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Chapter 4- A little opening up

Paige now felt a little better than before as she brushed her teeth and took a shower, this time a little longer, plus after wearing her clothes she combed her hair too this time, before making her breakfast and eating it all, alongside drinking her coffee, and then she went to work.

She was still not completely social, but at least more approachable than she had been before.

Her voice now did not sound completely devoid of life when she talked. Not happy or anything, but not lifeless either, which was slight improvement from before.

And unlike before, she had one thing to look forward to- the group support session.

Once all of her work was done, she went back home and removed her uniform, then changed into some normal clothes.

After starting her work she hadn't really worn normal clothes that much, just her nightclothes and the uniform she wore at work, but with the group support session now added to the mix, she was going to wear some normal clothes too.

She soon reached the place and sat down between the people, looking around at all of them. None of them were obviously at a good place in their lives, the Snap had taken a lot out of them, and it would never be okay for them.

Steve soon arrived and took his seat as well, and for whatever reason, his very presence seemed to make the room a little less miserable for everyone who was present there.

Perhaps that was because seeing such a great and larger than life hero being here with them, in the exact same situation, they found it comforting that it was okay to be this way. It was okay to want help, to want support from the people around you.

And he had been pretty good at giving support the last time as well.

So it made sense why his very presence was so comforting to everyone around here.

Jimmy soon arrived and took his seat as well with the rest of them, and for a few minutes, there was some silence as they waited for one person to begin it all, to share what he had experienced, and receive some support for it in return.

"You know", Jimmy then said as all looked at him. "While this group is due to what you've suffered from the Decimation, it doesn't mean we are limited to talking about that. If there is anything bothering you, from something that happened yesterday, to anything that happened years ago, you can talk about all of it, as long as you feel like it."

However, a certain word caused a panic attack in Paige as she fell to the ground, breathing hard and fast as all looked at her in concern, but Steve was by her side first thing.

"Hey, just try to slow down", Steve said, gently rubbing her back. "Try to slow down."

She slowed down a little as Steve said. "Get me some water!"

One of the guys did as Steve held it to her lips. "Here."

Paige, now having come back to normal at last, took it from him with slightly shaky hands, and drank it all, sighing in relief as she said. "Thank you."

"No problem, Miss-"

"Matthews", Paige introduced herself at last. "Paige Matthews. But you can call me Paige."

"Right, Paige", Steve put the glass away and helped her up, as she got back onto her seat. They all knew she had a panic attack, but respected her choice to speak about it only if she wanted to do so.

Jimmy decided he could help the group out a little here. "I feel there is an underlying issue of guilt here, and the work that we're doing around guilt. So I think, well, not to sound insensitive, but just talking about it, it can help, and to get started, you will have to think about where does your guilt really come from."

"I have some", a woman spoke up. "My name is Amanda Bernie."

They all looked at her, which was enough encouragement for her to continue. "My guilt comes from not being a good mother. My son, he was, he was sweet, but he wanted a bit more freedom than I allowed, he wanted to talk to girls and all that, be in a relationship, I didn't want him to because I felt he would have his heart broken, I didn't want that. And now….." she got teary eyed. "Now he's gone and I just don't know what to do, I wish I had let him do some stuff."

She took a few minutes to calm herself down as all looked at her in sympathy, Paige included. She knew a good mother from a bad one due to her own adoptive mother, and of course Piper who had been pretty much super-mom.

"Amanda", Steve spoke up as she looked at him. "You were not a bad mother."

"But-"

"Look", Steve assured her. "My mom was great, okay? And she too had some restrictions which she set up on me because she loved me, not because she was a bad mom, she just didn't want me hurt is all. Isn't that what you wanted?"

"My mom did the same, and when I violated those restrictions, well, I almost ruined my life", Paige spoke up, feeling the need to soothe Amanda now, after seeing Steve do it so well. "Now yes you could have done a thing or two better, but you were never a bad mother to him."

Amanda nodded, not looking better but looking like she was pondering their words. "Thank you."

"Besides, I can tell a good parent from a bad one, trust me", Steve said, his face looking a little grim now, as if he was reliving a memory, but none of them asked him about it, respecting his right to talk about it simply.

There was silence for a little while once more before Paige said. "I have something to say too."

"Yes please", Jimmy urged her.

"It's not about….that though", Paige said, avoiding a certain word which would make her a panting mess again. "It's about something before. I mean, we can talk about it, right?"

"Like I said earlier, you can talk about anything you want, this is not exclusive to a certain event", Jimmy assured Paige.

"Well, before it happened, I was in a relationship with a guy", Paige started telling them all. "Who seemed nice at first, he did something to help me and my sisters, so I figured he's great, we ended up together, but I did not notice the kind of person he really was."

Paige sighed and said. "He was pretty terrible, not to me, but to certain people. Those people weren't paragons of virtue either, but what he had against them, his reasoning to be against them was pretty terrible, and I just ignored it all, I ignored he was pretty much a fanatic, and he did something to someone that I can only describe as inhumane, but I just shrugged it off like it didn't matter."

Paige looked guilty over the whole issue. "I let the relationship consume me, and it ended up hurting those I cared about. I never apologized for that, I guess I feel guilty for that."

Everyone processed what Paige had said, and it was clear that the people she cared about were gone now, so she would never get the chance to apologize either.

"Well, everyone messes up Paige", Steve told her as she turned to him.

"Not this badly."

"That's you being hard on yourself", Steve assured her. "You liked this guy, so you ignored warning signs about him, that happens a lot, especially if we want a relationship, sometimes we're just too desperate."

"So, I was desperate?" Paige asked.

"Well, I was too once upon a time", Steve told Paige as now all listened. "Back in the 40s. I liked someone too, a lot, and so I ignored her behavior, she once acted like a bully to me. I hate bullies, but I ignored her behavior then, and only now do I realize she had behaved like a bully in that moment, I ignored a warning sign too, and what I got was much more direct than what you got, Paige, so don't be hard on yourself. Everyone makes mistakes."

Paige gave a nod, now feeling a bit better about that whole mess, only a little, at least she accepted it as her mess now.

"Thank you, Cap."

Steve smiled and nodded, as the session went on for one more hour before they decided to get back home.

"I'll be back", Paige simply said, and only Steve heard her and nodded, as she walked out, feeling herself unburdened, just by a little, but it was something.

Paige here was talking about Brody, since she was written OOC in that whole relationship and turned into his yes-woman, I mean, the way she shrugged off what he did to Sheridan (who I hate) was horrifying and not something Paige would ever do. Plus Brody was an annoying fanatic.

And yes, not a Steggy fan here because of the time she shot at him due to another woman kissing him without his consent. She didn't intend to kill or anything, but the threat of violence was right there, which makes for a toxic relationship.

After that scene, can't really support Steggy. So Steve's so called 'happy ending' is actually a toxic relationship, one of the many reasons to hate that stupid ending, other reasons being how it was complete character assassination and destruction of his character arc, and of course how it only broke their own time travel rules.

Now while I have experience with depression, I am a very inconsistent individual. I can feel completely down, and then in an hour or so I can feel really happy too.

But Paige isn't me, her recovery has to be different from mine, now she is opening up more and doesn't have a monotonous routine, but only by truly confessing her problem can she work on it, and the confession shall be to a certain individual with the initials 'SR'.

Once the problems are worked on, then we will have some exciting stuff too.

Anyway, hope all enjoyed and see you all next time with another chapter.