SM owns Twilight. We just want to live in her world a bit longer.
Chapter 20
"Do you know what this means?" Jake asked excited as they watched the Cullen's drive away. Bella pulled back to look at him. "Bonfire!" he said with a huge smile.
"When? Tonight?"
"Nah, we'll probably do it tomorrow night. Gives us time to get prepared."
"So this is a big deal?" she asked.
"When the vampires leave town, the werewolf's party!" he laughed.
Jake pulled his phone out as they walked back into the house.
"They're gone," he said, without any preamble.
"Yep, tomorrow night. Pack only."
"Awesome. See you then," Jake said, hanging up the phone, clearly excited.
Bella was nervous, and Jake could feel it. He pulled her towards the couch. "Bells, why are you so nervous?"
She just shook her head and buried her face in his chest.
"Bella?" he asked again.
"Am I invited?" she whispered.
"Of course you are. Why would you ask that?"
"Well, I've never been to a pack thing before; well, other than Black pack unofficial things. I thought maybe it was just for the wolves and their imprints," she whispered the last word, so quietly he barely heard it.
"Bells, honey, you are my imprint. You are pack. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise, ok?"
"I know that… in my heart, and in my soul; I know that I belong to you. It is like a living, tangible connection between us. I can feel it; it breathes, it pulses, it has life. But… in the back of my mind, the self-doubt creeps in. I keep thinking that… I'm not good enough; something is wrong with me; I won't ever belong anywhere. I've always felt like I didn't fit in.
"I think part of me wanted to become a vampire so desperately because then I would belong to a family. They wanted me; they chose me."
Jake was silent for a moment while he absorbed her confession. "I chose you, exactly the way you are. You don't need to change for me," he said simply.
"I know… but he didn't choose me, and apparently that makes all the difference," she said quietly, avoiding Jake's eye contact. She was tracing patterns on his chest.
"He?"
"Red," she whispered.
Jake shook his head. "That's bullshit. I don't know what the Elders are on about. He loves you. He lives to protect you. It makes absolutely no sense. Every time we make love, he wants to mark you. I have to hold him back. "
"Really?" she asked, with tears in her eyes.
"Really," he said before kissing her.
"I want him to mark me," she whispered.
Jake shook his head again, "you know I can't let him do that."
"I know," she admitted.
They stayed in each other's arms, savouring the time they had together.
It was nearly time to head down to the rez for dinner. Billy was cooking tonight, which was nice for a change.
Jake suddenly pulled back. "Is it later yet?" he asked, wriggling his eyebrows.
Bella giggled, "we have to get going, or we will be late for dinner."
"Come on, we don't have to be long."
"Oh, how romantic," she joked.
"Hm, how do I say this nicely…."
"I stink?" she guessed, "and you want me to take a shower… with you?"
"Guilty," he admitted, with anything but a guilty-looking face.
"Fine," she said, but she didn't even get the whole word out before he scooped her up and raced her to the shower.
"Come on, Leah," he called to her. "We need to talk about this."
"Go away!" she yelled, walking away from him further into the forest.
"You know I can't do that… please?" he begged.
"I think I prefer the domineering side to you."
"Leah, surely you are feeling this the same as me. We both imprinted on each other."
"You know it is just one of those stupid fake imprints again. This was never supposed to be anything serious, and here I am tied to another fucking wolf!"
"Can't we just continue, like we were before?"
"No."
"Why not? I miss you so badly; it hurts," he admitted.
"That is exactly why. It is only going to make things worse for when the inevitable happens."
"Please, Leah."
The rain was beating against the windscreen, making it hard to see out. However, the road from Forks to La Push was familiar; winding through the trees, following alongside the Sol Duc River, each bend slightly different from the others. After thirty years, he could probably do this drive in his sleep. The music was blaring from his stereo, and he tapped his thumbs against the steering wheel in time with the familiar song. It was Friday night, and Charlie was looking forward to dinner at the Black's house.
"Evening, Billy," Charlie called as he let himself into the little red house. He went straight to the fridge and put the case of vitamin R he brought inside, not before taking one for himself and Billy.
"Thanks, Charlie," Billy greeted him, sitting next to the specially made stove that meant he could cook from his chair.
Billy, Harry and Charlie had been friends since they were teenagers. They had been through all their major life events together; dating, marriages, divorce, the death of Sarah Black, and then the death of Harry himself.
Charlie was an easy-going man with simple needs; he enjoyed the quiet life and disliked drama. However, he couldn't help thinking that something was going on that he didn't understand right now. His relationship with Billy felt strained, and it had something to do with Bella and Jacob.
Charlie grew up around the Reservation, never noticing the difference in the colour of their skin; he never felt like he was an outsider until two years ago. First, he watched as the bonfires he grew up enjoying were now closed off to tribe members only; hushed tones would stop when he entered a room; then the discrimination against the Cullen's had started. It was the first major fight the trio had ever had. Eventually, they agreed to disagree, and pushed past their disagreement for the sake of their friendship.
The men spoke very briefly in the kitchen about their days, neither were men of many words, before Charlie migrated to the lounge to turn the TV on.
He heard the sound of Bella's truck arrive. This piqued his interest; he hadn't heard that sound in months. Charlie raised from the recliner and walked to the front door. He saw Bella in a shiny new truck, Jake driving his Rabbit.
While Charlie was shocked to see her new vehicle, but he couldn't help the smile that plastered his face when he watched Jacob open her door for her and help her out of the cab. Bella's face was nearly glowing as she chatted easily with Jacob. Then, they walked hand in hand toward the house.
Charlie opened the front door to greet them, "Hey, kids."
"Hey Dad, Billy," Bella called out to them both.
"Bells, where did you get that truck?" Charlie had to ask.
"This is my old truck; it's just been fixed up a bit," Bella looked nervous. She was chewing on her bottom lip. Charlie knew that she didn't have much money, and this car screamed Cullen.
Bella must have sensed that he was not happy with this answer, so she continued. "So the Cullens dropped by this afternoon to say goodbye." Bella glanced at Billy; he ignored the kids with his back turned to them, stirring the pot. "They had my car fixed up as a going-away present."
"Well… that was nice of them; a little extravagant, though," Charlie said. Bella rolled her eyes and shook her head. "They are leaving? For good?" Charlie watched Billy still his stirring at this question.
"Yes, they said they won't be back. Ever."
"Good riddance," Billy said, without turning his back. Jake tucked Bella under his shoulder and pulled her in tighter. He placed a sweet kiss on the top of her head.
When Bella introduced Charlie to Edward Cullen, the hairs on the back of his neck immediately stood up. He didn't like him one bit. Charlie put it down to the fact that his daughter was dating, and it was ingrained in every man that he needed to protect his daughter from the men of the world.
But when he saw Jacob with his little girl, he couldn't help be happy. Charlie would forever be grateful to Jacob for helping Bella recover from the catatonic state Edward left her in. However, it was more than that. Jake and Bella had always gotten along well, even when they were kids, chosing to spend time with each other rather than those of the same sex, as was common among children of their age.
Charlie had hoped for a romantic connection to start between the two of them. Jacob was like a son to Charlie. He had watched him grow up over the last sixteen years into a wonderful young man. But then, bloody Edward came waltzing back into her life, and he was forgiven immediately. Charlie tried to get Bella to see the truth, "you've got to love what's good for you," he told her, but she couldn't see it.
Trying to be the supportive father, he went along with the wedding plans, but he dragged his heels; he didn't have to make the process easy. The morning of the wedding, Charlie had freaked out to find Bella's bedroom empty, bed not slept in. No father should have to experience that.
But that day, he saw a different side to Edward Cullen, probably the first time he saw him for who he truly was. He acted like a spoilt child who had had their favorite toy taken from them.
Charlie had to work hard to hide his smug thoughts from showing on his face. Charlie was secretly thrilled that the wedding was cancelled, and it looked like Bella was going after Jake instead. When Jake and Bella returned, holding hands, with huge smiles on their faces, Charlie couldn't have been happier.
"Do you want some help with dinner?" Bella asked.
"No, I've got it," Billy replied. His tone made Charlie frown. While Charlie had been thrilled about the development in their relationship, Billy wasn't, and Charlie didn't understand why.
Charlie walked back to the couches, and the kids followed. They sat quietly watching the pre-game show. Charlie tried not to watch as Jake had his arm still around Bella's shoulder, and she was leaning against him. Jake was stroking her leg with his free hand, almost subconsciously.
"Dinner's up," Billy finally called from the kitchen.
Charlie sprang from his seat quickly; he had learned pretty quickly to get in fast when food was on offer in La Push. He ignored the amused looks on the kid's faces.
Billy had cooked up a vegetable soup with some fry bread. Jake served Bella a generous portion before making a bowl for himself. Charlie was pleased to watch his girl being taken care of.
They sat at the table, and Charlie chatted to Billy. The kids stayed pretty quiet, just happy in their own world.
When they were nearly finished eating, Billy spoke up louder as he called out to Jake, "so, Jake, am I ever going to see you back here, sleeping in your old bed?" he asked jokingly.
Bella dropped her spoon loudly in her bowl. Jake muttered something like, for fucks sake.
Charlie frowned and felt his stomach tighten. Strangely, it wasn't the fact that Jacob was sleeping in Bella's bed that made him upset; he already knew that. Instead, it was the fact that Billy would be saying this to deliberately upset them all.
Bella looked up at me with concern in her eyes. "Dad, I…"
Charlie stood up quickly and took his bowl to the kitchen sink. "Billy, can I have a chat with you outside?" he asked as he stalked toward the front door, ignoring the alarmed look from Bella.
Billy followed Charlie out on the deck with a smug look on his face, which dropped quickly when he saw Charlie expression.
"What is your problem?" Charlie sneered.
"I don't know what you're talking about," Billy replied.
"Why would you say that? Are you trying to get her in trouble?"
"Um… ah… no," Billy stuttered.
"I thought you would be happy about Jake and Bella finally being together. We used to joke about finally being related when we watched those two together as kids. But now… I've heard the snide comments you've made. The way you are rejecting her. Is she not good enough for Jake?"
"No, it's not that... I'm just afraid of them getting hurt," he replied.
"Is it her past, with the Cullens? I know you hated them. I thought you'd be happy that they are gone and left my daughter alone."
"I am extremely happy that they have left, and I'm glad for your sake that they didn't take Bella with them."
Charlie shook his head. Billy had confirmed his suspicions that he would one day lose Bella to Edward.
"Then, why do you hate her so much now?" Charlie asked in defeat.
"I don't hate Bella. I could never hate her."
"Why are you against their relationship? Help me understand. Is there something I'm missing?"
"I am not allowed to talk about it," Billy finally admitted.
"Don't try and pull this tribal bullshit on me, Billy."
"Well, it is tribal bullshit, as you call it. You have always known that there are some things we cannot discuss with…."
"With what? Outsiders? Pale faces? Is my daughter too white to be with your son?" Charlie yelled.
Billy looked away and out into the darkness. "They are not right for each other, and it has nothing to do with the color of their skin."
Charlie ground his teeth together in frustration. He was no closer to getting an answer to his friend's strange behavior.
He walked past Billy and opened the door back up into the house. Bella was now sitting on Jake's lap; he was consoling her. They looked like two scared children, clinging to each other as if the other was the only one who would save them.
Charlie sighed, "I have actually been meaning to bring this up with you kids. I was wondering if you wanted to just buy a king-sized bed? That twin is a little small, don't you think?" If Billy wasn't going to support their relationship, Charlie would provide a safe place for them.
"What?" Bella asked.
"Come on, Jake is way too big for that bed. I don't know how either of you actually gets any sleep in it."
"You knew?" she asked.
"I'm a police officer, Bells. Not an idiot. I knew Edward was there too, but I could never catch him. Jake snores like a freight train."
Bella looked up at Jake; he was actually blushing. "I'm sorry, Dad," she said. She hated lying to him; she hated having to sneak around behind his back.
"I have two conditions. One, I don't want to see or hear anything," Charlie said, waving between the two of them. "And, two, make sure you are being safe. I don't want to be a grandfather at 42!" Charlie could see them look awkwardly at each other. He was not an idiot; he could see that their physical relationship was beyond what she had with Cullen. But he also knew that if he tried to stop them, it would just drive them away.
Jake looked up at Charlie, "sorry for sneaking around," he said.
"Just use the front door from now on," Charlie requested.
"No problem," Jake smirked.
"Respect my baby girl, Jake. Make sure you look after her. And, if you hurt her, I will kill you," he said with a straight face.
Jacob flashed him a smile. "I love your daughter, Charlie. I will protect her with my life."
Charlie looked him in the eyes, "I believe you, son."
Charlie sighed; he had said his bit to Billy but didn't feel like staying any longer. "I'm going to head home. I'll catch you guys a bit later."
They nodded back at him as he turned and left out the front door. He tracked past Billy, still sitting on the front porch, before getting in his cruiser and starting the drive home. Suddenly the Reservation didn't seem like a place he wanted to be any longer.
Jacob and Bella were at the sink in the kitchen, doing the washing up when Billy finally came back inside his own house. They ignored him.
"I'm only trying to protect you," Billy said quietly. "Charlie doesn't know what will happen in the future."
"Neither do you," Jacob stated.
"One day, you will break Bella's heart, then what will Charlie think of you?"
"I can't believe that you have so little faith in me."
"This has nothing to do with faith in you, and you know it."
Jacob turned to Bella, who was drying her hands. "Bella, do you want to go and wait in the truck? I'll be there in a few minutes. I just need to talk to Dad for a minute."
Bella smiled up at him, but it didn't reach her eyes. He gave her a quick kiss on the lips before she left the room. They waited until they heard the sound of her truck door close.
"Dad, I'm only going to say this once. I love Bella; she is my whole world. I will love her forever. If you push her away, you push me away, and I will choose her over you every day."
"You are putting a girl above your duty, before your tribe," Billy said, shaking his head. Clearly trying to guilt Jacob.
"I have done no such thing."
Billy sighed, "Jacob… the tribe will never recognize her as the chief's wife. You have an example to set. You will never be allowed to marry her."
Jacob felt his stomach drop and anger rise in his chest. "This is bullshit, and you know it," Jake snarled.
"You need to let her go," Billy said softly.
"No," Jacob said as he stalked towards his bedroom. He grabbed a backpack and threw some clothes in it. He didn't own too many anymore.
Jacob stalked past his Dad and went straight out the front door.
The following morning Bella slipped out of bed and kissed Jake, who was still sleeping. He was out cold. Hopefully, he could sleep a bit deeper, now that he didn't have to worry about Charlie finding them.
It was busy at the cafe, being a Saturday morning. Bella was glad that the shift was going quickly. She was excited and nervous about the bonfire tonight.
When her shift ended, she went straight to Emily's house to help with the food prep.
The chatting in the kitchen quickly died down when Bella walked through the front door. All the imprints were there, plus Leah.
"Hey, Bella," Emily greeted.
"B," Leah greeted her from the couch.
"Hey, ladies," Bella said to them all. "So put me to work. What can I do?"
"You any good at making hamburger patties? The raw meat is making me nauseous," Emily asked.
"Of course," Bella said. Emily showed her all the ingredients, and Bella got to mixing.
The afternoon dragged on. She missed Jake but wouldn't see him until later. Bella stayed out of most of the conversations. She has never been very good with girl talk, and girls never really liked her much.
She was relieved when the boys all bounded through the door just before dusk, including Jake. He swept her up in his arm, and she immediately felt at ease.
Bella was enjoying the bonfire. It was very relaxing laying by the fire, listening to the crash of the waves on the beach and the crackle of the fire. She was sitting between Jake's legs, her back to his chest, his warm arms wrapped around her shoulder, sheltering her from the wind. She was mesmerized by the beautiful blue and purple flames that were coming off the driftwood fire.
She remembered the time last year that she was on this same beach, watching a similar fire, but with a totally different group of friends. She was the new girl then, and she was still the new girl now.
The food had been cooked and eaten; there were never any leftovers. They guys had played a game of football on the beach until it started to get too rough and draw too much attention from others on the beach.
The boys had been taking turns at keeping the patrols going during the afternoon and evening. Only patrolling for an hour in pairs, so they didn't miss out on the celebrations. Most of the girls were in a similar position to Bella, sitting with their wolves. The younger boys, Seth, Colin and Brady, were joking around together.
When Bella saw Leah and Embry emerge from the trees returning from patrol, she began to get nervous. She knew what was coming next. Jake was up next, with Seth.
"You gonna be ok?" Jake whispered in her ear.
She nodded, "I'll be fine," she lied.
Bella sat forward so that Jake could stand up, and she scooted backwards until she was leaning against a log. Jake went over to one of the bags and returned with a blanket. He wrapped it around her shoulders and bent down to kiss her. She thought he might just give her a peck on the lips, but he pulled the back of her head towards his and kissed her breathless. She gasped for breath when pulled away; Jake chuckled. She felt a blush rise up her cheeks.
"I'll be back soon," he said. "Come on, Seth. Let's get this over with."
Bella watched the two of them run towards the forest and out of sight. She let out a sigh and returned her gaze to the fire. She could feel the eyes on her, but she didn't want to make eye contact. She counted in her head, waiting…
She only got to ten before she heard, "so, Bella…" she looked up to the owner of the voice. Jared. "I see you have a new truck."
Bella sighed; maybe keeping her truck wasn't such a good idea after all. "Oh, um… yeah. Well, it's not really new. It is my old truck. It's just been fixed up," she replied nervously.
"It sticks," Paul sneered.
Bella swallowed nervously and picked up a stick sitting next to her. She began tracing patterns in the sand. She frowned, "the… ah… Cullen's kinda fixed it up for me, as like a goodbye present or something."
"That was nice of them," Emily said. Bella looked at her and gave her a small smile back.
"Nice for some," someone else muttered. It was a girls voice this time.
"I guess they felt guilty for putting me through a bunch of vampire crap. Of course, I told them I didn't need it, but they were pretty insistent, and I do really like my truck."
There were a few scoffs around the fire. Bella didn't look to see who it was. She could probably guess.
"You're not the only one who has been put through a bunch of vampire crap," Rachel said.
"I know, I'm sorry…." Bella apologized, even though it wasn't all her fault. "Would you feel better if I sold it and gave you the money?"
"We don't need charity. Especially from vampires," Paul sneered.
"That's what I thought," she muttered, without really thinking. Although she was glad that she hadn't mentioned the rest of the money.
"What's that supposed to mean?" someone else asked.
Oh shit, stupid werewolf hearing. She shouldn't have said that. She needed to stay quiet before it escalated. She just took a deep breath and shrugged her shoulders, looking back to the fire. She would not show them how nervous she was.
"Do you think you are better than us?" Paul asked.
"What? No, of course, not," she said quickly. "What I do with my car and my money is my business and vice versa…." She was now chewing on her bottom lip, silently begging that they would stop the interrogation.
"So you think you have more money than us?" Rachel continued probing her.
Bella rubbed her hand down her face. "What is this really about?" she finally asked.
"We just want to know where your loyalties lie?" Jared said.
Bella looked up now, around the fire, at the faces of the pack and imprints. "With you, with Jacob. I can understand that you don't trust me. I can't … Tell me what you want me to do or say…I don't know…" she shook her head, trying to hold the tears back.
"We want you to leave Jacob alone," Rachel stated.
"Hey!" Leah shouted, standing up. "That's not for you to decide. That's between her and Jacob."
"What happens between them affects all of us; it affects the whole tribe," Paul defended.
"Paul, you need to back down before I take you down," Leah continued to defend Bella.
"Oh yeah?" Paul sneered, standing up to meet her on the other side of the fire. Bella saw Embry and Quil shifting in their seats, obviously trying to decide if they needed to pick a side.
"I can't do it," Bella whispered.
"Can't do what?" Rachel asked.
"Leave him," she replied, feeling the tears in her eyes.
"He's going to drop you one day and never look back. Why would you hang around to watch that? Why are you still here?"
"I love him," she simply replied.
Rachel scoffed, "you know nothing of real love."
Bella thought for a minute. What did she know about love? She thought she loved Edward, but that was not real love. A supernatural infatuation with perfection that went too far. What she felt for Jacob was far beyond anything she had ever felt before. She never even knew that love like this existed. It was all-consuming. It filled her with joy, and peace, and patience, and hope, and warmth.
She turned slowly to face Emily, "when you are away from Sam, for a whole day, how do you feel?"
She looked between Bella and Rachel. Unsure what to say.
Bella answered for her, "your chest starts to ache, doesn't it? And if you don't see him soon, you start to feel cold, like your heart is pumping freezing liquid straight into your veins."
"Yeah, exactly like that," Emily agreed. Sam frowned a little and hugged her closer.
Bella turned to Kim. "When Jared is upset, can you feel it? Do you feel the need to calm him down? Does he stop shaking when you touch him?" Kim nodded.
She turns to Rachel, "and when you are together… together together with Paul, does it feel like home? Like two puzzle pieces fitting together perfectly."
"Yes," she whispered.
"And, if someone told you that Paul was going to die suddenly, sometime in the next few weeks or within the year, or maybe you would get five years, or ten… would you leave him now, to save yourself the pain of the loss?" Bella said, with tears streaming down her face. "Or would you live every day like it was your last together?"
There was silence around the fire.
Bella whipped her face and stood up. She turned away from the fire and started walking along the water's edge, with the blanket wrapped around herself. It wasn't helping.
"Wait!" she heard Rachel's voice. Bella stopped and closed her eyes. She didn't know if she could take much more of this.
Rachel turned her around to face her, "you really love him, don't you?" she asked.
"I love him with my heart, body and soul. I may not be his soul mate, but he is mine. There is no one else."
Rachel threw her arms around Bella. "I'm… so… sorry." Rachel cried. "I didn't know... I thought you were making it up. I thought you were using him to get over that leech again." Bella hugged Rachel back.
Bella couldn't hold it together anymore; she broke down. Hug sobs started to form in her body. Rachel rubbed her back gently. "Shh… it's going to be ok." Rachel tried to comfort her, "I'm sorry."
Bella felt more arms around her; it was Emily, then Kim, they were also crying. They hugged each other for a few minutes before the girls dragged Bella back to the fire. They all sat around her. Rachel on one side, Emily on the other, with Kim next to her.
"Welcome to the pack, Bella," Sam said with a smile.
A/N - Argh! I really struggled with this chapter. I re-wrote it probably five times, and I'm still not so sure about it, so much angst. It also ended up being super long, but I just wanted to get the drama out of the way, coz the next chapter is Jake and Bella fluff.