A/N:

This chapter is part one of two that go together. This first one explores one of the ways HYDRA abused Bucky. It goes a little dark, nothing too graphic, but several things are implied. Read carefully. Trigger warnings are below, make sure to read them please.

Trigger Warning:

Physical abuse, emotional abuse, implied rape/non-con

—

Chapter 6, Part 1:

Belongings:

The Asset had completed his mission. Successful, target eliminated. His handlers would be proud.

The Asset waited in the safe house until Handler Pasternak and his team came. He followed orders, he was a good machine.

He required little maintenance, nothing he couldn't do himself. He wasn't sure when he learned how to conduct maintenance. But his handler told him to wait, so that's what he did.

The Asset became hungry. He didn't eat. He wasn't human, he didn't need to eat.

He became tired. He didn't sleep. That's what humans did.

If the Asset knew one thing about himself, it was that he was not human.

Eventually, Handler Pasternak and his team came to pick the Asset up.

"Misson report."

"Successful, target eliminated, no witnesses."

"Good."

Handler Pasternak didn't ask if the Asset needed maintenance. The Asset wasn't allowed to ask questions, so he didn't correct his handler. That was a big no-no. Correcting his handler meant punishment and correction. Disobeying a handler meant punishment and correction. Harming a handler in any way meant punishment and correction.

So the Asset entered the van that his handler brought without receiving his maintenance.

The team seemed to not like the Asset. They gave him stares and muttered insults under their breathe. They often forgot that the Asset had enhanced hearing.

The Asset payed the team no mind. He could kill them before they could even call for help if he wanted. HYDRA would replace them. Cut off one head, two more grow in its place. Hail HYDRA.

As much as the Asset tried to ignore the team, one team member was… interesting. The Asset didn't know what it was about them. They were holding a rectangle in their hands, flipping paper from inside it from right to left, right to left. The title was in German. The Asset knew many languages, German being one of Asset didn't know what the object was.

Something told him that he should.

One teammate tapped the interesting one on the shoulder and whispered in his ear, "The Asset is eyeing you up like you're next on his hit-list."

The Asset had no idea what any of it meant. He wasn't supposed to know anything other than his next mission. That was all that mattered.

The interesting teammate looked up at the Asset.

"Ah, I see you are interesting in my book, yes?"

The Asset stared at him and asked, "Permission to speak?"

The teammate nodded.

"What is a 'book'?"

The rest of the van laughed. The Asset knew he did something wrong. Laughter meant bad things were coming. Laughter meant he did a Bad Thing. Laughter meant punishment.

"Do not laugh," the teammate said. He held up the rectangle, "This is a book."

"What does it do?" the Asset asked. It didn't look like a weapon, nor a punishing tool. It definitely wasn't the Chair.

"You read it."

"Why?"

More laughter. The Asset was embarrassed. He felt like he should know this. Why doesn't he know this! He must have been out of cyro too long. He should request to be put in immediately once they got back to base.

"Well, some books are educational. Others are just for fun."

Fun. The Asset was familiar with this word. HYDRA had fun when they were correcting him. He didn't have fun though. They didn't care about him though.

No! Those were bad thoughts! HYDRA cared about him. He was their greatest creation, their best weapon, the Fist of HYDRA.

"Do you want it?" the teammate asked, holding out the book for the Asset. The Asset looked at it. It didn't seem dangerous.

He nodded and took the book. He opened the pages, only to realize he couldn't read them. He recognized letters, but not the words.

He should know how to read, why didn't he know how to read?

He really needed to get back into cyro before more maintenance was required.

—

They got to the base. Someone tried to take the book out of the Asset's hands. He made short work of the man before the HYDRA agents had all their guns pointed at him.

Handler Pasternak came out of the van.

"Now, now. I think the Asset deserves a little prize for all his hard work, don't you?" he told the agents. They couldn't disagree with their supervisor, so they had to comply.

The Asset looked down at the book in his hands. Was it a prize? What was a prize?

Whatever a prize was, the book was his, and nobody would take it away from him.

He requested to be put back in cyro, but was denied. He was still needed. He still needed maintenance, so they brought in technicians to perform it. They also tried taking his book away, but he broke the technician's arm. No one tried to take his book away after that.

As the technicians performed maintenance, he flipped through the book, wishing he could read it. The teammate said some books were educational. That meant learning. If he could read it, maybe he could learn why he couldn't remember anything.

But he also said they were for fun. Fun meant that he was being punished. HYDRA agents loved it when the Asset got punished. Their favorite punishment was to bring in a blond, blue-eyed man named Steve. Steve would do things to him, things Bucky didn't know about, but he knew weren't good.

Bucky felt like he knew Steve, so he let him do those things to him.

Steve was nice, he never hurt Bucky more than intended. Steve was careful and punished Bucky only when he needed it. Steve would—

Who was Bucky?

The Asset didn't have a name. Why did he refer to himself as Bucky?

Steve was nice and kind and once gave him a piece of chocolate behind his handlers back. The Asset didn't know what chocolate was, but it tasted good. The Asset wasn't usually given food. When he needed nutrition, they put a tube up his nose and an IV in his arm. At first, the Asset hated both of those. But after he was once denied nutrition for two weeks, he complied.

—

After maintenance, they led the Asset to his room. It was cold and dark, but the Asset didn't mind. Composed of cinder blocks, one wall made up of metal bars. Vibranium. He couldn't break them. He knew because he tried.

The Asset didn't have any personal belongings. They stripped him of anything that might be deemed a weapon when he entered the base.

The Asset didn't want to put the book on the damp floor, afraid to get it dirty. So instead, he carved out a hole in the wall with his metal arm and placed the book in there.

It looked nice.

It felt nice.

The Asset had his own personal belonging.

It was his.

It was his and no one would take it away.

—

The Asset was given his next mission. A HYDRA traitor. The Asset didn't understand how anyone would betray HYDRA. They did good in the world.

The Asset completed his mission with ease. The man didn't even put up a fight. The Asset was able to take him out with no witnesses.

He waited in the safe house. He required no maintenance this time.

When they got to base, he was put in his room again. The Asset double checked that his book was still there. It was. But there was a difference.

There was a second book there. The Asset picked it up. The title was in Russian this time. He flipped through the book, hoping for any sign that he could understand it. He couldn't. The Asset put it back in the wall.

The guard outside his room noticed that the Asset found the book.

"It's for you. You accomplished the mission very well," the guard said to him.

The Asset gave a slight nod. He always accomplished missions. He never failed. He couldn't think of one time he had disobeyed orders during a mission.

The Asset knew that The Chair could take away his memories, but it made him better and stronger. There was no way that he had to go to The Chair because of a failed mission.

The Asset pulled out the first book. He sat down on the floor and opened it. He still couldn't read it, but it made him feel good to have it in his hands.

—

The Asset slowly collected a small collection of books. He had five now. He couldn't read any of them, but they were his and his alone. He organized them on his shelf from time to time, opening them and flipping through the pages, and just admired the wonderful smell the pages gave off.

But then tragedy struck.

The Asset failed.

Target was eliminated, but he was seen.

He didn't have time to eliminate the witness.

He was supposed to be invisible, never seen, never heard.

He knew that punishment was coming.

But he didn't know how bad it would be.

Handler Pasternak was upset at him. He brought the Asset to The Punishment Room. There, was the Asset's books.

The Asset was ordered to rip his books in half.

The Asset didn't want to do it. They were his books, they were his comfort. He earned them.

When he hesitated, they told him to strip and ordered him to stand on some sort of mat. This was a new punishment that the Asset wasn't used to. The man was black, but glowing red.

The Asset complied and immediately knew that this wasn't a mat. As soon as one foot stepped on it, it burned. Searing pain went up the Asset's bare feet. He wanted to step off, but that would be disobeying orders, and would mean a worse punishment.

The Asset was once again told to rip up his books. He would not comply. They pushed the Asset to his knees.

The Asset cried out as his lower legs were burned by the hot coals. The coals were not only hot, but sharp. He could feel them cutting into his legs and the burning sensation worsened the more the Asset stayed there.

The Asset was given a book and told to destroy it. He would not. HYDRA could throw everything they had at him, and he would not comply.

The HYDRA agents were losing patience, the Asset could tell. He shifted his weight from one knee to the other, trying to relieve some of the pain.

Eventually, one agent came up to the Asset with one of his books. The Asset spit in the agents face. The agent was angered. He tore the Asset's book in half. The Asset cried out.

That was his book, it belonged to him! The agent continued to rip out the pages and tear them to shreds. The Asset felt a tear slip down his cheek.

Another agent came by with another book. He did the same thing, tearing up the book and shredding the pages into a pile at the Asset's feet. The Asset reached out to the pages, but was pushed away. The sudden movement make shocks of pain go up through his legs.

They went through all of his books. The Asset was crying now.

They came to his first book, the German one. The Asset didn't want to watch as they destroyed his book. He tried to look away, but the agents holding him down forced his eyes open.

They ripped apart that one too and put it in the pile of torn books.

Then, when the Asset thought it was over, one agent came over with a lighter and lit the pile of books on fire. Right in front of the Asset's eyes. He cried out and tried to break away from the agents grip, but couldn't. The burning coals caused too much pain if he moved even an inch.

The Asset watched as the books became nothing more than a pile of ash.

Another tear fell down his cheek.

"This is what happens when you disobey," Handler Pasternak said.

The Asset nodded. He understood. He made a promise to himself. Never get attached to books again. What was given to him could easily be taken away. He must not care for personal things.

He was a machine after all. He didn't deserve comfort.

—

The Asset completed his next mission successfully. At the base, they gave him another book.

He knew that he couldn't accept it. But they wouldn't take no for an answer, and threw it into his room.

The Asset remembered his promise. With a blank face, he tore up the book into little shreds.

The guard smiled at him.

The Asset knew he did it right.

He never received another book since.

—

A/N:

Hello guys! Sorry for being a day late on this one, I got a little busy with end-of-the-year graduation stuff.

Like I said, this is part one of two, so stay tuned for the next part next week. In case it wasn't clear, this is a flashback.

This originally going to be one chapter, but I felt like the backstory was too long and couldn't find a way to condense it, so I made it it's own chapter.

I've read lots of fics about HYRDA abusing Bucky and wanted to try my hand at one. I found out that it is not my strong suit, but there are more ideas that I want to explore, so I'm going to try and get better at it.

Thank you for reading and I hope you have a fantastic day!