I can't believe it's been so long... 5 years?! I'm sorry this story went on such an unexpected and long hiatus. I honesty can't believe I remembered my login info. But... I AM BACK. And I hope y'all are forgiving. Life happens, and just distracts you sometimes. But I've never stopped thinking about this story. I am picking it back up again, and I really hope you all enjoy reading it as much as I enjoy writing it.

SM owns all.

I couldn't remember having a more restful sleep in a long, long time. I had no nightmares, not even any dreams that I could remember. I was apparently so deeply asleep, that Jacob was able to slip from my embrace and sneak back out of the window before Charlie woke up, all without causing me to stir. It seemed that it helped my troubled mind relax when I shared a bed with my own personal sun. I'd have to remember that.

As it was, I woke alone in my room when I started hearing the sounds of Charlie moving around downstairs and caught the scent of fresh coffee. I rubbed my eyes and turned on my back to look at the ceiling. Slowly, memories from the night before returned. I probed almost hesitantly at my thoughts, hoping that my newest feelings weren't fleeting... that I wouldn't be right back where I started after a few REM cycles. What I felt was a swell of relief and happiness when I realized that my longing for Jake was still there in full force. Even among the pain of grief for Harry, and worry for Charlie having just lost his friend, there was a persistent, almost magnetic pull against my heart. I wanted to be where he was. This heavy realization hit me again, not for the first time in the last 24 hours. It was such a positive feeling. And a very, very welcome change. I felt like I could take on all the pain in the world, and it would be okay as long as Jacob Black was with me.

I turned my mind tentatively to the Cullens... and to him. I forced myself to think his name. Edward. I braced myself to feel the pain, but like the day before, the hole in my chest didn't reopen.

There were still unpleasant feelings associated with their leaving. Pain at their abandonment, even anger and feelings of betrayal. After all, it wasn't just Edward that left me. Alice... she left me too. The Cullens as a whole represented a phase in my life that I thought was good. I loved them, and then they just disappeared. I may never truly understand how they could do it. But I was now certain that I had reached a true turning point. I was realizing that I could explore these thoughts without feeling broken anymore. They are just memories of a phase in my life that brought me to where I am now.

And where I am now... feels better than that.

I began to roll over to get out of bed when I heard the crumpling of paper next to me. There was a handwritten note sticking out halfway from underneath my pillow. I rubbed my eyes again as I grabbed it, trying to get the tiredness out of my eyes.

Bella,

I'm sorry, I couldn't wake you. You just looked so peaceful.

Meet me in La Push today if you want. My place.

P.S. - We can talk about what you were saying in your sleep later.

I love you,

Jake

My hand shot up to clasp over my mouth as I read the note, and I cursed my stupid lips for running off without my consent. What did I say?! He didn't seem angry... I felt myself blushing furiously, and from more than just embarrassment. Somehow, just reading the words written in his messy, uneven script made my heart skip a beat. And those butterflies in my stomach kicked up again when I read I love you.

I got out of bed, showered, got dressed, and brushed my teeth as quickly as I could. As much as I wanted to go straight to Jake's, I knew I needed to check in on Charlie. I found him downstairs over a lukewarm cup of coffee, staring at the wall. "Dad?" I said as I walked into the kitchen.

His eyes absently turned to me, and took a moment to focus. "Oh, Bells." He cleared his throat. "How did you sleep?"

"I slept fine, but what about you?" I replied.

"Oh, you know..." he said, trailing off. His eyes went back to the wall. After a few moments he spoke again. "It's hard."

I walked over to sit next to him. I spent the next hour or so with Charlie, just being with him. How Charlie dealt with his emotions was still unfamiliar territory to me, and I didn't know exactly what he needed right now. But I figured I would let him lead the way. Eventually, after some silence, he began telling stories about Harry. How they met, their fishing trips, random funny stories. I just listened and smiled as he reminisced, and every once in a while gave him a pat of comfort, until eventually he placed his hand over mine and said "Thanks, Bells. You're a good kid."

He awkwardly cleared his throat and got up to shuffle the half full cup of coffee to the kitchen sink, mumbling something about going into the station today. It would help keep him busy.

I took this as permission to get up and collect my wallet and keys. Charlie noticed. "Where you off to?"

"I'm going to La Push today. Maybe there's something I can do to help the Clearwaters, you know?"

He grunted and eyed me closer. "Going to see Jacob?" he asked.

"Well... yeah, that too," I replied, shifting my eyes downward.

"You've been spending a lot of time with him lately," Charlie pointed out. He looked at me expectantly, leaning back against the kitchen counter with his arms crossed.

"I suppose I have. He... he's important," I replied, at a loss for words. Luckily, after a moment Charlie just grunted again, leaving it at that. He walked back through the kitchen and past me, and... wait. Was that a smirk on his face?

I drove to La Push as fast as I legally could, my truck struggling the whole way. It was giving me some difficulty lately, and I could feel it sputtering and jerking more than usual. I would have to talk to Jake about that.

The truck roared into it's usual parking spot on Billy's gravel lot, and I jumped out, practically jogging to the front door. Jacob opened it before I could get there.

He looked absolutely disheveled, slightly shaggy hair a mess, and with a small amount of something smeared on his face.

"Hey, Bella," he said with a smile and a relieved tone to his voice. "I'm so glad you're here." He swept me up in a huge embrace, lifting my feet from the ground. By the time he let me back down, I was grinning up at him from ear to ear. Even in this state, he shined so bright.

"Is that... flour?" I asked, pointing to his cheek. He reached to his face and rubbed at it, obviously not aware of the mess until now. "Uh... yeah, I guess it is. Come in, I think I really need your help," he said, as he turned back around through the doorway. I followed him into the kitchen, where my jaw dropped.

There were bowls, dishes, baking pans, and utensils sprawled all over the counters of the Blacks' little kitchen, with various ingredients intermingled throughout. It was in absolute disarray. I turned to gape at Jacob, who looked sheepish. "Jake. What happened?!"

"Well, I was with some of the tribe, and we were talking about how we could help the Clearwaters, and one thing led to another, and somehow I volunteered to make some meals for them..." he said, utterly defeated. "I don't even know how it happened, maybe this is some kind of sick prank. Obviously, I bit off more than I could chew, I mean, I don't know how to cook! Please, Bells... can you help me?"

I took in the scene of destruction for a moment, and then looked into Jake's pleading eyes. He was really cute when he begged, but I tried not to let my expression betray my thoughts. Of course, I didn't need to even think about it. It would be no problem to do this for the Clearwaters and help Jake save some face with the tribe as a bonus. "Okay, don't worry Jake. I can help," I said. The look of gratitude in his eyes was adorable.

With that, I resolved to take inventory of what usable ingredients Jake had left, and wrote down a list of things to get from the grocery store. I had some ideas for a few easy recipes to throw together. I assigned Jake to stay and do his best to clean up so we could get started when I got back. It was early afternoon by the time I returned to his place with lunch for the two of us, and everything we needed to make casseroles, soups, pasta dishes, and whatever else we could think of to keep Sue, Leah, and Seth fed for the next week or so.

Jake scarfed down his lunch eagerly. I wouldn't have been surprised if he hadn't eaten yet today, since that was a pretty deep hole he'd dug for himself in the kitchen. He must have been at it for hours. I certainly appreciated his willingness to try.

As we ate together, Jake told me about Sue Clearwater's decision to have a traditional Quileute funeral for Harry... one that was closed to anyone outside of the tribe. Obviously, she knew of Harry's many non-Quileute friends, like Charlie. So there would be a separate celebration of life reception that would be open to anyone who wanted to come. I understood, of course. Some things need to be kept sacred.

We fell into a comfortable silence as we ate. Suddenly, it became a little more uncomfortable as I remembered Jake's note from this morning, and his mention of my sleep talking. I was dying to know what was said, but was quite afraid to ask.

Jake finished his food, and eyed me curiously. He could sense my change of mood. "What are you thinking about, Bella?" There was a smile playing at his lips. He knew what I wanted to ask.

I sighed, and tried to look him in the eyes. "What did I say in my sleep last night?" I asked.

His smile widened into a grin, flashing me his white teeth. "So you read my note, huh?" he said casually, hopping up to throw our trash away and playfully ignoring the question.

"Come on, Jake," I begged. He turned around, standing in the kitchen doorway, still grinning brightly. "What?" he said, playing dumb and absolutely relishing my discomfort.

I got up from the table and stood in front of him, arms crossed. "What did I say," I said pleadingly, but more forcefully this time.

His expression softened, and he reached toward me with a long arm and took my hand in his. He gently pulled me a bit closer, and then met my eyes with his. "You said a few things. First, you kept saying my name." He looked down at my hand as he caressed the back of my palm with his thumb. "You also asked me to hold you a couple times. So I did."

I had drifted even closer to him without realizing it, hanging on his words. Our bodies were mere inches apart now "Anything else?" I asked.

Our eyes locked again. "You kept saying 'I'm ready.'" At this, I blushed and attempted to look down, but he caught my chin with his free hand tenderly, exploring my eyes. "Is it true?" Jake asked. "Are you ready?"

He loomed so tall over me, holding his face so close to mine, and all I knew was I wanted to close the distance. I could feel the heat of his body radiating off of him, and I was filled with an overwhelming urge to kiss him. His lips, full and slightly open, had dropped the smile. He was looking at me with longing now. I didn't know how to speak anymore. So I just held his gaze and hoped he saw the 'Yes' in them.

He must have. His eyes began to close as he moved closer, and then... the phone rang. Loud and just a couple feet away from our heads. I had to force myself to not curse out loud. Jake looked as frustrated as I felt as he groaned and answered the phone.

The wake up call made me hyper aware of the close proximity of our bodies. I moved away and fidgeted with my hair awkwardly while he spoke to the caller. "Yeah sorry, we're working on it. Yeah, um, Bella is helping. Be there in a few hours. By dinner time. Yep. Bye."

He slammed the phone back onto its base. "That was my dad, wondering when we'll have the food ready." He sighed in exasperation, looking down at the ground.

"I guess we better get to work," I said, not bothering to fake enthusiasm. We both knew what almost happened in that moment. And we obviously both wanted it. With a huff, I steeled myself to turn around and start gathering up the things we would need for a casserole. We couldn't afford to get distracted right now, not when the Clearwaters needed a hand. Although it took an almost Herculean effort to not turn back around and kiss him senseless. Soon, I promised myself.

We started in on cooking, and Jake helped me without a fuss, although he was pretty quiet for a while. No doubt he was lost in his thoughts like I was about the almost kiss. But he did whatever I asked of him, and it turned out Jacob was a pretty great sous chef. And a handsome one at that. I stole looks at him whenever I could, loving the furrow of his brow when he was concentrating on doing something delicate. My heart skipped a beat.

By 6:00, together we had made 6 different dishes that I was certain would last the Clearwaters at least a week. Although... if Seth and Leah had already phased, no doubt they would have werewolf sized appetites. They might obliterate this in a couple days. Regardless, it would help.

Jacob and I took it to their house together. Seth and Leah weren't there. Jake and I shared a glance, and I knew we were both thinking they must be with Sam. He'd be helping them work through their changes and the death of their father right about now. But Sue and Billy were there, and she was so grateful for the food. She embraced us both for what felt like 2 minutes each, thanking us and insisting that we stay and eat some of it with her for dinner. It felt odd eating even a little bit of the food that we made for her family, but eventually we just couldn't say no. She was so appreciative of the company. I could tell she'd been crying, but she went on and on about the support she's received from the tribe and how she will never be able to properly thank us all.

Billy stayed there after we left, saying he had someone coming to pick him up and he would follow behind shortly.

By the time we made it back to Jacob's house, it was already almost 9 pm. "I'm on vampire patrol tonight," Jake sighed, putting his hands in the pockets of his shorts. We were outside, standing near the door of my truck.

"Well, if you need a break, you know where to find me," I replied.

"Don't tempt me," Jake chuckled, but his words burned with a deeper meaning.

Silence fell on us, loaded with all the things we wanted to say to each other, but didn't know how to say yet. I didn't want to ignore what happened earlier in his kitchen, or anything that's led up to this point. It's obvious what this was coming to. What Jake had felt for me for so long, I was finally reciprocating wholeheartedly. And I needed him to know that. So finally, I approached him as he leaned against the side of my truck and took his hand in mine.

"I am ready, Jake."

His eyes darted up to mine as I heard a small rush of air leave his lips. His gaze smoldered, and I could feel the warmth of his body as I inched closer. "Are you sure? I mean you didn't hit your head yesterday, right?" he joked half-heartedly. I could see the hope in his eyes.

I playfully pushed his shoulder with my the palm of my hand. "No! I didn't hit my head. I mean it." I met his eyes, where I could still see some doubt. "Jake," I said, softer this time. "It's taken me a long time to get to this point. I'm sorry that I made you wait... but I'm here now. I'm ready."

His eyes sparkled at this. The doubt left. "You have no idea how long I've wanted to hear you say that," he said in a low voice as he caught me by the waste with his large hands and spun us in a half circle, pushing me against the truck where his body just was. It wasn't rough... but it was earnest. One arm held his weight against the truck as his other hand rested on my hip. He paused for one more split second to make sure I had no objections, then leaned in and closed the distance between our lips without anymore hesitation.

I accepted eagerly. The first touch of his lips against mine was electric and warm. I made an involuntary noise as I snaked my arms up over his hot chest and around his shoulders, clasping my hands behind his neck and pulling him ever closer. The kiss was somewhat tame at first as we both explored this unknown territory. Our lips moved against each other's, growing hungrier until the moment I parted my lips and invited him in. He obliged with a flick of his tongue as the kiss became deeper and more uncontrolled, and in every movement I could feel the passion and love that Jake had for me pouring out. And God, he tasted so sweet.

It was like a part of myself had been unlocked. I didn't know that this is what love could feel like. Passionate, yet unconditional. Sweet, yet smoldering. Not an unhealthy infatuation, but actual adoration and love. I tried my best to communicate back to him what I truly felt, that I really was finally ready, that I was done living in the past, and I was done pretending that I didn't want him.

At this moment, I'd never wanted anything more in my life than to never, ever leave this kiss.

Jake's passion, getting the better of him, pushed him to let the hand on my hip wander. Against his better judgement, that hand dipped down below my hip, and then made its way around until his palm was fully cupping my backside. Although a part of me wanted him to keep going, this did sober me up a bit as I remembered where we were: outside his father's house, lit by the dim glow of the porch light, and Billy potentially returning any minute.

I broke the kiss and reached for his wandering hand, and he stopped immediately. "Oh my God, I'm sorry. Bella, I'm sorry, I don't know what I was think-"

"Shut up, Jake," I said, smiling at him and trying not to laugh at his momentary panic. "It's okay, it's just..." I took a couple deep breaths, trying to calm down. "Just not here."

He seemed to understand, sighing in relief. He was breathing heavy too, and leaned his forehead against mine closing his eyes. "I don't want to mess this up, Bella."

He had no idea how high my heart was soaring. "Jake, you won't." I leaned in and stole one more soft kiss to ease his fears. "I love you."

And it was true. I believed it and felt it in every fiber of myself. This was what I'd always been searching for, just in the wrong place. Thank God I finally found it.

His eyes opened and burned with an accumulation of emotions that I don't think I could ever hope to identify. But certainly pure love was one of them. "I love you too, Bella." With that, he pulled me into a tight embrace, burying his face into the crook of my neck and breathing me in. Like the supernatural heat of his body, his happiness radiated from him. I hoped he could feel mine as I returned the embrace as tightly as my arms would let me. I wanted him to know this wasn't one sided... it was no longer unrequited. It just took me a little longer to get here.

Finally, Jake released me. "Dammit, I really have to go," he said, sounding absolutely dejected. "They'll be waiting for me."

"I'm sorry. Do you... do you want to ride with me to the house?" I offered.

"I normally would, Bells, but uh... to be honest, I think a run through the woods would be good for me right now. I need to cool off..."

"Okay," I said, looking down and biting my lip. I still wasn't over the high, and all I could think about was when we'd be able to do it again.

"Well one thing's for sure, you've given me a lot to think about tonight. I don't think I'll be able to keep this off my mind," he said with a sheepish smirk, implying that the entire pack would soon know all about this little encounter.

I started, suddenly remembering that the members of the werewolf pack can all read each other's thoughts... and blushed.

"It's okay," Jake said. "I'll do my best to keep it tame." He brushed some hair behind my ear and reached for the truck door, opening it for me.

As I got in, I joked, "Keep your head in the game, Jake. Remember you're hunting vampires."

"Always," he replied. He shot me one last bright smile, and closed the door, running into the night. I thought I saw him taking his shirt off at the edge of the tree line, and I found myself really wishing that our obligations could take a break. But it was true... there was still Victoria. She was out there somewhere, trying to kill me as an act of revenge... a mate for a mate. Little did she know, I wasn't even Edward's mate anymore. Killing me wouldn't accomplish what she thinks it would, but I very much doubt one could reason with a vampire on a rampage.

I was scared of her, I couldn't deny that. But I knew Jake would be running alongside my truck all the way back to Forks, making sure I got home. I had to remind myself that there was only one of her, and several werewolves all hell bent on protecting their territory. And Jake would stop at nothing to keep me safe.

Still, I found myself wondering when this would all resolve, so we could finally relax and just... be.

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