I think I…..

I was staring out on toward the sea and thinking about what those guys said when Ilaria came down from the house. One look at her and I burst out into an uncontrollable laughing fit. "What are you wearing?" She blinked over to me in surprise. "It's a swimming gown." Heh, that's not a gown; that's a tent. She really is tiny compared to Massimo. Still I couldn't help but tease her a little. "A swimming what? You're going to have a hard time saying afloat in that." Ilaria flashed me a saucy smile. "Well, a good teacher can rectify that little issue, can't he?" What the heck does that mean? Is she calling me a "good" teacher? I'll take it! Course I grinned back at her and waltzed up behind her, though I'm not sure why. Ok! Teacher time! You can do it, Alberto. Just be useful to her and teach her like you've done before. Don't blow it! You've got this!

Maybe I sounded a bit too confident when next I spoke. "Ok! Now remember: swimming is just like walking, except there's nothing beneath your feet, and you're surrounded by water, and you have to go up against the current. Otherwise it's the exact same thing." Nailed it! Man, am I a good teacher or what? How could you not swim after such a perfect description? High on this start, I motioned her forward with my hand. Gotta keep this momentum going!

"Ok, to start, put your feet into the water. Give it a try," my mouth said before my brain had time to catch up. I stood there, watching her step closer and closer toward the shore. My cocky grin began to rapidly fade, my palms grew sweaty. Wait, what is she doing? Where is she going?! I told her to step into the water- not dive right on in! The moment her bare foot plunged into the sea, I felt like I was going to be sick.

This was a bad idea. Why'd I ever agree to doing that stupid race again?! I don't want her in the water; I don't want her anywhere near the ocean. It took everything I had not to march on over there and pull her out back onto solid dry land. But I couldn't move; I couldn't even breathe. There she was, getting deeper and deeper, and I felt like I was going to have a panic attack. No…. I don't like this. She almost drowned once. That's what humans do in water; they drown. They weren't meant to be in the sea. And each time she goes into the water is another chance that I might lose her. That she might die right in front of me…..

"Ilaria, stop! That's far enough!"

Even I was stunned at the desperation in my voice just then. Ilaria's very startled and alarmed head shot back around at me as I stared off into space, realizing what just happened. "What wrong?" She sounded genuinely lost. My eyes trailed back up to her, wide as dinner plates. That's right…. She doesn't know; she doesn't know how afraid I am. How afraid this all makes me… Of course she's confused; why wouldn't she be? And my actions these past ten seconds haven't helped matters.

In order to save face I ran out in front of her in the water as fast as I could, strategically blocking Ilaria from going any deeper. I was trying to be all coy so she wouldn't catch on to what's really going on. "N-Nothing! Nothing's wrong, I just…. I just wanna show you how to do it right," yeah, that'll work! She's bound to buy that. The bottom half of my body transformed and I visibly relaxed once I was there near Ilaria again. Without any hesitation I took both her hands in mine.

"Good, so just follow my lead. I'll be right here to catch you if anything goes wrong, so you don't have to worry." I said this but I was really talking about myself; so I didn't have to worry. I felt so insanely better being here with her, holding her hands in mine. I mean, I still didn't like the fact that she's in the sea, but this was a lot better than watching from the beach. Very, very carefully I began to lead her forward, taking note of where her feet were positioned with each step. Inside I was also starting to sweat bullets, but I didn't want Ilaria to know that I was terrified. "Good, good! You're doing great! Just take it one step at a time," my lips encouraged on their own accord. Seriously, my mouth has to stop doing that!

Ilaria's baby steps soon turned into much bigger steps, making me even more nervous. But I found my gaze drifting back up to her head; her own eyes were focused on the sea floor in front of her. Watching her like that this weird sensation began to tickle in the pit of my stomach. Those men said that I'm in love, but how would they know? Have I really changed that much? And all without my ever noticing….. After casually observing Ilaria for a moment, this organic grin started to blossom across my face. Well, if I did love her then it must have been love at first sight, cause there hasn't been a moment where I have looked at her since without cherishing her more. But this isn't really "love", is it? Is it…..?

My feet ground to a halt when we were waist deep. This was already too far out for my liking, so I decided to cut it off here, but in a nice, encouraging way. "Good job! I think this is far enough for today. We'll go a little deeper tomorrow," ha, yeah right. This unsurprisingly surprised Ilaria. "Really? This is all you want to do today?" I gave her a warm but firm grin. "We have time, Ilaria. I think we should take this slow. I'm not ready…. I mean you're not ready! Not ready to try anything spectacular," I said and her face flashed with disappointment. I gave her hands a gentle squeeze. "Don't worry; we'll be good to go for the race," was next tacked on. "Are you sure?" "Sure I'm sure! Can't rush these things, you know," and we are most definitely not going to rush this. She hesitated but relented soon enough. "Well, ok then. You know best when it comes to anything water-related." I then moved back around her in such a way that I didn't have to let go of her hands. I didn't want to release her from my grip until we were safely back out of the water. The relief in my voice was palpable and at the moment, I didn't care. "Alrighty! Let's head back to shore. Just do exactly what you did to get this far," gotta keep instructing her.

Ilaria only took a few steps forward before she then tripped. It was like my world was imploding on me as I saw her fall beneath the surface. My blood grew cold, every fibre of my being froze solid. No…. No, I'm not ready for this. I don't want to lose her. I've already lost my dad and I thought I lost Ilaria once before. I don't want to lose her again. Not when she's become my everything now.

"Ilaria!" Within the blink of an eye my body took on a life of its own. My arms stretched out to scoop her up, ripping her up to the surface. I brought her body close into my chest, holding her as near to me as I could. She coughed a little and my anxiety didn't subside. "Ilaria, are you ok?!" My voice could be heard for miles I'm sure, I hollered that loud. "I'm fine…. I'm fine," she managed to get out in between coughs. Yeah right! You are so not fine! You almost drowned again! My brain was zooming over all the things that might be wrong right now. "Are you sure? Did you hurt yourself? Are you in shock? What day is it?"

Ilaria gave me one of "those" looks. "I'm fine, really. I'm alright," she wisely added with a smile which immediately calmed me down. Believing her, I let out the biggest sigh of relief ever. "Phew, you scared me there for a second," the longest second of my life. I hadn't noticed that I was still holding Ilaria in my arms but I gazed back down at her when her cheeks suddenly turned pink for some reason. Was she hot? Did she have a fever?! Maybe I gave that relieved sigh a bit too soon. She shuffled around a tad in my arms awkwardly. Her eyes refused to meet mine. "Y-You can put me down now," only then did she peek up at me very, very shyly.

She said this, and all I could do was stare back down at her. I hadn't even realized….. Holding Ilaria like this, cradling her in my arms like this felt so natural that I didn't notice I was still doing it. But the instant she said this, I looked at her…. And couldn't look away. My grin began to fade the longer I stared at her in awe. In utter, complete, extraordinary awe. How is it…..? How is it that one person can become so precious, so special, so irreplaceable? Neither of us tried to be anything but friends, and yet….. And yet…. I couldn't stop looking down at her, still protectively cradled there in my arms. My lips parted a sliver, though no sound came out. Ilaria….. I think….. I think I….

I think I love her.

And there's no way in hell I'm putting you down. Not now, not ever. You'll never leave me now; you make me too damn happy. No, I'm going to keep holding onto you; I'm going to keep you here with me for as long as I can. I love you…. I'm in love with you. Before I knew it, I'd grown to love you so much.

In that very minute, I also experienced a brand-new sort of feeling. My chest- hell, my whole body- grew so incredibly light. I was smiling ear-to-ear. It felt like all the sun's light was shining straight onto me. Everything felt good- being alive, breathing, walking. Colours were brighter, the edges of clouds were sharper, the sand felt softer. I was just so unspeakably happy; I'd never felt this happy before.

Not even with dad.

Course I couldn't tell Ilaria or anyone else this, but I couldn't contain my joy. Still refusing to put her down, I began laughing and spinning our bodies around. I didn't mind the fact either that Ilaria's arms wrapped tightly around my neck too. Twirling us back all the way to shore, we fell onto the sand of the beach. She looked at me with surprise and I looked at her with an equal expression. Then we both burst out laughing, stretching our arms out beside us. We were staring up at the sky and I can't remember it ever looking so big. Everything had such gravity behind it- a gravity I'd never notice before until Ilaria….. "The sky's so big…." Ilaria said aloud what I was thinking. "Yeah," my head then turned to look at her again. She was still staring high up above us, giving me the opportunity to admire her.

Look at her. How on earth did I ever so lucky as to be her friend? To meet such a wonderful human? She has no idea how glorious she is or how happy she makes me. Love's such a simple, little word…. So then why does it feel like there's so, so much more there? Yes, this is what I want. I want to stay here with Ilaria. I want to be with her for as long as possible. I want to be right here beside her…..

This is about when Ilaria looked over and caught me observing her- observing her, and smiling…. Oh, how I smiled at her. It's not about being in love. I could care less about the fact that I'm in love. What matters to me is that I'm in love with Ilaria. It's not being in love that makes me happy…. My eyes lowered so tenderly onto her as she smiled back at me. It's being in love with you…..

I'm so happy I fell in love with you, Ilaria.