Inspired by Aragorn II Elessar's 'Seriously? Him?' Takes place in Season 7 and Tara is alive, since f*** Whedon.
Disclaimer: I do not own Buffy: The Vampire Slayer.
Angel had decided to come check in on Buffy after the mess with Connor and Cordelia's disappearance and when he heard that Spike had returned and had a soul, Angel wanted to try and give him a benefit of the doubt as he visited Spike's crypt. Wanted and tried.
"I was her first love!" Angel shouted.
"I loved her both as soulless and ensouled and at least I was able to realize that as soulless I was no good to her, you are like Jekyll and Hyde!" Spike yelled. "At least I respect her enough to treat her as an equal, unlike you, when you baby her and stalk her… Deadboy."
"Oh, really mature of you using Xander's insults when he hates you as much as he hates me." Angel said.
"Who terrorized Buffy and the Scoobies for months?" Spike pointed out.
"Who created a sexbot to fulfill his sick fantasies with her and also tried to rape her?" Angel snapped.
"I was soulless, you git!" Spike retorted.
"So was I!" Angel shot back.
"And when you got your soul back, you had to treat her like a baby, stalking her from the distance, not letting her know that you were helping and then you ghosted her again." Spike snapped. "At least I wasn't as possessive of her as Droopy Boy."
Angel paused before nodding. "Seriously, he can be so immature around her. And really, the names he gives us. Deadboy."
"And it's funny that he hates demons, when he is a demon magnet." Spike said as Angel laughed.
"Did you know that a mantis demon tried to make love with him?" Angel asked and Spike's eyes widened.
"You're bloody kidding me." Spike said with a mix of disgust and amusement.
"Seriously, he was one step away from losing his virginity to her." Angel said and Spike laughed hysterically.
"So he really is a demon magnet! It wasn't just Red's backfired spell!" Spike almost fell off his chair.
"Wait, what happened?" Angel asked, chuckling as Spike banged the floor before he recovered and contained his laughter.
"OK… a couple of years ago Red did a spell to have her will done and really, everything she said would happen and well, Giles went blind, Buffy and Captain Cardboard couldn't stand each other…" (that one was not exactly a lie but obviously, Spike wasn't going to tell Angel what really happened to Buffy and decided to keep to himself the part where Spike and Buffy almost got wed for obvious reasons)
"Doesn't surprise me." Angel chuckled.
"And she called Harris a 'demon magnet' and guess what happened next?" Spike said and Angel almost fell down on the floor, banging the arm of the chair.
"Oh, really, first the love spell, now this? What is it with freaks getting attracted to him?" Angel said rhetorically in between laughter.
"And last year he left his ex-vengeance demon fiancée at the altar, ironically restoring her powers in the process because he got cold feet!" Spike added.
"So he's become even dumber than the last time we'd met!" Angel said as they held each other by their shoulders like old buddies.
Buffy, Xander, Anya, Willow, Tara and Dawn were out on a patrol and walking down the graveyard, when they heard hysterical laughter and recognized the voices.
"Is that…" Buffy asked.
"Deadboy and Spike getting along together? Hell has frozen over." Xander said.
"I thought they hated each other's guts." Tara said.
"They do… most of the time. At least they're getting along right now." Willow said.
"Shouldn't we check it out?" Anya asked.
"No. I think it's best to stay out of it, since they could be at each other's throats any second too." Dawn said.
"Really, what is it with him? 'I hate all demons but I shag an ex-demon!'" Spike yelled.
"'And I'm too blind and ignorant to realize it!'" Angel said as both of them continued laughing hysterically, now rolling on the ground and holding themselves by their chests.
"And really, let's not forget about Captain Cardboard too!" Spike said.
"Oh, that clean-shaven guy with the straight hair, right?" Angel remembered.
"Riley." Spike reminded.
"Yeah, Riley!" Angel nodded and snapped his fingers, remembering. "Oh, that guy was such a weirdo."
Spike nodded and laughed. "I know, right? I mean, what did she see in him?"
"I came back to Sunnydale and he was all like…" Angel stood in a firm position, mocking Riley, and said in a mock commanding tone. "'Now what could have happened that made you perfectly happy?'"
Spike and Angel burst into hysterical laughter, when Spike spoke up. "Oh, and there was this one time where he came to threaten me, and stabbed me with a plastic stake."
Both men burst into laughter again before Angel got ahold of himself, barely, trying to contain his laughter. "OK, if he wanted to threaten, then why come with a plastic stake?"
"That's what I'm bloody talking about!" Spike said as their laughter was heard in the entire neighborhood now. "And he cheated on Buffy with vampire whores in a Vampire whorehouse because he didn't feel needed enough!"
Their laughter increased, as they even banged the walls in between their laughter.
"So he got even more pathetic than when I'd met him!" Angel laughed, both of them now having their hands over each other's shoulders like old friends.
"OK, seriously, are they drunk?" Willow wondered as the laughter echoed throughout the area.
"I think we should check it out." Buffy said, wondering if they had been whammied or something like that.
"And then he was like, 'I saved you, Buffy! Why are you annoyed?'" Spike said as he and Angel continued laughing.
"Buffy said she wanted to talk to me alone, he didn't leave the room, so I and Buffy went out of the room." Angel said and both laughed hysterically again.
Like that, they continued laughing over Xander and Riley until Cavemen vs. Astronauts came up and it was then when the Scooby Gang caught them and rolled their eyes and was just stumped at their immaturity, until Spike pointed out that Buffy was a cavewoman at one point, which just stunned Angel, who begrudgingly gave them his blessing.
Not sure if this was as funny as I'd hoped but hope you got a good laugh.
As much as I like Xander, his bigotry towards demons in general and attitude towards Angel and Spike is just annoying but other than that, he's among my favorite Buffyverse characters but I thought it would be fun to have Angel and Spike get a laugh at Xander's expense and do I need to go on about what a moron Riley is?
So, what do you guys think?
Please review and let me know if you have enjoyed this one-shot.
With regards
Bl4ckHunter