Ilaria came back to fetch my plate after we finished lunch. I wasn't looking at her but rather at the ominous black clouds spreading over the horizon in the distance. A thunderstorm was brewing. I'd have to be in the water before it started to rain. Admittedly this made me a tad anxious since I didn't know when the downpour would begin. All that went away though at the sudden sensation of Ilaria's fingers running along the top of my arm. I blinked to her and she smiled at me. No, she's not worried about it and I shouldn't be either. It'll work out in the end.
It always does.
Relaxing my posture a bit, I watched her and Massimo tidy up the kitchen. Then I started to let my eyes wander around a bit. I'd been in this room a hundred times now and always found something new in it. Like this! I reached over to curiously pick up a card that was laying on an end table close by. It wasn't a big card; about the size of my palm or so. Didn't have much on it either. Only Ilaria's name written in fancy rose gold… for some reason. Huh, strange thing to own.
"Uh, why do you have a card with just your name on it?" I asked her casually. Both her and Massimo turned back to see what I was referring to and Ilaria's face perked up. "It's a calling card." A calling what? I don't think that's a thing. Maybe she's just confused. "How are you supposed to call someone with this?" I asked her to show what a ridiculous idea it was. But my smooth attempt didn't work as she merely giggled. "Heh, no, no. It's called a "calling card" because when you visit someone- or "call" on them- you leave a calling card behind if they're not available. It's a sort of way to say "I wanted to see you today but unfortunately was unable to." What the heck? Who came up with that bright idea?! Just sounds like a bunch of unnecessary work, if you ask me. "Why would anyone care about that?" Was my next genuine question, kind of interested to hear her answer. I wanted to know how humans justified such silly behaviour to themselves.
Ilaria's shoulder shrugged. "That's how one maintains vital relationships. These sorts of relationships are key if you want to make a good matrimonial match." Matrimonial match? What's that? Why are we matching things again? Is this some sort of game humans constantly play? I'll never get over how hard to understand their custom and traditions are. "Or secure a better position for your husband or son, or get introduced to high political officials. It's very competitive at the top, and you need a network in order to survive in the big city," she finished. Tisk, I'll say. I'm not even going to try and get what she meant by all that. "How do you know all this?" I honestly don't know how Ilaria kept track of or even knew all this. I was lost beyond repair. And I was happy that way. This all sounds like a big headache if you ask me.
Ilaria's eyes softened onto me. They had this sort of sad tint to them just now. "Why, I had to know. Up until this year I thought that my life was going to take a very different route. I'd start using calling cards in two years, when I turned nineteen," you would? Why wait two years? Why not use them now? I mean, I get why I wouldn't use them! But Ilaria seems to understand this stuff. It didn't make sense to me that she should wait. Course I didn't say so out loud, afraid I might look more stupid than I already had that day. She went on. "That's when I'd "come out" into proper society and start…. and well, start searching for a husband. Finding a good match is hard work and both ladies and gentlemen need to know how to play the game, but especially the ladies. Our very futures depend on it." Ah ha! I knew there was a game going on! Wait a sec…. So that's what they mean when they say "match", like husbands and wives? They've been talking about marriage this whole time?! Well, why didn't they just say that? Sigh. Ok, now I get it. Ilaria's talking about finding herself a husband.
This knot suddenly formed inside my stomach. Wait…. So she's supposed to be searching for a husband so she can "match" with someone. And she has these calling cards, which are important for finding human husbands, I guess. So that means….. My eyes grew a little on their own accord.
Ilaria's looking for a husband.
I don't know why that hit me just now. She said since the beginning that this is the whole reason she moved to Portorosso. She's going to marry someone who can take over Massimo's fishing business…. That's why she's here. She's going to get married…. And by the looks of it sooner than later. Ilaria's going to get married…. Ilaria's going to be married soon. Ilaria….
My Ilaria.
Wait a minute, I paused here for a second. What if I… married Ilaria? I'd never thought about it before! Not seriously anyway. Maybe that's because it brings up a whole host of questions. Where would we live? Well here, I guess. Would Massimo live with us? Again, probably; this is his house, after all. What would it be like living in the human world forever? Would it be possible to keep my secret from everyone? What if anyone ever found out the truth? What would they do to me? What would they do to Ilaria?
On the other hand, what if it's totally safe and I'm just overthinking everything? It's theoretically possible for me to stay here in Portorosso while keeping my secret. I'd spend most of my time out on the water fishing with Massimo and being with Ilaria anyway. And if we did get married, it would solve the Ercole problem; we'd just have to announce our engagement before he has a chance to after the race. Our engagement…. My eyes slowly drifted back over to Ilaria, who was looking straight back at me. Could I realistically marry her? Can I marry her? I'd have to get Massimo's permission first. Hmmmmm, that may be tricky; I don't know if he'd give me his blessing or not. He said I had his permission to do something out on the boat the other day, but I doubt that has anything to do with marriage. And then there's Ilaria herself….. What would she say? Would she want to marry someone like me? I'm not a gentleman like those fancy fellas she's used to back in Florence. But I love her….. My gaze automatically softened onto her. I really, really do.
Ah, to hell with it! Let's get married! I can't picture her marrying anyone else anyway. I have no idea how to get married, what we need, or what will happen afterward, but all that won't scare me away. Not if I can be with Ilaria at the end of it. No, this is a good idea; I'll marry Ilaria. That'll solve everything! Then she won't need to worry about finding a husband or dealing with Ercole. I'll marry her….. That'll make me so unspeakably happy. Yes,
I'll marry her.
I was not expecting Massimo to sigh and turn back toward Ilaria, surprising us both all of a sudden. He looked…. It's almost impossible to describe. He looked super serious and I had no idea why.
"Hearing you talk like that, niece, I realize just how differently you were raised from us; the kind of life you had before….." What's he talking about? I didn't understand, so I remained quiet. He went on. "I know I criticize my brother for some of his behaviour, but when it comes to you, he did everything right." Well, I don't know about that. He didn't teach Ilaria to swim, which might have ended up costing her life if I wasn't there. Go me.
Massimo's eyes lowered onto his niece. "He did what he had to do….. assuming you were going to stay in Florence." "Zio….." Hey, that brings up a good point! Ilaria's dad isn't native to Floor-ants; he was born here in Portorosso. So then why…..? "Why'd your dad move to Floor-ants anyway?" I interjected with my well-timed question. Massimo's head spun my way. "He had to; he had to move away for work. All the young men left Portorosso around that time. I was lucky because I had Papa's fishing business to take over, but my brother was the younger son, so he had to fend for himself." Oh, I didn't know that's how it works up here. "Lots of townspeople moved to the city back then- that's where the work was. I think he was planning on moving back eventually when he left, but then he met Ilaria's mother," Massimo tacked on. I blinked. Ilaria's mom? No one's ever brought up her before.
Massimo's board hand reached out to take hold of Ilaria's. I was watching the two of them now with intent, curious to hear what he would say next. "Your father loves you more than anything in the world. It took me years to convince him to send you out here." Huh, why am I not surprised to hear that Ilaria's dad values her? Must be nice, I winced inside at memory of the neglect of my own father. She doesn't know how lucky she is…. to have a dad that cares about her. "He only agreed after you finished your education. He wanted a better life for you, Ilaria; better than we had growing up. He wanted you to have what your mother could have had if she married someone else." What the hell does he mean by that?! Was Ilaria's dad mean to her mom or something? Why wouldn't her dad want her to marry someone like him? Is there something I'm missing here?!
"Zio!" Sounds like Ilaria's missing something too, or she's just really stunned; one of the two. Massimo buckled down on the sentiment. "It's true. But the sad thing is that somewhere along the way, he forgot how good our childhood really was." But didn't he just say that….? "I loved growing up in Portorosso; so did your father. We had everything we needed, everything to make us happy. And I knew you would be happy here too, but he forgot…. He let himself forget," the fisherman concluded. Huh, I pondered; I didn't know we could wilfully forget stuff like that. I thought forgetfulness just happened naturally. "Zio….." Ilaria's tone was also gentler now.
He smiled up at her. He had this look in his expression which said that there was more he wanted to tell her. Something important to say… "But don't doubt for a second that your father loves you. He loves you, niece, and he loves me too. That's why you're here; that's why he let me have you. We do things in life when we love each other…. We make sacrifices." My eyes began to widen. We do? I didn't know that either…. I never equated love with making sacrifices before. I didn't feel like loving Ilaria involved me sacrificing anything. It was simply the most nature, effortless thing in the world- loving Ilaria. This really caught my attention, what Massimo said here. This was all brand-new to me too.
"Our parents made a sacrifice when they let my brother move to Florence back in the day, and your father was willing to sacrifice everything for your future. But things didn't turn out that way." A pause broke in here. The atmosphere in the room was intense and reflective. Massimo had that look on his face again. "I know his recent letters to you have been…. confusing. But that's because he's forgotten what life's truly like out here. There's no game you have to play. There's no society for you to be part of. He doesn't have to keep trying like you're going to lose everything if he stops. But the whole reason he's acting this way is because he loves you, and he simply wants the best for you. Do you understand, Ilaria?" Tearing up a little, her head gave a gentle nod. "Yes…." Her moist lips whispered. "I can't get too mad at my brother. I always have to remember that you're here…. His only child is here in Portorosso with me. If that isn't love, I don't know what is," Massimo added. Oh…. So that's what he means by sacrifice; Ilaria's dad let her move out here with Massimo to help him….. He literally gave his only daughter to his brother. My eyes wandered back over in Ilaria's direction once more, with much more gravity this time. So that's what Massimo means…..
Massimo concluded the sermon with a single line. "Remember you two: love isn't about happiness." It's not? But then, so….. "It's about wanting the best for the other person. Understand?" Ilaria nodded again while I just sat there, staring at both of them. "I understand, Zio." I wasn't at all ready for Massimo's attention to turn right to me. His eyes locked firmly onto mine, tinted with such sincerity. "Understand me, young man?" And I could only blink and absent-mindedly nod my head.
Oh, I see; I think I'm starting to see now. How could I have been so stupid? I had it all wrong. This whole time I've been thinking of myself, of how insanely happy Ilaria makes me. She does, and I thought that it was the basis of my love for her. But…. But when Massimo says it like that, yeah; I get it. I wouldn't stop loving Ilaria if she wasn't around to make me happy- it went so, so much deeper than that.
One look at her and I couldn't fathom how deep it was- my love for this woman.
But I was mistaken. My happiness doesn't matter in the grand scheme of things. That's not what love is all about. For the first time in my life, I'm thinking of another person first. That's what Ilaria's dad did when he sent here to Portorosso. He did what was best for his family…. And I've got to do what's best for Ilaria now too. I need to do what's in her best interest- that's what love is all about. But… couldn't I be what's best for her? Couldn't her marrying me be what's best for the Marcovaldo family? I'd do everything in my power to make it the best decision for her, for my girl. I love her too much to do anything otherwise. Yes, Massimo's right; how could I have been so blind? All I've talked about was how happy Ilaria makes me. But that's wrong. It's not about me; it's never been about me. I looked back at Ilaria. I looked at her, savouring the flawless image in my heart….
It's about her.