Note: I do not own Harry Potter. This is just a fanfic of it :)
Warning: Chapter may contain violence.
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Synopsis: What if Harry' s attempt in casting the cruciatus curse in the deep in the bowels of the ministry were successful, and for some reason, in Bellatrix's crazy insane unstable mind, this could only mean one thing, Harry is her son! Never mind that fact that she was never pregnant or never gave birth to anyone in her entire life, Harry is hers now and no one can tell her otherwise. She is Bellatrix Lestrange after all, and she is always right.
Fandom: Harry Potter Series
Rating: T
Genre: Humor, Parody
Language: English
Crossover: no
Category: Books
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'thoughts'
"speech"
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Chapter Two
"How dare you hurt my son!" she snarled.
...
Somewhere in the afterlife…
Sirius choked on thin air.
James snorted the noodles he was previously enjoying, out of his nose.
And Lily had to be stopped from forcibly storming back to the land of the living wielding a frying pan, screaming, "How dare that mad woman lay claim on MY son!"
But back to the ministry...
...
Rodolphus just stared at her blankly. "Huh? who- son? What son?" He sputtered.
"Honestly," Bellatrix "Roddy, sometimes you could really be as slow as a brick." Gesturing grandly at Harry, she said, "Can't you see? My son."
"The Potter boy?"
"Don't call him that! Are you blind? He's clearly mine."
Rodolphus still didn't get how the Potter kid suddenly became his wife's son, but he recognized the look in Bellatrix' eyes. One didn't just stay married to her for about three decades and still not recognize that look she had. It was the one where no matter what he said or how wrong she was, she was not going to budge from it come hell or high water. Trying to reason with her when her mind was already set at this point was a useless uphill battle with tons of explosions and the world ending up in flames, still none of them will work in changing her mind. Bellatrix will stubbornly cling to it no matter what.
So, Rodolphus decided to go with the smart and easy route.
Agree. Whatever it was, just agree.
"Ah...your son."
"Yes, how dare you hurt my child!" she hissed, wand flashing dangerously, "I will yank your intestines out of your eye socket then force you to eat it."
Rodolphus was disgusted at the imagery, and maybe just a bit apprehensive, this was Bellatrix after all, no one could really tell whether or not the woman would follow up with her threats. Though from the current looks of it, she would seriously do so, unless he quickly does something to calm her down.
"He's not hurt," he told her with a soothing tone, "I just stunned him a bit, not too hard, he's completely fine, just let him...rest for a bit."
Oh...Bellatrix calmed down a bit. Her baby was alright. But still, how dare he interrupt their mother and son bonding time. The nerve to cast a spell at her son's unprotected back while staring at her face!
"...Bellatrix, why are you still pointing your wand at my face?"
"You interrupted our bonding time," she growled at Rodolphus.
With practiced calm of dealing with her for years, Rodolphus withheld a sigh of exasperation, "Bella, he needs to rest, after casting the cruciatus for a long while and with such power, he should be feeling exhausted. We need to stop him before he overexertes himself and drains his magical core. He'd be more hurt had I not stopped him." he placated her with slytherin ease.
He was just sleeping. Of course, why hadn't she thought of it, after casting such a taxing spell, her baby must be feeling tired. Bellatrix once more felt ashamed, how had she not thought of it. Sniffling, she put down her wand ignoring Rodolphus' small imperceptible sigh of relief, promising to make it up to her son even more after that draining spell cast.
Out of nowhere, the dark lord suddenly apparated into the room, with only the slight warming of their mark functioning as a momentary warning of his unexpected arrival. Bellatrix and Rodolphus immediately bowed, "My lord," they said respectfully, Bellatrix' greeting giddier and more enthusiastic than her husband's.
"Ah, my two most loyal followers, I see that you have succeeded in bringing down the light's precious boy-who-lived." Voldemort said grandly with a manic grin, staring at Harry's prone form at the ground. "Rise."
As they stood, Bellatrix informed him cheerfully of her new revelation, "He's my son, my lord.".
Voldemort looked at her oddly, "...your son?"
"Yes, my lord. My son," she gestured to Harry proudly, still slightly shivering from the intense crucio she just underwent, but sporting a wide enthusiastic demented grin.
Rodolphus had to pull back another sigh as the dark lord looked at him questioningly, but before he could answer his lord's quiet demand of explanation at his wife's most recent bout of insanity, Dumbledore bursted into the room. "Tom," he acknowledged his ex-student solemnly.
"Dumbledore." Voldemort snarled, instantly focusing on his old nemesis, putting the thought of sheer madness of Bellatrix believing Potter to be her child away to deal with for later. Rodolphus better had a good explanation for it.
"It was very foolish of you to come here tonight, Tom. The aurors would be here soon."
"By the time they arrive, I will be gone, and you shall be dead." Voldemort retorted and with that they started their duel in earnest.
It was exhilarating to see two of the most powerful wizards fight, various shades of light shot rapidly from both sides, only to be repelled just as quickly. Rodolphus had to drag his distracted wife back along with the Potter boy Bellatrix had claimed as her own. Which, he guesses, means he was also his son now too.
Rodolphus scrunched up his face, he still didn't know what to feel about it at the moment.
"What have you done to Harry, Tom?" the old headmaster said, worried at his student's unconscious state.
"Oh, relax old man, he's fine, just unconscious." Voldemort retorted, batting away two of Dumbledore's spells and retaliating with three of his own.
Dumbledore blocked them and conjured a whip made out of flames, "Don't hurt him and immediately return him, Tom. He's just a boy."
Voldemort sneered and was about to snap back a retort when Bellatrix interrupted.
"Stay away from him, old man, how dare you imply I would let anyone hurt my own child!" shouted an incensed Bellatrix, shooting a few vicious spells of her own at the old headmaster. Rodolphus resisted the urge to facepalm.
Dumbledore masterfully deflected Bellatrix' curses. "Your child? Apologies my dear I fear there might be some misunderstanding, I was talking about Harry over there."
"Yes. Harry. My son!" Bellatrix snarled, now intent on butting in on Dumbledore and Voldemort's supposed to be two-way duel, to retaliate against Dumbledore's unwittingly-made mostly imagined affront against her, with Rodolphus struggling to pull her back, especially after spotting the dark scowl Voldemort made at his wife's unintentional slight.
"Bellatrix, leave. Stay out of this." Voldemort ordered, not at all happy at her interruption.
Dumbledore, meanwhile, was overcome with confusion. Almost tripping on his vibrant robes and barely avoiding a spell because of it. His mind rapidly working, trying to connect the dots between Bellatrix and son to Harry, and coming up blank. "...What? My dear girl, I think you're mistaken. Harry is-"
Bellatrix reacted the exact same way as whenever someone tried to tell her she was wrong. Shower everyone with rainbows and glitter, you ask? Wrong.
Explode. The answer is explode.
"WHY YOU SENILE OLD GOAT WAIT TIL I-"
Rodolphus immediately silenced her and forcibly pulled her back as the dark lord was now looking as if he was rapidly losing his patience and tempted to kill her on the spot, Dumbledore be damned. He did this just as the aurors and ministry workers burst into the room.
"Pull back," snarled Voldemort, visibly angry, disapparating in a swirl of darkness.
Rodolphus hurriedly followed not wanting to test his master's patience any further, already dreading their sure punishment for this brief unforeseen side skirmish. Clutching a still struggling Bellatrix who was intent on attacking Dumbledore tightly to him, and making sure to have a good hold on his new 'son', he disapparated back to Malfoy Manor.
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