded and murmured their agreement, and Lincoln's face turned scarlet with anger. What was their problem? So what, Lana wanted to be a dog for the day. It was her birthday, let her play pretend. Sheesh. "Don't worry, you guys are on your own," he said. "Have fun not having anyone to play sportsball with, Lynn. And forget having a model for your tasteless designs, Leni."

Leni wailed and fell to her knees, hands balling in front of her face. "No, Lincy, please, I'm sorry. You don't have to stay away from me."

Lincoln crossed his arms and turned his head away. Leni walked over on her knees, and when she got close, Lana lifted her head and let out a warning growl. Leni went white and scurried away to cower at Lori's feet. "Lori, she's gonna bite me."

"Will you relax?" Lori asked and rolled her eyes.

After Lana was rested and relaxed, Lincoln put a collar on her and attached a leash. They went to the end of the street and back, Lana sniffing the ground and pretending to pee on a fire hydrant. A woman walking her own dog - a real dog - appeared. Lana and the dog saw each other, then began to circle one another, sniffing their butts. The woman flashed Lincoln a tight smile. "That's a very cute dog," she said with a patronizing hilt.

Lincoln ignored it. "Thanks. She just loves her walks."

The dog mounted Lana's butt and started to hump, and her owner dragged him away. "Come on, Humphry, you need a bath now." She shot Lincoln daggers over her shoulder, and he rubbed the back of his neck.

Back at home, he and Lana played in the living room, Lana pouncing on him and Lincoln trying to defend himself. "Stop," he laughed, "bad dog."

Lori and Luan came into the room and watched, both glaring as Lana brushed her lips up and down Lincoln's face, pretending to lick him. "Okay, Linc," Lori said, "this is starting to get creepy. You need to knock it off."

"Why?" Lincoln asked.

"Because it's pervy," Luan said.

Lana sat on her haunches and growled at them.

"No it's not," Lincoln said, "we're just playing. Lana wanted to be a dog for the day so she's a dog. You guys are the pervy ones for reading too much into it."

"It's still weird," Lori said.

Lincoln narrowed his eyes. "No, you're weird. If you don't like how we play, go back to your bedroom and text Bobby some more."

A red blush of anger spread across Lori's face. "Fine," she said, "I will." She spun on her heels and stalked up the stairs, hands balled into fists. Luan followed, and Lincoln sighed deeply. He didn't get them. Sure, he and Lana playing dog all day was a little "extra" but it wasn't pervy. They were just playing around.

Lana prodded his cheek with her nose and he smiled. "You're a good dog," he said. He scratched her cheek, then started to tickle her. She issued an excited "Woof woof" and rolled onto her back, arms and legs curling up. Lincoln got on his knees and rubbed her belly, grinning down at her. He stroked his hand up and down her front, from her chest to her groin, getting faster with every pass. Her dog-like panting slowed and deepened and her eyes narrowed. Their gazes met, and Lincoln's mouth went dry. His hand gradually slowed and came to a stop between her legs. Something about the look in her eyes and the position of his hand, pressed to the junction of her thighs, felt strange...but kind of good.

For a moment they stared at each other, then Lincoln wrenched his hand away and Lana sat quickly up, both of them blushing furiously, confused and excited. "Okay, I'm done being a dog now," she said, "I wanna be Lana again."

"Yeah, that sounds good," Lincoln said.

She got up and started away, but came back, bemt, and kissed him on the cheek. "Thanks for playing with me," she said. She turned and hurried off.

Lincoln watched her as she went.

He didn't know what had just happened, but a very small part of him….

….a very, very small part….

….wanted it to happen again.