Spring, 1995
.
Nothing was right.
He rubbed his head, hard. There was something… something he was supposed to do, but he didn't… he didn't want to. He wasn't going to do it.
He couldn't go back. He… His heart raced at the thought, the mere idea of disobedience terrifying. But, he couldn't . He couldn't… it was wrong, what they did, what they made him do, and he didn't want any of it. He wanted to be decommissioned. He wanted…
His head hurt. He pressed his fingers above his eyes, trying to force the pain away. There was a worse, more painful spot on his temple, but rubbing there didn't help. He'd tried.
He just wanted it all to stop .
The slide of fabric and small thump on the bench beside him made him freeze, and he slanted a look beneath his fingers.
It was… a child. A girl. Small, with two lopsided brown braids and a glittery pink backpack.
"Hi, mister! Did you know your head's bleeding?"
It was? He looked at his hands but didn't see any blood.
She squinted up at him. "On the side of your head. It's dry now, I think, but you should wash it off. Grown ups get so dumb about blood." She fumbled in a little pocket of her backpack, triumphantly pulling out a wet wipe and pushing it into his hands.
He looked at her blankly and she flapped her hands at him in a sign that he should use it. She nodded in a satisfied way when he did, and started swinging her legs. Every fourth swing she smacked her heels together and lights flashed in her shoes. He stared at them. They were strange.
"Head cuts bleed a lot ," she informed him knowledgeably. "We stayed at a hotel with a pool last year, but the pool was weird, like a clover, and when I jumped in I hit my chin and it bled everywhere . There was a lady there and she screamed and scared my mommy and daddy. It hurt but I didn't bite my tongue, so…" She shrugged, still swinging her legs and thumping her heels together, and grinned at him.
Some of her teeth were missing, and it startled him. Where were they? Had someone hit her, knocked them out? He scrutinized her face. She didn't appear to be injured, but…
Then there was a different girl over the face of this one. "But I don't want my teeth to fall out, Bucky," she whined. "I'll look ridic'lous."
"Naw, you'll still be cute as a button," he said with someone else's voice. He sounded like a child. Had he ever been a child? And why did she call him Bucky? "'Sides, Becca, the tooth fairy will come to get your first tooth. Don't you want a present?"
Tooth fairy? What was a tooth fairy?
"The tooth fairy gave me five whole dollars for my teeth!" It was the first girl again. The other girl was gone. His head hurt even more now, and there was an ache in his chest. He needed recalibration.
"Five dollars?" he rasped doubtfully. Five dollars was a lot of money. Wasn't it?
"I know!" she chirped excitedly. "Dumb Riley said he got $5 for one tooth but he's so dumb I don't care. He exagg'rates a lot anyway, so we shouldn't care what he thinks. Okay?"
"Sure, kid," he agreed, then frowned and added gruffly, "You shouldn't talk to strangers, you know." Why did he say that? His head hurt so badly. But it must be a true thing to say. She was so small and friendly, most people wouldn't be safe for her.
"I know that," she said. She sounded exasperated, and he felt a strange twitch in his lips. "But you're not the same as a stranger."
What?
Did he know her? He didn't think he knew her.
"My mom always says to stay in one spot if I get lost, and if there's lots of people to find a safe person, like a p'liceman, and stay in one spot with them. So that's what I did."
"Why do you think I'm safe?" he asked, bewildered. He definitely wasn't safe.
"You have a star. A big one," she pointed out matter of factly, and he realized the sleeve of his jacket was torn at the shoulder. He wasn't supposed to be obvious this time. He didn't know why he knew that or what it meant, but he put his hand over it to hide it. "A star means you're good."
He stared at her. Was he… he wasn't good. He wasn't… People could be good. Dogs? He thought dogs could be good. People would say good dog, good girl, good boy. So dogs could be good. But he wasn't a dog or a person. He was an asset. Could assets be good?
He didn't think he could be good.
A woman's voice was getting closer, calling a name over and over again: "Darcy? Darcy?" The tone changed to relief. "Darcy! Darcy Elizabeth Lewis, where have you been?!"
"Mommy!" The little girl, Darcy Elizabeth Lewis apparently, hopped down and ran into the woman's arms. "I've been right here! I couldn't find a p'liceman so I found a safe person and waited with him!"
He watched from around the corner as Darcy's mother lifted her face from her daughter's hair to look at the empty bench. "What person, sweetie?"
0o0o0
Spring, many years later...
.
"…and this is Dr Foster's assistant, Darcy Lewis. And lab manager? is that what its called? for Tony and Bruce too."
"I prefer Lab Empress, Cap." She gave a horribly sloppy salute and grinned when Steve shot a sharply correct one back. "Mostly benevolent sovereign over wayward scientists, making them eat and sleep, yada yada." She turned her smile Bucky's way. "Darcy Elizabeth Lewis, why yes my mom does love Jane Austen a little too much, nice to meet you."
Darcy Elizabeth Lewis, where have you been?!
She was looking at him expectantly; he should say hi. Or ask her to quantify the 'mostly' in mostly benevolent, because that sounded potentially entertaining. "You shouldn't talk to strangers," he blurted out instead, and grimaced. She was going to think he was an idiot. There was no way she remembered him. Honestly, he was surprised he remembered her.
She blinked, then a huge grin slowly overtook her face. She pointed at him. "You. You wait right here." She bolted away, hollering over her shoulder, "Wait! Here! Do not move!"
Next to him, Steve said, "Uh, Buck?"
"Shut up, Rogers," he muttered.
"You're just going to…?"
He shifted his stance, getting more comfortable. "Yup. You can go, if you want."
His friend snorted. "Like I'd miss this. Whatever this is. Wanna fill me in?"
Bucky smirked. "Nah."
Steve was still scowling when Darcy reappeared around the corner seven minutes later, running full out. She skidded to a stop in front of him and slapped a shiny, star-shaped sticker on his chest.
"Ha!" she exclaimed breathlessly. "Now you're not the same as a stranger!"
"Still not safe," he pointed out, amused. There was a warm ball of happiness in his chest because she remembered - she likely was the only person on earth who had encountered him back then and come away with a good memory of it.
She put her hands on her hips and demanded indignantly, "Who says I am?"
He tilted his head and studied her, a small smile curving his mouth. She winked at him. "Okay," he said.
Darcy beamed and Steve groaned. "I am so confused right now. Help an old man out, Darce?"
"Of course! But this story needs popcorn." She linked arms with them both, tugging them towards the common area kitchen. "Just imagine, Cap, me as a little girl-"
"With no teeth-" Bucky interjected.
"I had teeth!"
"Not all of them. And weird shoes."
She gasped loudly and dropped his arm. "How dare you; those shoes were awesome. I was so sad when I grew out of them."
"Weird," he coughed, deeply enjoying himself. Steve had abandoned discretion and was openly staring at them now.
"They lit up!"
He raised an eyebrow. "Well, yeah. That's what made them weird."
Darcy stuck her nose in the air. "I was adorable."
"Still are adorable," he pointed out, and she made a strangled noise. "Not in the same way, but…" He shrugged nonchalantly and watched the blush rise in her cheeks.
"Well. Okay." She resumed leading them down the hall, but didn't take their arms again. She didn't seem to know what to do with her hands. "Just so you know."
"I know."
"Okay."
"Okay."
There was a beat of silence.
"Please make Steve stop laughing?"
"Sure thing, doll."
A/N: I spent the last week with an almost seven year old, who asked me why two of the silos we drove past had big stars on them (unlike all the other ones we passed.) When I said I didn't know, she decided, "They must be the best ones. You get a star for being good." And my brain went, "Ooooooooooh" and spat this out. 😄
Intentionally left the year of the second part blank, since I prefer to think they somehow avoided all the abysmal BS of CA:TWS and CA:CW. In my head, Hydra recaptured Bucky, froze him for the next 10-12 years, he escaped during his next mission, spent a couple of years getting his memory back, found Steve after being convinced that's actually who he was, they're in the process of wiping out Hydra, and everyone is going to live happily ever after, dammit. AS THEY SHOULD.
But obviously, it's blank. You can imagine whatever you like. 😂