Ricochet

Disclaimer: all characters and copyright belong to SM.

Chapter Four

For Jacob, it was the same each day. With each new day would come a quiet sorrow, easily overcome by a radio song, an upbeat tempo and sunshine. The day would move on until the afternoon and then the first signs of the panic would arrive. It would start as a discomfort in his chest, a feeling in his brain like excess caffeine... then like always it would set in deeper. He'd feel the usual urge to run, escape, hide.

The brain doesn't understand the passage of time, doesn't know how old the trauma is, or care. In his youth Jacob thought adults must be so sorted out in the head, but it wasn't true at all. He was an adult now, but was still the same person he was then, just with more mileage on the clock. The panic grew stronger as his mental faculties gave way to emotions. He wanted to jump right out of his skin and join the ether. Right now, he felt like a child again, shaking, terrified. The constricted feelings grew, as if he was being strangled by just the air about him.

"Jake!" There was a banging on the garage doors. "What's going on, Jake? Its me! Its Bella!"

Jacob put his hands over his ears to block out her voice. Bella's ghost had been haunting his dreams and waking nightmares ever since she had married Cullen and left Forks.

"Jake, we need to talk." Ghost Bella sobbed. "I'm so sorry to turn up out of the blue like this. I know you must be angry."

His hands were doing a poor job of drowning out her voice. He dropped them back to his sides and stared in dismay as the garage doors rattled as if someone was trying to pull them open.

"You're not real." Jacob called out weakly. "Bella's dead."

"I'm not dead!" The doors rattled again. "I'm still human, Jake. I didn't turn."

Jacob felt a jolt go through him and his chest eased up. She was alive? He hadn't realised how much difference it would make to him; he'd been thinking of her as dead the whole time, and he only saw that now. He was acting crazy. Had been for years. Over time he had become incapacitated by panic attacks and unable to make any choices at all, as if he was suffering from PTSD, when his brain failed to function in any normal fashion.

Slowly, Jacob finally regained the use of his limbs, he reached out and unlocked the doors. Pushing them open revealed a distraught Bella on the other side, and now she was right in front of him, he was forced to believe what his senses had been telling him all along. It was all real. She was alive.

"Hello, Bella." Jacob was surprised at how calm he sounded, especially after his meltdown only minutes ago.

"Hi." Bella stared up at him, her eyes confused, wary. "How are you?"

Jacob took a deep breath through his mouth as he breathed in her warm, clean, human scent. "Good. You?"

"I- "Bella paused, glancing up at him again from under her eyelashes. "This is awkward." She admitted.

Jacob stared down at her, seeing that she was still the Bella he loved. Her skin was still a soft, pale peach. Her eyes still the same chocolate brown. His heart thudded a strange, broken meter, and he wondered again if this was some strange, lying dream he was about to wake up from.

"You can come inside if you want." Jacob said casually.

Rain conjured a sweet pattern upon his skin, the thousands of liquid globes reflecting the greenery of nature. It revitalised him. Or maybe it was the girl wiping the water droplets off her face with the sleeve of her coat. He watched as Bella walked past him, tripping slightly on some unseen object on the floor. In the old days he would have rushed to steady her, but he held back, watching her every reaction as she stared around the garage's interior.

Bella's eyes immediately fell on the sleek, black Grand Cherokee Jeep dominating one corner. "Is that yours?"

"For now." Jacob shrugged. "I work on a car, then trade it in. Next week or month I'll have another vehicle."

"Oh." Bella murmured. She fiddled with the sleeve of her rain jacket, pulling at a loose thread. "What happened to the Rabbit?"

Pain crossed Jacob's face, which he quickly hid. The old VW had been his first car, lovingly restored with his own two hands. "I sold her years ago."

"Oh." Bella said again.

An uncomfortable silence fell as they stared awkwardly at one another. It was in direct contrast to the past when conversation always came easily to them. Now they were like strangers. Jacob was the first to drop his gaze. He walked over to the Jeep and opened the passenger door so she could sit on the seat. She smiled gratefully at him as she climbed clumsily inside. Again, Jacob stood back, not coming forward to help when her foot slipped on the tread.

There was a heavy percussion of rain on the rooftop of the garage as it turned into a downpour outside. Jacob wandered over to his tool bench and began to sort through various car parts strewn across it, in a vain attempt to distract himself.

"So, how have you really been, Jacob?" Bella finally plucked up the courage to ask again.

"Fine." Jacob responded nonchalantly, he held up a distributor cap and studied it as if it held the secrets of the universe. "Everything's great. Couldn't be better."

"Jake." Bella said again, voice softer. "Can you please look at me?"

Jacob felt his chest getting tight again. He didn't think he had the strength to do what she wanted; he was worried she could see right through him. Taking another deep breath, he turned around and faced her. "See, I'm all good."

Bella brushed a stray lock of dark hair out of her eyes as she gazed back at him. Now he was looking at her more closely, he noted the deep circles under her eyes, dark circles that clearly indicated she hadn't been sleeping properly. She blushed under his scrutiny and gave him an apologetic smile.

"I'm glad to hear that."

"I bet." Jacob's control slipped as he failed to hide his sarcasm. He saw her wince, but ignored it. "And you? I expect your life is all sunshine and roses with your bloodsucker. I'm actually surprised you're still human, actually."

"Jake, don't." Bella pleaded.

"Don't what?" Jacob challenged. He was angry. It had there a while now, this anger, escaping when he least wanted it to. A storm gathered in his eyes as he glared at Bella moodily. "What do you want from me, Bella? You waltz in here after six years with no word, with me thinking you've been dead this whole time!"

"I'm sorry, Jake. I really am."

"I don't care about your apologies. I don't care about you. Not anymore." Jacob yelled, losing his temper. He swept the car parts off the tool bench in a fit of anger, sending them clattering across the concrete floor of the garage. His whole body was quivering. He glared at her wildly, a growling sound building in his chest.

Bella froze in place, too shocked to remember how to move. The shaking rolled through him, getting faster, until he was vibrating. His shape blurred.

Was he going to phase inside the garage?

Bella began to look for a means of escape, but Jacob gritted his teeth together and the growling stopped. He squeezed his eyes shut tight in concentration; the quivering slowed until only his hands were shaking.

"Don't run." Jacob said in a flat monotone. "I didn't mean what I said."

"I wouldn't blame you if you did." Bella whispered forlornly. "I hurt you, Jake. I know that. No paltry apology from me can make up for it."

Jacob opened his eyes again. They were beyond fury, now they were just sad. "You left without a word. We shared something special. And you just walked away like it meant nothing. Like I meant nothing."

Bella recoiled like he'd slapped her. Sadness drained through her. It travelled through every cell to reach the ground. "It wasn't like that. You were the one who rejected me." She accused, her own temper igniting in response to his.

"What are you talking about?" Jacob retorted bitterly. "We made love and I never saw you again. You used me."

"Used you?" Bella exclaimed. "How can you stand there and say that? I left to tell Edward about us, and when I came back Billy was at the door telling me that you wanted me to leave you alone. And not to bother you again."

Never before had Jacob noticed how time is so much like water; that it can pass slowly, a drop at a time, even freeze, or rush by in a blink. It seemed endless as he stared at Bella in complete shock. He tried to absorb her words, to let them sink in. It didn't work. He couldn't, wouldn't believe it.

"You're lying. Dad would never – "

"He did." Bella interrupted; brown eyes glossy with tears. "You know me, Jake. You know when I'm lying. And you know I'm not lying now. I don't why Billy said what he did that night. Maybe he was just trying to protect you. But I can assure you he made it very clear that you wanted nothing to do with me again."

"I didn't know. I thought…." Jacob's face turned ashen as more fine tremors ran up and down his arms. He could feel himself losing control again. He gazed at Bella hopelessly.

"Listen to me, Jake." Bella slipped out of the passenger seat of the Jeep and stood in front of it, still keeping her distance. "You have to get your act together. I came here tonight to tell you something important."

"And that isn't important? Dad lied!"

"Jake, you have to put that to one side. I need to tell you something. If I don't get it out now, I never will."

"Is it the bloodsucker? Has he done something?"

"Dammit, Jake, forget Edward. Forget your dad. This isn't about either of them."

Jacob nodded, breathing deeply to calm himself down. "What is it then? Just say it, Bella."

"You're…. oh god…. there is no easy way to say this." Bella cried. She fumbled in her pocket for her cell phone. It was still switched off. She quickly booted it up again. Immediately it began to buzz as several notifications came through all at once. Most of them were missed calls and texts from Edward. One was from Charlie, another from Rosalie.

Bella ignored them all as she tapped on her camera folder and brought up the latest pictures of CJ. "Here." She said, thrusting her phone at Jacob.

Jacob found himself staring at an image of himself. He looked around five or six years of age, a bright smile lighting up his brown eyes as he posed for the camera. His shock of black hair was short at the back and sides, with a long fringe which fell into his eyes. He was momentarily confused; he was sure that his hair was longer than that. His mother rarely cut it, preferring it long like Billy's.

"I've never seen this photo of me before. When was it taken? And why do you have it?"

Bella gazed back at him; her expression pained. "Everyone always says he's your mirror image. And they're right. That's CJ, Jake. Our son."

A/N-thanks for reading!