The day of the banquet had arrived and I was waiting just outside the ballroom for Mikasa, enjoying the cool night air. We had decided to meet just outside rather than at one of our apartments since we both agreed this wasn't a date. Although, I had to admit, more than a small part of me would have been okay if it was. Between our time together in the office and working on the model of Mikasa, we'd become nearly inseparable, and honestly, I rather enjoyed it. Her unique blend of timeless wisdom and modern naivete was equal parts inspiring and adorable and I found even her presence to be...comforting.

It also made me realize I'd been keeping nearly everyone at arm's length. I was doing the same with Mikasa, but she was slowly working her way closer and closer to me. Her offer to talk things over had been rattling around in my head like a pebble in a shoe, and I'd been giving serious thought to finally sharing my story with someone, namely her. The problem was finding the right time. In hindsight, I should have told her when she first asked to hear it, or the second, but I wasn't ready then. I probably would never feel fully ready to talk about this, to be honest. In the end, I decided the best course of action would be to wait until the next time it comes up in conversation, and once it does, tell her the whole sordid affair.

"Earth to Commander!" The voice snapped me out of my reverie and I started, looking around for a second until I took notice of Mikasa standing next to me with a concerned expression on her face.

"Mikasa!" I blurted out, trying to organize my thoughts. "How...how long have you been standing there?"

"For about a minute," she said slowly, still eyeing me worryingly. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine," I answered with a genuine smile. "Just got lost in thought."

She peered at me for another second before nodding. "Alright. In that case, shall we go in?"

"Absolutely," I replied, taking her arm in mine as we strolled inside.

The banquet was already underway by the time we arrived, with the Iron Blood and Royal Navy kansen all mingling with each other. A few had taken to the dance floor, mostly Royal Navy girls, but I did manage to spot Prinz Heinrich dragging a flustered Weser along with her as well.

I leaned over and "So, where do you want to start first? Mingling, dancing, or trying out some of the food?"

Mikasa made a face at the mention of food, and I couldn't help but grin. "Ugh, it's going to be Royal cuisine, isn't it?"

"Probably. Could be Iron Blood, though. Ooh, I wonder if they managed to rope Dunkerque in to help with the deserts…"

That perked up Mikasa considerably, and she began craning her neck to try and get a better view of the banquet table. "Oh, now there's a thought. Let's check it out, and if all they have is Royal cuisine, we can just skip to the mingling."

"Sounds like a plan."

As luck would have it, the food was being handled by the girls from the Vichya Dominion, and we were able to get some actual dishes we enjoyed, along with a generous helping of macarons and madeleines from Dunkerque herself. We found a quiet corner as we each tucked into our meals.

"Made out like a couple of bandits," I joked as we both ate like starving wolves.

"Mhm," Mikasa nodded in agreement, her face still stuffed with duck l'orange. She quickly washed it down with some of the champagne before speaking. "When it's this good, you plunder for all your worth. Plus we haven't eaten since lunch."

"Good point," I conceded. "So, what's your favorite non-Sakura cuisine?"

She gave it some thought before answering, "Probably Iris Orthodoxy. It's all so delicious and rich. Although I can't say I'm a fan of escargot, though."

"Same," I chuckled.

"And you?"

That one I didn't even have to think about. "Sakura Empire."

The answer seemed to surprise Mikasa, who looked at me, eyebrow raised. "Really?"

"Yep," I nodded. "Sushi and noodles, especially. Although anything made the old-fashioned way is really good. You guys really take time and effort and put everything into a dish when you make it old school, and it shines through on the plate."

For a moment, Mikasa just stared at me, her cheeks flushing slightly before she cast her eyes down towards the dish in her lap. "That's...very kind of you, John."

I smiled warmly at my dance partner. "You're more than welcome."

She returned the gesture until a flash of realization crossed her face. "Oh! Have you ever tried our naval curry?"

"I've heard about it, but never gotten around to trying it," I answered with a shake of my head.

"It's delicious!" she beamed proudly. "You really should try some. Each ship has its own take on it, but I highly recommend the Yokosuka naval curry. I'm pretty sure they serve it at the galley...if not, I can make it for you!"

"I'm flattered, but I wouldn't want to impose…" I tried to politely decline, but Mikasa quickly put a stop to that.

"Nonsense," she countered, "It's something I love, I haven't made it in forever, and I always make enough to share."

The look in her eyes and the confident smile on her face told me there'd be no escaping this one, and considering I was already intrigued by the dish, I relented. "Alright," I laughed softly. "Name a time and place and I'll be there."

"Deal."

We finished the rest of our meal in relative silence, enjoying the delicious food before heading out to mingle amongst the guests. We both made the usual small talk, exchanging pleasantries with various kansen before meeting back up just in time for the next dance.

As the music began to play, I turned to Mikasa and bowed formally, extending my hand to her. "May I have this dance, my dear lady?"

While she couldn't stop the grin, she did manage to keep down the giggles as she took my hand in hers. "Why absolutely, dear sir."

I led Mikasa out to the dance floor and placed my hand on her hip, wracking my brain as I tried to remember the steps. "It's been a long while since I've had a formal dance," I preemptively apologized, "so sorry if I'm a little out of practice."

She laughed a little. "Zuikaku said the same thing when I asked her to dance back when I first arrived here."

"And how'd she do?"

"She was pretty good. I didn't have to dodge her feet at all."

"Ah, good. No pressure, then," I smirked.

"Oh, I will be grading you on this," she teased, to which I laughed.

"It's on now, then."

The song was slow, allowing us to dance at a leisurely pace, gliding around the ballroom with ease. Mikasa gazed up at me, then looked around the room and sighed happily. "This is...nice. Thank you for inviting me, John."

"My pleasure. Have to say, it's been a lot more fun at one of these with a partner."

She nodded in agreement, then hesitated. "It's not just that, though...it's the way you treat me. You don't assume I'm stuffy or that I don't know how to act at a party just because I'm so old. Or...or treat me as if I'm some sort of legendary icon."

"Are you saying you aren't?" I asked, confused as to where she was taking this.

"No," she sighed as she tried to find the right words. "I know how important I am to the Sakura Empire, and the victories I brought it, but I'm still me, I'm still a person. Maybe I like to do things the old-fashioned way once in a while…" She caught the raised eyebrow and disbelieving look I was giving her and chuckled. "Okay, a lot...but I still like enjoying someone else's company as an equal, someone that people can relax around. It's becoming rarer and rarer the older I get, so when I do find it, it's precious. So...thank you, again."

In all honesty, I hadn't really thought of it that way, but looking back on it, pretty much everyone in the Sakura Empire hero-worships Mikasa to one degree or another. Even Akagi, who has butted heads with her the most tends to give her more than her fair share of respect and deference, even if the carrier's up to something. "You're welcome," I said softly. "I can't imagine it's easy to go through life as a living legend, but I'm glad I was able to give you a little spot of comfort every now and again."

She looked up at me and smirked, "You'd better get used to it."

"What?"

"Being a living legend."

"Please," I scoffed, "I haven't done anything worthy of that."

"Yet," she smirked. "But when this is all over you'll be Admiral John Pakenham, the man who saved humanity from the Siren plague." I shot her another disbelieving look and this time she coolly met my gaze and raised an eyebrow. "Would you prefer the term 'Siren menace'?"

"What I'd prefer-" I cut myself off as I realized she was right, and let out a disgusted sigh. "I never asked to become a legend. I just did what I always do, my-"

"-duty," Mikasa finished with a sad, knowing smile. "I know. But sometimes, doing your duty can be the hardest thing. I'm sure you've found that out by now."

"On more than one occasion," I sighed.

She smiled again and held me close for a moment. "I understand. And I promise to treat you as you've treated me: as a trusted friend and equal."

I felt warmth suffuse my body as I held her back in turn, grateful to have her as my companion at this moment. "Thanks, Mikasa. For what it's worth, there's nobody I'd rather trust more than you right now."

She nodded her thanks as she looked up at me, her amber eyes peering into me. "Trust is a big thing for you, isn't it?"

"I'd like to think it's a big thing for everybody," I began, "but yeah, trust is really important in my book. I mean, I trust everyone to a certain extent, but to really trust someone...well, that's not so easily given."

"Does this have to do with that thing you don't want to talk about?" There was no accusation or bitterness in the question, just a gentle concern.

I nodded. "Although...I think...I think I'm finally ready to talk about what happened. But not here. Someplace private."

Mikasa looked around the packed banquet hall and nodded in agreement. "Well, then, once this dance is over, let's slowly make our way to the exit and slip out for the evening. I don't think anyone would notice if we ducked out early, would they?"

"Probably not," I answered with a shake of my head. "Honestly, I've probably spent more time at this one than any other banquet I've been invited to before, so I think I'm more likely to attract attention if I stayed than if I left."

"It's a plan, then," she declared with a firm nod. I returned the gesture and we lapsed into silence, gliding around the dance floor until the end of the song.

Once the last notes had faded and we reluctantly parted, we bowed gracefully to one another and exited hand in hand off of the dance floor. We stayed for another few minutes, mingling and making small talk as we slowly made our way back to the entrance. Once we were certain no one else was attempting to get our attention, we slipped out the doors and into the cool spring evening. I looked around as I tried to figure out the best place to have such a personal conversation, but Mikasa was, as usual, two steps ahead of me.

"The museum would be best," she answered my unspoken question. "I'll make us some tea and you can tell me all about it."

"Sounds good."

We walked the rest of the way in silence, the tension mounting with every step. The closer I got to the museum, the more I didn't want to do this. What would Mikasa say when it's all said and done? Would she still respect me as a friend? What about as commander? Am I just being hyper-emotional? A thousand questions ran through my mind, and I was afraid of the answers to all of them.

Still, a growing part of me wanted to be free of the doubts, to silence them, one way or another, and begin to move on. I was rapidly beginning to realize I'd been trapped in an emotional limbo, unable to forwards or backward, paralyzed by my previous experiences. But would it be worth it if unburdening myself cost me a friend?

In the end, there was only one way to find out, and I followed Mikasa inside the museum as she pulled up a couple of chairs and put the kettle on. You could cut the tension with a knife as she wordlessly poured two cups, handing me one as she took the seat opposite me.

"Whenever you're ready," she said with a warm, reassuring smile.

I weakly smiled back before I looked down, peering into my teacup as if I were trying to scry the past. "It started back at the Academy. Met a girl there in my class, name was Monica. We hit it off pretty quick, and before you knew it, we were inseparable. It was true love, or so I thought. After we graduated, we got engaged before heading off to our first assignments with the promise that we'd get married once those assignments were done. She got a shore command, I wound up on board an escort carrier. I was in charge of the aircraft handlers, and we were moving a plane up from the hangar deck to the flight deck when suddenly the elevator grinds to a halt and then just...plummets back down. Everyone managed to hop off except for one guy. Another guy went to grab him, managed to grab hold, but couldn't steady himself in time and they both went over and fell down to the bottom of the elevator shaft."

I took a shuddering breath, trying to calm my nerves as vivid memories of that day flooded back. The screams, the shouts of the men above, including my own, and the hideous, sickening thud they made when they hit bottom. "They...uh...they got busted up pretty badly. Numerous broken bones, contusions, concussions. Had to medevac them to a shore facility, and it didn't look good for them. I was relieved of duty pending a full investigation.

"Needless to say, at the time, I was a nervous wreck. The entire time I was wondering, 'Is this my fault? Did I miss something? Even if I didn't, would I still have a career in the Navy?' And what if those two sailors died? Those were my men, I was responsible for them. How could I go back and tell their loved ones they died in an accident? Not in battle or bravely sacrificing themselves so the ship could be saved, but a stupid accident?

"I don't think I ever felt so alone as I did then. None of my classmates or friends would really talk to me, for fear of their careers suffering from an association with me. So I vented all these concerns to Monica. After all, she was really the only one who could understand what I was going through. Or so I thought. A few weeks later, I get a padded envelope with her name on the return label. Inside is the engagement ring I bought her and a letter." My lip curls into a disgusted sneer as I felt tears begin to well up in my eyes again in both sorrow and anger. "Apparently, I was 'being a major drag' and 'not fun anymore', and so she decided to call it off…" I shut my eyes, feeling the hot tears begin to stream down my face.

"Oh, John…"

I shook my head, swallowing the lump in my throat as I forced myself to continue. "In the end, the board of inquiry cleared me, judging it to be a freak accident, and those two sailors managed to pull through. Made sure they both got the Purple Heart for what they went through. But by then, the damage had already been done. I lost friends, classmates, and someone who I mistakenly assumed to be the love of my life. I needed someone, anyone, and in that desperate hour, they all abandoned me. And you know what the worst part is? There's a part of me that thinks maybe they're right. Maybe I was just being a worry-wart and bringing everyone down, maybe-"

"Stop." Mikasa's voice was stern and commanding, and I was afraid I'd lost her, too. But when I looked up, I could see the empathy and compassion in her eyes. "That part of you is dead wrong. I don't know much about love, but I feel that when the person you claim to love is at their lowest, that is when you need to be there the most. And I know for certain that a good officer is there for their fellow officer, in good times and bad. Those were not good officers, and they definitely weren't good friends. You deserved much better."

She reached out to me, placing a gloved hand on my forearm as she fixed me with her compassionate gaze. "They should have been there for you, and I'm sorry that they weren't. But you have my word that we are all here for you. I know now that hearing it isn't going to be enough, but I promise you, when the time comes that you need help, I will be first in line to help you, and the rest of this base will be right behind me."

I stared into those eyes, bearing her comforting, torturous stare as long as I could before I broke away, blinking the tears out of my eyes once more. "Thank-" I choked up, swallowing hard before I tried again. "Thank you. It means a lot to me to hear you say that, Mikasa. And...and a part of me always knew everyone here would rally behind me if they had to, but there was always that doubt, that little voice in the back of my head, whispering, reminding me of what happened last time I trusted someone so implicitly. I think now...at long last, I can tell it to piss off."

Mikasa's smile grew for a second, and she chuckled as she patted my forearm. "Good. I'm glad I could help put those doubts to rest, and I hope you'll be stronger for it."

"I have no doubt that I will be, thanks to you." As I began to fish through my pockets for a tissue, Mikasa deftly produced one from her cloak and held it out to me. "Thanks." I began to dab my eyes and wipe away the tears from my cheeks as the tension in the room slowly began to subside. "Can I ask you something?"

"Anything."

"When you said you didn't know much about love...have you...did you…"

As I wrestled with the best way to delicately broach the subject, Mikasa put me out of my misery with a slow shake of her head. "Not even so much as a date."

The sudden revelation left me floored. I got the impression that she had gotten out of the dating game years ago just due to age, but I never realized she'd never even gotten into it in the first place. "Wha...why? I mean, was it a personal choice, is that something you're just not into or…?"

She looked a little uncomfortable, looking away as she shrugged her shoulders. "Just...never found the right person, and as time went on I sort of...gave up on it. I mean, who wants to tie themselves down to an old battlewagon like me?"

Now it was my turn to be stern and commanding. "Don't." I warned her. "Don't sell yourself short like that for one minute. You're a damn good friend and you still have so much to offer someone if they come your way. Just because you're getting older doesn't mean you're worth as a person is diminishing."

"Maybe," she sighed as she leaned back. "At least you've gotten to experience love."

"I wish I hadn't," I bitterly spat. When she fixed me with a curious look, I explained. "Remember how I said we were inseparable? Side by side for everything? Imagine every memory you've had from the academy tainted by the presence of someone who betrayed you. I wish I could remember the good times I had, because I was really happy back then, but every time I remember the good times, I remember her, and those good times sour in a broken heartbeat."

Suddenly, Mikasa chuckled, gesturing between the two of us. "What a pair we make. One wishing for love, one wishing they never found it."

"Put us together and you get one fully functioning adult," I grinned as I lifted my teacup in salute. "To finding a happy medium. To finding a love that is as steadfast as the steered-by star, as warm as the sun, and happy as the day is long."

Mikasa straightened up and tapped her teacup against mine with a smile. "To love."

A/N-At last, Mikasa has unlocked the Commander's tragic backstory! But where do they go from here? Somewhere nice and platonic and not at all romantic for certain, I'm sure. Until next time, fair winds and following seas!